Are You a Single Professional Woman with Money Anxiety?

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money anxiety

According to a recent survey by a multinational financial services company, 49% of woman that responded, including high income earners, have money anxiety. They fear becoming broke and homeless.

A professional woman that becomes suddenly single due to death, divorce, or separation can find herself overwhelmed with fear and money anxiety. It can be difficult to focus on financial security because of the demands of work and family.

Being overwhelmed by money anxiety can can lead to three major mistakes with serious consequences:

  • Inability  to address money concerns because of fear and avoidence.
  • Loss of confidence in the ability to create abundance
  • Failing to plan for the future.

Release Money Anxiety!

On February 21st, I’ll be presenting a workshop designed for the single professional  woman on her own on how to release money anxiety and create a “money mindset.”

This event, called “Attracting Abundance: Creating a Money Mindset for Single Professional Women” will be held  at the Fuller Seminary Guest and Conference Center located in Pasadena from 9 am to 12:30 pm. The cost will be $77 dollars to attend. Click here to register.

Participants will discover how to create a “money mindset”; a confident feeling of belief and power that allows you to attract opportunity, wealth and prosperity. With the help of powerful exercises and techniques, you can develop the thinking and actions you need to take control of your financial future and release fear and money anxiety.

In this workshop you will also discover:

  • What money really is and what attracts it and repulses it.
  • How to identify thought patterns, beliefs and habits that are keeping you in stuck in scarcity and how release them.
  • How to release money anxiety.
  • How to quickly develop the habits and beliefs that create prosperity consciousness.
  • How to avoid the most common mistakes people make with money
  • How to become “magnetic” to money and what to do with it.

Click here for more information and to register!

This event is designed for the single professional  woman on her own who desires to release fear and anxiety about money anxiety as well as worry, fear, and negativity about money.

If you are a single professional women dealing with money anxiety, you it to yourself to check out this event. It’s only $77! Click here for more information. Click here to learn more.

Hope to see you there,

Ted

Questions? Contact me by clicking here.

The Mental Bank Program: Rewrite Your Mental Script

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mindcogs

 

So, has much changed since the New Year has started? If not, don’t be too bummed out. If you’ve been reading my blogs for any period of time, you know it’s all about your programming. If you want things to change, you need to change the programming.

So what if I told you that there is a system that takes five minutes a night that would program your mind for more money, more success and more happiness? Would you take five minutes a night and do it?

You might be saying “Sure, I’ll take five minutes a night to make more money, have more success and happiness!”

Well, the reality is, you’re wrong,  you won’t.  And even though you say you want to be more successful, prosperous, happy, that fact is… you don’t. Change can be the hardest thing in the world. Why?

Because of the most  powerful force in human behavior which is….. homeostasis. The innate drive to stay the same.

We see homeostasis in our physical body; if we get to hot, we sweat to cool down. If we get too cold, we shiver to bring our temperature back to where we are comfortable.

Same thing happens in our mind. For most of us, if we are short of money, out of a job, car soon to be repossessed, we become very motivated. However, when things are going well, we have a tendency to relax. Now, consider this: if things are going too well, we may even sabotage our success. Why would  we do such a thing?

Because our subconscious mind knows only two things: knowns and unknowns. What is known is familiar and comfortable, for example, the amount you have in your bank account. What is unknown is fearful to the subconscious, for example, a lottery winner of mega millions who very quickly finds himself back to where he started, wondering “Where did it all go?”

The subconscious mind makes up 88% of your mind. This is automatic behavior. This is your so called “life script.” And every day you wake up you see it: the car you drive, the house you live in, your bank account etc. This is the information that you receive every day that reinforces your comfort level, that is, your “knowns.”

What do we do about our innate drive to stay the same?

The Mental Bank Program

We must work to change incrementally a little every day by sending the subconscious mind different information to get a different result. Putting new information into our subconscious mind can create new “knowns” that are in line with our goals. However, we must introduce this new information in a way that the subconscious mind can understand and take in deeply so that your “ceiling” of success begins to change. The most powerful and simplest way to do this that I have found is through the Mental Bank Program.

The Mental Bank program was invented by Dr. John Kappas, the founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute (HMI), the nations first accredited college of hypnotherapy and where I received my training as a hypnotherapist.

You can go to www.MyMentalBank.com and watch George Kappas, director of HMI and son of Dr. John Kappas, present the Mental Bank Program via streaming video. If you are interested in moving yourself forward and beyond your current level of success, performance, wealth or happiness, then I highly recommend this two hour video.

Only a small percentage of people reading this will bother checking out the Mental Bank video, which is why there are so few that are really enjoying the level of success that they would like. I challenge you to take the time to check it out. It’s interesting and informative and George Kappas does a great job making it fun to watch. Let me know what you think about the Mental Bank, OK?

Have a great week,

Ted

Under Pressure: Why You Need It

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under pressure

 

I once had a job once working for tech support for a software company. This software needed lots of support, which the company charged for. My job was to collect credit card info from people needing tech support, then pass them along to the tech support person that would help them.

What they really wanted me to do was to sell plans that allowed people to call in for a certain number of times. All new hires were hired on probation, meaning they could let you go during the probation period. I was told my job security depended on selling a lot of these tech support plans.

So I sold like a fiend. I sold a lot of plans and felt like I was super cool.

On my first review, the boss said I was doing ok, but if I wanted to keep my job, I would have to do better.

I became indignant because I don’t like being under pressure. I felt I was doing great and they didn’t appreciate all the money I was making for them. I decided that if I was going to leave the company, it was going to be on my terms, not on theirs.

Even though being under pressure to perform made me grouchy, I sold even more. I made a bunch of money and when the next review came, they hired me on permanently.

“Wow” I said, “I was afraid I was going to lose my job.”

The boss (who I thought was kind of a doofus)  said “I knew you  were a keeper when we brought you on.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that at my first review?” I asked.

“Well,” he said, “You seem like the kind of guy who is motivated by being under pressure, and I knew I could get more out of you.” Turns out he wasn’t such a doofus after all.

Why Be Under Pressure?

“The only reason gasoline is useful is because of the controlled pressure it exerts within an engine. Likewise the value of water is when it is steam and under pressure in a steam engine. Even electricity is useless unless there is pressure measured in volts. One could come up with numerous examples but the point is that focused pressure is required for successful work… the right kind of pressure at the right time and place and the job gets done.”

~Jed McKenna

They train Army pilots by strapping them into a simulator that resembles the cockpit of an airplane.They are strapped in like they would be in a crash. They have to find their breathing device (a small bottle of air) clear the mouthpiece, breath normally, figure which way is out, release their seat belts, move to and open the door or window, and exit. Talk about being under pressure. Panic and you’re dead.

Don’t be afraid to put yourself under pressure. That is the value of deadlines, target dates and benchmarks. Get comfortable with being under pressure. Apply it at the right time in the right way.

Rock is transformed into diamonds  under extreme heat and pressure. Trees grow strongest under  pressure of weather and wind. The sharpest blade is crafted under pressure of hammer and fire.

How mentally tough can you become under pressure? You probably don’t know. The question is, are you willing to find out?

Ted

 

 

Self Hypnosis: Einstein and Bono Said It Best…

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self hypnosis

Bono of U2 said: “Nothing changes on New Year’s Day.”

Einstein said: “Problems cannot be solved with the same mind set that created them.”

The reason that nothing changes on New Year’s Day for most people is that they try to solve their problems using the same mindset that created them.

Even for those that write down their goals, the best that most seem to manage is a slight improvement of conditions.

For the majority of people though, by March or April, resolutions or goals have fallen by the wayside.

The reason is that decisions and resolutions are made by a very small part of your mind, your conscious mind, which is only 12% of your mind. 

However, if your subconscious mind (88% of your mind!) is not on board with your goals because of resistance or fear, well, it ain’t gonna happen.

To change your mindset means to get your subconscious mind working with your conscious goals and desires, instead of working against them. How to do that?

One very effective way to is to

Take My Self Hypnosis Class Starting on January 24th!

Self Hypnosis for Success begins Saturday, January 24th from 9 am to 10:30 am at Pasadena City College and continues for the next two Saturdays (1/31 and 2/7) . To register, click here.

Learn to use  self hypnosis to create a new mindset for 

  • Success in business and personal life.
  • Beating procrastination and taking action.
  • Feeling less self-conscious and more relaxed and confident in social and professional situations.
  • Relief from stress, anxiety and fear.

Click here to register and you’ll learn

  • How to put yourself into hypnosis.
  • How to use the power of suggestion to get your subconscious mind in alignment with your goals and desires.
  • How to put it all together to create a mindset for success in just a few minutes a day.

Einstein used self hypnosis as did Thomas Edison. Celebrities such as Sylvester Stallone use self hypnosis. Athletes such as Tiger Woods use self hypnosis. They succeed because they are looking for that extra edge. Why not you? Register here for Self Hypnosis for Success.

Nothing changes on New Year’s day unless you change! You can create a success mindset: register for Self Hypnosis for Success starting on January 24th at 9 am at Pasadena City College.

See you on the 24th!

Ted

p.s. Do you know someone that could use this class? Please share using the social media buttons below. And as always feel free to leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you!

Holiday Family Gatherings: How to Stay Sane During the Holidays

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We all want our holiday family gatherings to be times of positive, loving  interactions and of basking in the warm feeling that comes from being with people we love.

However, this is often not the case for many people. For these folks, and maybe you are one of them, these holiday family gatherings can be a source of great stress because of the expectation of conflict and dysfunction. These type of holiday family gatherings have the potential to steal your holiday cheer and leave you in a bad place for weeks.

The truth is that sometimes the people we love can get under our skin.They can say and do things that trigger negative reactions in us such as anger, irritation and sadness, causing us to strike back, making the situation worse.

Politics,religion, and people interfering in your personal life or business are just a few of the triggers that can be the cause of arguments, conflict and tension at holiday family gatherings.

Throw alcohol into the mix and these holiday family gatherings can become volatile to the point that after the party is over, family members are not even speaking to each other.  How to deal with these potentially stressful situations?

The key is to be prepared.  You could simply decide not to go or attempt to fake your own death to get out of it. However, if you do decide to attend your holiday family gatherings, here are some suggestions on how to stay calm and in control.

How to prepare and deal with holiday family gatherings.

1. Have an intention and decide your outcome ahead of time. Be clear about how you want to be at the holiday family gatherings. Have a goal for how you want to feel and respond. Create the outcome that you will leave feeling good about your visit.

For instance, suppose that every time you get together with your mother, you get impatient and frustrated, leaving you to you feel terrible afterwards. Before you see her again, make it your goal to be calm, loving, patient and kind. You might even write it down: “My intention is to be calm loving, patient and kind when I see my mother on Christmas day.”

Of course, you can also have the intention that you’re going to verbally destroy  anyone that attempts to mess with you at the holiday family gatherings, but this is not a good way to stay sane during the holidays.

2. Identify the triggers. Think back to previous family gatherings about what happened that triggered negative emotions or reactions from you. Is it what someone says or does? Is it a particular topic of conversation? If you are aware of the potential negative triggers, and can keep your  positive outcome in mind, you are more likely to stay in control.

3. Have a response ready when these triggers occur. If your outcome is to be calm, centered and balanced during holiday family gatherings, then decide what you will you do when the triggers appear. For instance, when someone brings up that topic of discussion that you know is going to cause trouble, you might:

  • Smile and say, “I really don’t want to talk about that right now.”
  • Excuse yourself and go to the restroom or go outside and take some deep breaths.
  • Make a joke out of it and change the subject.
  • Use the STOP method: Stop, Take a breath, Observe your body, emotions and thoughts, and proceed in a way that honors you, the other and your relationship.

Of course, as a last resort, you can always be prepared to leave if things get too out of hand. It’s a tough choice but sometimes it’s the right one.

4. Create your own positive trigger. This is a technique where you have a “power word”, phrase or a physical action that triggers a positive response. Put yourself into a relaxed state before you go to the holiday family function. You can imagine yourself in a relaxing place, or just breathe and release stress and tension. On each exhalation, say your word or phrase, such as “Calm” or “I can deal with this” or “In control”. Do something physical such as rub your fingers together while you are doing this. The idea is that you form an association between rubbing your fingers/saying your power word with a relaxed state so that when you feel those negative triggers threatening to derail you, you can use your positive trigger to get back to being calm, centered and balanced.

You may not be able to change your family dynamic, but you can always have control over how you respond. This holiday season, see if you can let go of the past, stay in present, and expect only the best from the future.

Need help? Someone to talk to? Contact me by clicking here.

Ted

p.s. If you thought this post was helpful, please leave a comment or share with your social networks.

Holiday Expectations: Staying Sane During the Holidays

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Can you feel it descending upon you?  I’m not talking about a lovely snowfall.  I’m talking about the heavy blanket of holiday expectations that comes around this time of year.

Much of the cause of holiday stress is having to fulfill the holiday expectations of others while hoping to get your own holiday expectations fulfilled.

Here is the good news: you don’t have to do anything.

That’s right. If you want float through the month doing absolutely nothing for the holidays, you have every right.
It’s your life, and you get to say how your holidays show up or not.

Holiday Expectations vs Your Sanity

I contend that your first obligation is to yourself and your own peace of mind and happiness. Especially around this time of year when there is so much emotion wrapped up in holiday expectations, traditions, and obligations.

Remember that when the Grim Reaper reaches his bony hand out to you, and you protest with “Not yet!  I never got to spend Christmas in Sedona like I always wanted to!”, I doubt if you’ll even get the courtesy of  a “Bummer…but it was your life. Uh, time to go.”

Understand that there is a type of hypnosis going on out there, and you better believe much of it is calculated and produced by people that probably get paid a lot more than you or me for the purpose of  getting your money.

The message is powerful and unrelenting in it’s attempt to create holiday expectations:

  • You should spend
  • You should feel this
  • You should do this
  • You should have this
  • Your holiday should look like a Norman Rockwell painting.

Just beware the nature of the Holiday Expectation Beast and if you don’t want to get mauled by it, then steer clear.

Here is where it will also show up: people in your life expecting you to play a role in their holiday productions. The pressure of their holiday expectations may not be so obvious.

The pressure of these holiday expectations can be subtle, so you have to stay aware to avoid getting sucked into putting on the Santa Suit against your will.

The trick here is to learn to say no. Learn to say no to what you don’t want to do. If you can’t come up with a definitive no, then at least negotiate. Make deals that allow you to get the holiday season that you want and avoid what you don’t want. Go ahead and let them call you a Grinch.

The reality is that you are not always going to get your way, especially if you have family, kids, spouses. If you want to spend Christmas day doing yoga and meditating, your husband might may not be in agreement if the kids are hounding him to play Barbies with them.

They key here is to know what you want and state your intentions. “Dear, I would like to spend at least a couple of days at home by myself to stay centered and balanced. How about I do kid duty a couple of days so you can golf?”

But sometimes you just need to put your foot down: “Dad, I”ll come over for Christmas but if you and Bob start arguing about politics, I will leave!” Just be prepared to walk your talk.

And don’t be afraid to go rogue: “Sorry, I’m already in debt up to my eyeballs, so I’m not buying anything for anyone. How about we just spend some quality time together after New Years?”

If you are one of those people that love everything about the holidays, I”m happy for you;  this post is not for you. Go drink some Egg Nog.

If however, you would rather chew on broken glass than hear “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” for the umpteenth time, then take control, make your own holiday or non holiday soundtrack mix, and plug in.

You’re only going to get one December in 2014! Figure out what you want, what you can stand, and what you won’t stand for, then make it a good one. Need help asserting yourself? Click here.

Ted

p.s. I really love hearing from you! Please leave a comment or share using all that cool technology we have now.

Self Care During the Holidays: 10 Tips

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Self care during the holidays is essential if you want to stay sane. Getting seriously stressed out, experiencing emotional breakdowns, having conflicts with family members and getting sick may not be the technical definition of insanity, but if these things happen due to lack of self care during the holidays, then you might FEEL as if you were going insane.

10 Tips for Self Care During the Holidays

 

1. Get enough sleep.  When you’re sleep deprived you’re irritable and prone to overwhelm, so negative emotions are much more easily triggered. You’re low on energy and not able to deal effectively with life’s normal challenges.Your immune system becomes challenged leaving you open to getting sick. Fatigue will cause you to reach for high sugar, high carb foods, making you feel even worse.

2. Avoid overdosing on sugar. Although sugar may give you a short term boost, the following drop in blood sugar can result in depression, anxiety , fatigue, irritability and mood swings. Other possible side effects from sugar overload: yeast infections, backaches, indigestion, bloating, eczema and frequent colds. Click here to read more.

3. Be mindful when you drink alcohol. Self care during the holidays does not include getting a DUI, throwing up in your boss’s bathroom, getting into a verbal or physical conflict, saying things you later regret, or waking up with a pounding hangover.  The amount of alcohol that causes intoxication is enough to suppress your immune system, leaving you open to colds, viruses or worse.

4. Drink lots of water. All the benefits of drinking water are too plentiful to list here. Remember that if you don’t drink water you will die. Seriously. Drink enough water and you’ll have less headaches, joint pain, constipation, crankiness and weight gain.

5. Wash your hands. It’s cold outside. Everyone is in the house. Some folks are carrying around flu and cold viruses but aren’t sick yet. Think about all the handshaking,  fingers in mouths, sneezing and coughing that goes on at a typical holiday party. Before you eat, always wash your hands.

5. Eat whole foods. Whole foods are foods that resemble how they grow in nature, which means unprocessed or minimally processed. These types of foods are nutrient rich and contribute to a healthy body. They keep your immune system strong and help keep you disease free.

6. Move your body. The benefits of consistent movement of your body are long and lasting. Improved mood, increased energy, better sleep, more fun, better sex, calmer mind, less stress, the list goes on and on. It could be walking a few minutes a day or going to the gym. Just do something.

7. Take breaks and days off.  Taking some days off to shop, wrap, renew or rest is essential to self care during the holidays. One way to deal with stress is to have regular periods of down time. Regular breaks during working hours can give you better memory, improved concentration, and increased creativity.

8. Nurture yourself. What fills you up? What makes you feel like life is worth living? What activities  can you do that could give you peak experiences? Self care during the holidays means giving to yourself all the good, juicy, healthy, happy stuff that you can.

9. Lower your expectations. A lot of unhappiness and frustration comes from having expectations about the holidays and not having them met to your satisfaction. Understand that people and circumstance change and that self care during the holidays might mean having to accept what shows up. The quickest way to insanity is to invest a lot of emotion into wanting what is, to be what it is not.

10. Find your own meaning. Ultimately, you are responsible for your holiday experience.You can be swept along by things and situations that hold no meaning for you, or you can you find something significant about this time of year that resonates with your deepest feelings and values. Remember that nothing has any meaning other than what you give it.

If you need help with your self care during the holiday season, you can contact me by clicking here. 

You are worth  self care during the holidays, aren’t you?

Ted

p.s. Did I leave anything out about self care during the holidays? If you think I did, please let me know in the comment section.

How to Stay Sane During the Holidays

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We all know that it can be hard to stay sane during the the holidays! They can be quite stressful.

There’s money anxiety: “How am I going to be able to afford buying gifts?

There’s family: “I just hope we don’t get into a big argument!”

There’s travelling: “Flying isn’t so much fun anymore.”

There’s food: “I hope I don’t gain a ton of weight!”

And of course, there’s parties: “He go SO drunk last year!!”

Anyone of these by themselves or in any combination can make us crazy. So how do we stay sane during the holidays?

The key to remaining sane during the holidays.

Stay awake! That’s the key. By that, I mean stay conscious and aware of what’s going on within you and without you. Understand that in your journey through the holiday season there will be situations that trigger emotions, reactions and responses. Stay connected to how you are feeling, observe the story you are telling, and be aware of what you are thinking. With this kind of awareness,  you can make powerful choices that serve you and help you stay sane during the holiday season.

For example, say you feel sad during the holidays. That’s a good thing to be aware of: “I have a tendency to feel sad during the holidays.” Accept that about you, but don’t make it mean anything other than you’re a human with emotions. Making up a story about it would be ” I’m such a terrible person for feeling sad during the holidays.” Don’t do that!

Perhaps you can take some quiet time to explore these feelings and bring awareness to them, maybe by journaling or sharing your feelings with someone you trust. Why do you feel sad? Perhaps you lost someone at the holidays. Maybe you feel lonely at the holidays. Allow yourself to feel and give yourself permission to express those feelings. Stay present and understand that it’s ok to feel sad.Then make a conscious choice. You may choose to have a good cry. Or, you may decide that you are going to spend as much time as you can with people you like and love.

Insanity during the holidays comes from not wanting to deal with what is. Remaining sane during the holidays means looking at what is squarely in the eye and making a choice as to how to deal with it. For example: “I hate that the holidays are so commercialized!” But the fact is that they are commercialized and that you are the hater! Choose to do your holidays in a way that is meaningful and significant for you.

Another example is insane stress during the holidays. You must first have an awareness that this isn’t working for you anymore. Then acknowledge your ability to choose your holiday experience.  It could be as simple as getting more sleep, taking supplements or not letting your exercise program fall by the way side. It could be a choice not to over commit your time or energy. Or it could be the decision to do all your shopping online or not shop at all.

Take some time now to be aware of:

  • What staying sane during the holidays would look like for you
  • Who you really want to be with during the holidays
  • What  you really want to do during the holidays

In addition, get clear about:

  • Where you are not sane during the holidays every year
  • Expectations that are thwarted every year
  • People that are not healthy for you to be around during the holidays

Then decide what you’re going to do to have the holiday experience you want and DO IT.

To stay sane during the holidays always remember that it’s YOUR holiday movie. You get to direct it and say who’s in it and how the story goes or not even make a holiday movie. It’s up to you to make it something you enjoy sitting through.

Ted

p.s. Need some help staying sane during the holidays? Click here to contact me for a free phone consultation.

It’s Better to Be Grateful than Dead

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Grateful

Why do we have only one day a year dedicated to giving thanks? If it was up to me, we would have Thanksgiving day once a week, (minus the huge feast). Think about it: if you lived 80 years, having Thanksgiving day once a year would give you 80 days when you were reminded to be grateful. If you had it every week, you’d have 4,160 days reminding you to make to be grateful. Think that would make a difference in your life? I do.

What’s so great about being grateful? Well, try going a whole week without saying thank you or being appreciative for anything. Complain loud and incessantly that whole week. Walk around with a feeling of entitlement, that the world owes you, and see how you feel. Compare and despair while bemoan what you don’t have. (What? You’re doing already that? You better call me immediately at 626-826-0612 or click here and I’ll give you 25 bucks off your next session.)

Gratitude is not just an attitude, it’s an energy that you generate. If you’re looking for it, you might feel it driving down the freeway in the shadow of beautiful mountains painted in red by the setting sun, or standing outside at night freezing your buns off awash in the glory of a full moon. It make take some practice generating that grateful attitude until you’re feeling  moments of bliss on a regular basis, but believe me, it’s worth it.

Being grateful is not just something you say or think, it’s a feeling that sustains you through the tough times, or gives you the icing when you’ve got your cake and you’re eating it too.

Everything looks better, feels better, works better when you’re grateful. Feeling grateful feels good. Feeling good is good for you, physically, emotionally and spiritually. We know that prolonged negative feelings can adversely impact health. And really, feeling thankful as a way of life is not that hard to do.

Taking it grateful instead of for granted.

I recently had a health scare with one of my children. More like a health terror, because that’s what it felt like. It put me in a place where all I wanted to do was hold both of them tightly and never let go. All of a sudden, their noisiness was not so noisy, their messiness not so messy. What a small price to pay to be able to kiss them while they sleep. I don’t every want to take them for granted; I hope I can always feel blessed that they are in my life.

Sometimes you really get that Life is fragile and unpredictable. One second too soon or a minute too late and there’s a funeral, or some other tragedy, loss or catastrophe. Anything can be taken from you at any time. I appreciate my grandmothers and grandfathers so much more now that they are gone than I ever did when they were alive. Didn’t really appreciate my siblings and parents until I was far, far away from them.

Maybe you need to go through some tough times to really appreciate the  blessings that have been bestowed upon you. My advice is: don’t wait for that to happen.

Every time I see a person sitting at a bus stop in the freezing cold or blazing heat, I’m thankful I have a car. With air conditioning and a heater. I know what it’s like to be cold, hungry, lonely and broke, so now that I’m warm, well fed and surrounded by my family, I’m feeling most of the time like life is grand.

There may be some dead that are grateful aside from Jerry Garcia and the band, but maybe the highest form of gratitude you can have is feeling lucky to be alive.

To be alive means you can be grateful. You get to have that chance. For your sake, take it. You’ve been given the fertile ground to plant and harvest the seeds of gratitude before that ground becomes your bed. Be thankful. For   every    single   little   thing.

(If you’re having trouble feeling the love as the holiday season approaches and you need some help, contact me by clicking here for a free 30 minute phone session.)

Ted A. Moreno
 
Photo by Skye Moorhead
www.skyemoorhead.com
 

Fear of Public Speaking: Worse than Death?

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Fear of public speaking is a fear worse than death

I’ll help you get out of that speech…

 

It’s been said that fear of public speaking is a fear worse than death for some people.

I’m not sure how many people have the fear of public speaking so bad that they would rather die, but many people do consider speaking in front of a group on par with a root canal on the list of their favorite activities.

Nobody is born a good public speaker. As with all fears, fear of public speaking is learned, and what is learned can be unlearned. When someone says “I have a fear of public speaking because I’m not a good speaker” all they are really saying is “I haven’t developed the skills to be an effective speaker.” Becoming comfortable in front of a group is a skill you can learn.

You may someday be called upon to speak to a group, maybe at a wedding or funeral. In today’s business environment, you will almost certainly be required to give reports or presentations to colleagues or clients. If so, consider learning to speak in public as necessary part of your personal and professional development.

If you are someone who gets the fight or flight response (sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, inability to think clearly) when asked to speak to a group, the good news is that you can learn to overcome the fear response and speak comfortably. It doesn’t  have to be  stressful. Many people who once suffered from fear of  public speaking  have gone on to become very good speakers.  Here are some other things to remember:

  •  You don’t have to be a master orator in order to be effective. You just need to be yourself. Don’t try to be or think of yourself as a “public speaker”.
  • The audience is on your side, wanting you to succeed.
  • The chances of you loudly passing gas, fainting, throwing up, totally forgetting what you were going to say or  the audience throwing stuff at you rarely happens and if it does, you can probably make a joke out of it.
  • You don’t need to memorize a lot of information or even impart a lot of information. That’s what notes and handouts  are for.
  • It’s ok to feel a little nervous, that’s natural.

Of course, there are different levels of fear of public speaking. On one end of the spectrum, you might be challenged by social anxiety disorder to the point where even talking to someone one on one is a problem. On the other end, you may feel  fear or nervousness that makes the prospect of public speaking just another stressful thing  in  your life. Either way, if you want some help, click here to contact me.

Tips for dealing with fear of public speaking

  •  Practice but don’t over- prepare. Have an outline for what you are going to say. Put your notes on 3×5 index cards that are numbered in order. Practice saying the words out loud. Practice in front of someone you trust that can give you some feedback is one of the best ways to deal with fear of public speaking. Record yourself to see what vocal tics you might want to work with. Practice in front of a mirror.
  • Don’t be boring. The worst sin you can commit as a speaker is making people wish they were somewhere else. Although there are many situations where one may need to speak, try to craft your message to your audience so that what you tell them has some impact on them.
  • Humor is good. People want to laugh, and when they do, you’ll  feel a lot more comfortable. Just use common sense to avoid offending your audience.
  • Humility is good. Don’t try to come across as an expert if you aren’t. Even if you are, remember, people don’t care how much you know unless they know how much you care.
  • Make sure you eat something. Diet and your level of anxiety are intimately related. Don’t go in front of a group on an empty stomach or over-caffeinated.
  • Monitor the conversation in your head so that it supports you. It doesn’t help to say things like “I just know I’m going to screw this up.” or “I have so much fear of public speaking!”. Be realistic in your expectations and show this in your language to yourself. “I can do this, it’s only ten minutes.”  or “This is a great opportunity to show my stuff.”
  • Do a little mental preparation before you speak. Psyche yourself up, see yourself doing great, give yourself some positive suggestions.
  • Use EFT to release anxiety.

I help people  let go of the anxiety and  fear of public speaking that keeps them from getting ahead. If you want to excel as a public speaker, there’s a lot of instructional material out there including books, DVDs and audio programs.   Toastmasters is the most well known and respected venue for people to hone their skills, and I highly recommend that you check out your local chapter. Check out Barbara Rocha’s programs as well. If you have a fear of public speaking, you CAN learn to be comfortable whenever you’re called upon to “show your stuff.”

Ted

If you want to hear a podcast of this blog with a funny story, go to tedmoreno.com/podcast, episode 32.

Click Here For a Free Guide to Relieve Anxiety