Are You Being a Nasty Witch or a Freaking Ogre? – Episode 433

Ever had one of those days when you are crabby, irritable, unhappy and downright nasty? That’s when people start telling you things like “Wow, you sure are being a nasty witch today!” or “Man, why are you such a freaking absolute ogre today?”

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Well, maybe not in those exact words. Maybe in stronger words?? Sometimes we can’t even put a finger on why we are irritable or crabby. That’s a sign it’s time to give yourself some time to yourself. Time to take some personal time. “I can’t”, you might say? You can’t afford not to.

We’re all trying to get our wants and needs met, but first we need to be clear about what they are. The first step is to step away and carve out some time to figure it out.

Most of us are a collection of many different wants, needs and desires pulling us in many different directions. Of the all the things that I hear in my office, this is the most common: “One part of me wants this, and another part of me wants that…” Usually one part is unhappy with the other part because it’s not doing what the first part wants it to do, like quit smoking or get more motivated to exercise. Can you relate? I can.

If you throw job and family responsibilities into the mix, things can get complicated. It’s easy to avoid thinking about something within us that needs our attention until we can no longer ignore it. In my opinion, many people have no clue who they are or what they want because they’ve never spent much time with themselves.

Taking time for you, and being with yourself, can be one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself because it results in self-knowledge.

It’s a way to honor yourself as well as your wants and needs, and to get clear about what those are. This is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.

If you are in a relationship such as marriage, that relationship grows from time spent with each other. If you have kids, an effort needs to be made to nurture that relationship. In the same way, it’s necessary to develop a relationship with yourself by spending time doing something you enjoy.

Of course, we all have responsibilities; things we need to do and places we need to be. The idea of taking time to yourself might appear to be impossible, if not downright ridiculous and unnecessary.

Yet, the whole idea of transformation involves moving towards freedom and away from constraint. To be free means you have a choice. A choice as to who you want to

be and what you want to do. However, it’s easy to get caught up in being who you think you should be according to someone else’s standards. Then, there is no choice. In episode 21, Are You A Zombie (a long time ago!) I talked about how we can become zombies from overwhelm and can become like the walking dead. Never taking time for yourself to do what you enjoy or like to do, can result in irritability, stress, tension and becoming difficult to live with, for yourself as well as others.

I have a wife and kids. These are relationships that need time and attention, lots of it. My relationship with myself also needs time and attention. Most of the time I get along with me but sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I’m critical of me or downright mean to me or careless with me. It can get so bad that I end up not liking myself very much. Ever been there?

It’s better to be your own best friend. If you’re upset with your friend, and that relationship is important, then you’ll eventually want to have a conversation with that friend and resolve whatever it is that’s coming between you. But first you need to spend time with that friend.

Ideas for spending time with yourself:

· Check in with your own self-care.

· Ask yourself: “Am I getting what I need. Am I getting what I want. Am I asking for these things?”

· Learn to be comfortable with yourself, learn to enjoy your own company. Not so easy if you’re not used to it. The constant need to be with others can be an addiction. It can be a distraction from what ails you deep inside.

· Take a walk, read a book, go to a park or museum. This is the time to rejuvenate and calm your mind. It might mean taking a day off work.

· Get a massage.

· Journaling is a very powerful way to be with yourself, to get intimate with your thoughts and feelings. Journaling can help us identify buried emotions such as anger and resentment. · Hypnotherapy is one very effective way to get present to what’s going on in your head and in your life. Talking to a friend, priest or counselor is also time you give to yourself to explore your inner life, which is the most important part of your life, because everything else is a reflection of that inner life.

· Exercise, yoga and mindfulness practices like meditation are other ways.

· Taking yourself out to dinner. Take a drive just to drive and listen to music.

In our busy world, most people will not do this until a crisis occurs, then taking time might be a short stay in the hospital. It doesn’t have to come to that. Give yourself what you need on a regular basis, and you will notice that not only will people want to spend more time with you, but you’ll be happier with yourself. Then you only need to be an ogre or witch at Halloween.

Here’s a quote from the Dalai Lama:

“If you feel burnout setting in, if you feel demoralized or exhausted, it is best for the sake of everyone to withdraw and restore yourself.

Are you having trouble being more in control of regulating your emotions? Request a complimentary consultation with Ted to explore if hypnotherapy can transform your challenges into possibility! Click here to request a consultation:

Top 10 Signs of Self Sabotage – Episode 432

Self-sabotage is when we consciously or subconsciously stop ourselves from getting what we want. There are many reasons why we sabotage our progress and there are many ways that we keep ourselves from health, happiness and success. In this episode, Ted examines the top 10 signs that you are holding yourself back from the life that you want. If you are not moving forward to your goals as quickly as you would like, you might find this episode insightful, illuminating and helpful.
(Photo by Fritz Ahrefeldt)

We’re talking today about self-sabotage and what I mean by that is behaviors that keep us from our goals and accomplishments. So self-sabotage is when we consciously or subconsciously stop ourselves from getting what we want. This could be due to things we are doing or things we are not doing.

There’s a lot of different ways that we sabotage our success and happiness. Some we’ll be aware of, but other ways are subconscious behaviors, so this makes it more difficult to identify and address.

There are also many reasons why we sabotage our progress. A lot of these may stem from childhood, especially if we had a dysfunctional childhood. Other reasons might be fear of success or failure, low self-esteem, lack of confidence and most certainly, fear.

In this episode I’d like to focus on the top 10 signs that you are holding yourself back. There’s a lot more, but in my view, these are the biggies so as we go through these, make a mental checklist of which of these apply to you. According to Psychology Today, behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems in daily life and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviors include procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting.

  1. Feeling not deserving. I did a podcast on this recently, Episode 426 titled What you Deserve Has Got Nothing to Do with It. Check that out. Feeling not deserving would also include imposter syndrome, that sneaky feeling that you are faking it and the fear that someone is going to discover that you’re a fraud. If you have subconscious programming that you should not have success or happiness, then your mind will do what it can to keep those things from you.
  2. Focusing on what is not working or not right. It’s the feeling that there is always something wrong. Nothing ever works. Nothing ever goes right for me. You can’t trust anybody. What’s the point? I know and have worked with people that hold this perspective and they are always focused on the negative. This is deadly and it’s a way to let yourself off the hook because nothing’s going to work out anyway. This is toxic to yourself and others and incredibly damaging to your ability to create happiness.
  3. Procrastination. We all procrastinate, but when procrastination becomes chronic, then it’s most likely a self-sabotaging behavior. Procrastination is the habit of putting off what you need to do and what is important for you to do until you are in crises mode, or you are missing deadlines. One study was conducted on student procrastination in academic environments. Scientists found one common factor in procrastination involved a lack of self-regulation which means an inability to control one’s emotions, resulting in being easily distracted. The opposite would be self-discipline.
  4. Comparison of self to others. Compare and Despair is the title of my podcast episode 357 so check that out. There’s can be a huge feeling of futility when we look at other people, see what they have accomplished, then beat ourselves up for not being them. It’s hard to be motivated when we’re feeling bad about ourselves, hence, self-sabotage. That’s when we start convincing ourselves that there’s something wrong with us because everyone else seems to be able to do what we can’t.
  5. Refusing to ask for help. This is a very sneaky form of self-sabotage disguised as self-reliance or not needing anybody’s help. Other rationalizations might be “I can’t count on anybody, nobody can do it as good as me, they won’t understand what I need, I’ll look weak, it’s too much hassle to ask for help, or I can do it on my own in my own way dammit!” The truth is, when you ask for help, you are holding yourself accountable to the person that is helping you and that can be scary and feel vulnerable so it’s easier not to ask for help.
  6. Picking fights or initiating conflicts with valued partners and loved ones. One surefire way to sabotage yourself is to chase away or repel anyone who might support you or encourage you or, again, hold you accountable. This is more common than you might think. It’s a way to stop your progress by blowing up your path with resentment, anger, indignation and to keep you alone, unsupported and mired in negative thoughts and emotions.
  7. Avoiding or withdrawing from others.
    Instead of picking fights, you can just avoid or withdraw from those who could support you or encourage you. Or, after picking enough fights and creating enough drama and conflict, you can just say “Screw ‘em” and estrange yourself from everybody else. This can be a difficult one to see, because when we’re doing this, so much of our energy goes into shaming and blaming that it’s hard to look at ourself and our motives.
  8. Negative self-talk and extreme self-criticism.

This is easy to see in our behavior, it’s obvious to others, and next to procrastination, it’s one of those self-sabotage behaviors that’s easy to fall into and get stuck in. You can get in the habit of just tearing yourself down and beating yourself up all day long. It’s easy to see how this can be a self-reinforcing negative behavior right? The more you do it, the worse you feel, the worse you feel, the more you do it, and nothing productive gets done.

9. Making excuses or blame shifting. Blame-shifting is where one person will avoid accountability for something they said or did, and instead deflect the fault onto someone else. “It’s their fault that I’m not where I want to be, it’s the economy, the government, the politicians, my spouse, my parents,” on and on. Making excuses as to why we can’t do what we need to do to accomplish what we want to accomplish or do what we want to do keeps the focus off of us and allows us to not take responsibility.

10. Substance abuse, overspending, or “overdoing it” in other ways including overeating. Any type of self-medication can keep us from feeling or looking at those issues that we need to be aware of and overcome. This could also include a general lack of attention to one’s health allowing us to use lack of energy or illness as reasons to not put time and effort into our own success and happiness.

So those are the biggies in my opinion.

There’s a self-sabotage quiz you can take to help you see what your patterns are. It’s at the Psychology Today website:

Here are a couple of articles that might be helpful:

There’s a lot to talk about when it comes to self-sabotage but the first step to addressing it is always awareness. You need to know there’s a problem before you can address it so I hope this episode was helpful to you.

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If you feel that self-sabotage is holding you back and you are ready to do something about it, you should know that hypnotherapy can be one of the most powerful ways to turn your challenges into possibilities. I invite you to book a complimentary consultation with me so that we can explore if working together is your best path forward. To request you complimentary consultation, go to and I’ll get back to you in 48 hours to schedule that.

“Self-sabotage is when you drill holes in your own ship because the trip is going so well that you feel uncomfortable because someone or something taught you that you don’t deserve smooth sailing.” By author Jon Acuff

Thank you for being here, Ted

The State of Men, a discussion with Sammy Villanueva – Episode 431

By all indications, many men, especially young men, are struggling and falling behind in the quest for health, happiness and success. In this episode, Ted and Sammy Villanueva, the founder of the HeRose Men’s Mastermind Community, have an in depth discussion about the challenges many young men face, how those challenges impact them, and what can be done about it.

If you are a man, or know a young man that is struggling, please take some time to listen to this important episode of the Ted in Your Head podcast.


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If you know a young man that could use some support, or you are a man looking for support, request a complimentary consultation with Ted at Ted will answer any questions and help you explore if hypnotherapy with Ted is the best path forward for you.

Stop the Inner Critic so You Can Speak Publicly (and Shine!) – Episode 430

I’m sure you’ve heard it: fear of public speaking is a fear worse than death for some people.

Why is that? Well, nobody’s born a good public speaker. As with all fears, fear of public speaking is something that is learned, and what is learned can be unlearned. When someone says, “I have a fear of public speaking because I’m not a good speaker” what they really mean is “I haven’t learned to be an effective speaker, I haven’t developed the skills.” I think we can agree that speaking comfortably in front of a group is a skill you can learn if you want to.

However, when you make a statement such as “I’m not a good speaker” that comes from what I call your inner critic. You know what I’m talking about. That always, everywhere voice that is constantly haranguing you and telling you what you can’t do, what you are not good at and why you shouldn’t even try. Now it’s important to understand that of all the people that we have a tendency to believe, or be suggestible to, the one we believe the most is us, our own voice. We tend to believe our inner critic even though not everything it says is necessarily true.

Let’s acknowledge that the inner critic is there to protect you. Nobody wants to be embarrassed, or be seen as incompetent, or be ridiculed. But to move forward in any endeavor, such as being comfortable or even excellent as a speaker, we need to manage and subdue the inner critic or it’s going to make trouble for us and try to stop us and sometimes succeed.

In today’s business environment, most people will be required to give reports or presentations to colleagues or clients. Or, you might be interested in teaching courses or seminars. So, for many professional people, learning to speak in public is a necessary part of your personal and professional development. Getting that inner critic out of the way is really important for putting yourself out there, not only as a speaker but in other areas where being seen will be beneficial and lucrative to you.

If you’re inner critic is really bossy and noisy and you’ve been giving it a lot of energy and attention, then the idea of speaking in front of people might trigger that fight or flight response (sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, inability to think clearly) The good news is that you can learn to overcome the fear response and speak comfortably

Here’s the first thing you need to know: You don’t have to be a master orator in order to be effective. You just need to be yourself. Don’t try to be or think of

yourself as a “public speaker”. Don’t compare yourself to other people that have spent years learning public speaking and that have a lot of experience doing so. Compare and despair!

Here’s the second thing: have the intention that you are going to learn or get better or get more comfortable. Make this a goal. Write it down.

Then, you want to examine what that inner critic is saying to you so you can refute it with logic and common sense. This can be a really valuable writing exercise.

For instance, your inner critic might be saying that the audience is going to judge you harshly and pick you apart and laugh at you. Counteract that by repeating: The audience is on my side, and wants me to succeed.”

Think about when you were sitting in the audience watching someone speak or perform or present. You wanted to enjoy the experience. You wanted them to do good. That’s really the attitude most audiences have.

Next, stay out of the What If Pit. That’s where your inner critic start going on about what if this happens, what if that happens? Counteract that with “What if I do great and people congratulate me on a job well done? Then, imagine that, see it and feel the good feelings that would come from that happening. That inner critic voice might be saying “How am I going to remember all that information, what if I forget?” You don’t need to memorize a lot of information. That’s what notes and handouts are for.

That voice might be saying “They are going to see that you are nervous!” It’s ok to be nervous, for a lot of people that goes away when you start speaking or presenting. And the truth is, most people don’t notice your nervousness.

Here’s the last thing you want to think about: for many people, fear of public speaking comes from childhood experiences that were scary, uncomfortable, or embarrassing. If you messed up a book report presentation in 6th grade and the other kids laughed at you, that one experience could’ve sent a powerful message to your brain that speaking in front of people is dangerous. Take some time to examine the origin of your fear and see when that inner critic decided that it needed to protect you. Then you can begin to counteract that inner critic with positive affirmations and self-talk to create confidence, comfort and acknowledging that fact that you are not a kid anymore and that you can release those negative memories.

Here are a few pointers that can help you silence that inner critic, let go of the fear of speaking in public, and really allow yourself to shine!

· Preparation is always the key. Have an outline for what you are going to say. Put your notes on 3×5 index cards that are numbered in order. Practice saying the words out loud. Practice in front of someone you trust that can give you some positive feedback is one of the best ways to deal with that inner critic. Practice in front of a mirror.

· Smile and have fun. Bring energy and enthusiasm to your presentation. The worst sin you can commit as a speaker is making people wish they were somewhere else. Don’t be boring.

· Humor is good. People want to laugh, and when they do, you’ll feel a lot more comfortable. Just use common sense to avoid offending your audience.

· Make sure you eat something before you speak. Your diet and your level of anxiety are intimately related. Don’t go in front of a group on an empty stomach or over-caffeinated.

· Lastly, remember that your inner critic is simply self-talk that no longer serves you. Actively practice supportive and positive self-talk that supports you. It takes practice but you will get better at it. Do a little mental preparation before you speak. Psyche yourself up, see yourself doing great, give yourself some positive suggestions. · Use EFT to release anxiety about public speaking as well as to release memories of negative experiences. EFT is also known as tapping. I did a YouTube search on tapping for fear of public speaking and there were at least 10 videos about that subject so check it out.

· Explore joining Toastmasters. Toastmasters International is a nonprofit educational organization that builds confidence and teaches public speaking skills through a worldwide network of clubs that meet online and in person. Go to to learn more.

Look, not everyone is cut out to be a great public speaker. And not everyone needs to be a good speaker. However, if you are required to speak, or you are looking for the opportunity to communicate your message, then public speaking allows you the opportunity to be seen and shine. You have a unique contribution to make. Your experiences and the lessons that you’ve learned can benefit others. If you can silence that inner critic and overcome your fear, then you can share your experiences and what you’ve learned, you can share your expertise and knowledge, and you can share the best parts of you with others for their benefit and yours.

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Jordan Peterson said “If you can think and speak and write, then you are deadly.

Brian Tracy said: “Your ability to communicate with others will account for fully 85% of your success in your business and in your life.” Brian Tracy

Jim Rohn said “Words do two major things: they provide food for the mind and create light for understanding and awareness.”

If any of what I said resonates with you, you should know that I help people quiet the inner critic and turn up the volume on their inner cheerleader so you can present the best version of yourself and shine. I encourage you to book a complimentary consultation to see if working together can be your best path forward. To do that go to

8 Easy Tips for Dealing with Social Anxiety– Episode 429

The first time I went to a business mixer, I was so nervous about meeting other people, that after getting a drink, I went and stood in a corner next to another guy who also seemed to have the same problem. That’s where I stayed the whole night. I went home and my wife asked me how it went and I told her it didn’t. She went with me the next time and that made it a lot easier.

Have you ever walked into a social situation with fear or dread about what you will say or do in front of other people? Has it got to the point where you avoid these kinds of circumstances? If so, you have probably experienced social anxiety. 

Social anxiety is a feeling of discomfort or fear in social situations where a person is concerned about being judged or evaluated. There’s usually an intense fear of what others are thinking about them.

Social anxiety is typically a part of childhood development, and most kids grow out of it. If they don’t, however, it can turn into chronic social anxiety in the teenage years or even into adulthood. And if you find that you need to be around people for your work, this can be highly distressing and an impediment to making valuable business connections. On a personal level, you might be craving connection or have the desire to go to parties or get-togethers but the idea seems overwhelming and way too scary for you.

Of course, we want to be sensitive to social norms, and we expect to be judged to some extent on how we are dressed, how we act, what we say and how we interact with others. This is a normal part of the social process. However, if this fear of the expectation of others becomes too severe it can affect a person’s quality of life, quality of relationships, and the ability to achieve success.

Social anxiety that is chronic and disabling is called social anxiety disorder. This is social anxiety that interferes with a person’s daily activities. According to Harold Leitenberg in the (1990) “Handbook of Social and Evaluation Anxiety”, roughly 40 million American adults 18 years or over have some type of anxiety disorder.

People that suffer from social anxiety usually feel all the symptoms of anxiety including:

  • Rapid heartbeat
  • Sweaty palms
  • Trembling
  • Dry mouth

But even more of an issue is that there is the tendency to have negative and unrealistic thinking:

  • I’m such a loser.
  • Everybody is looking at me.
  • Everybody knows that I’m nervous
  • I don’t belong here.

This in turn can lead to unproductive behaviors such as:

  • Arriving then leaving quickly
  • Using alcohol or drugs to cope with social situations
  • Excessive grooming so that they look “perfect”
  • Spending too much time on phones or devices or hiding in a corner to avoid contact like I did at my first business mixer.

Almost everyone can benefit from healthy social interaction. Avoidance because of social anxiety not only leaves one alone and isolated but can affect self-esteem and as I mentioned before, can result in lost opportunities for meaningful personal and business relationships.

I’m more of an introvert. I’d prefer to stay home, read a book, listen to music and avoid crowds and rooms filled with people, especially ones I don’t know. However, it became obvious to me early on that I needed to develop the skills that were necessary for growing my business and that those skills involved talking and connecting to people I don’t know while presenting myself as confident, approachable and in control. I learned those skills and it wasn’t really that hard, but it did take practice. owe

You can learn to be comfortable in social situations and release social anxiety if you are willing to practice and be ok with being uncomfortable.

Here are some 8 easy tips for dealing with social anxiety.

  1. Become aware of when your social anxiety gets triggered. Is it at the supermarket? Parties? Meetings? Get clear about when you feel the most uncomfortable. You can then be better prepared for those situations. Mental preparation is the key here.
  2. Take someone with you. As I mentioned, when I got back from the mixer that I told you about, my wife asked me how many people I met. I said “None”. She went with me to the next mixer and introduced me around. It really helped. Find someone that is more outgoing than you are and have them help you meet people and show you how it’s done. Find a wingman or wingwoman or wingperson.
  3. Ask questions. If you are concerned about what to say in a social situation, get good at asking questions. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Ask questions such as: What do you do? Where are you from? What made you come here today? Get people talking and you won’t have to fumble for things to say.
  4. Create a script. Have a script of things you want to say or talk about. Don’t wing it, be prepared with questions you can ask or topics you can talk about. Sounds weird but it’s incredibly helpful. Practice saying the words at home.
  5. Make sure you eat. Social anxiety can be triggered by being hungry. If you are going to put yourself into a situation where there might be some social anxiety, make sure you eat something before you go even if you don’t feel hungry, have something with protein.
  6. Practice. Find someone you trust and practice making conversation comfortably. Or join clubs or take classes where you will become “desensitized” to social anxiety through exposure to situations where you will be meeting new people. Toastmasters is an organization where you can learn to speak articulately and confidently in front of people. Got to to find a chapter near you.
  7. Mental rehearsal. Before you go into a social situation, imagine yourself feeling calm, relaxed and comfortable. Take some time to relax your body. See yourself having interesting conversations, smiling, and having fun. The key here is to get your mind familiar and comfortable with these situations. Practice feeling any discomfort and moving through it and letting it go by breathing deeply.
  8. Be realistic in your thinking. Are people really judging you? Is everybody really looking at you? How do you know that other people are better or smarter than you? You don’t! The reality is that most people are in their own heads thinking about themselves. Examine and try to replace thoughts that don’t serve you with positive affirmations such as “I can do this!” Affirmations can be very useful to help you change your negative self talk.


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Ok, I hope you found this helpful. I want to assure you that you can overcome social anxiety. If you want support, let me tell you that hypnotherapy is an excellent way to gain more confidence, greater ease and greater enjoyment in social or business networking situations. Request a complimentary consultation at We’ll talk about what’s going on, I’ll answer any questions you have, and we’ll explore if working together is the best path forward for you.

As always, let me leave you with a quote. This one is by Norman Vincent Peale

“Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they haven’t half the strength you think they have.”

Thanks for listening and have a great day.

Top 5 Things You Can Do Today to Lessen Your Anxiety – Episode 428

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As a hypnotherapist and anxiety specialist for 20 years, I’ve not only learned a lot about anxiety, but I’ve also seen things that I lot of people that have anxiety have in common.

Today we’re going to talk about 5 simple things you can do today to lessen your anxiety. First, let’s talk about what anxiety is.

According to the Mayo Clinic, anxiety is often described as sustained, excessive worry that a person cannot control related to the anticipation of a future threat, such as a traumatic event.

Generally,  anxiety  is your body’s natural response to stress. It’s a feeling in your body and mind of fear or worry. This can be caused by a few different factors ranging from genetics to the physiological state of your body to what’s happening in your environment.

Anxiety is your body’s fight/flight response getting activated. This is our protective defense mechanism which prepares us to literally run away or fight. It is both a physiological response as well as a psychological response.

If you have anxiety or your have experienced anxiety, you know the physical symptoms:

  • Sweaty palm
  • Shakiness
  • Disorientation
  • Shortness of breath
  • A feeling of not being in your body,
  • Increased heart rate
  • Dizziness
  • Pain in the chest or upset or pain in the stomach

These are just the physical symptoms. If you have chronic anxiety that’s been going on for a long time, then you might also experience a range of emotional issues as well, such as poor sleep, irritability, fatigue, excessive worry, and even panic attacks.

Chronic anxiety can get in the way of our ability to achieve our goals and live a life of peace and happiness. But even situational anxiety can be debilitating such as social anxiety test anxiety or driving anxiety for example.

The good news is that there are a few things you can start doing today that will help you with your anxiety. Here are 5 of the most important things that I’ve identified and recommend to my clients.

  1. When are feeling anxious our breathing tends to be short, quick and shallow. This means that your nervous system is what we call hypervigilant, or on the look for danger. You can shift your nervous system from fight or flight to rest and digest by taking some long slow deep breaths. Long and slow is the key here. Bring your attention into your body and focus on your breath. This will also help you get out of your head and get you some distance from the thing that is making you anxious. If you struggle with anxiety, I highly recommend that you go on YouTube and search for breathing exercises for anxiety and practice them daily. This could be a game changer for you.
  2. Practice Yoga. Yoga’s origins can be traced back to 5000 years ago. The word yoga means yoke or union, also sometimes interpreted as control, as you would control two oxen with a yoke. We’re talking here about bringing together the mind and body or as the ancient yoga texts from India suggest, union with the supreme. Yoga is a complex subject and there are many schools of yoga. What I’m referring to is what the Western world knows as Hatha yoga which is based on postures know as asanas, for physical fitness, stress-relief and relaxation. Personally, I can’t recommend yoga enough for overall mental and physical health. You can get a book, take a class, or watch videos. I’ve done it all, and my current yoga practice is a series of postures that I got from Instagram. Yoga can help you to get our of your head and into your body, so that you can deal directly with the physical symptoms of anxiety with greater control and a calmer mind.
  3. Eat Regularly. How you eat and what you eat can have a profound impact on how you feel. If you are skipping meals, you run the risk of episodes of low blood sugar. Do you ever feel “hangry” when you haven’t eaten? It’s when you are hungry and angry and irritable because your blood sugar is low. But low blood sugar (blood glucose) because you haven’t eaten in a while can trigger anxiety. Many phobias start as episodes of low blood sugar. For instance, say you are getting on an airplane. You didn’t get much sleep last night because you were packing, so you were rushing around in the morning trying to get to the airport, so you skip breakfast. When you get to the airport, you gulp down some coffee and a donut and the Dunkin Donut franchise. This spikes your blood sugar. So, you’re sitting on the airplane when your body says, “Whoa, too much blood sugar!” When your blood sugar drops as your body tries to bring it down, this triggers anxiety. Now you associate that anxiety with being on an airplane (or elevator, or in a car, or driving over a bridge, etc.) and now you have fear of flying. So I recommend that you eat three meals a day with protein, avoid high carb meals, and if you think caffeine is making you nervous, then it probably is. Cut down or cut it out completely. Alcohol can also increase anxiety, so try cutting down or stopping completely and see how you feel.
  4. Get More Sleep. Your mind is like a cup. You can only fill a cup with so much before it starts running over and you have a big mess. Your mind is the same way. It has a certain capacity. All the stresses and issues and problems fill up your mind. At night when you are sleeping, one of the jobs that your mind has is to empty the cup. Take out the trash, so to speak. If you are not getting enough sleep, which is 8 hours for adults, then your mind is not getting the release it needs. That’s when we start to feel overwhelmed because there’s too much going on in the mind. Overwhelm can trigger anxiety. Check out my podcast episode 419, How to Stay Out of the Bad Kind of Hypnosis.
  5. Positive Self Talk. Also known as thought reframing, this is where you practice talking to yourself in a way that you are not scaring the poop out of yourself if you know what I mean. Essentially, you are training your mind to focus on what will go right, what you can overcome and how you want it to be, as opposed to the thought of worry and fear. We can get into the habit of catastrophic thinking, doom and gloom expectation and a pessimistic outlook. This can be changed.
    For instance, if you are spending a lot of time in the “What If Pit” such as “What if this bad thing happens!” you can ask yourself “Well, what if something good thing happens?” Or you can reason with yourself and say, “I don’t know what’s going to happen, so it makes no sense to get scared or worried about something that hasn’t happened yet.” If you practice this type of self-talk or thought reframing, you’ll get better at it and it will become a new habit that can help you feel a lot more calm and at ease.


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So there you go. I hope that’s helpful to you. Of course, if you want to explore hypnotherapy to help with anxiety, which can be very effective by the way, feel free to request a complimentary phone consultation by going to

As always, I’ll leave you with a quote by Kahlil Gibran: “Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.”


It Might Not Be Up to You– Episode 427

I was having breakfast with a couple of friends this morning and we were talking about how we met our significant others.

One had known the person he was dating for a while and one day just asked her out. The other met his wife at the gym. I met my wife at my brother’s wedding. She had no connection with my family or the family of the bride whatsoever, she came with the nail lady of the bride, who, interestingly, I was supposed to get set up with. The nail lady was hung over at the wedding and went to take a nap in her car and when she came back to the wedding, locked her keys in her car. When the wedding was over and everyone was going home, my wife-to-be was still there while the nail lady was waiting for AAA to get her keys out of her car. We started talking and the rest is history or our story.

All these occurrences happened by chance. None of them were expected. They just showed up. It wasn’t up to us.

I believe you may have heard my story of how I became a hypnotherapist. I was in a dead-end job, and my team and I were sent to a one day seminar that was off-site. The person leading the seminar said that she was a hypnotherapist. Speaking to her privately during a break, I expressed interest, and she suggested that I visit the Hypnosis Motivation Institute. Although I had heard of HMI and had seen the advertisements for the hypnotherapy program in magazines, I took no action until she suggested that I visit. A day later, I signed up for the program. Was it just chance that I met this hypnotherapist at some random seminar miles from where I lived and worked? But that meeting changed the direction of my life. It wasn’t up to me.

I used to be fully invested in the idea that I was the master of my destiny, the captain of my ship. Today I’m not so sure. I’m much more willing to believe now that how a lot of my life goes is not up to me.

I don’t think this goes against the idea of free will, or the idea that we can manifest our desires, set goals, and make stuff happen. The undeniable truth though, is that we don’t always get what we want, as the poet Jagger said. Maybe though, we do get what we need.

If you hold an acorn in your hand and look at it, it gives no indication that it has within it the potential to become a giant oak tree. However, there is some intelligence in the seed that, under the right conditions, allows it to sprout and grow into a massive tree.

Maybe human beings are the same way. Certainly, there is an intelligence within us that is above and beyond our own intellect, knowledge, and comprehension. For instance, the intelligence of our bodies that keeps our heart beating, our lungs breathing, our organs in balance, and allows our bodies to heal. A lot of that inner stuff is not up to us, it just seems to happen on its own, in the right way, most of the time.

It seems clear to me that that the experience of life is a combination of stuff that happens randomly and stuff that we seem to make happen though our intentions and actions. I mean, it seems obvious that stuff will happen that we didn’t expect as well as stuff that we planned for, right?

The point I want to make, is that there is a lot more that is not up to us and out of our hands than we might think.

I don’t think that there is some master plan or destiny that we’re locked into and have no control over. I do think that there are forces out there that we don’t fully understand. Things that seem to happen randomly, by chance or coincidence, could very well be these forces at work. As if something’s guiding us and leading us to where we need to be if we can tune in and listen. Some people might call it Divine Will, others, Universal Intelligence. Others call it intuition or the small voice within. Call it what you will, it seems to me that we would want to try to work in collaboration with these forces instead of against them. An acorn seed, after all, just becomes an oak, it can’t resist or try to be something else. But it’s different with us humans. We tend to overthink stuff. We try to force things that are not ready to move and not take advantage when conditions are right. We also have a terrible habit, called denial, of not seeing what is right in front of our face and responding accordingly.

So how can we align ourselves with this inner intelligence if it indeed exists?

Before we talk about that, let’s talk about the cost of not being in sync with intuition, or inner guidance or divine will or whatever is out there that might have a bigger plan than we can understand.

The cost is anxiety, loneliness, despair, and a sense of separation. We can end up struggling so hard, and grasping so tightly to our expectation of how it should be that life becomes a grind.

The pressure to live up to societal expectations is more crushing than ever. The psychological manipulation to get us to consume is not only ubiquitous, but more insidious than ever. Furthermore, we are literally worrying ourselves to death and crippling ourselves with anxiety to try to become what we think we should be. But maybe that’s going to happen naturally and organically by itself with a little help from our imagination. Maybe, just maybe, it’s going to be alright in the end and we don’t have to worry so much or be so scared.

I’m not advocating belief in a higher power or universal intelligence although that wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing. Nor am I suggesting that we throw our hands up in the air and abdicate all responsibility for our lives. I’m simply suggesting that we take more time to listen to our own inner guidance and allow things to unfold on their own and in their own time. How can we do this?

We need to slow down. We need to take time away from television and news media and social media and all the distractions that keep us from being in touch with ourselves. We need to get more in touch with the flow of life within us and without us. We need to get outside more and avail ourselves to the power of life.

Meditation, yoga, prayer, reflection, journaling, therapy, and going on retreat are all ways that allow us to get back in touch with the life force within and be present to its guidance.

Lastly, we always need to be working on becoming our best selves so that we can have the clarity and awareness to recognize the signs that say “Opportunity” or “This Way” or “Stop” or “Turn Back” or “Keep Going, You’re Almost There” and to have the energy to follow the signs.

We are connected with everything out there because we don’t have a life, we share in the one Life. Therefore, I believe that we can affect the universe with our thoughts, first by being clear about what it is that we want, and second, by taking

the actions necessary to move things forward. If we can do this with faith, trust, and confidence, then we increase our ability to be shown what to do and then we can relax and enjoy the ride.

You’ve heard it before, it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey. The destination is the same for all of us: death. No one gets out alive. The question we must ask ourselves is how we can make our time on this journey meaningful, fulfilling and as enjoyable as possible.

I think we can do that by adopting the perspective that we don’t live life, life lives us. I heard something really cool the other day: “Life is not happening to you, life is happening from you. You’re emanating the signal to which all life is responding.”

We can try to trust that if we let go of grasping so hard and be more open to the subtle nudges and promptings of life, that life will take us where we need to be.

I haven’t fully figured this out but so far it feels right to me, and I wanted to share it with you. I hope at least I’ve given you something to think about.

I want to remind you that if you want to listen to this podcast, you can hear my podcast at

If I can help you let go of anxiety and worry and have a little more trust and faith that the Universe has your back, feel free to request a complimentary consultation at We’ll talk about what’s going on, I’ll answer any questions you have, and we’ll explore if working together is the best path forward for you.

Here’s a quote by Richard Bach from one of my favorite books of all time:

Quote: “Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.” ― Illusions the Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah.

Thanks for reading,



Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click here >

If I can help you let go of anxiety and worry and have a little more trust and faith that the Universe has your back,  feel free to request a complimentary consultation at We’ll talk about what’s going on, I’ll answer any questions you have, and we’ll explore if working together is the best path forward for you.

What You Deserve Has Got Nothing to Do With It – Episode 426

One of my favorite movie quotes comes from the movie Unforgiven starring Clint Eastwood.

William Munny (Eastwood) is a former murderous outlaw, who gets sucked back into lawbreaking because he needs the money for his farm and kids after his wife dies. He’s got his shotgun aimed at the sadistic town sheriff played by Gene Hackman, on the ground, already shot. The sheriff begs “I don’t deserve this. I was building a house!” Munny replies “Deserve’s got nothin’ to do with it.” You can probably guess what happens next if you know anything about Clint Eastwood films. It’s a harsh reality. What you deserve has little to do with what you get. Because what you think you deserve is only that: what you think And what you think isn’t the truth. It’s just what you think. After the birth of our first child, I felt that I deserved to sleep through the night. It quickly became obvious to me that what I thought I deserved didn’t matter. I still had to get up in the middle of the night and help my wife with the baby.

It’s easy to be ruled by what you feel you deserve, or like, or don’t like about your life. But how you feel has got nothing to do with it. Plenty of people have things they don’t seem to deserve, while others who don’t deserve to suffer misfortune, or lack seem to have their share of it. So, it isn’t about what you deserve, it’s about getting what you want. And when it comes to getting what you want, it’s about what you are committed to.

I have a daughter who is 16 years old. I’m not sure what she deserves and I’m even less sure of what she thinks she deserves, but she has no problem asking for what she wants and guess what? She gets most of what she asks for. If I sense that what she is asking for is unnecessary or unreasonable, we’ll talk about it. But if I see she is committed to getting it, we’ll work something out so that she can get it by earning it.

When you have a powerful commitment it exists independent of how you feel, what you like or want, or what you think you deserve. One of the most powerful declarations one can make is: “Even though I don’t want to, even though I don’t feel like it, and even though I want it to be easy and not hard, I will do it anyway because I made the commitment to do it. Regardless of my feelings of deserving it, I’ll work to get it anyway.”

That’s called personal power. The ability to take action even when you don’t feel like it. The ability to go after what you want with power, intention, and commitment. People who consistently act because of the strength of their commitments are called Extraordinary. Maybe you have no interest being extraordinary. But if you are listening to this, I’m pretty sure you’re not committed to being powerless. Because that’s how we feel when we are unable or unwilling to take action and honor our commitments and our word. Up until 2003, the only thing I was committed to was not committing to anything. Someone told me around that time “Ted, you don’t have a lot to hang your hat on.”

Ouch. I hated the person for saying that because it was true. Not only did I feel powerless, I felt downright crappy… But from 2003 to 2008:

· I went back to school

· Got married

· Started a business

· Had two kids

· Bought a house

· Started teaching a class

· A couple of years later I published a book.

What happened in those five years? Simple: I made some commitments with the intention of keeping them and got rid of the “deserves” conversation. Simple, but not easy. The fact that I was desperate to make something of myself helped. (Better late than never.) Let me ask you: Do you have commitments you are not living up to or that you know you should make?

Feeling not deserving is one reason why folks fail to make and keep commitments. This is a sneaky form of self-sabotage.

Another reason people are afraid to make a commitment is because for some people, a commitment equals being tied down or being in bondage. That’s how I felt for many years. However, the only real freedom to create a life worth living is through commitment. It took me a long time to realize this. Without commitment, you are a prisoner to your fears, resistance, distraction, circumstance, and the conversation about not being deserving.

A real commitment requires consideration, due diligence, and an understanding of what can be created with that commitment. Finally, a commitment requires a decision to cut away things that stand in the way of your goal.

A few years back I attended a weekend seminar called the Landmark Forum. You may have heard of it. It changed my life. This is from the course materials:

Throw away being deserving. Constitute yourself as a place where miracles can happen. Living a great life is a gift. Be willing to have what you don’t deserve, be willing to have what you didn’t earn, be willing to be a r.ecipient of a gift or grace.

You didn’t ask to be born but you were. Although life is hard, for most of us living is still better than dying. The reason is that there’s a lot of beautiful stuff to experience in life. And fortunately, a lot of it just seems to show up. What I’m suggesting is that we want to be open to receiving any help, or assistance or gifts or fortune that the universe is willing to give us. Here are a couple of quotes I really like:

“Most people fail not because of a lack of desire but because of a lack of commitment.”

~Vince Lombardi

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.”

~William Hutchison Murray

I can help you to take action and follow through. If there are commitments in your life that need to be made, I’d like to support you in making them in a way that inspires you and leaves you feeling powerful and unstoppable.

Listen to this podcast episode now >


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Are you holding yourself back by not feeling deserving?  Request a complimentary consultation with Ted to explore if hypnotherapy can transform your challenges into possibility! Click here to request a consultation:

5 Signs That Anxiety is Crippling Your Earning Potential– Episode 425

5 Signs that anxiety is crippling your earning potential.

I work a lot with people with anxiety. All the different kinds: social anxiety, fear of public speaking, panic attacks, driving anxiety, fears and phobias, etc. These fears and anxieties can have a huge negative impact on our lives, of course.

But the biggest impact that people feel from having anxiety is the impact it has on their careers. Because how you do in your job or career is quantifiable. You can measure it. You get feedback from people and results. It might be reflected in your paycheck.

It’s so frustrating to know that you could be doing better but you have a sense that you are holding yourself back. And the reason you are holding yourself back is almost always fear.

So today we’ll talk about 5 signs that anxiety is crippling your earning potential.

Some of these you might recognize, with others you might just have a sneaky feeling that it’s true for you. Some may not apply to you at all. If so, great! The intent is to become aware and root out the ways in which anxiety is stopping you from greater success. Judy Blume said “Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.”

It’s important to understand that it’s not necessarily the smartest people that achieve success. Often it’s the people that are ok with taking risks. They are ok with failure. They don’t let fear stop them even when they are afraid. Here are the 5 signs:

Opportunity knocks and you pretend you’re not home. You know how sometimes someone knocks on your door and your like “Shhh, be quiet!” You don’t move and you just hope they go away.  You’re being offered chances for advancement and turning them down, dragging your feet responding to invitations or missing application deadlines to take advantage of these opportunities. Or, you’re turning down leadership positions. You feel conflicted: you want it but what if you get it? What if you’re not up for it? What if you screw it up? Doubt, fear and anxiety come up to pull you down and sabotage your success.

2       You lack confidence when it comes to putting yourself out there.

You avoid building relationships or alliances that can be beneficial. You’re not networking because of social anxiety or not feeling good enough to hang out with people you think are successful.  Or you’re afraid that being seen might result in someone saying “Hey let’s get together sometime and see how we can work together” or “Hey I’ve got an opportunity for you!” You’re playing it way too safe.

3       You are afraid of failure or afraid of success. These are two different things. Fear of failure is “What if I try and don’t succeed and I’m embarrassed and humiliated, and everybody finds out I’m a loser.” Fear of success is, “What if I do really good and I get so busy  I don’t have time for my family or I end up working all the time or I get too stressed out or people start to resent me because they’re jealous?” It’s called tall poppy syndrome, the idea the if you rise above the rest, you’ll get cut down.

4       You have rationalizations for staying at your current level of success. This sounds like “Oh, I’m ok with the money I’m making”, or “I don’t really want any more challenges or responsibility, I’m good.” Or you’re apathetic:  “I don’t really care because I can’t make a difference so I’m just going to cruise along and collect my paycheck and keep my head low.”

5       You feel like an imposter: Imposter syndrome. “What if they find out I really don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve got them all fooled so far, but if I take on more or try to play a bigger game, they’ll find out I’m a fraud and I’ll be chased out of town by people with torches and pitchforks.” This is a biggy for a lot of people and it’s a very popular topic right now. And I’ll tell you what, even very successful people feel this sometimes.

Now, maybe you have good reasons for staying where you are. Maybe you are super happy with your level of success in life. Maybe you don’t network because you don’t need to. That’s great. But… if you know, deep down inside that you can do more, be more and contribute more and you’re not because of anxiety and fear, well that can really take the juice out of life and leave you feeling defeated.

I personally don’t want to look back and say “I could’ve been a contender.” I don’t want to look at other successful people what are enjoying success and all that comes with it while thinking to myself: “I am just as good as they are, why are they doing so much better than me?” I don’t want to look back and say “I could’ve done more but I was too afraid.”

So you really have to do some soul searching here and bring a high degree of self-awareness and self-honesty to your life to see where you are being stopped. Remember, the job of our minds is to protect us from what is unfamiliar and unknown. The known is where we are now, and the unknown is where we want to be. We need to get our subconscious minds on board and in line with our conscious goals, dreams and desires. That’s essentially what I help people do as a hypnotherapist. However, the first step is always self-awareness. Identify what is stopping you so that you begin to address it.

I’m posting the text to my podcasts now at so if you come across one of my podcasts and wish you could read it, that’s where you want to go.

If I can help you to identify and overcome fear and anxiety that is keeping you from your profession and personal goals, , feel free to request a complimentary consultation at We’ll talk about what’s going on, I’ll answer any questions you have, and we’ll explore if working together is the best path forward for you.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
–Eleanor Roosevelt


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Do you suspect that anxiety crippling your earning potential?  Request a complimentary consultation with Ted to explore if hypnotherapy can transform your challenges into possibility! Click here to request a consultation:

Sometimes You Just Need to Let Go – Episode 423

I’m not sure that I ever mentioned this to you, but at one point in my life I wanted to be a cowboy. It wasn’t when I was 6 or 7, I was actually in my 20s. This is embarrassing but I had dreams of working on a ranch and being out in the wide open spaces and you know riding a horse and all that cowboy stuff. I actually got a job working on a ranch but that’s a whole other story, maybe I’ll tell you about that sometime…

Anyway, during my “cowboy” phase, while living in Arizona, I decided to try my hand at the rodeo. I made up my mind to try bareback bronc riding.

This is where a rider gets on a horse (or bronc) whose only desire is to buck the bronc rider off. With only one hand, the rider hangs on to a “rigging”, which is a handle, like on a suitcase, attached to a leather strap strapped around the horse. To hang on, the rider wears a glove that fits tightly into the rigging handle, secured with resin (sticky) powder. The goal is to stay on for eight seconds.

At the time I was living in an agricultural fraternity, so I had some buddies that were in the rodeo. One of the guys had a wooden sawhorse that had a rigging attached to it. I practiced for a while on this wooden sawhorse with two guys at either end bouncing it up and down while I tried to stay on. The whole thing sounds silly while I’m saying it but back then I really thought this would help me stay on a real horse. Thinking I was ready, I went to the practice arena one night and paid ten bucks for my chance to ride a wild bronc.

My legs felt like jelly as I lowered myself onto the horse which was held in a bucking chute which is a wooden enclosure with a gate out to the arena. I jammed my gloved hand into the rigging. Out in the arena, the pickup man waited on his horse. The pickup man’s job is to rescue the rider from the bronc.

I nodded my head to signal that I was ready. The chute opened. Eleven hundred pounds of horse rocketed into the arena with 130 lbs. of me attached to it.

About 3 seconds too late, I realized that I really had no business being on that horse. I was getting tossed like a rag doll in a clothes dryer.

The pickup man, seeing that I was a lost cause, rode up next to us on the right. I started to climb onto his horse. I got halfway there with one leg on when he yelled “Take your hand out of the rigging!”

In all the excitement, I had forgotten to take my left hand out of the handle of the rigging. My hand was stuck tight with resin, on the other horse, stuck in there all nice and cozy, the way it was supposed to be. Except now, it wasn’t supposed to be.

All I could do was climb back onto the bronc. After a few more bone-rattling bucks, I got my hand free, and he gleefully sent me flying off and into the ground.

After I got all the dirt out of my mouth, and with some sense pounded into me, I decided to do horses a favor and end my rodeo career right then and there. Sometimes you just need to let go.

But sometimes, caught up in the excitement (or routine) of life, it’s easy to forget that we are still holding on to things we should have let go a long time ago. Like me on that bronc, we can end up being dragged along by our emotional or physical involvement, shaken to and for by our choices, or being thrown by our physical and psychological “stuff.”

As hard as it might be, there are times when the best thing to do is let go and get off. This is how you make yourself available for a new ride. This is how you allow new (maybe better) stuff to come in.

What are some things that we might want to let go of? What’s something that needs to be released from your life, now?

· Material things you don’t use or need.

· A job that’s no longer serving you.

· A relationship that has reached its end.

· An unrealistic desire that’s distracting or getting in the way of what you really need to be doing. (Like trying to ride horses that don’t want to be ridden)

· Guilt or regret

· A tradition that’s outdated.

· A belief

· A habit

The things that people come to release are usually things like anger, resentment, judgement, guilt.

We’re all entitled to these feelings; they are normal human emotions.

The question is, how long do we want to hold on to them before they become like a ball and chain, weighing us down and keeping us from moving forward.

When I got attached to that horse in the rodeo arena, he owned me. I was at the mercy of his anger at having someone on his back that he didn’t want.

Do we really want to be owned by our anger, our resentment, our guilt? Riding our bitterness and resignation until we find ourselves in the dirt? That sounds pretty scary to me.

I can’t tell you when to let it go. How to let it go, well that might be a topic for another podcast. But the first step is to be clear that what you are holding onto is no longer serving you and might just be costing you more than you think.

That day back in 1984 when I let go of that horse, I let go of the desire to be in the rodeo. I like my bones too much. There were several new interests and desires that came after that, as well as a lot of bruises and pain. I just kept letting go when I realized they weren’t what I needed anymore. It’s never easy, but so far, it’s been a hell of a ride.


“To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.”

– Jack Kornfield



Listen to this podcast episode now:

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Do you have a feeling that there are things inside of you that need to released? Request a complimentary consultation with Ted to explore if hypnotherapy can transform your challenges into possibility! Click here to request a consultation: