8 Things My 65 Year Old Self Would Tell My 25 Year Old Self – Episode 465

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Ted has turned 65 years old and is reminiscing about his life: choices made, opportunities gained and lost, good times and bad times, trying to figure out Medicare…

In this episode, Ted reveals 8 essential and valuable things that he would tell his 25-year-old self if he could with the understanding that his 25-year-old self may not listen…

Perhaps someone you know might benefit from hearing this? Check out this interesting and thoughtful episode dedicated to that young, skinny 25 year old and all young people everywhere.

 

 

Listen to this podcast episode now:

I turned 65 this month, which is a milestone, I guess.
For one thing, I now qualify for Medicare. Yay?

I’ve been getting offers in the mail for discounts on Depends.  If you don’t know what Depends are you can look that up.

And despite their repeated invitations, I’ve haven’t joined the AARP just yet. For you youngsters out there, that stands for the American Association of Retired People. And I am neither retired nor ready to retire any time soon thank you.

I’ve also noticed, curiously, people being a little more deferential to me, you know, opening doors for me, letting me go ahead of them, calling me sir. I thought it might be the dazzling, dashing, stylish vibe that I project but I’m pretty sure that’s not it. More than likely it’s the little gray beard and the gray at the temples which makes people either think that I know something that they don’t or that I’m just an old person and you should be nice to old people.

I’ll let you decide how old 65 is, however, I CAN say that I seem to be older than most of the people that I’m around. So maybe I do know something…

At this stage of the game, 65, I’m looking back over my life remembering and thinking about the choices I’ve made. I see my life now as a path going back to 1960.  A lot of things happened. A lot of things went well but a lot of things really sucked, like everybody’s life.  You start thinking “What if I done that differently?”  What if I had made a different choice?”

It’s easy to look back in hindsight with another 30 or 40 years of experience under your belt and say, “Oh yeah, I shoulda, woulda, coulda.” But when all is said and done, all you can do is what you can do with the information you have at the time. We make our choices based on what we know at the time.

And sometimes, if we’re lucky, someone is there to give us more information, guidance and knowledge. And better information at any age can lead to better decisions, obviously.

So, if my 65-year-old self could talk to my 25-year-old self, this is what I would tell that dark haired skinny kid even though I’m not sure he would’ve listened…

First, I’d tell him to take better care of himself. Eat better food. Get just a bit more sleep. Get more exercise. Take better care of your teeth. Watch out for the dark sides of alcohol and drugs. Stay away from troublemakers and toxic people. When your own self-care becomes one of your top priorities, you think better. You do more and you do it better. You feel better about everything including yourself. You have more clarity.

I remember many times when I was in my 20s, having to make a choice between paying my credit card bill and eating, and I would always pay the credit card first.  Then one day as I looked into an empty refrigerator, I thought to myself “What am I doing?” I went out and bought a bunch of good quality food, called the credit card company and guess what? I paid the credit card off in a few months. I could work harder and focus because I wasn’t hungry.

Second, I would tell him “Work on your confidence and self-esteem. Hold yourself up and see yourself as someone that has value. Bless yourself, see yourself as whole and complete even if you’re screwing stuff up. Most importantly, do whatever you can to let go of any thought or feeling that you’re less than or not good enough. That kind of thinking is deadly, and you need to do everything you can to change it.”

Third, I would stress the importance and value of accomplishment. Just because something is hard doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing. Strive for something above just getting by. Nothing in life worth having comes easy, hard work and sacrifice are needed. Have goals that you want to accomplish even if they are simple, such as getting out of bed before a certain time or exercising regularly or reading every day.  I would tell him that the most important goal or aspiration should be that of his own personal self-development, his own personal transformation. To work on becoming better, smarter, more motivated, and more productive.

The fourth thing I would say would be to encourage him to be persistent and not to give up so easily. Every master once was a disaster. Not being good at something while learning it is uncomfortable but be willing to be uncomfortable while you learn. Keep moving forward and realize that failure is a necessary part of success.

Number 5, learn to manage your time. Next to your health your time is your most valuable asset.  Manage it and learn to use it wisely. It will become so much more valuable as you grow older. Learning to deal effectively with procrastination is a must because it will stop you like nothing else will. Learn to take action as quickly as you need to. Balance productivity with rest and relaxation. ( Although I must add here that resting  and relaxation were not really things I had to struggle to achieve, they came very naturally to me!)

Next, I would say, don’t be afraid to ask for help. You don’t have to do it on your own, there are people out there that are willing to help you or at least give you valuable information.

I was told by a person much smarter than me that my biggest problem was that I was not open to the contribution of others because I thought I knew everything. (This of course was in my 20s.) And it was true. I had to be the smart guy, the know-it-all and I certainly was not going to listen to what anybody else had to say about it.

However, when I finally realized that I didn’t know much of anything and in many ways couldn’t tell my ass from a hole in the ground, I started to seek the counsel of people smarter and more experienced than me and people that had more knowledge than me.

One of the earliest memories of doing this was when I wanted to be a long-distance trucker. I’d just seen the movie White Line Fever with Jan Michael Vincent, and it romanticized long distance trucking as a cool life on the road. Well one day I met a long-distance trucker, and I asked him. I said “Hey I’m thinking about being a long-distance trucker. What do you think?” He said “Don’t do it, it’s a terrible job. You’re never home, you’re always eating crappy food. You don’t get paid much for the trouble and all that sitting leads to hemorrhoids.” So, he was discouraging. That was just his opinion, but it was the only opinion I had so I chose not to become a long-distance trucker. Shout out to those truckers out there who keep the supply chain intact. Gratitude!

Then I thought it would be cool to be radio DJ, so I called one of the radio stations and I actually talked to the DJ. This was back in the 70s when you could actually talk to Wolfman Jack or some of the other DJs in the LA area so I asked the DJ, I said “Hey I’m thinking about becoming a DJ, what do you think?”

He said, “Don’t do it!” He said “I should’ve gone to law school. Instead, I’m sitting in this chair all day in this little box and it gets boring.”

So, it was helpful to admit I didn’t know and to be able to ask those who did.

Next, I would grab him by his scruffy t-shirt, get right into his face and tell him that the quality of his relationships will determine the quality of his life. I’d say to spend time with quality people, people that treat you well, people that support you, encourage you and inspire you. Get away from those that would tear you down, suck your energy, and take but not give. Cultivate quality relationships because they will be an ongoing source of friendship, love and support and there is no shortcut to this, whether it be a happy successful marriage or a close abiding deep friendship.

Finally, I would tell my 25-year-old self, “Have the courage to be true to yourself. All kinds of people will tell you all kinds of things and what you should do and who you should be. Listen to your own heart, trust your instincts, and have the character to follow your own values, to do what you feel is the right thing to do, even if everyone else is telling you something different. Have the courage to speak out against injustice. Recognize liars and conmen and walk away. Draw boundaries that protect you and stick to them. And always stay connected to the goodness inside of you.”

I would say this is what I’ve learned for a happy healthy life. Like I said before, the 25-year-old me might not have listened, but I like to think that he would at least print these thing about, or save them and maybe, come across it when it was needed the most.

So that’s what I would say if I could, but I can’t and that’s ok, everything turned out pretty good. However, if you know someone, a young man or young woman in their 20s and you think this blog post or podcast episode might be helpful to them, well, why not share it?

Let me leave you with a quote by American poet Nikki Giovanni:

I really don’t think Life is about the I-could-have-beens. Life is only about the I-tried- to-do.

I don’t mind the failure, but I can’t imagine that I’d forgive myself if I didn’t try.”

Thanks so much for reading this.

Ted

Want to catch up on previous episodes?  Click Here >

Ps: Watch Ted in Your Head on YouTube!

Still working on the things you would tell your 25-year-old self but need to tell your current self?  Reach out to Ted for a complimentary half hour consultation by going to https://TedMoreno.com/contact

You can get all your questions answered, find out how hypnotherapy can help you, and if you are ready, schedule your first appointment.

The Fires in Los Angeles – Episode 464

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It’s Friday the 10th as I record write and four major fires are burning across Los Angeles County. My family and I are safe, the closest fire to where we live is the Eaton Fire burning in the hills above Altadena, just north of Pasadena. However, the air is thick with smoke and ash.

My office is in South Pasadena and many of my clients and associates live in the Pasadena area. Tragically, I know personally many people that have lost their homes in the fire.

Tuesday, January 7, started with news media warnings of a “life threating” windstorm predicted to be the strongest wind event since 2011. The predictions came true with wind gusts reaching 80 to 100 mph in some areas.

Listen to this podcast episode now:

Those of us who live in Southern California expect wildfires in the winter, when the dry Santa Ana winds blow. However, the severity of this wind event, coupled with the fact that we’ve have no significant rainfall this winter, created conditions ripe for these devastating wildfires.

  • In the Pacific Palisades area on the coast between Santa Monica and Malibu, at least 10,000 properties have been damaged and 20,000 acres burned. Containment is 8%
  • The Eaton Fire has destroyed more than 1000 structures. 13,600 acres have been burned and containment is at 3%
  • The Kenneth Fire in north LA county and Ventura Country is 35% contained and has burned 1000 acres so far.
  • 100, 000 people are under evacuation orders and another 166, 000 are under evacuation warnings.

So there has been what can only be described as catastrophic damage across LA county. My heart goes out to those who are suffering the loss of homes and business.

I’m doing this podcast today because several friends, clients, colleagues and family members have reached out to find how my family and I are.

We are lucky. We were without power for 24 hours starting Tuesday night as the wind howled outside. Our next-door neighbors, some of the nicest and most generous people I know and who managed to keep their power, offered extension cords to plug into their outside outlets so that we could keep our refrigerator running.

If there is a bright spot in all of this, it’s the kindness, generosity and resilience of those who live in the LA area, including businesses, shelters and food banks. Chefs offering thousands of meals to evacuees, Air BNB hosts and dozens of others offering free shelter to those in need, mechanics offering free car repair. I’ve seen people on social media offer their homes to whoever needs a place to sleep.

Help has poured in from all over the world including Sooper Scooper planes from Canada.

It is heartbreaking to watch the devastation and loss including 10 people who have died. But it’s comforting to experience and hear about the generosity of neighbors and businesses, the generosity of volunteers, and the commitment of first responders.

If you want to donate to fire relief and recovery efforts, you can:

Donate to the Red Cross at redcross.org/donate

Donate to the Los Angeles Fire Dept. Foundation

Or you can go to CharityNavigator.org to donate to an organization that feels right to you.

Want to catch up on previous episodes?  Click Here >

Thank you for reading, and if I can be of any assistance, you can reach out to me at TedMoreno.com/contact.

Goodbye and please take care of yourself and each other.

Ted

Where is the Peace? Where is the Goodwill? – Episode 463

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Peace on Earth, goodwill to all is what you hear this time of year, but truth be told, it’s sad to see the level of division, distrust and anger in our country today, not to mention the strife we see in the world at large. In the news, on social media, in print, there is anger, condemnation, and blame.

Where is the peace? Where is the goodwill? It starts in only one place: your heart.

In this episode, Ted shares a sense of hope he received from some high school students and the message they conveyed in their song.

 

 

 

 

Listen to this podcast episode now:

Usually when my wife asks me what I want for Christmas, I give her the silly answer I always give her: “I want Peace on earth, goodwill toward men.”

It’s a bit of a smart-ass answer because I really don’t need or want anything; I suppose I could come up with “a new pair of shoes” or “a v neck sweater” but the truth is I have enough shoes and sweaters, and my wife already does more than enough to make Christmas bright for our family and everyone else without having to go out and get more stuff for me.

This year when she asked me again, and though I said the same thing, this year I meant it. I’m looking for the peace and goodwill but it seems really hard to find.

It’s sad to see the level of division, distrust and anger in our country today, not to mention the strife we see in the world at large.

I’ve noticed a greater level of frustration and anger on the road when I drive, even in myself. More impatience, more honking, more aggressiveness.

To stay centered, grounded and rooted in the present seems to present a greater challenge to those I love, those I work with, and me.

When I do go on social media, which is more and more rare these days, comments are rife with ridicule, condemnation, attack. Even for the most non-provocative posts such as “Do this for healthy digestion.”

However, there was a bright spot recently for me. A bit of hope. My daughter sings in a choir in her high school. It’s a very good choir and the high school is lucky to have five different choirs with a total of 200 students.

Last weekend we went to see my daughter perform at the annual holiday choir show at the local performing arts venue. The stage was beautifully decorated and for the first time, the school was able to provide a wonderful orchestra of professional musicians to accompany the students.

What made the biggest impact on me though, was what the choir director said as he spoke to the audience.

He spoke of the amazing opportunity that these kids have to be in a school district that values the arts and music. He related the hard work that the students had put into the show and how proud he was of them.

He also told us how, in rehearsals and choir classes, he would discuss with the students the state of the world and the concern they had for it. So, the most important message that the students wanted to send, he said, was peace on earth, goodwill to all.

I grew up during the Vietnam War. I was in high school in 1975 when Saigon fell but I didn’t know anything about that. I wasn’t aware. I didn’t follow the news. I knew very little about the state of world affairs. I was naïve and unconcerned. But the high school students on that stage are concerned. They know. With social media and the 24 hour news cycle literally in the palms of their hands, how could they not?

My kids have been singing in the school choirs since grade school. Their holiday performances always end with the song “Peace,Peace” where the choir not only sings but using American Sign Language, signs the words of the song:

Peace, peace, peace on earth and good will to all
This is a time for joy
This is a time for love
Now let us all sing together
Of peace, peace, peace on earth

Evers since grade school, they’ve been singing that song about peace. You’d have to be made of pretty stern and unfeeling stuff not to get emotional hearing and watching this. I am not made of such stuff.

What I do want to be made of is someone who is part of the solution. If there is to be peace and goodwill on earth, it must begin with me, within my own heart. Within our own hearts. If you feel the same way, here are some things we can do, things that I am willing to do.

Instead of watching news or video where one political faction is tearing down the other, we can read or watch unbiased, thoughtful analysis of what is happening in our country so that we can understand the historical precedents to this current point in our nation’s history. We can stay informed and rooted in reality.

The election is over. The people have spoken. Whether your team won or lost, most of us want our families to be safe and our freedom to seek health and happiness protected. Let the haters hate, there will always be haters but I truly believe that most people are not haters. Aside from voting, all we can do is hope and pray that the ideals and principles that our country was founded on are maintained and protected. If there is anything else that we can do or say that will make a positive difference, let’s have the courage to do so.

If a political conversation is happening in front of us that is not respectful, reasonable and considered, we can walk away. Arguing about politics doesn’t change anybody’s mind and creates bad will. But let’s not distance ourselves from those that we love and care about because they hold a different political opinion. I understand that some people may need to separate themselves from those that are toxic and disrespectful.

I decided a long time ago not to engage in political discussions over social media. In fact, my goal is to keep my engagement with all social media at a minimum. I feel that at this point, most social media is part of the problem.

Let’s strive to give each other grace: in line at the grocery store, while driving, while talking. Let’s smile more at strangers, and reach out more to those who aren’t.

Let’s be mindful and present to when our anger flares, when our frustration threatens to overwhelm us, and when we want to give in to cynicism and resignation. In those moments, difficult as it is sometimes, we can choose hope. We can choose peace and an attitude of goodwill to all.

Want to catch up on previous episodes?  Click Here >

Are you trying to get free from the current angry vibe? Or looking to hit the ground running in 2025?.  Reach out to Ted for a complimentary half hour consultation by going to https://TedMoreno.com/contact

You can get all your questions answered, find out how hypnotherapy can help you, and if you are ready, schedule your first appointment.

May you have peace and goodwill in your hearts at this time of the year and always. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year.

Ted

Remember What You Don’t Want to Think About: Memento Mori – Episode 462

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Life is short and done too soon. You think you have all the time in the world, but you don’t. While you worry about the future and wish for the past, the river of your life flows through you unnoticed. Memento Mori is Latin for Remember You Will Die. Does that depress you? Scare you? If we can move past our fear of this inescapable fact, we can see life in front of us as precious, magnificent and something to be lived fully and mindfully. In this episode, Ted discusses how the fact of our mortality can keep us awake and present to life happening here, now, in all its glory and brevity.

 

Listen to this podcast episode now:

I went for a long walk this morning. It was a beautiful morning, cool with a nice breeze, the air was fresh and the view of the San Gabriel Mountains near my home was clear and just so beautiful.  

I just celebrated my 21st wedding anniversary, I’ve got a kid in college now and one ready to graduate high school. I’m 64 years old.  

I guess the change in seasons happening now and the feel of winter on the doorstep made me feel a bit pensive. I started thinking back over my life. Thinking about my young years growing up in Southern California, my 20 years living and figuring it out in Tucson Arizona, and coming back to So Cal 24 years ago, to get married, raise a family, start a hypnotherapy practice and watch me and those that I love, get older and for some, pass on.  

Then I realized that tomorrow, November 2nd is All Soul’s Day, the day when Christians pray for and remember those who have passed. I thought about my brother who passed a year ago.  

I thought back to all the people I’ve known, all the things that I’ve done and seen, all the places I’ve been and everything I’ve been through, both good and bad.  

I really felt that sense of how quickly life passes by. If you are in your 40s or older, you know that feeling. 

Four years ago when my youngest daughter graduated from the eighth grade, she said “Dad, middle school went by so fast.” 

And I wanted to tell her that it just goes by faster and faster but I didn’t tell her because she’ll experience it herself.  

The singer Neil Diamond released a song in 1970 called “Done Too Soon”. That brings us to the title of today’s podcast “Remember What You Don’t Want to Think About: Memento Mori.  

Memento Mori is Latin for “Remember that you will die.” 

Having trouble grappling with the idea of your mortality? Are you fearful of the future and the changes it will bring?. Reach out to Ted for a complimentary half hour consultation by going to https://TedMoreno.com/contact

You can get all your questions answered, find out how hypnotherapy can help you, and if you are ready, schedule your first appointment.

 

How To Keep From Becoming A Zombie – Episode 461

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You’ve seen them out there. In line at the supermarket. In the car beside you on the freeway. Behind the counter at the store.  Looking back at you from the mirror. Zombies!  When you’re a Zombie you’re walking around but you’re essentially walking in your sleep.  You’re dead to anything other than your incessant mind chatter.  Life becomes boring and routine and you find yourself walking around saying “Brains! Brains! I need brains!”

In this episode, Ted discusses the tendency many of us have to go into a Zombie-like trance when we become overwhelmed. He also shares some important things you can do to keep from becoming like the walking dead. If you find yourself often walking around asking yourself, “How did I get here?” then listen to this amusing but helpful podcast episode.

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It’s close to Halloween, and people are already talking about what costume they’re going to wear. For a couple of days there will be a lot of ghosts, skeletons, goblins, witches and vampires walking around.

But regardless of what time of year it is, you can always count on there being Zombies.

You’ve seen them out there. In line at the supermarket. In the car beside you on the freeway. Behind the counter at the store. Looking back at you from the mirror. Zombies are everywhere: The walking dead!

One day last year I left my house running late for an appointment. I had several things on my mind. I was driving along and the next thing I knew, I had rear-ended a very nice Lexus. I had slipped into a Zombie state! It took the appearance of a police officer to snap me back from a downward Zombie spiral and bring me back from the brink of disaster.

It doesn’t take much these days to become Zombified. Not enough sleep, skipping meals, traffic, noise, too much to do and long days on the job can mush your mind until you find yourself aimlessly wandering around chanting “Brains! Brains I need brains!”

What is a Zombie? One definition is “An automaton: someone who acts or responds in a mechanical or apathetic way.” It can be easy to respond to life these days like an automaton, mindlessly going from activity to activity, lost somewhere in the maze of your own thoughts, not present to any wonder or miracles that might be happening right in front of you along with all the other stuff you need to pay attention to,

When you’re a Zombie you’re walking around but you’re essentially walking in your sleep. You’re dead to anything other than your incessant mind chatter. Life becomes boring and routine. At the end of the day, you can’t

remember anything you actually did, so you Zombie-out in front of the tube to watch, I don’t know…, Zombie Housewives.

Another definition of zombie is a human being who is being controlled by someone else by use of black magic. I can think of a long list of things that might fall under that category of black magic: the news media, social media, politicians, advertising, consumerism, and the hypnosis of the culture. But that kind of black magic can come from inside as well: guilt, obligation, obsession, compulsion, resentment, anger or depression.

We fall prey to this kind of control when we are overwhelmed. Overwhelm means that there’s too much stuff going in your head, too many conversations at the same time, too much to think about. Your brain, that God-given instrument of creation, instead becomes focused on obsessing and worrying about bad things that happened in the past or bad things you think might happen in the future.

When we become overwhelmed, we go into a trance state. We become suggestible to all the negativity going on around us or inside of us. So, we end up going around in circles, not creating our own life, but letting it be controlled by the environment. We can become dulled to life and its magnificence. We might wake up one day and say “Where did it all go? Where have I been?” Have you ever asked yourself “Well, how did I get here?”

One of his students asked the Buddha, “Are you the messiah?” “No”, answered the Buddha. “Then are you a healer?” “No”, the Buddha replied. “Then are you a teacher?” the student persisted. “No, I am not a teacher.” “Then what are you?” asked the student, exasperated. “I am awake”, the Buddha replied.

There is only one thing to do when you find yourself walking around in the Zombie Zone. Wake up! Reclaim your brain. Get present to your life.

Here are some guidelines to finding your way out of Zombieland.

· Mornings are really important as they set the tone for the rest of the day. For some folks, every morning is Dawn of the Dead, but here are two things you can do to change that up.

1. First, throw away that alarm clock with the same old buzzer or beeper. Why do you want to alarm yourself first thing in the morning? And for God’s sake, don’t start the day with ZNN. (Zombie News Network) Wake yourself up gently with some music or at least something inspirational.

2. Second, give yourself some time in the morning to just be. If you are prone to Zombification, you need to wake up not just physically but mentally and spiritually as well. Spend a few minutes just sitting, drinking your whatever, feeling your life, and creating your day before you move on to the next thing, which might be some stretching, walking or reading something inspiring.

· Extreme Self Care. Eat right, sleep well, get some exercise, you must be strong!

· Count yourself out. If you find yourself spacing out, you can break the spell by saying: “12345 Eyes open wide awake!” This will pull you out of the Zombie trance. This is something I teach my clients when they come in feeling like they are wandering around doing the Zombie Walk.

· Change your physical position. If you’re sitting and you find yourself going into the Zen of Zombie, stand up and walk around. If you’re standing, sit down and take a load off. If you’re not moving, walk. Get out of your head and into your body.

· Protect yourself with Mindfulness Moments. Have your cell phone or computer give you a reminder every hour to take a short break, a deep breath, or just a few moments to focus on something other than what you’re doing.

And of course, your phone is a useful tool, but your phone can become the Zombie disease itself. Why do you think they call it doom scrolling?

· Ask yourself “What’s happening here? Think, but think about what’s right in front of you: Oh, I’m listening to a podcast, cool! What’s always in front of you is your precious life.

With the coming of the holidays, especially Halloween, you can be sure there will be plenty of opportunities for the Zombie Zoo. Protect yourself and your brain! Be awake, be aware and pay attention!

Here’s the quote for today by Max Brooks who writes a lot about zombies including the Zombie Survival Guide

“That’s the thing about zombies. They don’t adapt and they don’t think. Literally, you could have a zombie on one side of a chain link fence and you could be on the other side and they could be trying to get to you and six feet down could be an open door and they will not go through that door in the fence. That’s why they’re so scary.”

Want to catch up on previous episodes?  Click Here >

Do you feel like you are spending too much time in Zombieland, wandering aimlessly and not getting anything done? Reach out to Ted for a complimentary half hour consultation by going to https://TedMoreno.com/contact

You can get all your questions answered, find out how hypnotherapy can help you, and if you are ready, schedule your first appointment.

What About The Voice in Your Head?- Episode 460

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You have a Voice in your head. You probably know this. If you don’t, you should.

You might be thinking: “What voice? What is he talking about? I don’t have a voice. Maybe he has a voice in his head, but I certainly do not have one in mine!” Well, that’s what I’m talking about. It’s OK, we all have a voice in our head. The question is: What is that voice doing for you? Is it encouraging or discouraging? Is it positive or negative?
—

Photo by Stephen Huber

Is it really your voice or the voice of someone else? In this episode, Ted discusses the consequences of our inner voice, or self-talk, how to see it for what it is, be aware of how it impacts us, and how to begin to change it. If the voice in your head is telling you that this episode doesn’t pertain to you, then don’t listen to the voice, listen to this episode instead.

Listen to this podcast episode now:

What I do as a hypnotherapist is I help people change thoughts, feelings and behaviors that don’t serve them, such as anxiety and depression and behaviors such as procrastination and smoking, for example.

The idea is that a lot of what goes on in your mind that doesn’t serve you is because of your subconscious programming. In other words, the things your mind learned that don’t serve you any longer. That’s what I help people change.

We’ve been programmed in a lot of ways that might not necessarily serve or benefit us. Some of this programming came from other people, but some also came from us! From beliefs we formed a long time ago, from decisions we made during times of stress or trauma, and from things we saw or heard that we believed were true. Most of this happens before you’re around 8 or 9 years old, but it can happen after that as well.

So the question is, how can we be aware of this programming and how can we start to change it?

That leads us to the topic of todays’ podcast.

I recently ordered some copies of my book from Amazon. It’s called The Ultimate Guide to Letting go of Negativity and Fear and Loving Life. You can get it on Amazon. Anyway, I was leafing through it and I came across this chapter “ What About That Voice in Your Head?” And I thought that this is such an important topic and I should revisit it.

This chapter started as a blog post back in 2007. Then I turned it into a podcast topic for podcast number 4. Today’s is number 460.

What about the voice in your head?

You have a Voice in your head. You probably know this. If you don’t, you should.

You might be thinking: “What voice? What is he talking about? I don’t have a voice. Maybe he has a voice in his head, but I certainly do not have one in mine.” Well, that’s what I’m talking about. It’s OK, we all have the Voice in our head. Maybe more than one.

This voice in your head goes by many names. Thinking, Monkey Mind, Internal Chatter, Running Commentary, Self Talk. This voice allows us to make sense of our world. We judge, we analyze, we compare. We search for meaning, patterns, relationships. What most people call this voice is Me. I. Myself.

The important thing to remember here is that the voice in your head is not you, it’s a tool that you use. Just like a hammer is a tool but it’s not you.

But here’s the problem: we think the voice is who we are. Consequently, we believe everything the voice says. Like that t shirt that says,

I just do what the voices tell me to do.

Did you ever have the experience of saying something out loud, and then you thought to yourself “That is totally something my (mother, father) would say.” Was that your voice? Or is it your mother or father’s voice? (or grandmother, grandfather, teacher, coach, etc.) How much of the voice in your head is really your own? How much of the voice in your head is the voice of someone else?

In my hypnotherapy practice, I call this self talk. One of the first questions I ask my hypnotherapy clients is “What does your self-talk sound like? What does the voice in your head say to you most of the time?” And most importantly: “Is your self-talk serving you?”

Think about it: is the voice in your head supportive? Encouraging? Or, is it discouraging?
Have you ever heard the voice say:

· I am no good at _____
· I’m a failure
· I’ll never be able to ___
· I’m such an idiot.
· I hate looking at myself in the mirror.

To some extent we’ve all said those things. But if this type of self-talk dominates your life, then that can be a problem.

One of the most difficult things for us as modern humans is to get some distance from the voice so that we can observe it. But that’s how we can begin to change it.

That’s why practices like meditation can be so valuable. When we meditate, we set time aside so that we can step back and observe the voice in our heads.

Why is that a good thing? Because most of us are slaves to the voice in our heads. Until we can observe the voice with some kind of detachment, it will rule us.

Do you want more freedom from unwanted thoughts? More piece of mind? Try this: throughout the day, ask yourself the following question:

· What’s happening in my mind right now?
· What am I thinking now?
· How do these thoughts make me feel?

It’s called self inquiry and it’s powerful.

Realize that you create your reality using the voice in your head, with your thinking: thought by thought, sentence by sentence. We end up believing in the reality we create with our thoughts, and we act from these beliefs.

Now this idea of our thoughts not being who we are is a very ancient idea. This line of inquiry can be quite complex, ranging from the deeply philosophical to the obvious and mundane.

On the one hand, there is the concept of the ego and the question of “Who am I?”, one of the big questions of human existence. On the other hand, for most of us, there’s the awareness that there are habitual patterns of thinking that are at the very least self- limiting, if not self-defeating.

A seventeenth century philosopher by the name of Descarte is famous for the statement “I think therefore I am” (Cogito ergo sum), which he saw as a primary truth. Three hundred years later, another famous philosopher, Jean Paul Sartre, realized that when you are aware that you are thinking, that awareness is not part of thinking. These concepts are discussed in depth in two books that I highly recommend, “The Power of Now” and “A New Earth” both by Eckhart Tolle

For our purposes, let us assume for a second that who you are is not your thoughts. Consider that who you really are is the thinker of your thoughts. That is, who you are is the awareness that you are thinking or that you have a thought. Stay with me for a second here, OK? See, the problem that plagues most of us modern humans is that we really believe that who we are is our thoughts such as:

· I am no good at this..

· I am good at this..

· This is who I am..

· This is who I am not…

Who we think we are and what we say we are, we can call our story. Each of us has a story about who we are. Consider that for the most part, this story is not real, it is invented by us or maybe, inherited.

Consider the two statements:

· My business failed.

· I am a failure.

The first is a statement of fact, that is, what happened. The second is a story about what happened, an interpretation. We can agree that not everyone who has had a business fail is a failure.

One of the most important skills that we can learn to develop is to be able to make the distinction between who we are and what we think , and to understand that most ( if not all) of our thoughts are interpretations (stories) of events, and may have little to do with what’s going on out there.

The reason you want to learn that skill is so that you can have some detachment from you thoughts so that we can observe them and change them if they are not working for you.

Now you might be thinking “Geez Ted, enough already with this psychobabble!”

Here’s the thing you need to get. If you want to get what you want, whatever that is, you need to identify the story the voice in your head is telling you about why you can’t have it. If you can’t identify those limiting thoughts and beliefs, forever will they dominate your destiny.

We believe the voice in our head and most of the time we do what it tells us to do. The Buddha said we become what we think about. Once you have an awareness of those patterns of thinking that are self-limiting, self-defeating, or self-destructive then you can start to change them.

It’s not easy because our tendency is to identify with our thinking. We can become so attached to what we think and believe that we will even defend our beliefs to the point of killing someone who disagrees. Some people say it’s our nature to be violent. But, because of our capacity to be aware of our thinking and change it, we can change our nature.

Take this example from I client I worked with: He was a single young man with friends who liked to hike and would often invite him to join them. He would politely decline, saying that he has no interest in hiking and doesn’t hike. Although he would never say it to his friends, he considers hiking a waste of time, and not very safe, because
there’s wild animals and insects, waste of time, and not very safe, because there’s wild animals and insects, dangerous terrain, and sometimes dangerous humans. He won’t admit to being afraid but doesn’t see it as a practical and worthwhile recreational activity. He feels more comfortable staying home reading a good book.

One day the young man met a young woman he was attracted to. They went out on a date, and she told him that she likes to hike. The young man didn’t reveal his feelings about hiking, because he wanted to continue seeing her and felt that his chances were better if he kept his mouth shut. But she immediately suggested that they go hiking together and before he can object, a date is set.

In spite of his indifference to hiking, he goes along to get along. They go on their hike, and after a while they come to a pleasant spot in the forest. She pulls a blanket out of her backpack, along with a nice bottle of wine and some crackers and cheese. He is impatient to start back and finish the hike when a book she is reading falls out of her backpack, and the young man sees it’s a book that he has read and feels quite passionate about. They spent the next hour picnicking and discussing the book.

At the end of the day, the young man reflected back on his experience and decided that for the most part, he enjoyed himself and would do it again even though he would rather go to a park than for a hike. At this point, he started to wonder to himself “Why do I dislike hiking?’

Now he has detachment from the thought “I don’t like to hike” and begins to see this statement not as truth, but as a story he has been telling himself for some time, since he has no real experience with hiking.

And then he remembers a time when he asked his dad if he could join the Boy Scouts, and his dad said “The Boy Scouts do a lot of hiking and I don’t think that it’s safe to be hiking around out there where someone could get hurt or bit by a snake or an animal. Besides, it’s a waste of time when you could be doing your homework or reading a book.”

The young man realized that his story about not liking hiking was given to him, he inherited it. Therefore, the “voice” he had believed in for all these years was not even his own, it was the voice of his father. He now considers that maybe he can like hiking, if he can tell a different story about it.

Let me ask you: How much of what you think most of the time is just programming? Remember it’s not what happens to you that matters, it’s what you think about what happens to you that will determine your course of action or inaction, effectiveness or ineffectiveness. What you think about what happens to you is your interpretation or story. This interpretation is in a large part determined by your past experiences, culture, upbringing, religious beliefs, education, as well as your current peer group.

As a hypnotherapist I help my clients to be aware of and identify stories that they hold as beliefs, that are holding them back from what they want to have, be, or do.

I help them to see that since these stories are inventions maintained by the “voice”, that they are free any time to choose or invent a new story. It’s all made up. So hopefully, they can make one up that is empowering, encouraging, and inspiring. I help them instill these new beliefs using the power of suggestion through hypnosis.

In closing, let me leave you with this: ultimately, whether your thoughts about yourself are true or not is irrelevant. What matters is: what does your thinking do for you? Move you forward or hold you back? Give you joy or despair? Help you to love or disconnect you from loving? Help you grow or keep you stuck? You have a choice as to what to think and believe about anything.

Choose wisely. For this week, observe and listen to the voice in your head, but don’t believe you believe a word of it. If you notice that the voice is saying stuff that is not helpful, then practice a new voice using positive affirmations.

Here is the quote for today’s episode:

The voice in your head is like a wild horse taking you wherever it wants to go…When the voice in your head finally stops talking, you experience inner peace.   ~Miguel Angel Ruiz, author of the Four Agreements.

Thanks so much for reading this, Ted

Want to catch up on previous episodes?  Click Here >

Are you aware that the voice in your head is holding you back, stopping you and making you feel bad? If so, it’s time for Ted in your head. Reach out to Ted for a complimentary half hour consultation by going to https://TedMoreno.com/contact

You can get all your questions answered, find out how hypnotherapy can help you, and if you are ready, schedule your first appointment.

 

Ted in Your Head Interview: Paul Hermelin, Certified EFT Practitioner -Episode 459

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In this episode of the Ted in Your Head podcast, Ted interviews Paul J. Hermelin, who is a certified Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) Practitioner. Paul teaches people how to manage their stress by “tapping” on select acupoints located on the hands, face and upper body, which send electrical impulses through the nervous system to the part of the brain that regulates the body’s stress response. Paul also applies clinical EFT, which combines elements of acupressure, CBT, and exposure therapy, for those clients who want to reduce the intensity of strong, negative emotions or troubling thoughts related to unpleasant memories or difficult moments from their past. If you aren’t familiar with EFT or even if you are, and you want to take a deep dive into it with an expert, Paul Hermelin is your guy.
Check out this fascinating episode!

Listen to this podcast episode now:

Paul works with clients across the state of California through video chat (Zoom), and also sees clients in person at his Sierra Madre, CA office. He offers a free, 20-minute online consultation and can be reached either by email at Paul@EFTForAuthenticLiving.com or by phone or text at (626) 660-7942.

His website is https://eftforauthenticliving.com/.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/eftforauthenticliving/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@eftforauthenticliving

Time to start overcoming your challenges and limitations using EFT and hypnotherapy?  Reach out to Ted for a complimentary consultation by going to https://TedMoreno.com/contact

You can talk to Ted and find out if hypnotherapy and coaching is right for you.

10 Reasons Why You Might Benefit from Therapy – Episode 458

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Let me tell you right off that I have a great job. I love my job. People come to me with all sorts of challenges including challenges with their families, work, health, and emotions. Through our work together, I get to see them overcome their challenges and gain more confidence, self esteem, emotional strength, adaptability, and greater health and happiness.

For many of the people who come to see me, healing often comes from just showing up and having that space of unconditional positive regard where they can be honest and vulnerable and be heard.

What can be sad, I think, is to hear from many of my clients that they have family members or friends that are really struggling with various life challenges but, are not open to talking to anybody about it. They’re simply not open to therapy for one reason or another.

Listen to this podcast episode now:

And I get it. It’s not the most comfortable thing to sit in front of someone else, much less a stranger, and tell them about your problems. There are a lot of people that are very private. Others feel that they can figure it out on their own and maybe they do or maybe they don’t.

Many others are so filled with shame that they cannot bring themselves to reveal to someone else the burden of their painful feelings.

Some people have not had good experiences with therapists or therapy and have decided that it’s not for them. The very first therapist I had was always struggling to stay awake during our appt time which started at 8 am. If I had let that stop me from going to therapy, I wouldn’t have had the benefit from seeing several really good therapists after that.

Truth be told, therapy is not for everyone. However, just like most people can benefit from a regular program of physical exercise, I strongly feel that most people can benefit from psychotherapy, hypnotherapy or any type of counseling from a trusted provider.

We spend some much of our time on supplements, dieting, new and interesting ways to work out or exercise, new equipment, and various ways to make our bodies look different, better, or more interesting.

However, I think we can agree that we are suffering from a mental health crisis in our country, in part because of the stigma surrounding seeking support in a therapeutic environment. For our overall health and the health of our loved ones and fellow citizens, this needs to change. We must put more time, effort and energy into our mental health and therapy is only one good way to start.

September is National Suicide Prevention Month so in this episode, I’d like to share with you the top 10 reasons why you might benefit from therapy and why you should consider it.

1. First and foremost is Emotional Support.  A good therapist provides a safe space to express feelings and experiences without judgment. The English poet John Donne wrote in 1624 the famous line “No man is an island”. The line is often interpreted to mean that people are not totally self-sufficient, and we must rely on others. It also expresses the idea that people do better when they are part of a community. To unburden yourself of your thoughts, feelings and emotions and really be heard is liberating and incredibly empowering. We all need emotional support but it’s understandable that we may not want to share certain things with friends or relatives. A good therapist is there to listen, support and encourage and it feels good to have someone that you feel cares about you and wants to help.

2. Coping Strategies: Life is hard, sometimes really hard. As human beings we will experience stress, anxiety, depression, grief, loss and situations that we don’t know how to deal with. Therapy can help you develop effective coping mechanisms during these difficult times. I was working with a young man who was on the edge of feeling suicidal. His brother had died recently. He stayed in his room all day playing video games. I suggested that he eat three meals a day and get better sleep. My suggestion that he do these two simple things made him feel better immediately and helped him to better cope with his grief. There are so many times when I suggested different coping strategies to

clients to hear them say to me “Hmmm I never thought of that” and then to use those strategies to feel better.

3. Self-Understanding is another benefit of therapy: Talking out loud about what is stopping you from happiness, health and success allows you to examine what might be holding you back. We are unable to see ourselves objectively and we all have blind spots to our own motivations, desires and dysfunctional behaviors. Seeing a therapist can offer insight into your thoughts, behaviors, and patterns, helping you understand yourself better. The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates believed that “know thyself” was the first step to true wisdom.

4. One of the most common reasons people seek therapy it to Improve their Relationships: Being in relationship with anybody is never always easy and often, fraught with difficulties. The more intimate the relationship, the more difficulties there can be. I believe that the quality of our lives is in a large part determined by the quality of our relationships. It’s very difficult to be happy and successful if one’s marriage is in danger of failing or if you can’t stand being in the same room as your mother or father or siblings. One of the things we can learn in therapy is how to respond rather than react and how to have better communication skills that help us navigate personal relationships more effectively.

5. Goal Setting: A therapist can assist you in setting and achieving personal or professional goals including the basics of better health, doing better at work and being better at home. The truth is that most folks don’t set goals at all. Being as how you can’t hit a target that you can’t see, goal setting in some form is essential for accomplishing what you need to accomplish to get what you want from life.

6. Trauma Processing: If you’ve experienced trauma, and many of us have, therapy can help you process and heal from those experiences. When we’ve had traumatic experiences, we tend to repress them, not think about them and not deal with them. But to heal, we must be willing to be with that wounded part of ourselves and give it the attention and care that it needs.

7. Mental Health Management: Regular therapy sessions can help people manage chronic mental health conditions and maintain stability. Just like going to the medical doctor for an illness or accident or disease, a good therapist can be invaluable in helping people to manage illnesses of the mind, sometimes with the help of medication but oftentimes not. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 20% of Americans are living with a mental illness. That’s 57 million Americans as of 2021.

8. Life Transitions: A job change or loss, a move to a different city, a personal loss, divorce, or retirement are all examples of life transitions that can be overwhelming and confusing. Therapy can provide support during major life transitions and provide strategies, ideas and possibilities and resources that you might not find on your own. Life transitions are just a lot easier with support from family, friends and therapy.

9. Increased Resilience: We want to learn to be able to bounce back from hard times. We want to get better at dealing with life and its ups and downs. Therapy can help people gain greater confidence and trust in themselves so that they can overcome challenges more effectively and not be stopped or brought down for too long.

10. Accountability: Having someone to talk to can encourage and motivate you to stay committed to your personal growth and self-improvement. You get to have an accountability partner who will ask you “What did you do this week to move yourself forward?” Don’t underestimate the value of being held accountable even though it’s easier not to be.

In closing, therapy doesn’t need to last months or years even though it can. For some people, 3 or 4 sessions with a therapist can be illuminating and helpful. I see clients anywhere from 1 session to clients I’ve been once a month for 10 years. It all depends on what you need and want to accomplish.

I’m a hypnotherapist. I’m not a psychologist, psychotherapist or psychiatrist. I’m not a doctor. There are certain issues that I am not qualified to work with and will refer my clients with those issues to people that are qualified.

I do a lot of work with anxiety, sleep issues and getting rid of bad habits and I’ve been doing this for 20 years and I’m still learning, both about myself and how best to help others.

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click Here >

Thinking about hypnotherapy as a solution for your current struggles?  Reach out to Ted for a complimentary consultation by going to https://TedMoreno.com/contact

You can talk to Ted and find out if hypnotherapy and coaching is right for you.

What Do We do With FEAR? Episode 457

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Does FEAR stand for Forget Everything And Run? Maybe a better acronym would be False Evidence Appearing Real because most of our fear is self-created. There are appropriate times for fear, such as the fear of falling or if there is suddenly a loud noise or we find a snake in our path. But most of us, on a daily basis, don’t really find ourselves facing things that are truly dangerous.

We want to get a handle on our fear because fear is the biggest thing that will stop us from living a life worth living. In this episode, Ted talks about what is real and what is imagined when it come to fear. Hopefully, after listening to this episode, FEAR will stand for Face Everything and Rise.

Listen to this podcast episode now:

Let’s talk about fear. It’s a big subject, so we’re not going to do a real deep dive, although I may do a series on the topic of fear. First, let’s make a distinction between two different types of fear.

A few years back, I was a guide on a river trip down in the Grand Canyon. Some of the other more experienced guides asked me If I wanted to do something really cool. I said sure. They took me on a hike which eventually turned into a climb up a very steep canyon wall. I was terrified, but I couldn’t turn back because I didn’t know the way back. We made it to the top of the canyon wall but to this day I remember the almost paralyzing fear I had while climbing what surely must’ve been 60 to 70 feet up a canyon wall.

Several years later, I was sitting in my office balancing my checkbook. It wasn’t looking like I wanted it to look. I felt a huge crushing fear that I was not going to be able to meet my obligations. I started to imagine all the bad things that would happen. Everything turned out ok, though.

These are two different types of fear, on is a very real fear of falling, the other fear was more a result of my imagination and didn’t really have much substance.

Of course, as a hypnotherapist, most of the people that come to me are dealing with some level of fear that is stopping them from feeling what they want to feel and doing what they want to do.

The most important thing to understand about fear is that most of our fear is self-created. I would suggest to you that most of our fear comes from imagined projections into the future about what we think might happen, much of which doesn’t happen. However, because our minds can’t distinguish between what is real and what is vividly imagined, we have the same fearful reaction to our imagined projections that we would have if they really happened.

There are appropriate times for fear, such as the fear of falling or if there is suddenly a loud noise or we find a snake in our path. But most of us, on a daily basis, don’t really find ourselves facing things that are truly dangerous.

So we want to get a handle on our fear because fear is the biggest thing that will stop us from living a life worth living.

I like the acronym for FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real. We all have the tendency to react to something and make it more than what it is. For instance, we’ll read something in the news, and project into the future dire predictions of what we think will happen when so and so gets elected or this party comes into power or or the economy does this or that. A

lot of this is out of our control, but I think that it’s important to mention here that many media outlets, pundits and talking heads use fear purposely to attract consumers to news outlets.

Or we’ll see some challenge or obstacle in front of us and will immediately start thinking about what will go wrong, how hard it will be, or how badly we will screw it up. When it comes to things that are fearful, we really do seem to focus not on what’s there in front of us, but what we think will happen in the future. And usually, it’s not the best-case scenario. Part of the reason for this is that our minds do not like uncertainty, we want to know what is coming; this is a sort of protective mechanism that prompts us to prepare. Preparation is good, but being paralyzed by fear is not.

Some people think they need to be afraid or anxious to ensure the outcome they want. They think that somehow, worrying and fretting and feeling fearful will keep the bad stuff away. Not only is that not true, but it’s not an effective way to achieve the outcome you want.

What if, when confronted by a challenge, we could imagine the best-case scenario and be inspired to take effective action? If our mind is clear, and our intention is strong, we can prepare, take action, and increase the chances of getting the outcome we desire.

Remember what Franklin Delano Roosevelt, in his first inaugural address, said “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

The idea here is to not allow what does not yet exist to suck us into the vortex of fear. Fear can be debilitating. Fear can stop us from taking action. We can allow fear to cloud our judgement and rob us of our power. And as I’ve already mentioned, most of the time, what we fear will never take place.

So, what do we do with fear? We will be afraid, no doubt about it. It’s a normal human emotion and sometimes fear will get the best of us. But I think we can strive to be better in the face of fear.

To do that, we start by acknowledging that we are afraid. Hiding from it, distracting from it, or suppressing it just makes it worse.

We will face challenges that we don’t feel we are prepared for. We will fear for our loved ones, our jobs, our safety and security. I addition, we will have the tendency to look into the future and imagine things that are scary or that we don’t want to happen.

What we want to get good at is being clear about what is real and what is fiction. This might sound like saying to yourself “I feel fear, but right now, in this moment, there is nothing to be afraid of except my own thinking. What thoughts can I think that will give me confidence, courage, and allow me to take effective action in the face of this feeling of fear?

What do we do to not be afraid of fear? We allow it to surface, acknowledge that it’s there, talk to someone about it, ask for help, then deal with it while continuing to move forward. The key here is not hiding from it, not avoiding it, not going around it but instead, going through it. It takes practice, but the key is to allow yourself to feel it without making it mean more than it really is. And what it really is, most of the time, is a feeling that will pass if we can be present and deal with it powerfully. I’ll be writing a lot more about fear as I explore this very real and unavoidable aspect of life.

Are you being challenged or being stopped by fear? Do you want to do something about it? Reach out to Ted for a complimentary consultation by going to https://TedMoreno.com/contact

You can talk to Ted and find out if hypnotherapy and coaching is right for you.

Today’s quote is by Zig Ziglar:

“F-E-A-R has two meanings:

‘Forget Everything and Run,’ or, ‘Face Everything and Rise.’

The choice is yours.”

Thanks for reading and be courageous!

Ted

You Have a Lot to Offer, Why Are You Hiding Out? – Episode 456

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We all have something to offer our families, jobs and communities. But if we don’t believe this, then we will hide out and not even try. We’ll hide our light under a basket so that no one gets to benefit from it.

It’s a tragedy, that so many of us discount our value, invalidate our worth, and hide our brilliance and contribution from the world. But what if we truly adopted and cultivated the belief that we are here for a reason? That we are here to make a contribution that no one else on the planet can make in the same way? In this episode, Ted explores the question of why so many of us hide our greatness.

 

 

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I had a job when I was at the university of Arizona at the cookie counter in one of the student union restaurants called the Fiddley Fig (if you can believe it), baking cookies and selling them. I worked with Heather, a young student who was grouchy a lot of the time. Yet, she was wonderful with the customers. She made them laugh and talked them up, but as soon as they were gone, she’d go back to being grouchy. One day, I was sitting in the restaurant taking a lunch break when a woman passed me who had just bought some cookies and knew I worked there. She looked at me and said, “I sure do love that girl that works at the counter, she’s so wonderful.”

So, when I got back from my lunch break, I told Heather what the lady said. She scowled and said she didn’t believe me and then called me a word starting with A and ending with hole.

The next day, as I was coming into work, I saw the same lady who bought the cookies the day before. I stopped her and I told her that Heather didn’t believe me when I related to her what the lady had said. I asked her if she would salvage my integrity and tell Heather what she had told me. A few minutes later, as I started my shift, the lady came up to buy some cookies, and said to Heather “I just wanted to let know that I really did tell your co-worker that I think you are wonderful, and you have such a great smile and I love coming here and buying cookies from you!” Heather mumbled a thank you, and after the lady left, she asked to take a break. As she walked out of the cookie counter, I could see that she was crying a bit.

Heather changed that day. She continued to be great with the customers, but from that day on, she became a lot more pleasant to us and a lot less surly and grouchy. In fact, she started taking better care of herself and her appearance. I guess she just needed someone to tell her that she had something to offer.

While I was attending my all-boy’s high school, I was kind of shy around women. One day I was talking to a girl that I knew and was comfortable with.

We started talking about one of her friends and I happened to mention that I liked her friend and that I wished I could go talk to her. She asked me why I didn’t. I said that I wasn’t very good at talking to girls and that I would embarrass myself.

She tilted her head to one side and looked right at me and said “That’s not true at all. You are a great conversationalist. Not only that but you are respectful and not boastful or obnoxious. I find it very pleasant to speak with you.”

No one had ever told me that before. Because of my belief that I wasn’t good at talking to girls, I was always hiding out in some corner at the dance. After that day, I changed a bit as well.

One of the ways that I changed is that I always looked for an opportunity to point out to people the things I liked about them, and the things they had to offer. I saw the impact that these kind words had had on Heather and me, and so I wanted my words to have the same impact on others. And often, when I would tell people how cool or wonderful or awesome I thought they were, if they didn’t look at me like I was crazy, they would tear up just a bit.

In my hypnotherapy practice, I’ll often ask my clients to tell me what is great about them. Some simply can’t come up with anything and others start to cry. What is it about acknowledging what we bring to the table that is so triggering for so many people?

Of course, it’s the programming: what we were told by ourselves and others when we were young sent the message that we were somehow deficient or lacking or not enough.

I believe that we all have something to offer our families, jobs and communities. But if we don’t believe this, then we will hide out and not even try. To use a Biblical reference, we’ll hide our light under a bushel basket so that no one gets to benefit from it.

What if we truly adopted and cultivated the belief that we are here for a reason? That we are here to make a contribution that no one else on the planet can make in the same way? Everyone seems to think these days that if

you’re not a big deal on social media or some kind of influencer on Tik Tok then you’re nothing.

There is always an opportunity to make a difference in big and small ways.

It’s a tragedy really, that so many of us discount our value, invalidate our worth, and hide our brilliance and contribution from the world. The bigger tragedy, of course, is that we are all deprived of the fullness that each of us can offer.

When I started my practice in 2003, I was earnest and enthusiastic about the idea of transformation and how I was going to help so many people. But the reality is that change is hard. It takes commitment and work. I have at times found myself cynical and resigned regarding the ability of people to change. There have been many times when I was socializing with people outside of work, and someone would be talking about a challenge or problem that they were dealing with, and instead of giving a suggestion or giving them something to think about, or even just suggesting a book or resource, I just sat there nodding my head.

I’m careful about coming across as a know it all, or offering unsolicited advice, but I could have said something that might have made a difference, even if there was pushback such as was the case with my experience with Heather. After all, I’ve been working with clients for 20 years as a hypnotherapist and coach in private practice. Why would I hide out and not offer something that might be helpful, at the very least to see if they were receptive?

I think part of the reason is that we seem so scared now to speak up. We’re so concerned about offending someone because so many people are looking for offence. We’re so hunkered down in our own little opinion bubbles, and the last thing we want to do is start an argument. We’re all so proud and stubborn and walled off, it seems to me. Many of us have become cynical and resigned, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Maybe you’re someone who is out there doing good work and making a great impact and doing everything you can do. Good for you. Maybe you’re someone

who really isn’t interested in offering anything to anybody and all you want to do is keep your head down and be ok with hiding out. Hey, I get it, that’s your choice and we all get to live the way we want to live.

But maybe, just maybe, you know that you can do more, offer more and give more. Maybe you know that you are hiding out and that bothers you because it’s unfulfilling. I believe that there is pattern, flow and purpose in life that needs to express itself through us just as an oak tree is expressed from an acorn. It’s built into us and if we feel it but try to stop it or hide from it, we get stunted in our growth.

So, if you know you have a lot to offer but you also know that to some extent you’re hiding out, then here is what I suggest:

Take an inventory of your talents, skills and abilities. Write them down and get clear about what you can offer to the world.

I’ve been playing guitar and singing since I was in grade school. Recently I was asked to bring my guitar to a family reunion. I played songs that I’ve been playing for my family for years. People loved it and were so happy and joyful to hear and sing along with all the old songs. I’d forgotten how much it mattered to my family to play music and sing. It made me happy to do it.

Look at your family, job or community. Is there a need for what you have? Is there a fit? Can you offer your time or skill or volunteer? Can you provide a contribution and be part of the solution? Do you see something that can be made better or fixed and you know you can fix it? Don’t give up just because someone pooh-poohs your idea. Don’t get pissed off or resentful. You can’t change everything. But what can you change? Start with yourself.

Look at what’s holding you back? Is there fear? Of course there is. Has there been rejection in the past? Are you feeling cynical and resigned? How can you get over it?

It’s risky, I know. You might not do it right, they might not like it, it might be too much hassle or work, or it might not be worth the time and trouble to come out of hiding. I get it. But what if you did do it right? What if they did like it?

What if the hassle or work or time or trouble was worth the feeling that you are doing something that matters? I mean, what else is there?

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If this is something you want to explore in the context of hypnotherapy and coaching, request a complimentary consultation at https://tedmoreno.com.  We’ll talk and see what’s up and how we can work together.

Here’s a quote I’m sure you’ve heard before and it is truly one of the most powerful quotes I have ever heard.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

That’s Marianne Williamson.

Thanks for reading and take care.

Ted