Ted in Your Head Interview Series: Kassandra Brown, Relationship Coach, Intimacy Mentor and Certified Cuddlist.– Episode 410

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In this next installment of the Ted in Your Head Interview Series, Ted interviews  Kassandra Brown, Relationship Coach and Cuddlist.  She brings an analytical, heart-centered, body-based approach to her work with both individuals and couples. What is a Cuddlist? Just what you think! Listen Ted’s fascinating and profound conversation with Kassandra and go here for her free gift to TIYH listeners:
Kassandrabrown.org/Ted

 

Listen to this podcast episode now:

 

About Family – Episode 409

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We are all born into families. We try to make the effort to get along, to love and to honor our families, yet many of us would not choose our origin family members. However, we still yearn for the closeness, support and safety of a family. How should we approach family? How can we get our wants and needs met? What do we do if it’s obvious that we don’t fit into our family? Ted talks about family and the choices we make regarding them.

Listen to this podcast episode at the link below.
TedinYourHead.com

 

Embrace Your Place: Powerfully Claiming Your Existence – Episode 408

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Let me start with a story goes back to when I was 7 years old. I was in church with my dad, which was strange because I’m the oldest of 8 kids and usually if I was in church it was with my 7 other siblings and mom and dad. Maybe he wanted company that day, I don’t know.

Everything was fine until my nose started to run. Now, I had allergies as a kid, nothing serious, so I always carried a clump of Kleenex with me. I reached into my pocket, pulled out my Kleenex clump, and wiped my nose but it still kept running.

Soon the clump of Kleenex was a snotty mess so I secretly threw it on the floor of the church and immediately felt like a sinner for desecrating the Lord’s house with my snotty tissue. And my nose kept running.

If I had a long sleeve shirt I would’ve wiped it on my sleeve but I had a short sleeve shirt. I tried wiping my nose on my bare skin on the back of my hand but that was really gross and I started to feel really miserable because my nose kept running.

What I started doing was squeezing all the snot from my nose into my hand and wiping it underneath my pant leg. Soon my pant leg was wet and snotty and I almost started crying when my dad noticed my discomfort and asked me “What’s going on?”

I told him with tears in my eyes “Sorry Dad, I’m so sorry my nose keeps running and I don’t know what to do!”

He reached into his back pocket and gave me his handkerchief which solved the problem. After church, he asked “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I think I might’ve said that I didn’t want to bother him. But looking back, the truth is that I didn’t feel I was allowed to ask for what I needed. The church was more important, not talking was more important, not bothering my dad was more important than my discomfort. He had 8 kids and he seemed like he was bothered a lot.

That’s how I felt as a kid.

Maybe your childhood was different, but I know I’m not the only one that felt this way as a kid. Now I had and still have decent hardworking parents and I’m grateful. But the messages I got as a kid from the world around me went something like this:

· Who do you think you are? You’re not special.

· Don’t call attention to yourself, don’t toot your own horn

· Stay in your lane.

· Follow the rules

· Don’t be a bother

· Don’t take more than your share

· You only get what you deserve.

· Don’t rock the boat.

I think if you look for the hidden meaning behind these messages, I think it comes down to two very disempowering ideas: what you think and say doesn’t matter and what you want and need doesn’t matter. And this is a very unconscious. Nobody actually tells you that but that’s the message. We don’t think these things consciously either. But it’s kind of like a computer virus, a mind virus, operating in the background. Programming is a good name for it.

So as we grow up, and try to make our way in the world. We encounter challenges, we make mistakes, we fail to do what we set out to do and then we might even start to reinforce these negative messages with our own negative self-talk. And even as adults we have people reinforcing these things. Family members, bosses, religion: you are a sinner. And that starts to feed these mind viruses and they grow. It’s possible to find ourselves with the feeling that we need to apologize for who we are because we feel bad about ourselves. It’s possible for some people to get to the point where they feel they need to apologize just for being alive. And that’s a sad state of affairs. Some people overcompensate by being bullies or being demanding or obnoxious and that’s sad too.

These are the messages many of us receive and I know that for a fact after almost 20 years as a hypnotherapist working with thousands of clients. There’s only one word to describe these kinds of negative messages we get from the world. It’s all bullshit.

Speaking of a sad state of affairs, For most of my life, I believed I was fuckup.

Sorry, but that’s the word I used to myself. I believed I would screw it up. Whatever it was, job, relationship, life, whatever. I didn’t want to get married, have kids, buy a house or start a business. Why, so I could screw it up? So I would sabotage myself. With stuff like perfectionism. “If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all.” That’s a very sneaky form of self-sabotage, which is something I struggled with a lot when I was young.

And so consequently, I was always asking myself one terrible question. What’s wrong with me?

As a hypnotherapist, I see things. I hear things. Some of my clients tell me that they get on social media. And they say oh look they’ve got a beautiful house, beautiful car. Look what they’re doing, wonderful vacations, nice restaurants. So it’s easy for them to think, “How come I’m not doing that? How come I don’t have that? What the hell is wrong with me?”

Now, we’re not talking about you of course. But you might know someone that can relate.

The only thing wrong with most people is that someone told them some bullshit and they believed it.

Mark Twain said: “The trouble with most of us is that we know too much that aint so.”

We believe what we’re told. That’s what we do as little kids. From the time we’re born until 8 or 9 years old we take in everything as absolute truth. So when people come to my

hypnotherapy office because they don’t feel good about themselves, or they feel less than, I tell them “Hey, It’s the programming. Just the programming. The mind viruses you caught from someone else. It’s not your fault. It’s not who you are, it’s just how you are thinking and what you believe, and the good news is that you can change your thinking and what you believe.”

And that’s what I want to talk about today. How to claim our rightful place in this world by changing what we believe. And guess what. You don’t need to do anything or accomplish anything or be anybody to believe that you are ok. It’s a decision you make. Because your value, your worth, doesn’t have to depend on anything out there, it comes from within.

The first step is to realize just how much BS there is out there. There is a lot. All the socialization that tells you that you’re nothing unless you have this or are doing this or making this. It’s hard to find the truth.

Let’s look for what’s true shall we? Here’s the interesting thing about truth. It’s self-evident, we should be able to see it for ourselves. We shouldn’t have to take anybody else’s word about what is true.

I can’t speak for you, but what is evidently true for me, is that I exist. I am. What that means is that I’m having an experience. Right now. That’s the only thing I can say for sure. I have an awareness that I am having an experience that I call life. This awareness is a fundamental quality of our being by the way. My awareness right now, in this moment, is that life is pretty darn good.

Look around you. Are you reading this on a computer in a comfortable house? I’m writing this on a computer in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. What are the chances of that? I don’t know but what I can tell is that right now, that’s pretty cool. I feel lucky to be here.

What did I do to deserve this? The answer is it doesn’t matter because deserves has got nothing to do with it. The idea that you only get what you deserve is just more bullshit. Plenty of people have what they don’t deserve and plenty of others never get what they do deserve. Would you agree? So let’s remove from deserves from the equation.

Because here’s the thing. Somehow, someway, I came into existence. I didn’t ask to be born but here I am. I’ve been given life and I consider that a gift.

If you can say to yourself, I exist or I am, then you’ve been given that gift too. And far as I know none of us did anything to deserve it. But here we are.

And look what you get as part of the deal. Eyes to see. A mouth to taste. A nose to smell. Ears to hear. A heart to feel. A brain to think.

And so, just by virtue of being born, you get the sun. The moon, the stars, the sea. You get mountains, trees, rivers, lakes. Flowers, clouds, rain, snow. All the beauty of the world is yours should you choose to enjoy it. You were gifted with 4000 years of music, 3000 years of poetry, literature. 50, 000 years of art. It’s yours. You inherited it.

You get to love, be loved and have your heart broken. You get to succeed and fail. You get to have challenges. If you didn’t have challenges you would invent some I can assure you of that. You get to be young and grow old if you’re lucky. You get to dream and realize your dreams. Or not.

All this just for being born. Hell of a deal. The universe or God or whatever must love you because it has seen fit to have you here now.

Sometime in the 90s I was sitting on a mountain looking out over a beautiful valley in the Catalina Mountains of Tucson Arizona. They call these mountains sky islands because you can drive from the desert and in 30 minutes be in lush pine forests.

A voice spoke to me. It might’ve been the voice of God or nature or those mushrooms I ate. But the voice said something really profound: You’re ok Ted. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just figuring it out like everybody else. You’re only human, and that’s ok. It’s good that you’re here. Don’t worry, we’ve got your back.

I never heard that before in that way. In way that was so validating. It took a while for me to completely get that, but I did and that shift of perspective changed my life and has brought me here today to share that message with you.

Ever seen Gone with the Wind? There’s a great scene. Scarlett O Hara is the protagonist. She grew up on her family’s plantation vain, self-centered, spoiled by wealthy parents. The civil war comes and sweeps away her wealthy lifestyle. She finds herself destitute and starving. She goes out to the fields to find something to eat but the only thing she can pull out of the ground is a withered carrot. She tried to eat it but gags. She falls to the ground miserable and crying. But then she stands up. She raises her fist to the sky and in a moment of desperation but also of empowerment, she says “As God is my witness I will never be hungry again.”

Have you ever made a declaration like that? Have you ever been down on you knees or with your back against the wall and you said “ I don’t care what it takes or what I have to do, I’m going to make this happen.”

Because that’s what we need to do.

If anything I said resonated with you today, then what you want to do is make a powerful declaration by calling on the powers that be and saying out loud or in the silence of your mind, “As the Universe or God is my witness I belong here. It’s good that I’m here. Even if I’ve screwed up. Even if I’m made mistakes. Even if I don’t have that thing that other people have even if I’m not doing that amazing thing they’re doing. Even if I’ve done things I’m not proud of even if I fuck it up, I’m doing my best, it’s ok that I’m here and it’s good that I’m here.”

I would suggest to you that this is the most powerful perspective that you will ever adopt. This is the most powerful thing to believe.

Reject any message you ever got from others or yourself that said that you are not good enough or less than or there’s something wrong with you. You are whole and complete right here, right now. You are unique and special and inherently awesome. This is your home. This is your life. Life is up and then it’s down, that’s life. It’s hard sometimes but that doesn’t mean that you suck.

Refuse to apologize for being alive, for being here now. Make a commitment to being unapologetically you. Embrace that fact that you are here now and that that is a good thing if for no other reason than because you say so. Believe you are here for a reason. Is that true? It doesn’t matter, it’s a good belief to have. It’s a good place to stand. Here’s a quote by Anonymous: The two most important days of your life is the day you were born and the day you find out why.

Stake your claim to all the joy and happiness and wonder and awe you can get your hands on. Be willing to receive what you didn’t earn or don’t deserve but also be willing to do something to attract what you want into your life. You have a right to ask for what you want and what you need and what you want and need is important. Life itself is a gift given to you for reasons we don’t understand, and we don’t have to.

Here’s another quote for you “We have a responsibility to love ourselves. If we don’t, we are contributing to the world’s problems.”

Marianne Williamson said that in her book A Return to Love. Here’s another quote from that book you might’ve heard:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Do whatever you can to liberate yourself from fear, from the bad things that happened in the past and from the BS. Do what you can to love and care for yourself. And above all, be grateful.

Listen to this podcast episode at the link below.
TedinYourHead.com

Self Cultivation – Episode 407

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What does it mean to cultivate oneself? Just like cultivating a garden, or a vineyard, it means to grow, to develop and to tap into potential.

The idea of self-cultivation goes back thousands of years. Voltaire said “We must cultivate our own garden.” Your garden is your mind, body and spirit. Listen to this episode for some ideas on what self-cultivation means for you.

Listen to this podcast episode at the link below.
TedinYourHead.com

10 Steps to Creating Motivation to Exercise

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One of the most common reasons people come to my hypnotherapy practice is to find the motivation to exercise. We all know exercise is essential to health and wellness, yet, if you are not in the habit, it can be difficult to go from not doing anything to getting regular and consistent exercise.

There are a lot of reasons not to exercise. It’s hot, it’s sweaty, it’s uncomfortable, you don’t have time, you can’t afford a gym or personal training, you don’t want people to see you, it’s not worth the effort, it’s too late for you, etc.

The first step is to make the decision that getting exercise is something you MUST do. Be clear that focusing on all the reasons why you can’t exercise will not help you. We are looking for solutions here! Refocus your mind on reasons why you CAN achieve the fitness you want and begin looking for ways to make it happen.

Getting regular exercise will help you to have more energy, be happier, more focused and effective, less stressed, more confident, look better and live longer. But you knew that, right?

Here are some practical steps to help you begin and maintain a consistent exercise program.

  1. Find a word that is acceptable to you that doesn’t have negative connotations. Some people hate or have a negative reaction to the words exercise, working out, gym, etc. so find a word that works for you. It might be moving your body, getting fit, physical activity, etc. This is important!
  2. Write down all the reasons why you must get exercise or whatever word that describes what you want to do. Not why you should, but why you must. Take a couple of minutes to imagine how you would feel if you were getting physical activity regularly.
  3. Find something that you can do and might enjoy. If you absolutely can’t stand going to the gym, then forget about that. There are plenty of other ways to increase physical fitness. Just to name a few: walking, hiking, biking, yoga, pilates, tai chi, chi gong, jumping jacks,  jumping rope or using a rebounder (mini trampoline). In addition there are plenty of videos and CD programs available for purchase or free online that can guide you.
  4. Mix it up. Walk one day, hike another, ride a bike the next, take a class once a week.
  5. PLAN! This is probably the most important step. Remember that most people don’t plan to fail, they fail to plan. Be realistic as to when you can fit in your activity. To go from doing nothing to getting up at 6 am everyday and going to the gym is probably not realistic. Take some time to sit down and plan the days and times that will work for you. Try to make these times consistent if possible. In other words, schedule the same days and times every week. We are trying to create a new habit. Write it down in your schedule book/app as an appointment, and create reminders for yourself.
  6. Start with easily achievable steps. Success by the inch is a cinch, by the yard it’s very hard. Shoot for 3 times a week, for 30 minutes each time, or even 15 minutes. Start small and work your way up. If you plan to get out and do something three times a week and do it, congratulations you are a success! However if you plan for 5 days and week and only do three, you might be tempted to beat yourself up.
  7. Set yourself up for success by making it easy to succeed. Look at your schedule the night before to reinforce what activity you plan to do the next day. Be sure all your stuff is packed and ready.
  8. Use supportive language. Be your own coach. Talk to yourself using encouraging and motivating language. Before you go to bed, use affirmations such as “My health is my top priority and I am committed to my plan to exercise tomorrow at 7 am!”
  9. Get a partner. If you can find someone to walk, hike, bike, go to the gym or take a class with, you are much more likely to do it and enjoy it.
  10. Hire a personal trainer. This will make you accountable and will most likely get you the best results. Do your homework and find someone reputable with good reviews or ask around for a good referral. Ask lots of questions of potential trainers and communicate clearly what your goals are and how you want to be trained i.e. “I want someone to kick my butt” or “I want some to be gentle with me.”

You can do this. It may be a little uncomfortable at first, but discomfort becomes comfort if repeated enough. To reiterate, be clear about why you must, and the benefit you will receive. Getting into a regular schedule of consistent activity and feeling the benefits can be one of your greatest accomplishments. Call me if you need help!

Ted A. Moreno
Certified Hypnotherapist
High Performance Coach
www.TedMoreno.com

5 Things That Can Help Overcome Your Depression

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Today’s post is by guest author Allison Hail, hailing all the way from New Zealand.

When you’re depressed, it can feel like there’s nothing you can do to feel better. The nature of depression ruins your drive and hope, making it difficult to get the help you need. However, while getting over depression is never easy, it is certainly not impossible. There are many things you do to ease the symptoms of depression and get you on the right track to recovery. The following five steps will help you get there.

Talk to Someone

 Having depression can make it tough to be around people or reach out for help. But isolation will only worsen your depression symptoms. When you’re on your own on all the time, it’s very hard to keep a healthy, positive perspective.

Talking about your depression is a crucial step on the road to recovery. Confiding in someone whom you love and trust can make a world of difference in your outlook. It’s important to remember that your loved ones care about you and won’t ever see you as a burden, even if that’s how you feel inside. But if you’re not ready for this step just yet, you could try a support group first. Being around others who have the disorder can make you feel less alone and make it easier to open up about your struggles.

Try Relaxation Techniques

Doing a daily relaxation practice can help to relieve stress and boost feelings of happiness. It can also help to improve your sleep, which is a common problem that goes along with depression. There are many different relaxation techniques you can try, from yoga and meditation to deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation. Some people also find hypnotherapy to be helpful for relieving stress and anxiety. You may find that combining or alternating different techniques has the best results.

Get Active Outside

Exercise is proven to be one of the most effective ways to deal with depression. Doing just 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise can give you a boost in endorphins, the positive mood-enhancing chemicals in the body.

Whenever possible, make it a point to exercise outdoors in the daylight. The sunlight can help to improve your mood by boosting your serotonin levels. Trampolining is a particularly great outdoor exercise and one that is proven to improve mental health. Not only does it boost your energy, but the sheer fun of jumping up and down in the fresh air will get you smiling, laughing, and feeling more positive.

Discover a New Happy Place

Everybody needs a break once in a while when life becomes challenging. Why not take a few hours off each week to find a new favourite activity or travel destination?  You could try a new sport such as diving, kayaking, or archery, or take up a constructive new hobby such knitting, woodworking that doesn’t require you to stare at digital screens.

Eat a Healthy Diet

 Even if you don’t have an appetite, you should always try to eat something every three to four hours. Going too long without eating can leave you feeling even more tired and irritable, which does no good for your depression. However, you must be mindful of what you consume because this can have a direct impact on how you feel. It’s important to stay away from too much sugar and refined carbs. Foods high in sugar may taste good, but it can quickly cause your mood and energy to crash. You can keep your mood stabilised by consuming plenty of omega 3 fatty acids, which can be found in salmon, sardines, mackerel and other fatty fish.

Find Activities You Enjoy

 The symptoms of depression can reduce your energy and motivation to do the things you once loved. A key step in overcoming depression is pushing yourself to do things, even if you don’t feel like it. Set aside time to do anything you may find of interest, whether it’s playing a sport you once loved, pursuing a brand-new hobby or simply exploring places you’ve never been. Getting out into the world and engaging in activities will help to re-ignite your spark. While your depression may not be cured right away, you will gradually begin to feel more positive, energetic and upbeat.

Author’s Bio:

“Allison Hail is a freelance writer based in gorgeous New Zealand who loves sharing her insights on health and wellness. You can discover more of her work on Tumblr.”

Image Credit:

Girl at the Dock by Paola Chaaya via Unsplash.com under License

7 Steps to Fulfill Your Desires in 2018

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fulfill your desires

Here we are finishing the first month of the New Year. How’s it going for you? Are you on track to fulfill your desires?

If you are like most people, things are the same as the were this time last year, in other words, “same stuff, different day.” You probably realize that making resolutions isn’t a good way to fulfill your desires. I read somewhere that only 8% of those that make resolutions actually keep them.

To fulfill your desires, there are definite steps you need to take to manifest what you want in your life.

Setting Goals and Intentions: The Key to Fulfill Your Desires

  1. First of all, you need to subscribe to the belief that you CAN get what you want, that you are deserving, worthy, and able to fufill your desires and dreams. You must believe that the Universe, or God, or Infinite Intelligence  has your back. Nothing will happen if you believe that you can’t do it, or that you should be punished, or that it’s not worth the hassle, or that God doesn’t want you to fulfill your desires and dreams. If you need help with this part, you should click here.
  2. Next, to fulfill your desires, you must KNOW what you desire. You need clarity about what you are serious about manifesting.  This takes time and reflection. Do you want to lose weight? Buy a house? A new car? Get a new job? Take a yoga class? Create a new website for your business? Have a better relationship? Take some time to journal/write or having a discussion with someone you trust.
  3. To fulfill your desires, you must write down your goals and desires. This step is where most people get stopped. Every accomplishment, great or small, started off as an idea in someone’s mind. The trick is to turn that intangible idea into something that happens in physical reality, something you can feel, hear, touch and share with others. Writing your goals and dreams down is an essential step to fulfill your desires because it starts the process of bringing your desires into the physical realm. If you do it on a computer, print it out. You can have goals for business, family, household, health or spirituality. Have a number of different goal sheets for different areas of life. Keep them in a notebook or folder where you can easily find/review them.
  4. Next, set target dates or timelines that indicate when you plan to have your goals and desires accomplished. As opposed to “someday I’ll have this/do this…”, instead, write down exactly when you plan to achieve the goal or fulfill your desires. If it is ongoing, then create a timeline or series of benchmarks. What needs to get done and by when? Put pressure on yourself with deadlines and target dates.
  5. Create action steps. Break down your desires/goals into specific things that you will do to achieve them. For instance, “Call John to discuss proposal” or “Research yoga classes in my area” or “Purchase materials needed.” Nothing will happen without taking action!
  6. Reinforce the goal/desire on a consistent basis. There are a many ways to do this. Review goals weekly or monthly. It’s easy to set a goal and then forget about it, easy for our dreams and desires to get covered up by the busyness of life. Life is a moving parade, so to fulfill your desires, you must stay focused on what you want. it’s  Set a time and a day every week or every month when you will do this and review your progress, keeping your desires top of mind. In addition, use positive statements about your ability to fulfill your desires, goals and dreams. These are called affirmations. Say them/read them right before bed with your mind is very suggestible.
  7. Finally, celebrate when you accomplish something! Set rewards for achieving your desires, such as a trip or vacation, or buying something you want, or just a day off. Reinforce the good feeling of accomplishment that comes when you fulfill your desires.

Get Your Subconscious Mind On Board

Remember, your subconscious mind, (88% of your total mind, according to one theory)  wants everything to stay the same. To the subconscious, the unknown represents pain. If you don’t have it yet, then what you desire is an unknown to your subconscious mind. Since the subconscious avoids unknowns, your subconscious mind will often sabotage your efforts and try to keep you where you are now, because that is what is known, and the subconscious like what is know and familiar, even if you conscious mind wants something different.

The key is to use the steps above to get your subconscious mind familiar and comfortable with what you want: the desired result, the fulfillment of your desire, the compelling outcome. This will take organization, planning and time investment. If you are not used to doing this, then start small with an easily achieved goal. It’s worth it! You can do it! If you need help, contact me by clicking here.

The only language the Universe understands is Faith + Intention + Action. It’s said that God helps those that help themselves. Claim your desire, declare it to to world, then start putting one foot in front of the other to fulfill your desires in 2018.

Have a great year!

Ted

How to Avoid the Fog of Overwhelm Part II

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Overwhelm

In my last post, Avoiding the Fog of Overwhelm Part I, I discussed the state of overwhelm, what it is, how it happens and how it affects us.

To recap briefly, overwhelm happens when there is too much information (message units) coming into our conscious awareness. Our minds only have a certain capacity, like a cup that you can only pour so much water into. When are minds are filled to capacity, and stuff keeps pouring in, we lose the ability to cope.

At this point, our ancient survival mechanism, that good old fight or flight, gets triggered. When that happens we become what is known as “hypersuggestible” which means that we are susceptible to whatever is coming into our minds. We are actually in a state of hypnosis, but the suggestions we are giving ourselves are not positive, like the positive suggestions you get in a hypnotherapy session.

Usually, when we are overwhelmed, there is an accompanying state of stress; the conversations we are having in our heads are usually negative conversations. So, when we are overwhelmed, we can literally be programming ourselves for negativity and fear and we end up with a reinforcing cycle of overwhelm.

Each persons’ response to the state of overwhelm varies, ranging from a complete shutdown where someone might just slump into a chair and begin to cry, to irritability or anxiety, or to a feeling of being disoriented or “spaced out”, which I call the fog of overwhelm.

The end result is the same: we become ineffective in dealing with the challenges of life. We may lose the ability to be focused and on task, turn to avoidance or procrastination, or begin to feel anxious or depressed.

It’s important to note that for many of us, the modern American lifestyle lends itself to consistent feelings of being overwhelmed.

So what can we do to avoid the fog of overwhelm? Most of the things we can do involve basic self care.

  1. Get adequate sleep and take naps if you need to. Remember how your mind is like a cup? Every day it gets filled up with tension, pressure and the stress of living. Sleep is the time for your mind to empty the cup. Strive for a healthy sleep schedule and avoid stimulants such as caffeine, electronic devices, and working out just before bed.
  2. Don’t skip meals. Some people are prone to anxiety and overwhelm due to low blood sugar. Blood sugar, or blood glucose, is the main fuel for your body. Your brain uses more glucose than any other organ in your body. Do you ever get that feeling of lethargy or lack of focus in the late afternoon? Take a break and eat something with protein.
  3. Take breaks. Taking regular breaks throughout the day allows your mind to process incoming information more effectively. Breaks are scientifically proven to boost productivity and focus. Consider working in hour or 90 minute spurts, then taking a short five or ten minute break. This includes taking regular vacations and days off.
  4. Exercise. I know, you’re tired of hearing it, but exercise allows our body and minds to release tension and stress. If nothing else, get up and walk around.
  5. Meditation, yoga and other mindfulness practices. Powerful ways to feel more calm and more focused more often.
  6. Focus on one thing at a time. Multitasking can create overwhelm. Your focus is sharpest when it’s narrow and concentrated. One thing at a time: first this, then that.
  7.  Keep your vices in check. Alcohol and marijuana are hypnosis inducing drugs, not only when you are under the influence, but the next day as well. Check in with yourself to see if you need to make some changes in these habits.
  8. Count yourself out of hypnosis/overwhelm. When you find yourself overwhelmed, and starting to stress out, count yourself out of that negative state. Say out loud to yourself, if you can, “12345 Eyes open wide awake!” Clap or rub your hands together to get back into your body and out of your head.  This really works.

Take some time to go down this list and see what you can tweak and make better. You’ll find that you’re happier, more focused and productive, and a lot nicer to be around.

Having trouble sleeping? Challenged by anxiety? Need motivation to exercise? Click here to contact me for a free 30 minute consultation. 

Photo by Sb2s3

Avoiding the Fog Of Overwhelm Part I

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fog of overwhelm

An example of overwhelm: driving in the worst fog I’ve ever encountered, many years ago. I couldn’t see anything except the two red brake lights of the car ahead of me. I couldn’t see the lines of the road, and I dared not pull over to the side of the road for fear of being hit by another car. All I could do was keep my hands on the wheel, pray that the car in front of me knew where he was going, and hope that I would be able to see the sign for my exit.

I had no point of reference. I was overwhelmed by the fog and unable to do anything but hurtle through the mist, wishing for some clarity.

It reminds me of the time I was at IKEA, the furniture store, for the first time. They had the coolest stuff I’d ever seen. I wanted to see everything but apparently so did everyone else because the place was packed with people. However, after 2 hours, all I wanted to do was get the hell out of there. I literally wanted to run for the door, shove aside anyone in my way, and go find something to eat. I was getting more and more irritated by the minute and I felt like I wanted to scream, but I also felt like I was going to shut down at any minute. Ever felt like that?

I was overwhelmed. If you’ve ever felt this way, then you have experienced the fog of overwhelm.

Are you saving enough for retirement? Are the tires on your car in good shape? Have you called your mother yet? Are you ready for that event? What about taxes? Have you returned that phone call? When are you going to clean your house, fix the faucet, call the insurance guy, talk to your boss, pay that overdue bill, and schedule a physical? What are you going to fix for dinner tonight if you ever make it off this damn freeway?

This is the overwhelm of modern life.

From the time we wake up, to the time we manage to lay our heads down, we must think, remember, plan, manage time, deal with people, get lots of stuff done and hopefully, eat three meals and try to breathe.

There’s a potential cost to this: we spend our lives in a haze, irritable that we can’t see our way out, lost in a fog, stuck on a track with no scenery, with little choice to pull off because we’re too tired, too confused or too uncertain.

Here’s why: your mind has a certain capacity; like a cup, it will only hold so much. Continue to fill it past it’s capacity and you’ll have a big mess.

From the time we wake up, our minds start getting filled up. Our minds are designed to handle many incoming messages. Let’s call each bit of incoming information a ” message unit.” Your mind also has a filter (critical mind) that is designed to disregard things that don’t matter.

What determines how many message units our minds can handle? Many things: how much sleep you get, what you eat, your health, your level of organization, your level of confidence, your past, your genetics, to name a few.

Let’s say you went to bed too late, and woke up late for work. Now you are rushing around, no time to eat breakfast. You’re running late, and traffic is terrible. You try to text your boss but you almost hit the car in front of you. You arrive at work and there’s an important meeting that you are supposed to be in. You need a cup of coffee but there’s no time to get one. You end up working through lunch and now you are starving, tired, and headache cranky. That’s a lot of messages units coming into your mind.

What happens when you are in overwhelm? 

Your mind cannot take in more information because you are incapable of dealing with the onslaught of message units. You are experiencing the fog of overwhelm.

At this point, your critical mind, the part of your mind that is designed to deal with incoming message units,  is failing. You no longer have the ability to critically deal with what’s coming at you. You are now running around like the proverbial chicken without a head. Message units are flowing into your mind unchecked, like a dam that has burst. Guess what happens next?

Your flight or fight response, that ancient survival mechanism designed to prepare you to run or fight, kicks in. Congratulations, you are now in hypnosis. 

The technical definition of hypnosis is: an overload of message units, disorganizing the critical mind, triggering the fight/flight response, creating a state of hyper-suggestibility, creating access to the subconscious mind.

However, this is not the good kind of hypnosis where a nice gentlemen like myself is speaking to you gently using positively wonderful suggestions while you recline in a comfy happy chair.

Nope. This is the bad kind of hypnosis where you can’t think straight, can’t see straight, can’t make a decision to save your life, and you are giving yourself positively dreadful suggestions like “I can’t stand this, how did I get here, I want to kill someone, I’m so tired, I’m so angry and irritable, I hate this, and all I want to do is run screaming out of here before I punch someone out.” (Did I mention that in this state you’re hyper-suggestible which means super open to suggestions?)

It’s quite difficult to be effective in the fog of overwhelm because there is no clarity and you are like a zombie. Difficult to make the right decisions, difficult  to keep your cool when someone gets snarky with you, because you are now reactive rather than pro-active. But it’s easy to forget stuff, let things slip through the cracks, and easy to allow negativity or anxiety to overtake you.

Think about how many people are in this state on a daily basis. 

So what can we do? How do we handle the fog of overwhelm when we are so turned around we’ve lost our bearings and there are no signposts available? I’ll talk about this in my next post “The Fog of Overwhelm Part II.” Stay tuned. 

p.s. Check out my podcast Ted In Your Head Episode 21 “Are You a Zombie?”

Also, check out the podcast of this blog at my podcast Ted in Your Head Episode 40

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Liberation from You

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Liberation

Bob Marley (photo by Euli Frey)

Liberation. The word is inspiring and filled with history and meaning.

Look up the phrase “independence”  on Wikipedia and you’ll get a definition about countries, nations and states and self government.

Look up the word liberation, and you won’t get much. As a definition, three words, actually.

Why so much about freedom but so little about liberation?

I think it’s because when we’re in a prison cell, or in a dictatorship where we’re unable to travel freely,  we know it. Those things are obvious to see and easily trigger a desire to be free from them.

What is not so obvious is when we are a prisoner to our own mind.

Liberation: What we really want but don’t know it.

People can get comfortable living in a dictatorship. Prisoners can become accustomed to and even comfortable with prison life. “This is how it is. We just have to make the best of it” is how we might come to acceptance of these conditions. But we don’t deny the fact that we aren’t free.

Not so when it comes to our minds. We have the capability to live our whole lives imprisoned by our beliefs, thoughts and feelings, and believe the whole time that we aren’t. This is called delusion.

This is what we all truly desire: liberation from the things that keep us from happiness, health, and prosperity, including the inability to see them for what they are.  We seek liberation from unhappiness, unease, discontent, and discomfort. We want liberation from emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, regret, and fear. We want freedom from bad habits, patterns of thinking that don’t serve us, and lack of self worth and self esteem.

At our core, we all seek liberation from what holds us back from what we want. What is required is liberation from being blind to the fact that the biggest thing that holds us back is ourselves.

The problem is that we can get pretty chummy with those things that imprison us. We can become so comfortable and so accustomed to living in fear, anger and sadness that we come to accept it as how it is.  This way of being can become so pervasive that if given the key to our own liberation, we will give it back and say no thanks. Then, we will blame something or someone else for our inability to step through the door.

True liberation, true freedom, is being able to see what is true and act accordingly. The truth will set you free.

The truth is that most of us will never completely  escape the emotional landscape that surrounds our humanity. We will be subject to  grief and sadness, anger and resentment, guilt and regret, unease and discomfort.

Our liberation comes from seeing this truth with stark clarity and exercising our freedom to choose how to respond. To be liberated from ourselves is to see clearly that we don’t need to be slaves to our emotions,  desires, regrets, or habits. We can at least acknowledge that the chains that bind us to an unfulfilled life are illusory, and like wisps of smoke, can be blown away at any time.

But it’s not easy. Most people need some help. The best that most can hope for is to achieve liberation from the heaviest chains, and only you know what they are.

“Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our minds.” 

~Bob Marley, Redemption Song

Ted

You can hear the podcast of this blog at TedMoreno.com, or Soundcloud, or iTunes.