It Might Not Be Up to You– Episode 427

I was having breakfast with a couple of friends this morning and we were talking about how we met our significant others.

One had known the person he was dating for a while and one day just asked her out. The other met his wife at the gym. I met my wife at my brother’s wedding. She had no connection with my family or the family of the bride whatsoever, she came with the nail lady of the bride, who, interestingly, I was supposed to get set up with. The nail lady was hung over at the wedding and went to take a nap in her car and when she came back to the wedding, locked her keys in her car. When the wedding was over and everyone was going home, my wife-to-be was still there while the nail lady was waiting for AAA to get her keys out of her car. We started talking and the rest is history or our story.

All these occurrences happened by chance. None of them were expected. They just showed up. It wasn’t up to us.

I believe you may have heard my story of how I became a hypnotherapist. I was in a dead-end job, and my team and I were sent to a one day seminar that was off-site. The person leading the seminar said that she was a hypnotherapist. Speaking to her privately during a break, I expressed interest, and she suggested that I visit the Hypnosis Motivation Institute. Although I had heard of HMI and had seen the advertisements for the hypnotherapy program in magazines, I took no action until she suggested that I visit. A day later, I signed up for the program. Was it just chance that I met this hypnotherapist at some random seminar miles from where I lived and worked? But that meeting changed the direction of my life. It wasn’t up to me.

I used to be fully invested in the idea that I was the master of my destiny, the captain of my ship. Today I’m not so sure. I’m much more willing to believe now that how a lot of my life goes is not up to me.

I don’t think this goes against the idea of free will, or the idea that we can manifest our desires, set goals, and make stuff happen. The undeniable truth though, is that we don’t always get what we want, as the poet Jagger said. Maybe though, we do get what we need.

If you hold an acorn in your hand and look at it, it gives no indication that it has within it the potential to become a giant oak tree. However, there is some intelligence in the seed that, under the right conditions, allows it to sprout and grow into a massive tree.

Maybe human beings are the same way. Certainly, there is an intelligence within us that is above and beyond our own intellect, knowledge, and comprehension. For instance, the intelligence of our bodies that keeps our heart beating, our lungs breathing, our organs in balance, and allows our bodies to heal. A lot of that inner stuff is not up to us, it just seems to happen on its own, in the right way, most of the time.

It seems clear to me that that the experience of life is a combination of stuff that happens randomly and stuff that we seem to make happen though our intentions and actions. I mean, it seems obvious that stuff will happen that we didn’t expect as well as stuff that we planned for, right?

The point I want to make, is that there is a lot more that is not up to us and out of our hands than we might think.

I don’t think that there is some master plan or destiny that we’re locked into and have no control over. I do think that there are forces out there that we don’t fully understand. Things that seem to happen randomly, by chance or coincidence, could very well be these forces at work. As if something’s guiding us and leading us to where we need to be if we can tune in and listen. Some people might call it Divine Will, others, Universal Intelligence. Others call it intuition or the small voice within. Call it what you will, it seems to me that we would want to try to work in collaboration with these forces instead of against them. An acorn seed, after all, just becomes an oak, it can’t resist or try to be something else. But it’s different with us humans. We tend to overthink stuff. We try to force things that are not ready to move and not take advantage when conditions are right. We also have a terrible habit, called denial, of not seeing what is right in front of our face and responding accordingly.

So how can we align ourselves with this inner intelligence if it indeed exists?

Before we talk about that, let’s talk about the cost of not being in sync with intuition, or inner guidance or divine will or whatever is out there that might have a bigger plan than we can understand.

The cost is anxiety, loneliness, despair, and a sense of separation. We can end up struggling so hard, and grasping so tightly to our expectation of how it should be that life becomes a grind.

The pressure to live up to societal expectations is more crushing than ever. The psychological manipulation to get us to consume is not only ubiquitous, but more insidious than ever. Furthermore, we are literally worrying ourselves to death and crippling ourselves with anxiety to try to become what we think we should be. But maybe that’s going to happen naturally and organically by itself with a little help from our imagination. Maybe, just maybe, it’s going to be alright in the end and we don’t have to worry so much or be so scared.

I’m not advocating belief in a higher power or universal intelligence although that wouldn’t necessarily be a bad thing. Nor am I suggesting that we throw our hands up in the air and abdicate all responsibility for our lives. I’m simply suggesting that we take more time to listen to our own inner guidance and allow things to unfold on their own and in their own time. How can we do this?

We need to slow down. We need to take time away from television and news media and social media and all the distractions that keep us from being in touch with ourselves. We need to get more in touch with the flow of life within us and without us. We need to get outside more and avail ourselves to the power of life.

Meditation, yoga, prayer, reflection, journaling, therapy, and going on retreat are all ways that allow us to get back in touch with the life force within and be present to its guidance.

Lastly, we always need to be working on becoming our best selves so that we can have the clarity and awareness to recognize the signs that say “Opportunity” or “This Way” or “Stop” or “Turn Back” or “Keep Going, You’re Almost There” and to have the energy to follow the signs.

We are connected with everything out there because we don’t have a life, we share in the one Life. Therefore, I believe that we can affect the universe with our thoughts, first by being clear about what it is that we want, and second, by taking

the actions necessary to move things forward. If we can do this with faith, trust, and confidence, then we increase our ability to be shown what to do and then we can relax and enjoy the ride.

You’ve heard it before, it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey. The destination is the same for all of us: death. No one gets out alive. The question we must ask ourselves is how we can make our time on this journey meaningful, fulfilling and as enjoyable as possible.

I think we can do that by adopting the perspective that we don’t live life, life lives us. I heard something really cool the other day: “Life is not happening to you, life is happening from you. You’re emanating the signal to which all life is responding.”

We can try to trust that if we let go of grasping so hard and be more open to the subtle nudges and promptings of life, that life will take us where we need to be.

I haven’t fully figured this out but so far it feels right to me, and I wanted to share it with you. I hope at least I’ve given you something to think about.

I want to remind you that if you want to listen to this podcast, you can hear my podcast at

If I can help you let go of anxiety and worry and have a little more trust and faith that the Universe has your back, feel free to request a complimentary consultation at We’ll talk about what’s going on, I’ll answer any questions you have, and we’ll explore if working together is the best path forward for you.

Here’s a quote by Richard Bach from one of my favorite books of all time:

Quote: “Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.” ― Illusions the Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah.

Thanks for reading,



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If I can help you let go of anxiety and worry and have a little more trust and faith that the Universe has your back,  feel free to request a complimentary consultation at We’ll talk about what’s going on, I’ll answer any questions you have, and we’ll explore if working together is the best path forward for you.