5 Hidden Costs of Living with Chronic Anxiety – Episode 438

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I’ve long realized that many people who have chronic anxiety aren’t aware that they have it. They will chalk it up to stress, or some other physical ailment. If they go to their doctor for, let’s say, digestive issues, they will be given a prescription that might be helpful but often times won’t address the root cause of the problem which is chronic anxiety, which is often diagnosed as an anxiety disorder.

Anxiety, especially if it’s chronic, (persistent or constantly recurring), can present or show up as many different symptoms which may not be recognizable as anxiety. According to the Journal of Affective Disorders 11.5% of the population experiences mild to severe anxiety symptoms but does not recognize having any symptoms.

 

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I’m not suggesting that every stomachache, episode of depression or tendency to want to have more alcoholic drinks than you should is a sign of anxiety, but if you are consistently experiencing any of these things, for example, you should assess your daily level of anxiety.

As you might know, anxiety can be defined as intense, excessive, and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations. Fast heart rate, rapid breathing, and sweating, are a few of the signs that your body is having what is called the “fight flight response”, which is a severe reaction to stress and which has evolved as a survival mechanism, enabling people and some animals to react quickly to life-threatening situations. According to the ADAA which is the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, anxiety disorders are the most common mental illnesses in the US, affecting 40 million adults; that’s 19 % of the population age 18 and older, every year. Even though anxiety disorders are highly treatable, only 37 % of these suffering seek treatment. Maybe they don’t feel they need treatment, maybe they feel they can deal with it, or maybe they are not aware of the price they pay to live with anxiety.

As an example, the global annual direct cost of anxiety disorders has been estimated to be up to $6.5 trillion, or 2.08 % of all healthcare-related expenditures according to the Journal of Affective Disorders.

There are costs to the chronic activation of this survival mechanism we know as anxiety. Here are 5 that you may not realize because they are often hidden.

1. Happiness. It’s hard to be happy when you are anxious and fearful. Reduced life satisfaction, reduced psycho-social functioning, and greater stress are the consequences of chronic anxiety. In addition, individuals that suffer from anxiety disorders often have other psychiatric disorders, the most common being depression, which is pretty much the opposite of happiness right? One cost that you will pay for your chronic anxiety is impaired happiness and mental health.

2. Lower quality of health. Digestive disturbances, impaired sleep, a reduced ability to rest, relax and be calm, and chronic pain in the body can be the consequences of chronic anxiety or an anxiety disorder. Ever heard of the gut brain connection? When your body is in the fight flight stress response, your digestive system can slow down or be shut down entirely. The neurotransmitters and hormones released when we have anxiety and stress can negatively impact gut motility (the ability of the gut to move waste through the body) and also affect the delicate balance of gut bacteria. If your digestion is not in balance and not healthy, food is not being absorbed, it’s staying in your stomach too long, and it’s causing upset stomach distress which can make you even more anxious.

Chronic anxiety can also negatively impact your sleep and I would suggest that for many people this is the first symptom of anxiety that they’ll become aware of but not recognize as anxiety related. People who are in a constant state of anxiety are hypervigilant, which is an elevated state of constantly assessing potential threats around you. If your body and mind feel constantly under threat, your body will have real problems falling or staying asleep.

The mind body connection is powerful, and research has shown for a long time that what you think and feel can cause physical symptoms in the body including pain. Prolonged levels of stress hormones can result in

feeling weak or tired, headaches and stomach distress as we just discussed. The chronic tension of anxiety can result in physical pain in the body such as neck and back pain.

A lower health related quality of life is a hidden cost of chronic anxiety.

3. Work and academic performance. Irritability, lack of focus, being distracted by worries, and fear of failure are just a few of the negative impacts that anxiety can have on your job performance. Social anxiety can stop you from networking with other professionals for greater opportunity. Chronic anxiety can keep you from engaging in public speaking or making the presentations that can move you forward in your career, causing career stagnation. In addition, the impact of needing to miss work to deal with chronic anxiety can cause obvious work issues as well.

The effect of anxiety on academic performance can be hidden as well. According to the Economic and Social Research Council, “anxious individuals find it harder to avoid distractions and take more time to turn their attention from one task to the next than their less anxious peers.” In addition: “anxiety had more effect on how much effort it took to perform a task than on how well the task was actually performed. In other words, anxiety often produced “hidden costs” that were not apparent in performance.” For many that deal with test anxiety, that cost is well known and experienced.

4. Unhealthy coping habits. Human beings will do what they can to avoid pain and discomfort. If you don’t have healthy comping strategies to deal with anxiety, you might turn to unhealthy coping habits which may include substance abuse, avoidance, self-harm, and negative self-talk such as shaming and blaming yourself. Substance abuse could include drinking, drugs, sex, gambling, or emotional eating or binge eating. These behaviors in turn can impact your health, job and relationships. 5. Chronic anxiety is expensive. According to the National Institute of Health, The average estimated total medical cost for individuals diagnosed with any anxiety disorder was $6,475. That’s just the medical cost for anxiety and doesn’t include the cost of treatment for co-morbidities that accompany anxiety, such as gut problems, sleep problems, and addressing body pain. It doesn’t include missed time from work, lower work productivity and lost

opportunity costs. And you can’t really put a price on the negative impact on happiness, your relationship or how you feel about yourself.

So, in closing, if you are not doing anything about your anxiety and just trying to power through and deal with it, you might be paying a higher price than you know. And, if you don’t think you have anxiety, but resonate with some or all of what I’ve said, well, you might want to think again.

What can you do about anxiety? I’ve posted a lot of podcasts about how to deal with anxiety. You can go to Tedmoreno.com/podcast and search for anxiety. But here are a few essential things you want to do:

· Give yourself more downtime, more relaxation time, and more time to enjoy life. Laugh more.

· Take a good look at your alcohol and caffeine intake: Both alcohol and caffeine can make anxiety worse and cause mood shifts.

· Take care of your body: Make sure to get enough sleep, don’t skip meals and eat good food. Get exercise, even if it’s just walking, this will help you get out of your of your head and into your body as well as release tension from the body.

· Try mindfulness practices such as meditation, yoga, tai chi.

· Use breathwork, which are different breathing techniques that can help reduce anxiety and stress.

· Get a massage or acupuncture to calm the body and the nervous system.

And of course, if after todays’ episode you’re asking yourself if hypnotherapy can help you reduce anxiety and the price you pay for having it, I’d like to offer you a one-time complimentary consultation. Well talk about what’s going on, I’ll answer any questions you might have and if you are ready, we’ll schedule your first hypnotherapy session. You can request your consultation by going to tedmoreno.com/contact.

And if you want to read a blog post of this episode with links to more resources go to Tedmoreno.com/blog.

Thank you for listening today and here is this episode’s quote. You may have heard this before, by Franklin D. Roosevelt:

The only thing we have to hear is fear itself.

Take care of yourself and we’ll talk soon.
Ted

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Anxiety, especially if its chronic, can show up as many different symptoms that may not be recognizable as anxiety. Ten percent of the population has symptoms of anxiety but doesn’t even know that’s what they are experiencing. In this important episode, Ted talks about the 5 costs of living with chronic anxiety that are often hidden, leading those who have anxiety to avoid addressing their challenge or to try to power though and “deal” with it, not understanding the price that they and their loved ones pay. If you or someone you know is suffering from chronic anxiety and its cost, please listen to this episode or share it. If you are interested in exploring hypnotherapy as a tool to overcome anxiety, request a complimentary consultation: go to tedmoreno.com/contact and Ted will get back to you within 48 hours.

Creating a Morning Ritual: 25 Awesome Things to Do – Episode P437

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It has been suggested by people much smarter than me that what you do first thing in the morning has a tremendous impact on how the rest of the day goes.

I totally agree for two reasons: Number one: For about the first half hour after you wake up, you are in a state of hypnosis. That means that your mind is open and suggestible, so what you think and do first thing in the morning not only gets impressed upon your subconscious mind but has a powerful impact on your day.

Number two: Starting the day intentionally is one of the most powerful things you can do to have a better life. Most people start the day without any intention of who they want to be, what they hope to accomplish and what they want their day to be like. Having the intention as to what you want to create that day is the first step to manifestation.

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Do you get up first thing in the morning and start complaining?

· “God I’m so tired!”

· “I hate getting up!”

· “I hate my job!”

Imagine what messages are being sent to your subconscious mind.

Are you one of those people that immediately start to worry:

· “Oh man, what’s going to happen today?”

· “I hope nothing goes wrong…

· “I just know it’s going to be one of those days…

Worrying first thing in the morning is a great way to program your mind for worry and fear. Remember, worry is a prayer for what you don’t want.

And of course, there are those that first thing in the morning, pick up their cell phones or turn on the tv to the negative news to see who was murdered in their neighborhood overnight or what so-and-so politician said that pisses you off. This is the worst type of negative programming.

These are NOT awesome things to do first thing in the morning.

What you want to do is create a morning ritual that becomes a habit so that you do it automatically and reap the benefits of intentionally starting your day in a powerful way. Now if you spend any time on Instagram or Facebook this is a popular topic of discussion now. But, to toot my own horn, I’ve been preaching the power of a morning ritual for 15 years. In fact, this podcast started as a blog post that I wrote way back in 2011.

A morning ritual is simply something you do first thing in the morning that empowers you, that puts you in a good headspace, and that leaves you feeling energized but calm and ready to take on the day.

It can be as short and simple as 15 minutes of meditation or prayer. It can be a yoga workout or a walk on the treadmill or outside. It could be doing a little journaling. But it must work for you, or you won’t do it. I know some folks need to get up really early; try to do something.

So, here’s some ideas for starting your day. Pick one or two that you think will work for you and try them out. Give yourself some time to work this out. Write down what sounds good to you. Then, start with something, even if it’s just one thing, every morning. You don’t have to do the same thing each day, you can alternate. A good idea is to go to bed already knowing what you will do the next morning.

You will feel the difference it makes when you choose consciously and intentionally what you want to bring into the gift of your brand-new day.

1. Get up earlier. Getting up earlier gives you more day and more peace and quiet. You also give yourself more time to do some of the things you want to do. Start by setting your alarm 15 minutes earlier.. Don’t get up at the last minute and then rush around stressed out trying to get to where you need to be. It’s not worth the extra 15 minutes of sleep.

2. Drink a big glass of water. You’ve gone 7 or 8 hours without drinking anything. Start by hydrating your body. Some people put a little lemon juice in their water. I put a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar in mine. Have some water on your nightstand.

3. Make your first thought of the day a positive thought. The night before, write down the positive thought that you want to have as the first thought of the day. “It’s going to be a good day!” or “Glad I’m alive!” or maybe a gratitude list. I have a list of affirmations that I read to focus my mind on what I want to create. 4. Create your day. I got this from Dr. Joe Dispenza who was in the film “What The Bleep Do We Know!? Create your day first thing in the morning or the night before by imagining how you want your day to be. Say to yourself: “Today I will experience inspiration (or relaxation fun, etc.). Today I will attract things that inspire me. When they happen, I will know that I created it.” Believe you can affect the universe. Why not? It’s better than believing that you are a victim of fate and circumstance.

5. Read and visualize your goals. Your mind cannot distinguish between what is real and what is vividly imagined. The mind likes and moves towards what is known and familiar. Get your mind comfortable with your goals first thing in the morning by closing your eyes and seeing yourself doing what you want to do, having what you want to have and being who you want to be.

6. Pray or meditate. Get in touch with Infinite, the Divine, God or whatever you consider that to be. It could be as simple as sitting in a chair and breathing, or in a lotus position or on your knees. Use a candle, beads, rosary, incense, or chanting. Take time to inquire within. It’s said that when you pray, you talk to God and when you meditate, God talks to you.

7. Go outside. Let the sun shine it’s rays upon you. Breathe in the fresh morning air. Walk barefoot through the grass. Drink your coffee and eat your breakfast outside. If you normally do yoga in the living room, try doing it outside.

8. Do something in the garden. Water, weed, plant or harvest. Pick a tomato or a bunch of flowers for a vase. Or just sit there in amazement and wonder.

9. Do yoga or stretch. A flexible body means a flexible mind. You don’t want hardening of the attitudes. Stretching releases tension and toxins and gets you in touch with your body.

10. Read something inspiring. Religious books, your favorite inspirational authors, self-help books, or a short quote to ponder for the day. 11. Listen to music or your favorite app. Music stimulates the brain and awakens the emotions. Whatever makes you feel good, listen to it first thing in the morning. I do this every morning and I love it. Or find an app that you like such as the Calm App, the Waking Up App or the Ten Percent Happier Meditation App.

12. Write in your journal. Keep it positive. What have you learned recently? What is good in your life? Write a Gratitude list. Or, just quiet your mind and let it tell you what to write.

13. Take a walk. Greet the world as it wakes up while moving your body. Breathe deeply. Walk to Starbucks to get you out the door. Walk the dog. Walk where it’s beautiful if possible. I do this every morning if I can.

14. Ride a bike. There’s something about riding a bike that is freeing and joyful. Maybe because you did it as a kid.

15. Get some exercise. Exercising first thing in the morning jump starts your metabolism, giving you a sense of relaxed energy. It could be walking, lifting weights, Pilates, going to the gym, pushups and/or pull ups. Make it work for you. I’ll repeat that: Make it work for you. 16. Look at beautiful images. Fill your mind with beauty. Perhaps you have photos, or a great garden, or a picture book with incredible images. Give yourself a few minutes to take in the good stuff. 17. Do the magic that you do. If you are a writer, write. If you are a painter, paint. If you are a musician, make music. If you’re a singer, sing. If you are a dancer, dance. If you are a photographer…

18. Write a letter, send an email or a text message to someone you haven’t contacted for a while. Just to say hi.

19. Call someone you’ve been meaning to call or haven’t talked to in a while. “Hi, I know it’s first thing in the morning, and you’re probably getting ready for (work, school) but I just wanted to say that I really (miss you, love you, am thinking about you, remembering the good times, want to apologize, etc.) That’s all! Bye!”

20. Treat yourself to breakfast. If you usually fix your own stuff, go out and eat, connect with the world.

21. Fix your own breakfast. If you usually go out, then nurture yourself by feeding your own sweet self. 22. Make a donation. Write a check or go online. Make your first act of the day one of generosity.

23. Get in bed with your kids and smooch on them. Do a little snuggling with your partner before you get up.

24. Wear something that’s comfortable that makes you feel good. Get it ready the night before (ironing it or washing it). Dress for success!

25. Call in well. Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Say “Hi, I’m feeling too good to go to work today. I think I’ll hang out in the Rose Garden at the Huntington Botanical Gardens instead. See you tomorrow.” Ok, don’t do that if it’s going to get you in trouble. Instead, call in sick for a mental health day. We all need one occasionally.

Step out of the insanity of the daily grind by getting in touch with what is true and meaningful on a daily basis. Making a “first thing in the morning habit” out of just of few of these things can change your life.

I’ll be going on Instagram next week to make a couple of videos about my morning ritual. You can follow me at tedamoreno

Thanks for listening! If you need help getting up earlier or finding the motivation to start your morning ritual, I invite you to book a complimentary consultation today and explore if working together can be your best path forward. To request your complimentary consultation, go to tedmoreno.com/contact and I’ll get back to you within 48 hours. Here’s a quote for you from a song by someone I absolutely love, Joni Mitchell:

But the only thing I have to give
To make you smile, to win you with
Are all the mornings still to live
In morning Morgantown

Wishing you beautiful mornings,
Ted

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What you do first thing in the morning has a tremendous impact on how the rest of the day goes. Creating the habit of a morning ritual can energize you, empower you, and put you in the right headspace to take on the day in a powerful way. In this episode, Ted gives you 25 awesome things that you can pick and choose to create an morning ritual that can  become the best part of your day!

If you need help getting up earlier or finding the motivation to start your morning ritual, book a complimentary consultation today and explore if working with Ted can be your best path forward. To request your complimentary consultation, go to tedmoreno.com/contact and Ted will get back to you within 48 hours.

The Top 5 Subconscious Blocks That Are Holding You Back – Episode 436

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Ted in Your Head Podcast
We all have things we want. Consciously, we have goals, desires, and outcomes we want to achieve. However, our subconscious mind, which is more than 75% of our mind, might have “programming” that is in conflict with what we are trying to achieve.  If that is the case, our subconscious mind will do what it can to stop us. That’s when we feel blocked. It’s that feeling that no matter how hard we try, we always seem to stop ourselves through self-sabotage, procrastination and giving up too soon.
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In this episode, Ted reveals the top 5 subconscious blocks that could be working against you and holding you back from success, happiness and health. Be sure to check this one out!

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Are you feeling blocked but can’t figure out why? I’d like to extend to you a onetime complimentary consultation. If you are interested in exploring hypnotherapy and high performance coaching, go to tedmoreno.com/contact and I’ll get back to you within 48 hours to schedule your consultation.

How to Deal with the Winds of Change – Episode 435

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It’s been a while since my last podcast and there have been a few changes since then.

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Most significantly, a loss in my family (which I will discuss in a future podcast). There have been some changes in my business, and my oldest child is now driving and in college. If there’s one thing that’s one thing you can count on, things will change.

The last time I did a podcast on change was Episode 48 in 2019. We’ve had a pandemic since then. I was 59 years old. I just turned 64 last week. It’s 2024.

I remember when we went from rotary dial phones to push button, then to cordless. I got my first cell phone in 2005. That was cool.

I remember using LPs, (long playing records but everyone calls them vinyl now) to 8 track, to cassette, to CD, to iPod to streaming music. Those changes were easy, and fun.

But there are many changes that aren’t so easy to navigate. In my last podcast I talked about heartbreak, that’s a tough one. Loss, and the death of loved ones. Getting older, how about that one? Watching your loved ones get older, watching parents age. Reminds me of a line from a Bonnie Raitt song called Nick of Time:

I see my folks are getting on
And I watch their bodies change
I know they see the same in me
And it makes us both feel strange
No matter how you tell yourself
It’s what we all go through
Those lines are pretty hard to take
When they’re staring back at you.

The pace of change in our lives accelerates exponentially. I read recently that there has been more change in the last 30 years than in the last 300.

As 21st century humans must assimilate change and new information more rapidly than at any other time in history. Especially technological change, but also, birth and death, growth and decay, marriage and divorce, buying and selling, falling in love and falling out, getting hired, getting fired, getting on board and jumping off. Sometimes you make the choice and sometimes it’s made for you.

Change will happen whether you want it to or not. Make no mistake about it, it’s hard. Change is hard. Everything about our minds does not want to change. We are wired to seek the known, the familiar, the comfortable; this is how our minds keep us safe. The unknown represents danger. That’s where much of our anxiety and fear comes from. Much of the future seems unknown.

But, when you think about it, everything about the future is unknown. We trick ourselves into thinking that things will stay the same, that we know what will happen, and that’s part of the reason why it’s so hard because we don’t know what will happen, and most things in our lives won’t stay the same.

The flip side of that is that we seek change. We want to better our lives, we want to grow, we seek to improve our situation, make more money, become more capable, more skilled, have better relationships. We want and we need change.

So how can we deal with change? Or maybe a better question is, how can we prepare for change?

The truth is that for some changes, we can’t prepare. But we can prepare our minds and hearts for what may come. First, we want to realize that life is transitory. Things come and go. All things must pass, George Harrison said that. This is the nature of things. We will pass. We must accept this reality first and avoid any magical thinking that says otherwise.

Second you need to be ready to let go. It’s hard sometimes. Letting go of youth, letting go of people, friendships. Sometimes you have to say to yourself, I let this go, I release this thing, or I release this person.

Third, we need to practice being resilient. Constitute yourself as being able to roll with the changes. We can get annoyed or angry or indignant when things change inevitably. Those are normal human emotions and reasonable responses to changes you don’t like. But don’t live there. Practice accepting, allowing, and embracing change. Practice being peaceful in the face of change. Take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, that will help.

Fourth, cultivate wisdom. It’s never too early or too late to do this. See how life really is, not just how you think or would like it to be. Seek to be free from your own ego when you can, and you’ll get better at it. I always say that we think we live life but really, life lives us. Step back, be present, see the patterns of life. Get grounded in the reality of being human. Try to be happy to be alive and to be able to witness the changes such as the change of the seasons, the growth of your kids, and especially, your own growth.

I took a walk this morning and it was cloudy, and a cold wind was blowing. Soon it will rain. But I know that soon after that, it will be sunny and warm, and the flowers will bloom and the air will be fragrant. I want to be here for the changes, even for the hard ones. It’s ok, I know it’s going to be ok. I invite you to tell that to yourself a lot when you feel the winds of change blowing.

Here’s a quote for you: “Change is the law of life, and those who look only to the past and present are certain to miss the future” -John F. Kennedy.

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click here >

If you are having trouble navigating the winds of change, I invite you to book a complimentary consultation with me so that we can explore if working together is your best path forward. To request your complimentary consultation, go to https://Tedmoreno.com/contact
and I’ll get back to you in 48 hours to schedule that.

 

Thanks for listening,

Ted

How to Heal a Broken Heart – Episode 434

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Lately I’ve had more than a few people come to me for help with mending their broken hearts.

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Some had been left by the person they were in love with or married to. Others were cheated on.  Still others were led to believe that there was a promising relationship happening only for the other partner to say no it’s not going to happen, leaving the client disillusioned and heartbroken.

If you have ever had these experiences, (and if you’re my age, which is 63, there’s a good chance that you have), you know it can be one of the most painful things to endure. Almost as painful, or perhaps, even more than the death of loved one. Let me say that if you’re going through something like this or if you have in the past, you have my deepest compassion.

I’ve shared my own experiences in this podcast over the years and it was one of the most difficult things I’ve had to deal with it. It took a significant amount of time to heal and it took a lot of work. So, I understand the pain. Fortunately for me, I bumped into a few people that had wisdom and similar experiences, and I had a community around me that allowed me to find my footing and heal. I’m happy to say that when I did, I was bigger, better, stronger, wiser, more mature, and more ready than ever to negotiate a relationship with my own personal power and confidence intact, which I certainly did not have in the relationship that I’ve described in the past.

Here’s some things that you can do right away to help you start healing and feeling better.

The first thing is to accept what’s happening. This is hard because every fiber of our being wants it to be different. We might have had dreams, plans, and a future that now, is no more. As soon as you can, accept that this is what life has given you. It sucks, I know, believe me I know. We can only deal with what is.

Next, realize that healing takes time. It’s a process and there’s no way to avoid feeling crappy or being in physical or emotional pain. You must tell yourself that you’ll get through it and be ok. You will feel so many different emotions such as

loneliness, humiliation, rejection, disappointment, sometimes even relief to be done with it. Be patient and gentle with yourself and do what you can to put one foot in front of the other.

The process is called grieving. Give yourself time and space to grieve. Cry if you need to and then, get up and take care of some business. Don’t have the expectation that you are just going to jump right back into life and be ok. You won’t. This is a wound which requires time and effort to heal.

Try to avoid doing things that make the healing worse, like following the person on social media or texting them. Don’t look at their photo, put that away for a while until later. After my big bad breakup, the most useful thing I heard was “No contact”. Don’t call, don’t drive by their house, don’t spy on them. There was no texting back then, but if there had been I would have been advised not to text. That was so helpful and allowed me to begin healing.

Remember that grief must be expressed, don’t keep it in. Crying is an important part of it, but also, talking to people about how you feel. Usually, the best person for this is a professional. If you have friends that are willing to listen just be aware of how much you’re dumping on them. Journaling can help but talking to a person is better.

Psychotherapy or hypnotherapy can be really helpful in understanding what happened and how you can prevent the same thing in the future. I realized that a large part of the problem in my breakup was me, so I began exploring my own lack of self-esteem and my controlling nature with a support group as well as a psychotherapist. That might’ve saved my life.

If you get depressed to the point that you can’t function, consider medication. There is no shame in taking meds short term to assist you in your healing. Do your due diligence though when seeking this option.

It’s important to move your body and get exercise. Emotions such as grief and loss are felt in the body. We don’t want them to get stuck in the body and that’s why movement can be so helpful during these times. Even just walking or riding a bike can be very therapeutic. Consistent yoga practice can help you reconnect with yourself.

Be intentional about getting back to yourself. Get back to doing the things you like to do. Many people give these things up when they get in a relationship. Get back to enjoying being with yourself. Re-connect with who you are. See if you can be ok with being alone, maybe for the first time. Don’t go jumping into another relationship to distract yourself because then you risk breaking someone else’s heart.

Get your stuff in order. What have you left on the back burner of your life? What did you stop paying attention to? Your family? Your friends? Your health? Your job? Get back to the job of living.

The next thing can be helpful, literally: Help someone and find a way to contribute to others. Volunteer. If you are focused on helping someone else, you are less focused on your own situation. Not only that but it feels good to help people. As rough as it might be for you, there is always someone out there having it a lot worse.

Try to find the lesson and the meaning. This takes a bit of time, but I would suggest to you that these life episodes can be transformative. It was for me. Growth, strength, maturity, and wisdom are all powerful things that you can gain from the pain and disappointment. Use it all to become better.

Lastly there are so many resources online. Search for the NLP technique called “Mending a broken heart”. You can use it on yourself. There are a lot of really good videos that can be incredibly helpful.

Let me leave with you a quote:

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” — Marilyn Monroe.

Thanks for listening and please take good care of yourself.

Ted

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click here >

P.S. If you are struggling with a broken heart and need some help in healing and getting back on your feet, I invite you to book a complimentary consultation with me so that we can explore if working together is your best path forward. To request your complimentary consultation, go to https://Tedmoreno.com/contact and I’ll get back to you in 48 hours to schedule that consultation.

 

Are You Being a Nasty Witch or a Freaking Ogre? – Episode 433

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Ever had one of those days when you are crabby, irritable, unhappy and downright nasty? That’s when people start telling you things like “Wow, you sure are being a nasty witch today!” or “Man, why are you such a freaking absolute ogre today?”

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Well, maybe not in those exact words. Maybe in stronger words?? Sometimes we can’t even put a finger on why we are irritable or crabby. That’s a sign it’s time to give yourself some time to yourself. Time to take some personal time. “I can’t”, you might say? You can’t afford not to.

We’re all trying to get our wants and needs met, but first we need to be clear about what they are. The first step is to step away and carve out some time to figure it out.

Most of us are a collection of many different wants, needs and desires pulling us in many different directions. Of the all the things that I hear in my office, this is the most common: “One part of me wants this, and another part of me wants that…” Usually one part is unhappy with the other part because it’s not doing what the first part wants it to do, like quit smoking or get more motivated to exercise. Can you relate? I can.

If you throw job and family responsibilities into the mix, things can get complicated. It’s easy to avoid thinking about something within us that needs our attention until we can no longer ignore it. In my opinion, many people have no clue who they are or what they want because they’ve never spent much time with themselves.

Taking time for you, and being with yourself, can be one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself because it results in self-knowledge.

It’s a way to honor yourself as well as your wants and needs, and to get clear about what those are. This is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.

If you are in a relationship such as marriage, that relationship grows from time spent with each other. If you have kids, an effort needs to be made to nurture that relationship. In the same way, it’s necessary to develop a relationship with yourself by spending time doing something you enjoy.

Of course, we all have responsibilities; things we need to do and places we need to be. The idea of taking time to yourself might appear to be impossible, if not downright ridiculous and unnecessary.

Yet, the whole idea of transformation involves moving towards freedom and away from constraint. To be free means you have a choice. A choice as to who you want to

be and what you want to do. However, it’s easy to get caught up in being who you think you should be according to someone else’s standards. Then, there is no choice. In episode 21, Are You A Zombie (a long time ago!) I talked about how we can become zombies from overwhelm and can become like the walking dead. Never taking time for yourself to do what you enjoy or like to do, can result in irritability, stress, tension and becoming difficult to live with, for yourself as well as others.

I have a wife and kids. These are relationships that need time and attention, lots of it. My relationship with myself also needs time and attention. Most of the time I get along with me but sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I’m critical of me or downright mean to me or careless with me. It can get so bad that I end up not liking myself very much. Ever been there?

It’s better to be your own best friend. If you’re upset with your friend, and that relationship is important, then you’ll eventually want to have a conversation with that friend and resolve whatever it is that’s coming between you. But first you need to spend time with that friend.

Ideas for spending time with yourself:

· Check in with your own self-care.

· Ask yourself: “Am I getting what I need. Am I getting what I want. Am I asking for these things?”

· Learn to be comfortable with yourself, learn to enjoy your own company. Not so easy if you’re not used to it. The constant need to be with others can be an addiction. It can be a distraction from what ails you deep inside.

· Take a walk, read a book, go to a park or museum. This is the time to rejuvenate and calm your mind. It might mean taking a day off work.

· Get a massage.

· Journaling is a very powerful way to be with yourself, to get intimate with your thoughts and feelings. Journaling can help us identify buried emotions such as anger and resentment. · Hypnotherapy is one very effective way to get present to what’s going on in your head and in your life. Talking to a friend, priest or counselor is also time you give to yourself to explore your inner life, which is the most important part of your life, because everything else is a reflection of that inner life.

· Exercise, yoga and mindfulness practices like meditation are other ways.

· Taking yourself out to dinner. Take a drive just to drive and listen to music.

In our busy world, most people will not do this until a crisis occurs, then taking time might be a short stay in the hospital. It doesn’t have to come to that. Give yourself what you need on a regular basis, and you will notice that not only will people want to spend more time with you, but you’ll be happier with yourself. Then you only need to be an ogre or witch at Halloween.

Here’s a quote from the Dalai Lama:

“If you feel burnout setting in, if you feel demoralized or exhausted, it is best for the sake of everyone to withdraw and restore yourself.

Are you having trouble being more in control of regulating your emotions? Request a complimentary consultation with Ted to explore if hypnotherapy can transform your challenges into possibility! Click here to request a consultation: https://tedmoreno.com/ready-to-get-started/

Top 10 Signs of Self Sabotage – Episode 432

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Self-sabotage is when we consciously or subconsciously stop ourselves from getting what we want. There are many reasons why we sabotage our progress and there are many ways that we keep ourselves from health, happiness and success. In this episode, Ted examines the top 10 signs that you are holding yourself back from the life that you want. If you are not moving forward to your goals as quickly as you would like, you might find this episode insightful, illuminating and helpful.
(Photo by Fritz Ahrefeldt)

We’re talking today about self-sabotage and what I mean by that is behaviors that keep us from our goals and accomplishments. So self-sabotage is when we consciously or subconsciously stop ourselves from getting what we want. This could be due to things we are doing or things we are not doing.

There’s a lot of different ways that we sabotage our success and happiness. Some we’ll be aware of, but other ways are subconscious behaviors, so this makes it more difficult to identify and address.

There are also many reasons why we sabotage our progress. A lot of these may stem from childhood, especially if we had a dysfunctional childhood. Other reasons might be fear of success or failure, low self-esteem, lack of confidence and most certainly, fear.

In this episode I’d like to focus on the top 10 signs that you are holding yourself back. There’s a lot more, but in my view, these are the biggies so as we go through these, make a mental checklist of which of these apply to you. According to Psychology Today, behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems in daily life and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviors include procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting.

  1. Feeling not deserving. I did a podcast on this recently, Episode 426 titled What you Deserve Has Got Nothing to Do with It. Check that out. Feeling not deserving would also include imposter syndrome, that sneaky feeling that you are faking it and the fear that someone is going to discover that you’re a fraud. If you have subconscious programming that you should not have success or happiness, then your mind will do what it can to keep those things from you.
  2. Focusing on what is not working or not right. It’s the feeling that there is always something wrong. Nothing ever works. Nothing ever goes right for me. You can’t trust anybody. What’s the point? I know and have worked with people that hold this perspective and they are always focused on the negative. This is deadly and it’s a way to let yourself off the hook because nothing’s going to work out anyway. This is toxic to yourself and others and incredibly damaging to your ability to create happiness.
  3. Procrastination. We all procrastinate, but when procrastination becomes chronic, then it’s most likely a self-sabotaging behavior. Procrastination is the habit of putting off what you need to do and what is important for you to do until you are in crises mode, or you are missing deadlines. One study was conducted on student procrastination in academic environments. Scientists found one common factor in procrastination involved a lack of self-regulation which means an inability to control one’s emotions, resulting in being easily distracted. The opposite would be self-discipline.
  4. Comparison of self to others. Compare and Despair is the title of my podcast episode 357 so check that out. There’s can be a huge feeling of futility when we look at other people, see what they have accomplished, then beat ourselves up for not being them. It’s hard to be motivated when we’re feeling bad about ourselves, hence, self-sabotage. That’s when we start convincing ourselves that there’s something wrong with us because everyone else seems to be able to do what we can’t.
  5. Refusing to ask for help. This is a very sneaky form of self-sabotage disguised as self-reliance or not needing anybody’s help. Other rationalizations might be “I can’t count on anybody, nobody can do it as good as me, they won’t understand what I need, I’ll look weak, it’s too much hassle to ask for help, or I can do it on my own in my own way dammit!” The truth is, when you ask for help, you are holding yourself accountable to the person that is helping you and that can be scary and feel vulnerable so it’s easier not to ask for help.
  6. Picking fights or initiating conflicts with valued partners and loved ones. One surefire way to sabotage yourself is to chase away or repel anyone who might support you or encourage you or, again, hold you accountable. This is more common than you might think. It’s a way to stop your progress by blowing up your path with resentment, anger, indignation and to keep you alone, unsupported and mired in negative thoughts and emotions.
  7. Avoiding or withdrawing from others.
    Instead of picking fights, you can just avoid or withdraw from those who could support you or encourage you. Or, after picking enough fights and creating enough drama and conflict, you can just say “Screw ‘em” and estrange yourself from everybody else. This can be a difficult one to see, because when we’re doing this, so much of our energy goes into shaming and blaming that it’s hard to look at ourself and our motives.
  8. Negative self-talk and extreme self-criticism.

This is easy to see in our behavior, it’s obvious to others, and next to procrastination, it’s one of those self-sabotage behaviors that’s easy to fall into and get stuck in. You can get in the habit of just tearing yourself down and beating yourself up all day long. It’s easy to see how this can be a self-reinforcing negative behavior right? The more you do it, the worse you feel, the worse you feel, the more you do it, and nothing productive gets done.

9. Making excuses or blame shifting. Blame-shifting is where one person will avoid accountability for something they said or did, and instead deflect the fault onto someone else. “It’s their fault that I’m not where I want to be, it’s the economy, the government, the politicians, my spouse, my parents,” on and on. Making excuses as to why we can’t do what we need to do to accomplish what we want to accomplish or do what we want to do keeps the focus off of us and allows us to not take responsibility.

10. Substance abuse, overspending, or “overdoing it” in other ways including overeating. Any type of self-medication can keep us from feeling or looking at those issues that we need to be aware of and overcome. This could also include a general lack of attention to one’s health allowing us to use lack of energy or illness as reasons to not put time and effort into our own success and happiness.

So those are the biggies in my opinion.

There’s a self-sabotage quiz you can take to help you see what your patterns are. It’s at the Psychology Today website:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201805/30-types-of-self-sabotage-and-what-to-do-about-it

Here are a couple of articles that might be helpful:

https://www.verywellmind.com/why-people-self-sabotage-and-how-to-stop-it-5207635

https://www.happierhuman.com/self-sabotaging/

There’s a lot to talk about when it comes to self-sabotage but the first step to addressing it is always awareness. You need to know there’s a problem before you can address it so I hope this episode was helpful to you.

Listen to this podcast episode now:

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If you feel that self-sabotage is holding you back and you are ready to do something about it, you should know that hypnotherapy can be one of the most powerful ways to turn your challenges into possibilities. I invite you to book a complimentary consultation with me so that we can explore if working together is your best path forward. To request you complimentary consultation, go to https://Tedmoreno.com/contact and I’ll get back to you in 48 hours to schedule that.

“Self-sabotage is when you drill holes in your own ship because the trip is going so well that you feel uncomfortable because someone or something taught you that you don’t deserve smooth sailing.” By author Jon Acuff

Thank you for being here, Ted

The State of Men, a discussion with Sammy Villanueva – Episode 431

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By all indications, many men, especially young men, are struggling and falling behind in the quest for health, happiness and success. In this episode, Ted and Sammy Villanueva, the founder of the HeRose Men’s Mastermind Community, have an in depth discussion about the challenges many young men face, how those challenges impact them, and what can be done about it.

If you are a man, or know a young man that is struggling, please take some time to listen to this important episode of the Ted in Your Head podcast.

 

Listen to this podcast episode now:

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If you know a young man that could use some support, or you are a man looking for support, request a complimentary consultation with Ted at https://tedmoreno.com/contact. Ted will answer any questions and help you explore if hypnotherapy with Ted is the best path forward for you.

Stop the Inner Critic so You Can Speak Publicly (and Shine!) – Episode 430

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I’m sure you’ve heard it: fear of public speaking is a fear worse than death for some people.

Why is that? Well, nobody’s born a good public speaker. As with all fears, fear of public speaking is something that is learned, and what is learned can be unlearned. When someone says, “I have a fear of public speaking because I’m not a good speaker” what they really mean is “I haven’t learned to be an effective speaker, I haven’t developed the skills.” I think we can agree that speaking comfortably in front of a group is a skill you can learn if you want to.

However, when you make a statement such as “I’m not a good speaker” that comes from what I call your inner critic. You know what I’m talking about. That always, everywhere voice that is constantly haranguing you and telling you what you can’t do, what you are not good at and why you shouldn’t even try. Now it’s important to understand that of all the people that we have a tendency to believe, or be suggestible to, the one we believe the most is us, our own voice. We tend to believe our inner critic even though not everything it says is necessarily true.

Let’s acknowledge that the inner critic is there to protect you. Nobody wants to be embarrassed, or be seen as incompetent, or be ridiculed. But to move forward in any endeavor, such as being comfortable or even excellent as a speaker, we need to manage and subdue the inner critic or it’s going to make trouble for us and try to stop us and sometimes succeed.

In today’s business environment, most people will be required to give reports or presentations to colleagues or clients. Or, you might be interested in teaching courses or seminars. So, for many professional people, learning to speak in public is a necessary part of your personal and professional development. Getting that inner critic out of the way is really important for putting yourself out there, not only as a speaker but in other areas where being seen will be beneficial and lucrative to you.

If you’re inner critic is really bossy and noisy and you’ve been giving it a lot of energy and attention, then the idea of speaking in front of people might trigger that fight or flight response (sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, inability to think clearly) The good news is that you can learn to overcome the fear response and speak comfortably

Here’s the first thing you need to know: You don’t have to be a master orator in order to be effective. You just need to be yourself. Don’t try to be or think of

yourself as a “public speaker”. Don’t compare yourself to other people that have spent years learning public speaking and that have a lot of experience doing so. Compare and despair!

Here’s the second thing: have the intention that you are going to learn or get better or get more comfortable. Make this a goal. Write it down.

Then, you want to examine what that inner critic is saying to you so you can refute it with logic and common sense. This can be a really valuable writing exercise.

For instance, your inner critic might be saying that the audience is going to judge you harshly and pick you apart and laugh at you. Counteract that by repeating: The audience is on my side, and wants me to succeed.”

Think about when you were sitting in the audience watching someone speak or perform or present. You wanted to enjoy the experience. You wanted them to do good. That’s really the attitude most audiences have.

Next, stay out of the What If Pit. That’s where your inner critic start going on about what if this happens, what if that happens? Counteract that with “What if I do great and people congratulate me on a job well done? Then, imagine that, see it and feel the good feelings that would come from that happening. That inner critic voice might be saying “How am I going to remember all that information, what if I forget?” You don’t need to memorize a lot of information. That’s what notes and handouts are for.

That voice might be saying “They are going to see that you are nervous!” It’s ok to be nervous, for a lot of people that goes away when you start speaking or presenting. And the truth is, most people don’t notice your nervousness.

Here’s the last thing you want to think about: for many people, fear of public speaking comes from childhood experiences that were scary, uncomfortable, or embarrassing. If you messed up a book report presentation in 6th grade and the other kids laughed at you, that one experience could’ve sent a powerful message to your brain that speaking in front of people is dangerous. Take some time to examine the origin of your fear and see when that inner critic decided that it needed to protect you. Then you can begin to counteract that inner critic with positive affirmations and self-talk to create confidence, comfort and acknowledging that fact that you are not a kid anymore and that you can release those negative memories.

Here are a few pointers that can help you silence that inner critic, let go of the fear of speaking in public, and really allow yourself to shine!

· Preparation is always the key. Have an outline for what you are going to say. Put your notes on 3×5 index cards that are numbered in order. Practice saying the words out loud. Practice in front of someone you trust that can give you some positive feedback is one of the best ways to deal with that inner critic. Practice in front of a mirror.

· Smile and have fun. Bring energy and enthusiasm to your presentation. The worst sin you can commit as a speaker is making people wish they were somewhere else. Don’t be boring.

· Humor is good. People want to laugh, and when they do, you’ll feel a lot more comfortable. Just use common sense to avoid offending your audience.

· Make sure you eat something before you speak. Your diet and your level of anxiety are intimately related. Don’t go in front of a group on an empty stomach or over-caffeinated.

· Lastly, remember that your inner critic is simply self-talk that no longer serves you. Actively practice supportive and positive self-talk that supports you. It takes practice but you will get better at it. Do a little mental preparation before you speak. Psyche yourself up, see yourself doing great, give yourself some positive suggestions. · Use EFT to release anxiety about public speaking as well as to release memories of negative experiences. EFT is also known as tapping. I did a YouTube search on tapping for fear of public speaking and there were at least 10 videos about that subject so check it out.

· Explore joining Toastmasters. Toastmasters International is a nonprofit educational organization that builds confidence and teaches public speaking skills through a worldwide network of clubs that meet online and in person. Go to http://Toastmasters.org to learn more.

Look, not everyone is cut out to be a great public speaker. And not everyone needs to be a good speaker. However, if you are required to speak, or you are looking for the opportunity to communicate your message, then public speaking allows you the opportunity to be seen and shine. You have a unique contribution to make. Your experiences and the lessons that you’ve learned can benefit others. If you can silence that inner critic and overcome your fear, then you can share your experiences and what you’ve learned, you can share your expertise and knowledge, and you can share the best parts of you with others for their benefit and yours.

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Jordan Peterson said “If you can think and speak and write, then you are deadly.

Brian Tracy said: “Your ability to communicate with others will account for fully 85% of your success in your business and in your life.” Brian Tracy

Jim Rohn said “Words do two major things: they provide food for the mind and create light for understanding and awareness.”

If any of what I said resonates with you, you should know that I help people quiet the inner critic and turn up the volume on their inner cheerleader so you can present the best version of yourself and shine. I encourage you to book a complimentary consultation to see if working together can be your best path forward. To do that go to http://TedMoreno.com/contact

8 Easy Tips for Dealing with Social Anxiety– Episode 429

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The first time I went to a business mixer, I was so nervous about meeting other people, that after getting a drink, I went and stood in a corner next to another guy who also seemed to have the same problem. That’s where I stayed the whole night. I went home and my wife asked me how it went and I told her it didn’t. She went with me the next time and that made it a lot easier.

Have you ever walked into a social situation with fear or dread about what you will say or do in front of other people? Has it got to the point where you avoid these kinds of circumstances? If so, you have probably experienced social anxiety. 

Social anxiety is a feeling of discomfort or fear in social situations where a person is concerned about being judged or evaluated. There’s usually an intense fear of what others are thinking about them.

Social anxiety is typically a part of childhood development, and most kids grow out of it. If they don’t, however, it can turn into chronic social anxiety in the teenage years or even into adulthood. And if you find that you need to be around people for your work, this can be highly distressing and an impediment to making valuable business connections. On a personal level, you might be craving connection or have the desire to go to parties or get-togethers but the idea seems overwhelming and way too scary for you.

Of course, we want to be sensitive to social norms, and we expect to be judged to some extent on how we are dressed, how we act, what we say and how we interact with others. This is a normal part of the social process. However, if this fear of the expectation of others becomes too severe it can affect a person’s quality of life, quality of relationships, and the ability to achieve success.

Social anxiety that is chronic and disabling is called social anxiety disorder. This is social anxiety that interferes with a person’s daily activities. According to Harold Leitenberg in the (1990) “Handbook of Social and Evaluation Anxiety”, roughly 40 million American adults 18 years or over have some type of anxiety disorder.

People that suffer from social anxiety usually feel all the symptoms of anxiety including:

  • Rapid heartbeat
  • Sweaty palms
  • Trembling
  • Dry mouth

But even more of an issue is that there is the tendency to have negative and unrealistic thinking:

  • I’m such a loser.
  • Everybody is looking at me.
  • Everybody knows that I’m nervous
  • I don’t belong here.

This in turn can lead to unproductive behaviors such as:

  • Arriving then leaving quickly
  • Using alcohol or drugs to cope with social situations
  • Excessive grooming so that they look “perfect”
  • Spending too much time on phones or devices or hiding in a corner to avoid contact like I did at my first business mixer.

Almost everyone can benefit from healthy social interaction. Avoidance because of social anxiety not only leaves one alone and isolated but can affect self-esteem and as I mentioned before, can result in lost opportunities for meaningful personal and business relationships.

I’m more of an introvert. I’d prefer to stay home, read a book, listen to music and avoid crowds and rooms filled with people, especially ones I don’t know. However, it became obvious to me early on that I needed to develop the skills that were necessary for growing my business and that those skills involved talking and connecting to people I don’t know while presenting myself as confident, approachable and in control. I learned those skills and it wasn’t really that hard, but it did take practice. owe

You can learn to be comfortable in social situations and release social anxiety if you are willing to practice and be ok with being uncomfortable.

Here are some 8 easy tips for dealing with social anxiety.

  1. Become aware of when your social anxiety gets triggered. Is it at the supermarket? Parties? Meetings? Get clear about when you feel the most uncomfortable. You can then be better prepared for those situations. Mental preparation is the key here.
  2. Take someone with you. As I mentioned, when I got back from the mixer that I told you about, my wife asked me how many people I met. I said “None”. She went with me to the next mixer and introduced me around. It really helped. Find someone that is more outgoing than you are and have them help you meet people and show you how it’s done. Find a wingman or wingwoman or wingperson.
  3. Ask questions. If you are concerned about what to say in a social situation, get good at asking questions. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Ask questions such as: What do you do? Where are you from? What made you come here today? Get people talking and you won’t have to fumble for things to say.
  4. Create a script. Have a script of things you want to say or talk about. Don’t wing it, be prepared with questions you can ask or topics you can talk about. Sounds weird but it’s incredibly helpful. Practice saying the words at home.
  5. Make sure you eat. Social anxiety can be triggered by being hungry. If you are going to put yourself into a situation where there might be some social anxiety, make sure you eat something before you go even if you don’t feel hungry, have something with protein.
  6. Practice. Find someone you trust and practice making conversation comfortably. Or join clubs or take classes where you will become “desensitized” to social anxiety through exposure to situations where you will be meeting new people. Toastmasters is an organization where you can learn to speak articulately and confidently in front of people. Got to Toastmasters.org to find a chapter near you.
  7. Mental rehearsal. Before you go into a social situation, imagine yourself feeling calm, relaxed and comfortable. Take some time to relax your body. See yourself having interesting conversations, smiling, and having fun. The key here is to get your mind familiar and comfortable with these situations. Practice feeling any discomfort and moving through it and letting it go by breathing deeply.
  8. Be realistic in your thinking. Are people really judging you? Is everybody really looking at you? How do you know that other people are better or smarter than you? You don’t! The reality is that most people are in their own heads thinking about themselves. Examine and try to replace thoughts that don’t serve you with positive affirmations such as “I can do this!” Affirmations can be very useful to help you change your negative self talk.

 

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Ok, I hope you found this helpful. I want to assure you that you can overcome social anxiety. If you want support, let me tell you that hypnotherapy is an excellent way to gain more confidence, greater ease and greater enjoyment in social or business networking situations. Request a complimentary consultation at https://tedmoreno.com/contact. We’ll talk about what’s going on, I’ll answer any questions you have, and we’ll explore if working together is the best path forward for you.

As always, let me leave you with a quote. This one is by Norman Vincent Peale

“Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they haven’t half the strength you think they have.”

Thanks for listening and have a great day.