10 Reasons Why You Might Benefit from Therapy – Episode 458

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Let me tell you right off that I have a great job. I love my job. People come to me with all sorts of challenges including challenges with their families, work, health, and emotions. Through our work together, I get to see them overcome their challenges and gain more confidence, self esteem, emotional strength, adaptability, and greater health and happiness.

For many of the people who come to see me, healing often comes from just showing up and having that space of unconditional positive regard where they can be honest and vulnerable and be heard.

What can be sad, I think, is to hear from many of my clients that they have family members or friends that are really struggling with various life challenges but, are not open to talking to anybody about it. They’re simply not open to therapy for one reason or another.

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And I get it. It’s not the most comfortable thing to sit in front of someone else, much less a stranger, and tell them about your problems. There are a lot of people that are very private. Others feel that they can figure it out on their own and maybe they do or maybe they don’t.

Many others are so filled with shame that they cannot bring themselves to reveal to someone else the burden of their painful feelings.

Some people have not had good experiences with therapists or therapy and have decided that it’s not for them. The very first therapist I had was always struggling to stay awake during our appt time which started at 8 am. If I had let that stop me from going to therapy, I wouldn’t have had the benefit from seeing several really good therapists after that.

Truth be told, therapy is not for everyone. However, just like most people can benefit from a regular program of physical exercise, I strongly feel that most people can benefit from psychotherapy, hypnotherapy or any type of counseling from a trusted provider.

We spend some much of our time on supplements, dieting, new and interesting ways to work out or exercise, new equipment, and various ways to make our bodies look different, better, or more interesting.

However, I think we can agree that we are suffering from a mental health crisis in our country, in part because of the stigma surrounding seeking support in a therapeutic environment. For our overall health and the health of our loved ones and fellow citizens, this needs to change. We must put more time, effort and energy into our mental health and therapy is only one good way to start.

September is National Suicide Prevention Month so in this episode, I’d like to share with you the top 10 reasons why you might benefit from therapy and why you should consider it.

1. First and foremost is Emotional Support.  A good therapist provides a safe space to express feelings and experiences without judgment. The English poet John Donne wrote in 1624 the famous line “No man is an island”. The line is often interpreted to mean that people are not totally self-sufficient, and we must rely on others. It also expresses the idea that people do better when they are part of a community. To unburden yourself of your thoughts, feelings and emotions and really be heard is liberating and incredibly empowering. We all need emotional support but it’s understandable that we may not want to share certain things with friends or relatives. A good therapist is there to listen, support and encourage and it feels good to have someone that you feel cares about you and wants to help.

2. Coping Strategies: Life is hard, sometimes really hard. As human beings we will experience stress, anxiety, depression, grief, loss and situations that we don’t know how to deal with. Therapy can help you develop effective coping mechanisms during these difficult times. I was working with a young man who was on the edge of feeling suicidal. His brother had died recently. He stayed in his room all day playing video games. I suggested that he eat three meals a day and get better sleep. My suggestion that he do these two simple things made him feel better immediately and helped him to better cope with his grief. There are so many times when I suggested different coping strategies to

clients to hear them say to me “Hmmm I never thought of that” and then to use those strategies to feel better.

3. Self-Understanding is another benefit of therapy: Talking out loud about what is stopping you from happiness, health and success allows you to examine what might be holding you back. We are unable to see ourselves objectively and we all have blind spots to our own motivations, desires and dysfunctional behaviors. Seeing a therapist can offer insight into your thoughts, behaviors, and patterns, helping you understand yourself better. The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates believed that “know thyself” was the first step to true wisdom.

4. One of the most common reasons people seek therapy it to Improve their Relationships: Being in relationship with anybody is never always easy and often, fraught with difficulties. The more intimate the relationship, the more difficulties there can be. I believe that the quality of our lives is in a large part determined by the quality of our relationships. It’s very difficult to be happy and successful if one’s marriage is in danger of failing or if you can’t stand being in the same room as your mother or father or siblings. One of the things we can learn in therapy is how to respond rather than react and how to have better communication skills that help us navigate personal relationships more effectively.

5. Goal Setting: A therapist can assist you in setting and achieving personal or professional goals including the basics of better health, doing better at work and being better at home. The truth is that most folks don’t set goals at all. Being as how you can’t hit a target that you can’t see, goal setting in some form is essential for accomplishing what you need to accomplish to get what you want from life.

6. Trauma Processing: If you’ve experienced trauma, and many of us have, therapy can help you process and heal from those experiences. When we’ve had traumatic experiences, we tend to repress them, not think about them and not deal with them. But to heal, we must be willing to be with that wounded part of ourselves and give it the attention and care that it needs.

7. Mental Health Management: Regular therapy sessions can help people manage chronic mental health conditions and maintain stability. Just like going to the medical doctor for an illness or accident or disease, a good therapist can be invaluable in helping people to manage illnesses of the mind, sometimes with the help of medication but oftentimes not. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 20% of Americans are living with a mental illness. That’s 57 million Americans as of 2021.

8. Life Transitions: A job change or loss, a move to a different city, a personal loss, divorce, or retirement are all examples of life transitions that can be overwhelming and confusing. Therapy can provide support during major life transitions and provide strategies, ideas and possibilities and resources that you might not find on your own. Life transitions are just a lot easier with support from family, friends and therapy.

9. Increased Resilience: We want to learn to be able to bounce back from hard times. We want to get better at dealing with life and its ups and downs. Therapy can help people gain greater confidence and trust in themselves so that they can overcome challenges more effectively and not be stopped or brought down for too long.

10. Accountability: Having someone to talk to can encourage and motivate you to stay committed to your personal growth and self-improvement. You get to have an accountability partner who will ask you “What did you do this week to move yourself forward?” Don’t underestimate the value of being held accountable even though it’s easier not to be.

In closing, therapy doesn’t need to last months or years even though it can. For some people, 3 or 4 sessions with a therapist can be illuminating and helpful. I see clients anywhere from 1 session to clients I’ve been once a month for 10 years. It all depends on what you need and want to accomplish.

I’m a hypnotherapist. I’m not a psychologist, psychotherapist or psychiatrist. I’m not a doctor. There are certain issues that I am not qualified to work with and will refer my clients with those issues to people that are qualified.

I do a lot of work with anxiety, sleep issues and getting rid of bad habits and I’ve been doing this for 20 years and I’m still learning, both about myself and how best to help others.

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click Here >

Thinking about hypnotherapy as a solution for your current struggles?  Reach out to Ted for a complimentary consultation by going to https://TedMoreno.com/contact

You can talk to Ted and find out if hypnotherapy and coaching is right for you.

What Do We do With FEAR? Episode 457

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Does FEAR stand for Forget Everything And Run? Maybe a better acronym would be False Evidence Appearing Real because most of our fear is self-created. There are appropriate times for fear, such as the fear of falling or if there is suddenly a loud noise or we find a snake in our path. But most of us, on a daily basis, don’t really find ourselves facing things that are truly dangerous.

We want to get a handle on our fear because fear is the biggest thing that will stop us from living a life worth living. In this episode, Ted talks about what is real and what is imagined when it come to fear. Hopefully, after listening to this episode, FEAR will stand for Face Everything and Rise.

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Let’s talk about fear. It’s a big subject, so we’re not going to do a real deep dive, although I may do a series on the topic of fear. First, let’s make a distinction between two different types of fear.

A few years back, I was a guide on a river trip down in the Grand Canyon. Some of the other more experienced guides asked me If I wanted to do something really cool. I said sure. They took me on a hike which eventually turned into a climb up a very steep canyon wall. I was terrified, but I couldn’t turn back because I didn’t know the way back. We made it to the top of the canyon wall but to this day I remember the almost paralyzing fear I had while climbing what surely must’ve been 60 to 70 feet up a canyon wall.

Several years later, I was sitting in my office balancing my checkbook. It wasn’t looking like I wanted it to look. I felt a huge crushing fear that I was not going to be able to meet my obligations. I started to imagine all the bad things that would happen. Everything turned out ok, though.

These are two different types of fear, on is a very real fear of falling, the other fear was more a result of my imagination and didn’t really have much substance.

Of course, as a hypnotherapist, most of the people that come to me are dealing with some level of fear that is stopping them from feeling what they want to feel and doing what they want to do.

The most important thing to understand about fear is that most of our fear is self-created. I would suggest to you that most of our fear comes from imagined projections into the future about what we think might happen, much of which doesn’t happen. However, because our minds can’t distinguish between what is real and what is vividly imagined, we have the same fearful reaction to our imagined projections that we would have if they really happened.

There are appropriate times for fear, such as the fear of falling or if there is suddenly a loud noise or we find a snake in our path. But most of us, on a daily basis, don’t really find ourselves facing things that are truly dangerous.

So we want to get a handle on our fear because fear is the biggest thing that will stop us from living a life worth living.

I like the acronym for FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real. We all have the tendency to react to something and make it more than what it is. For instance, we’ll read something in the news, and project into the future dire predictions of what we think will happen when so and so gets elected or this party comes into power or or the economy does this or that. A

lot of this is out of our control, but I think that it’s important to mention here that many media outlets, pundits and talking heads use fear purposely to attract consumers to news outlets.

Or we’ll see some challenge or obstacle in front of us and will immediately start thinking about what will go wrong, how hard it will be, or how badly we will screw it up. When it comes to things that are fearful, we really do seem to focus not on what’s there in front of us, but what we think will happen in the future. And usually, it’s not the best-case scenario. Part of the reason for this is that our minds do not like uncertainty, we want to know what is coming; this is a sort of protective mechanism that prompts us to prepare. Preparation is good, but being paralyzed by fear is not.

Some people think they need to be afraid or anxious to ensure the outcome they want. They think that somehow, worrying and fretting and feeling fearful will keep the bad stuff away. Not only is that not true, but it’s not an effective way to achieve the outcome you want.

What if, when confronted by a challenge, we could imagine the best-case scenario and be inspired to take effective action? If our mind is clear, and our intention is strong, we can prepare, take action, and increase the chances of getting the outcome we desire.

Remember what Franklin Delano Roosevelt, in his first inaugural address, said “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

The idea here is to not allow what does not yet exist to suck us into the vortex of fear. Fear can be debilitating. Fear can stop us from taking action. We can allow fear to cloud our judgement and rob us of our power. And as I’ve already mentioned, most of the time, what we fear will never take place.

So, what do we do with fear? We will be afraid, no doubt about it. It’s a normal human emotion and sometimes fear will get the best of us. But I think we can strive to be better in the face of fear.

To do that, we start by acknowledging that we are afraid. Hiding from it, distracting from it, or suppressing it just makes it worse.

We will face challenges that we don’t feel we are prepared for. We will fear for our loved ones, our jobs, our safety and security. I addition, we will have the tendency to look into the future and imagine things that are scary or that we don’t want to happen.

What we want to get good at is being clear about what is real and what is fiction. This might sound like saying to yourself “I feel fear, but right now, in this moment, there is nothing to be afraid of except my own thinking. What thoughts can I think that will give me confidence, courage, and allow me to take effective action in the face of this feeling of fear?

What do we do to not be afraid of fear? We allow it to surface, acknowledge that it’s there, talk to someone about it, ask for help, then deal with it while continuing to move forward. The key here is not hiding from it, not avoiding it, not going around it but instead, going through it. It takes practice, but the key is to allow yourself to feel it without making it mean more than it really is. And what it really is, most of the time, is a feeling that will pass if we can be present and deal with it powerfully. I’ll be writing a lot more about fear as I explore this very real and unavoidable aspect of life.

Are you being challenged or being stopped by fear? Do you want to do something about it? Reach out to Ted for a complimentary consultation by going to https://TedMoreno.com/contact

You can talk to Ted and find out if hypnotherapy and coaching is right for you.

Today’s quote is by Zig Ziglar:

“F-E-A-R has two meanings:

‘Forget Everything and Run,’ or, ‘Face Everything and Rise.’

The choice is yours.”

Thanks for reading and be courageous!

Ted

You Have a Lot to Offer, Why Are You Hiding Out? – Episode 456

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We all have something to offer our families, jobs and communities. But if we don’t believe this, then we will hide out and not even try. We’ll hide our light under a basket so that no one gets to benefit from it.

It’s a tragedy, that so many of us discount our value, invalidate our worth, and hide our brilliance and contribution from the world. But what if we truly adopted and cultivated the belief that we are here for a reason? That we are here to make a contribution that no one else on the planet can make in the same way? In this episode, Ted explores the question of why so many of us hide our greatness.

 

 

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I had a job when I was at the university of Arizona at the cookie counter in one of the student union restaurants called the Fiddley Fig (if you can believe it), baking cookies and selling them. I worked with Heather, a young student who was grouchy a lot of the time. Yet, she was wonderful with the customers. She made them laugh and talked them up, but as soon as they were gone, she’d go back to being grouchy. One day, I was sitting in the restaurant taking a lunch break when a woman passed me who had just bought some cookies and knew I worked there. She looked at me and said, “I sure do love that girl that works at the counter, she’s so wonderful.”

So, when I got back from my lunch break, I told Heather what the lady said. She scowled and said she didn’t believe me and then called me a word starting with A and ending with hole.

The next day, as I was coming into work, I saw the same lady who bought the cookies the day before. I stopped her and I told her that Heather didn’t believe me when I related to her what the lady had said. I asked her if she would salvage my integrity and tell Heather what she had told me. A few minutes later, as I started my shift, the lady came up to buy some cookies, and said to Heather “I just wanted to let know that I really did tell your co-worker that I think you are wonderful, and you have such a great smile and I love coming here and buying cookies from you!” Heather mumbled a thank you, and after the lady left, she asked to take a break. As she walked out of the cookie counter, I could see that she was crying a bit.

Heather changed that day. She continued to be great with the customers, but from that day on, she became a lot more pleasant to us and a lot less surly and grouchy. In fact, she started taking better care of herself and her appearance. I guess she just needed someone to tell her that she had something to offer.

While I was attending my all-boy’s high school, I was kind of shy around women. One day I was talking to a girl that I knew and was comfortable with.

We started talking about one of her friends and I happened to mention that I liked her friend and that I wished I could go talk to her. She asked me why I didn’t. I said that I wasn’t very good at talking to girls and that I would embarrass myself.

She tilted her head to one side and looked right at me and said “That’s not true at all. You are a great conversationalist. Not only that but you are respectful and not boastful or obnoxious. I find it very pleasant to speak with you.”

No one had ever told me that before. Because of my belief that I wasn’t good at talking to girls, I was always hiding out in some corner at the dance. After that day, I changed a bit as well.

One of the ways that I changed is that I always looked for an opportunity to point out to people the things I liked about them, and the things they had to offer. I saw the impact that these kind words had had on Heather and me, and so I wanted my words to have the same impact on others. And often, when I would tell people how cool or wonderful or awesome I thought they were, if they didn’t look at me like I was crazy, they would tear up just a bit.

In my hypnotherapy practice, I’ll often ask my clients to tell me what is great about them. Some simply can’t come up with anything and others start to cry. What is it about acknowledging what we bring to the table that is so triggering for so many people?

Of course, it’s the programming: what we were told by ourselves and others when we were young sent the message that we were somehow deficient or lacking or not enough.

I believe that we all have something to offer our families, jobs and communities. But if we don’t believe this, then we will hide out and not even try. To use a Biblical reference, we’ll hide our light under a bushel basket so that no one gets to benefit from it.

What if we truly adopted and cultivated the belief that we are here for a reason? That we are here to make a contribution that no one else on the planet can make in the same way? Everyone seems to think these days that if

you’re not a big deal on social media or some kind of influencer on Tik Tok then you’re nothing.

There is always an opportunity to make a difference in big and small ways.

It’s a tragedy really, that so many of us discount our value, invalidate our worth, and hide our brilliance and contribution from the world. The bigger tragedy, of course, is that we are all deprived of the fullness that each of us can offer.

When I started my practice in 2003, I was earnest and enthusiastic about the idea of transformation and how I was going to help so many people. But the reality is that change is hard. It takes commitment and work. I have at times found myself cynical and resigned regarding the ability of people to change. There have been many times when I was socializing with people outside of work, and someone would be talking about a challenge or problem that they were dealing with, and instead of giving a suggestion or giving them something to think about, or even just suggesting a book or resource, I just sat there nodding my head.

I’m careful about coming across as a know it all, or offering unsolicited advice, but I could have said something that might have made a difference, even if there was pushback such as was the case with my experience with Heather. After all, I’ve been working with clients for 20 years as a hypnotherapist and coach in private practice. Why would I hide out and not offer something that might be helpful, at the very least to see if they were receptive?

I think part of the reason is that we seem so scared now to speak up. We’re so concerned about offending someone because so many people are looking for offence. We’re so hunkered down in our own little opinion bubbles, and the last thing we want to do is start an argument. We’re all so proud and stubborn and walled off, it seems to me. Many of us have become cynical and resigned, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Maybe you’re someone who is out there doing good work and making a great impact and doing everything you can do. Good for you. Maybe you’re someone

who really isn’t interested in offering anything to anybody and all you want to do is keep your head down and be ok with hiding out. Hey, I get it, that’s your choice and we all get to live the way we want to live.

But maybe, just maybe, you know that you can do more, offer more and give more. Maybe you know that you are hiding out and that bothers you because it’s unfulfilling. I believe that there is pattern, flow and purpose in life that needs to express itself through us just as an oak tree is expressed from an acorn. It’s built into us and if we feel it but try to stop it or hide from it, we get stunted in our growth.

So, if you know you have a lot to offer but you also know that to some extent you’re hiding out, then here is what I suggest:

Take an inventory of your talents, skills and abilities. Write them down and get clear about what you can offer to the world.

I’ve been playing guitar and singing since I was in grade school. Recently I was asked to bring my guitar to a family reunion. I played songs that I’ve been playing for my family for years. People loved it and were so happy and joyful to hear and sing along with all the old songs. I’d forgotten how much it mattered to my family to play music and sing. It made me happy to do it.

Look at your family, job or community. Is there a need for what you have? Is there a fit? Can you offer your time or skill or volunteer? Can you provide a contribution and be part of the solution? Do you see something that can be made better or fixed and you know you can fix it? Don’t give up just because someone pooh-poohs your idea. Don’t get pissed off or resentful. You can’t change everything. But what can you change? Start with yourself.

Look at what’s holding you back? Is there fear? Of course there is. Has there been rejection in the past? Are you feeling cynical and resigned? How can you get over it?

It’s risky, I know. You might not do it right, they might not like it, it might be too much hassle or work, or it might not be worth the time and trouble to come out of hiding. I get it. But what if you did do it right? What if they did like it?

What if the hassle or work or time or trouble was worth the feeling that you are doing something that matters? I mean, what else is there?

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click Here >

If this is something you want to explore in the context of hypnotherapy and coaching, request a complimentary consultation at https://tedmoreno.com.  We’ll talk and see what’s up and how we can work together.

Here’s a quote I’m sure you’ve heard before and it is truly one of the most powerful quotes I have ever heard.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

That’s Marianne Williamson.

Thanks for reading and take care.

Ted

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to Get Free from the Shackles of Shame – Episode 455

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Shame. Say the word out loud and feel its intense power. The root of the word shame is thought to come from an older word meaning to cover, as in covering oneself. When we feel shame, we cover ourselves, literally and figuratively. We want to hide from ourselves and others. The lengths we will go to cover and hide our shame can keep us from ever fully living life. It is hard to be happy, healthy and feel peaceful while carrying the ball and chain of shame. In this episode, Ted discusses what shame is, how we can tell if we are impacted by shame, and what we can do about it. If you feel that you are tied up and a prisoner of shame, listen to this episode.

Listen to this podcast episode now:

Shame. Say the word out loud and feel its intense power.

The root of the word shame is thought to come from an older word meaning to cover, as in covering oneself. When we feel shame, we cover ourselves, literally and figuratively. We want to hide from ourselves and others.

Eve was said to cover herself in the Garden of Eden when she realized she was naked. She became ashamed of her natural physical form, the essence of her human-ess. It seems to me that many of us are ashamed of our humanness, either because we are taught that we are essentially flawed, or because we have seen too many of our flaws operate in our lives as in our mistakes, failures and screwups.

When we are shamed as children, we are uncovered, and our error is exposed; “Shame on you!” or “You should be ashamed of yourself.” Yet, like Eve, as children we are often shamed for what is natural to us, i.e picking our nose, touching ourselves, or hitting our siblings because we know of no other way to express our frustration and anger.

The effect of shame, either taken on by oneself or given to us by others, can be subtle but devastating and long lasting. We can end up repressing shame and stuffing it down so deep inside that it becomes covered even to ourselves. Yet, it’s still there, like a monster lurking in the depths.

Yet the impact of this hidden shame, like the word, is powerful. The lengths we will go to cover and hide our shame can keep us from ever fully living life. It is hard to be happy, healthy and feel peaceful while carrying the ball and chain of shame.

We can become shackled by the shame of who are or who we are not, what we do and what we don’t do, what we’ve done or what we failed to do, where we are in life or where we are not. It doesn’t have to come from childhood. In fact, I would say it’s easier to identify and resolve childhood shame than to deal with the shame we accrue as adults, ruled by our personal standards, expectations, and the need to look good.

Shame can be a source of anger, depression, and anxiety. It makes us feel like something is wrong with us, and that can erode our confidence, self-trust and ability to move forward.

In fact, we can become so bound by shame that we stop moving, stop trying, stop expressing, stop loving. We will go into emotional hiding. We will go to great lengths to avoid anyone seeing us for who we think we are. God forbid we are uncovered as a fallible human being. Yet essentially that is what we are. As humans, we will make mistakes, screw up and fail. That’s a given and you know what? It’s ok, even though it doesn’t feel ok at the time.

According to StopItNow.org.uk:

“Shame is the belief that we have done something wrong and that makes us a bad person. Someone experiencing shame may not be able to identify their positive qualities or see themselves in a good light.”

Feeling shame is normal. But if not brought to the light of day and resolved or dealt with, then we are prone to triggering events that lead us down a “shame spiral”. Again, according to StopItNow.org.uk:

• We begin to feel as if we can’t do anything right and that we are a failure

• We start to think that everyone is judging us and dislikes us

• We gather evidence that our thoughts are true

• We have the urge to quit, withdraw or run away

How can we tell if we are prisoners of shame? It can be difficult to recognize, but some of the signs are feelings of:

  •  Defeat
  • Rejection
  • Isolation
  • Self-loathing
  • Low self-esteem
  • Perfectionism
  • Wanting to avoid social engagement/interaction with others

How to get free from Shame

The antidote for shame is always self-acceptance and self-forgiveness. We can strive to accept our humanity, which includes the experience of triumph as well as failure. We must practice self-compassion.

We can seek to understand our shame: where it comes from, its origins. Journaling is very helpful to get clarity and insight into the genesis of our shame. We can also take valuable lessons and wisdom from what happened.

We also need to accept responsibility: we must face what we’ve done. We can make amends, seek absolution, apologize and ask for forgiveness from others as well as ourselves.

It’s freeing to talk about our shame and share our feelings with someone that we trust such as a therapist or friend. Shame dissipates in the light of awareness and sharing with someone who supports us.

And we must be willing to fail again. We must be willing to acknowledge that living fully means often falling short of the mark (the original meaning of “sin”). But first we must be willing to uncover the shame to ourselves, then to another. This takes courage and a desire to be free from hiding who and what we are.

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click Here >

If you are thinking right now that you might be chained and weighed down by shame, then request a complimentary half hour phone consultation with Ted. You can talk about what’s going on, Ted will  answer any questions you might have, and if you feel that hypnotherapy is right for you, you can schedule your first appointment. Go to https://TedMoreno.com/contact to request your complimentary consultation.

Here is today’s quote >

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”
~Brene Brown (click on the link for her TED talk on shame.)

Thank you for reading this!

Ted

Fourteen Ways to Break Up SSDD and Feel Alive – Episode 454

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Have you ever asked someone how they are doing, and they respond SSDD which stands for “Same s..t, different day?” It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day humdrum where the days seem to run into each other because the same thing happens day in and day out. This can leave us feeling stuck and uninspired. We need to consistently work on bringing more joy, aliveness and passion into our lives, and it starts with connecting with those things that fill you up inside.

In this episode, Ted offers 14 ways to get out of SSDD and feel more enthusiastic about being alive at a time when it’s becoming increasingly difficult to find fulfillment and meaning in modern life. The best part: most of these things are simple and easy, yet powerful. Check it out!

Listen to this podcast episode now:

Ever get the feeling that all you do is work and be responsible? Do the days seem to run into each other because the same thing happens day in and day out? Do you feel “stuck”?

Henry David Thoreau said, “Most people lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.” Do you sometimes feel that Thoreau is talking about you? (note: you would be saddened and shocked by the number of people that would say yes to that question.)

It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day humdrum. When you ask people how they are doing, how often do you get SSDD which stands for “Same s..t, different day?

It’s like if you hang a picture on the wall, for the first few days you’ll look at that painting, and you’ll go “Oh that’s a nice painting.” But eventually that painting becomes part of the background, and you don’t notice it anymore. Life can be the same way. Where all the things you do every day just run into each other and fade into the background and that becomes your life if you aren’t constantly looking for new experiences to fill you up.

If you can relate to what I’m talking about, then you can to change things. You need to do something different. Here are 14 ways to get out of SSDD and bring more joy, aliveness and passion into your life at a time when it’s becoming increasingly difficult to find fulfillment and meaning in modern life. It all starts with connecting with those things that fill you up inside. And I’m not talking about going out and buying new stuff. I’m talking about new feelings and new experiences. The great thing about it is that they are relatively simple things.

Listen to music. Music is healing. Music speaks to our souls. Turn off the TV and sit instead with your eyes closed listening to your favorite type of music. When was the last time you did that? Make a playlist of your favorite songs and listen to them in your car instead of listening to the news. I love classical music, and when I’m feeling dulled by life, I listen to Beethoven’s Pastoral Symphony or Bach’s Sonatas and Partidas for Solo Violin.

Play music or sing. Do you have a dusty instrument laying around? Pull it out and see if you can become friends again. It could be as simple as a wooden flute with holes or as complex as a grand piano. Have you always wanted to learn an instrument? When would now be the best time to start? Guitar is easy and cheap. You can learn by watching YouTube videos.

Watch your all-time favorite movie. One that inspires you. One that makes you laugh or makes you think. Turn off the phone, grab your favorite brew and be taken away by a great story. My favorites: “Lawrence of Arabia” and “Casablanca”

Read. Read something that keeps you turning the pages. Something inspiring and interesting. Make regular time to savor it. If you learn something, that’s a bonus.

Do some art. Let your artistic side come out. Do you like to draw? Paint? Photography? Work with clay? I don’t know how much a bag of Sculpey is but I’m sure it’s not a lot. You don’t need to know “how”. Just play, see what happens.

Dance. If you find yourself alone and the mood strikes you then get up and bust a move. Don’t be shy to dance alone. It’s all about freedom of expression. If you want to but can’t call me and I’ll help you bust loose. I dance. Usually by myself. Sometimes in front of the kids and my wife. Move your body with music. Get into your body and feel the groove.

Start a garden. Plant a seed. Nurture it. Watch it grow. Maybe you end up with fruit, vegetables or a pretty flower. Be a partner in the miracle of life. Get filled up with wonder. That will make you wonderful (or more wonderful than you already are).

Get a pet. Dogs, cats, birds, whatever. Play with your pet if you have one. Not just walk them. No room or too much hassle? Get a fish. They’re easy and they don’t mess up your house. Aquariums are peaceful. Get some frogs, or newts. Some people like snakes and lizards. They’re not for me but whatever floats your boat. Get something alive and take care of it.

Hang out with a little kid. Maybe yours, maybe someone else’s that would like some kid-free time. Go buy them an ice cream. Go do something that you liked to do when you were a kid.

Get out into nature. This is very powerful. Go to a park and walk barefoot in the grass. Take a drive up into the mountains. Take a hike. I like lakes and streams, there’s magic in those places. My personal local favorite: Puddingstone Lake in Bonelli Park here in San Dimas where I live. Go fishing, kayaking, just get out.

Go to a museum. Want to get inspired? Stand in front of a painting that is 500 years old. It’s quiet and cool in museums. I was in New York last summer standing in front of Starry Night by Van Gogh. I so was moved to see it in real life. My favorite: Huntington Library and Botanical Gardens in San Marino. They have a beautiful Japanese garden and a brand new Chinese Garden that is absolutely amazing. If you live in the LA area, this is a national treasure right in our backyard. I’m sure there is something like that where you live as well. Build something. Anything. A shed. A box. A model airplane. A real airplane. Create something with your hands.

Take a vacation. Even if it’s just a day off, like a mental health day. Yeah, I know, vacations disrupt my routine too. But that’s the idea. Can’t afford it? You can’t afford not to. Rest and relaxation are just as important as work.

Develop a spiritual practice. Whatever is meaningful to you. Reading spiritual texts, going to worship services, meditation, or study. A spiritual practice can connect you to deeper parts of yourself that leave you feeling centered, grounded and connected to everything out there.

It’s all about connecting with your inner sense of wonder and creativity and getting inspired. We are creative beings and when deprived of these essential qualities we shrivel and die. Perhaps not a physical death, but certainly a spiritual one. It’s up to you to give yourself what you need to thrive.

Want to catch up on previous episodes?  Click Here >

Feeling stuck? Are you ready to change some things up to have more fulfillment and joy? Request a complimentary consultation with Ted by going to http://TedMoreno.com/contact. He’ll get back to you within 48 hours to talk about what’s going on, answer any questions you have, and if you are ready, schedule you first hypnotherapy session in person or remotely.

I hope you enjoyed my podcast today.

And now, you can watch a video of this podcast by going to my YouTube channel @TedAMoreno. Here are two quotes for you, the first is by Jiddu Krishnamurti:

“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” The next quote is from an article titled The Only Way to Avoid Living a Life of Quiet Desperation by Jason Phipps at ElephantJournal.com.

“The only way to avoid a life of quiet desperation is to be brutally honest with ourselves. To not succumb to the trappings of a society that forces us to buy, pose, share, and like. To be different in a manner that is authentic. To have the courage to look life in its eyes, and say no to what isn’t our path, and to say yes to what is. Avoiding this isn’t easy, hence why most of us never do.”

Something to think about.

Thanks for being here,  Ted

 

How to Manage and Increase Your Energy – Episode 453

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“OMG I’m sooo tired!” How often to we hear this from people around us (and maybe even from yourself?) There’s a lot of talk about how to manage your time but a lot less about how to manage your energy.  So, in this episode, Ted talks about how to manage and increase your energy to allow you to get more done in less time a lot more enjoyably. Ted discusses the fundamentals of abundant energy, (you know what they are!) energy sucks, why mindfulness is so important in having high energy, the four areas of your life energy, and reveals the single most important characteristic of those that have seemingly infinity energy.

Are you dragging yourself through the day? Check out this podcast episode!

 

 

Listen to this podcast episode now >

If you don’t manage your time well, you might run out of time.

If you don’t manage your money, you might lose it.

So, if you want to have a lot of energy, you need to manage that too. But here’s the thing about energy: you can manage it in a way where you always have more than enough energy. You have a finite amount of time, and at any point you have a finite amount of money, but it’s possible to have all the energy you need if you learn to manage it correctly. We’re talking about abundant energy.

Now, there will be times when you are going to lack energy, that’s life. However, when you you’re sick, or going through really tough times, are have a new baby and not getting enough sleep, these are the most important times to pay attention to and manage your energy.

Let’s start with the basics: good sleep, good food and regular physical activity. These are the fundamental requirements for high energy. We know this. However, people make the mistake of saying, “Well, I don’t have the time to get all the sleep I need, or I don’t have time for physical activity.”

The truth is that having a higher level of energy makes your time more efficient, you get things done more quickly, there is less procrastination, and things flow easier with less effort. Managing and cultivating more energy simply means you have more energy to do the things that give you more energy! So contrary to what many people think, taking the time to get good sleep, physical activity, and eating good food is an investment into your energy account. And don’t forget, drugs and alcohol and sap your energy easily

I don’t want to say more about this because it’s something everyone should know, so if you’re dragging yourself through the day, start with addressing the fundamentals for a higher level of energy.

Now, I’m going to suggest to you that the single most important thing that you can focus on for maximum energy is what is going on in your own head. If you have the right mindset, if your head is on straight, this can be incredibly important to your energy even if you aren’t getting the sleep or food or exercise that you want or need.

We’re talking about your own relationship with yourself. If you don’t like yourself, if you are beating yourself up by judging, criticizing yourself or comparing yourself to others, these are huge energy drains. If you desire a higher level of energy, it’s imperative and critical that you take time to connect with yourself. Take time to reflect on the following:

· What’s your purpose?

· What are your values?

· What is important to you in this life?

· Do you have goals written down?

· What lifts you up?

· What is dragging you down as far as your feelings about yourself?

If you aren’t taking the time to cultivate this type of awareness, then you will allow yourself to be a leaf blown about by circumstance and other people’s opinions and behaviors.

Speaking of other peoples’ opinions and behaviors: do what you can to avoid drama and people that create chaos and drama. This kind of toxic energy will suck the life force out of you. You might not be able to avoid being near family members or co-workers like this, but you can and must draw boundaries to keep from getting drawn it to other people’s negative stuff. As much as possible don’t engage and keep your distance.

Same thing with the news. There’s nothing wrong with being informed about what’s happening or being active in your cause. But when you notice that your media or social media exposure is making you angry a lot, or scared a lot, or apathetic, then you know your energy is being drained. Get angry, get fired up, be concerned but don’t live there. You really need to protect yourself against the constant effort by most media outlets to get an emotional reaction from you.

One of the ways you can do that is to stay grounded, centered and balanced. There are many ways to do this. Mindfulness practices such as yoga, meditation or prayer, breathwork, walking, and daily affirmations are all effective ways to keep your energy from being drained. As I’ve mentioned in many of my previous podcasts, ritual and routine can help you maintain those powerful habits, especially your morning routine. There’s a great article on Medium.com that references the work of John Kabat Zinn, American professor of medicine and the creator of the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. He’s identified 7 areas of mindfulness:

· Non-judging

· Patience

· Beginner’s Mind

· Trust

· Non-striving

· Acceptance

· Letting Go

Check out the video that I’ve linked above.

One of the benefits of cultivating mindfulness is that it allows you to have the awareness and clarity to see what gives you energy and what drains your energy. And that is very important to know.

Finally, ask for help. You don’t need to do it on your own. Find a counselor, therapist, coach, mentor, whoever, find someone who can support you and assist you in doing the things that you need to do to increase your energy. There’s another great article in the Harvard Business Review online titled Manage Your Energy, Not Your Time where the authors discuss the four areas of energy we all have: Body, emotions, spirit and mind.

Energy in the body is created through your self-care and healthy habits.

Energy in your emotions is managed by giving yourself downtime, and connecting with the people and activities that boost your energy and avoiding energy suckers.

Energy in your mind is being able to focus and concentrate by cultivating feelings of being centered and grounded and avoiding drama and distractions.

Energy in your spirit is finding meaning and purpose in your life.

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click Here >

There you go, I hope you found this episode helpful. Of course, if you feel you need help to get your energy back online, you can request a complimentary consultation by going to TedMoreno.com/contact.

Let me leave you with two quotes today, the first by Nikola Tesla:

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”

The second is the Serenity Prayer, you may have heard it:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Thanks for being here,

Ted

Illustration by Martin Mancha

Ted in Your Head Interview: Katt Lowe, Reiki Master and Hypnotherapist- Episode 452

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In this fascinating episode, Ted interviews Katt Lowe, Reiki Master and Teacher, and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist. Ted and Katt discuss Reiki, an energy healing practice that seeks to promote wellness by creating balance in a person’s life force or energy field. Katt discusses how she was led to Reiki, how Reiki works, how she combines Reiki with hypnotherapy, and shares positive outcomes she has created for herself and her clients, both in person and remotely. If you have heard about Reiki, and are curious to know more about it, take a listen to this very interesting episode which describes one very popular form of energy healing.

 

 

Listen to this podcast episode now:

 

In this fascinating episode, Ted interviews Katt Lowe, Reiki Master and Teacher, and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist. Ted and Katt discuss Reiki, an energy healing practice that seeks to promote wellness by creating balance in a person’s life force or energy field. Katt discusses how she was led to Reiki, how Reiki works, how she combines Reiki with hypnotherapy, and shares positive outcomes she has created for herself and her clients, both in person and remotely. If you have heard about Reiki, and are curious to know more about it, take a listen to this very interesting episode which describes one very popular form of energy healing.

 

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click Here >

Information about Katt Lowe can be found at https://KattLowe.com. You can find out more about her classes and services.

If you want to request a complimentary consultation with Ted to see if hypnotherapy and high-performance coaching are right for you, you can do that by going to http://TedMoreno.com/contact

We are Masters of Self Deception – Episode 451

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We are Masters of Self Deception – Episode 451

“To thine own self be true.” We’ve probably heard these words from Shakespeare before. Yet, all of us lie to ourselves, avoid reality, rationalize, make excuses and blame others because we are unable or unwilling to see what is right in front of us. We are masters of self-deception and the consequences of our deception can range from simply kidding ourselves about small matters, all the way to up to feeling exhausted and anxious from the energy it takes to lie to ourselves and others. In this episode, Ted examines how and why we deceive ourselves and how difficult it is to know that we are. Chances are you are BS-ing yourself about something, so take some time to check out this episode.

Listen to this podcast episode now:

Sometime in the 90’s while I was living in Tucson, AZ, I decided to become an independent life insurance agent. Someone had shown me an opportunity to make money and get residuals and all that good stuff, and since I had no clue what to do with my life at that point, I signed up.

I went through the training and started going to the sales meetings. Though in my opinion, the guy that had signed me up with this company was a bit of a knucklehead, he seemed to be making money. So I actually took the insurance test and got my license.

This was an in- home deal where you go to people’s houses and check out their insurance policies and try to sell them a new policy. However, even months after I got my license, I had yet to make an appointment to see someone to sell insurance. I just never got around to actually calling someone and going to their house.

I would go to the team meetings and the other agents would ask me “So, Ted, when are you going to get your first deal?” “Soon” I assured them. I told the team leaders not to give up on me, but I never made a single appointment to see someone to try to sell them life insurance. I started to feel like a real loser.

One day, I said to myself “Self, this is not going to happen. The truth is I have no intention of ever selling life insurance.” I said adios after wasting a lot of time beating myself up. I was fooling myself and I had to stop my self-deception.

Richard Feynman, the American physicist said: “The first principle is that you must not fool yourself — and you are the easiest person to fool.”

Have you ever

· Been in a relationship that you knew would not last but tried to convince yourself it would?

· Been in a job you knew was not right for you but kept hoping it would get better even though you knew it wouldn’t?

· Kept putting off taking action while hoping a situation would resolve itself until it got so messy you that you were forced to do something?

If so, you know what self-deception feels like. We all deceive ourselves if we’re honest. But that’s the problem isn’t it? We are not always honest with ourselves. We’ll do it consciously or subconsciously; it can be a consistent pattern of behavior or what we do when our back is against the wall.

Self-deception can be helpful; we can use self-deception to protect ourselves, or to enhance our belief that we can accomplish something.

However, self-deception can be the root of self-sabotage and a way to avoid responsibility for our lives and what happens in them. Why are we such masters of self-deception? Why is it so easy to fool ourselves? It’s because we have a tendency to believe what we think. We believe what we tell ourselves. But there is often a vast difference between what we think and what we know to be true.

Deep down inside, I knew I was kidding myself about being an insurance agent. If I had stopped and asked myself “What am I doing?”, I would have been able to see my self-deception: that I was just going through the motions with no intention to see it through. I could’ve saved myself a lot of time and money if I had done that earlier. Why didn’t I?

I didn’t want to disappoint the organization that I was working with. I wanted to believe that I could do something and be good at it. I wanted to be somebody.

However, the area of my life where self-deception was rampant was in my romantic relationships. Ove and over, I knew I was wasting my time with a particular partner, or I knew they were wasting there time with me. Yet, I convinced myself that there was a future for us, so I pretended that there was, yet I knew it wasn’t going to last. But I wanted it to last. I needed it to last.

So how do we figure out that we are involved in self-deception?

We don’t figure it out. Because it’s your mind that wants to deceive you in the first place. Bob Dylan said “You cannot depend on it to be your guide, when it’s you that must keep it satisfied.” We can’t count on the thing that’s deceiving us to reveal our own self-deception. It’s like seeing your own eye. We are often unaware that we are deceiving ourselves.

We’ll use logic to justify our actions despite what we feel. This way we can ignore the voice inside that is asking us “What the hell are you doing?”

We will rationalize, make excuses, blame others or get angry or defensive with others when they call us out. According to Wikipedia, self-deception is

“ A process of denying or rationalizing away the relevance, significance, or importance of opposing evidence and logical argument.”

We can identify self-deception by the way it makes us feel. If we give ourselves the opportunity, we will feel our own self-deception. Chances are that others around us are feeling it as well.

Feelings come and go. But when they come and refuse to leave, then it’s time to pay attention.

Here is a good rule of thumb: if you are caught up in self-deception, you will experience struggle and conflict. You might be getting sick a lot, feeling tired and ill at ease. The bigger the self-deception, the bigger the lie you are telling yourself, the crappier you will feel. Anxiety, discomfort, and guilt, can result from being inauthentic with ourselves, and don’t underestimate the negative impact our inauthenticity will have on our lives and our health.

Self-deception can leave us feeling exhausted, overwhelmed and numb. As we get better at lying to ourselves, we get better at lying to others. Our relationships can suffer, our job performance declines, we can lose clarity and eventually lose touch with ourselves and with what is important, meaningful and valuable. Imposter syndrome is a consequence of self-deception. To attempt to avoid these feelings we might turn to numbing or medicating behaviors such as drugs and alcohol.

If you are true to yourself, stuff just seems to flow. There may be challenges, but we can meet them with grace and ease.

Are you getting the feeling that self-deception has you blind, fumbling and stuck? Here’s how you can shed light on that dark corner.

· Ask someone. This takes a rare kind of courage. You walk up to someone that knows you well and you ask them “I get the feeling that I’m fooling myself about this situation. What do you think?” If there is self-deception that has been festering and is getting stinky to others around you, they won’t hesitate to gleefully point it out to you and possibly smack you side of the head.

· Write in a journal. Sit down with a pen and paper and ask: “Please tell me what I need to know.” Then just start writing. Anything. Sometimes what shows up is kind of like a smack on the side of the head. Use this as a tool of self-reflection and to build self-awareness.

· Ask your subconscious mind before you go to sleep. Just ask a question like “Give me clarity to see what is true” or “Allow me to know if there is self-deception here.” Sometimes you’ll get a dream, sometimes you’ll know upon waking, sometimes it will come to you out of nowhere like a smack in the head.

· Go take a walk. Again, ask for clarity with a sense of calm relaxation. Go walking or riding a bike without trying to think or figure things out. I did this once while thinking about a business associate who I was trying to convince myself I could trust. Suddenly, bits and pieces of information came together for me that made it

clear to me that I could not. I was so astounded that I had not seen this before that I walked into a street sign. It was very much like a smack in the head.

· Work on your own self-confidence, self esteem and self-acceptance. Cultivate the courage to be honest with yourself and to see things you would rather not see or think about.

· Look at those areas of your life that are ruled by fear. Look at when you want to blame. Be very aware of when you avoid what you know you need to address.

· Go see a professional like myself to help you figure it you. I promise I will not smack you in the head.

It doesn’t take much to see the truth. The first step is to acknowledge that we all lie to ourselves and that we are really good at it.

Here are a couple of really good quotes:

“We do not deal much in fact when we are contemplating ourselves.”

-Mark Twain

“If you want to be successful, you must respect one rule: Never lie to yourself!”

–Paolo Coelho, Brazilian novelist

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click Here >

Thanks for reading this and remember, if you have the uncomfortable feeling that you are caught up in a web of your own self-deception or other people are telling that you are, contact me for a complimentary consultation to see if hypnotherapy and high-performance coaching can help you be clear, honest and authentic about what really matters in your life. You can do that by going to TedMoreno.com/contact.

Be real,

Ted

Is Your Lack of Integrity Causing You to Crash and Burn? – Episode 449

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You can have the greatest plan, the most sincere intentions, the most brilliant idea, but if you don’t have the glue to bring it together and make it stick, it just won’t fly. What is that glue? It’s called integrity, which is the ability to be your word, to do what you say you are going to do. It’s the integration of your words and actions.

With integrity, your words can move mountains, without it, your words have no power. In this episode Ted talks about what is arguably the most important principle you can master: sticking to your word.

 

 

 

 

Listen to this podcast episode now:

 

I liked building model airplanes when I was a kid. Back then, you would use modeling cement which came in a tube. One day though, I discovered I didn’t have enough modeling cement to build my plane. I asked my mom if she could buy me some. She said sure, we’ll go tomorrow to the hobby store and get some.

But I was very impatient. I was looking forward to building my plane and I simply couldn’t wait until tomorrow. I wanted to build the plane today. So I rustled through the cabinets, and I found some of that white Elmer’s Glue, and that’s how I built my plane.

I would hang my planes from the ceiling of my bedroom, so when the glue was clear and dry I picked up the plane by one of the wings, and got up on a stepstool to hang it up but the wing broke off from the rest of the plane and it came crashing to the ground. All of the pieces that I glued with the Elmers glue fell off and some broke into little pieces. Man, was I upset. All the parts were coming off because you don’t use white glue to build a model airplane. You use modelling cement.

The problem was that my little plane had no integrity. It had all the parts, except the part that mattered most of all: the right kind of glue to keep it together.

You can have the greatest plan, you can have the sincerest intentions, the most brilliant idea, but if you don’t have the right glue to bring it together and keep it together, it just won’t fly. Or worse, after it gets airborne, it will come crashing to the ground. What is that glue? It’s called integrity.

Integrity is the ability to be your word, to do what you say you are going to do. It is a state of being whole and undivided. In other words, what you say and what you do are in alignment. It is the integration of your words and your actions. With integrity, your words can move mountains. Without it, the words coming out of your mouth have little or no power. You know how they say talk is cheap? The fact is that people cheapen talk and when your talk is cheap, few will buy it.

In my hypnotherapy practice, people come to me because they are unable to accomplish their goals and they can’t figure out why. Upon further inquiry we often find out that they can’t trust themselves. They can’t count on themselves to do what they say they are going to do. They’ll tell themselves that they are going to start this or that or do this or that, but they don’t do it so consequently their words and actions are not bound together, so things fall apart. We all suffer from lack of integrity at times, but the question is: is it a value that you strive for? If it is, you’ll have more integrity, if it’s not, you will have less. It’s that simple.

Can you keep your agreement to be somewhere at a time that you agreed to? If you can’t, it sends the message loud and clear: this person cannot be counted on to do what they are going to do.

Do you honor your financial agreements by paying your bills on time? If you don’t guess what happens? Your credit score announces to the world: you can’t count on this person to pay back money that they borrow as agreed.

Can you keep the agreement you made to abide by the rules of the road when driving your car? If you can’t, you get a ticket or worse get thrown in jail!

It all boils down to this: Do you do what you say you are going to do? If you do it once, probably no one will notice. Do it five times, people start to respect you. Do it one hundred times and you become dependable. Do it every single time and guess what happens?

Your word now has power. When you speak, people listen. If you say it’s going to rain, people start buying umbrellas, and if you say it will flood, they start buying boats. Need funds? A handshake will get you millions. Now, you show up in the world as a rock, unshakable in your ability to gather people and resources, to move and inspire people to action. Just say the word and people will fight for you and die for you because they know that you make things happen, because every time you said it was going to happen, it did, sure as the day follows night.

But your ability to have this kind of integrity doesn’t start with showing up on time and paying your bills or keeping promises to people. Nope. Those are just the outward signs.

The power of integrity and the force that it wields start with keeping your word to yourself. This is where all accomplishment starts. This is where all manifestation happens. This is where you get the lift under your wings that takes you to higher levels of success and accomplishment.

Of course, it’s easier to keep your word with someone else than it is to keep your word to yourself. Because if you don’t keep your promises to yourself, who’s going to know? Who’s going to hold you accountable?

I know what I’m talking about. I used to be flaky. Like it didn’t matter if I kept my word or not. I spent a lot of time making excuses as to why I wasn’t moving forward. The truth is that I was unable to move myself to action. I didn’t trust myself when I told myself that I was going to do something. In my mind I would hear the words “BS, you know it ain’t gonna happen.”

I put a lot at stake when I started my hypnotherapy practice. I took out a big loan to go to hypnotherapy school. I knew I could learn the material, but what I was afraid of was not doing anything with it. So, the hardest thing I had to learn to become a successful hypnotherapist was to do what I said I would do even if I didn’t want to. I didn’t have anybody else leaning on me to do it, I had no boss other than myself, but the prospect of hypnotherapy training as just another thing that I tried but didn’t follow through was more than I could bear. I was forced to cultivate a higher degree of integrity with myself.

Integrity means integration of your own thoughts, words and deeds. It means you are whole, that all the parts are working together in unison and that your promises to yourself are not scattered to and fro by circumstance, but instead, are constructed to maintain altitude and attitude in the face of breakdowns, obstacles, and the winds of change.

You can begin to develop a degree of trust in yourself that knows neither fear nor doubt. The good news is that integrity is a muscle you can exercise.

Do you want to tighten up your integrity? Want to start using a stronger glue? Here are some things to take on:

· Start waking up at the hour you say you will, every day except one day. Do it come hell, high water, or late-night parties.

· Be where you said you were going to be on time. All the time.

· Set an easy goal with a deadline. Accomplish it. Set a harder goal. Accomplish it. Set an audacious goal. Accomplish it.

· Start taking 3 daily actions that you will do every day. EVERY SINGLE DAY. Regardless of whether you want to or not or whether it’s convenient or not.

· When you commit, do so with the full responsibility of choice that you will show up 100%. If you can’t, don’t.

It takes practice. It’s not easy, but it’s simple. You do what you say you are going to do. Your speech and actions cemented together and taking wing on the power of your word: that’s integrity.

I was not taught this as a kid. I learned the importance of integrity as an adult, and it made all the difference in the world. If you have the uncomfortable feeling that your talk is cheap and you want to make it more valuable, I invite you to contact me for a complimentary consultation to see if hypnotherapy and high-performance coaching can lift you to a higher level of performance. You can do that by going to TedMoreno.com/contact.

Here’s a quote for you:

“The wind might cause a kite to rise, but what keeps it up there is the fact that somebody on the ground has a steady hand. You must hold steady to your values – your integrity. It’s your anchor. You let go of that. . . well, it isn’t long before your kite comes crashing down.”

~Mark Victor Hansen.

 

Thanks for reading!

Ted

Money Anxiety: How to Manage Worry and Stress – Episode 449

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A recent survey reveals that 52 percent of adults say that money negatively impacts their mental health. Another survey reports that 77% of Americans feel anxious about their financial situation. Money or financial anxiety is defined as the persistent and constant worry and stress about finances.
Money anxiety is experienced by people that are well off and those who are struggling financially. Financial anxiety has the potential to paralyze us with stress and fear and move us to make poor financial decisions. However, it’s possible to manage our money without anxiety and with control and confidence. In this episode, Ted discusses what to do if you are challenged by money anxiety.

 

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I don’t know about you but where I live in Southern California, everything seems to have gotten a lot more expensive. Eating out at a restaurant for my family of four will easily be close to a hundred dollars or more. My car insurance went up with the addition of the new used car I just bought as well as having a teenager driving now. Let’s not even talk about the cost of a gallon of gas.

As a hypnotherapist who has helped many people cope with money anxiety over the years, I can tell you that it’s one of the biggest challenges for people today. If you’ve been feeling anxious about money and finances lately, you are not alone. The American Psychological Association did a survey in 2022 called the Stress in America Survey. 87 percent of people who responded listed inflation as a source of significant stress.

According to a financial wellness survey conducted by Bankrate, 52 percent of adults say that money negatively impacts their mental health. Also, according to this same survey, women are more likely to experience financial stress than men — 56 percent of women said money has a negative effect on their mental health, compared to 47 percent of men.

Furthermore, according to a new Mind over Money survey by Capital One and The Decision Lab, 77% of Americans report feeling anxious about their financial situation.

Money or financial anxiety is defined as the persistent and constant worry and stress about finances including:

· Not having enough money to pay bills.

· Concerns about future financial stability as well as in retirement.

· Social expectations and comparing yourself to how you perceive others are doing financially and making it mean something bad about yourself.

· Exaggerated worries about becoming homeless and destitute even though this might be highly unlikely for you. In other words, maybe you have a good income and all the money you need to take care of your financial obligations but you still have a deep feeling of unease or worry that you’re going to lose it all.

We all have stress and worry about money occasionally, but financial or money anxiety can be debilitating and like most types of anxiety, can lead to various physical and emotional challenges such as problems sleeping, feeling overwhelmed, aches and pains caused by worry and stress and feelings of guilt for what you should’ve or could’ve done in the past but didn’t.

Some of the symptoms that can alert you that worry and stress about money has turned into money anxiety are:

· Avoidance. You don’t want to talk about it, think about it or do anything to address your situation. You’re not checking your bank accounts, not paying bills, not planning.

· Family conflicts. There are arguments over money and irritability and resentment over choices or purchases made in the past.

· Overspending or fear of spending. You might start overspending to self soothe or stop spending any money at all, even on necessities.

· Hoarding. You save everything, not throwing anything away.

· Gambling and other risky behaviors.

· Substance abuse as a way to deal with stress and avoid addressing the problem. This is very common and very destructive.

Whether we are struggling to make ends meet or doing fine but still experiencing worry and stress about money, the thing to remember is that money anxiety can keep us from taking the actions we need to take to get control over our money and our emotions. Money anxiety and its symptoms can contribute to poor financial decisions creating a more insecure financial state.

So how can we begin to let go of worry and anxiety and take control to make things better?

Start with your mental health. Get your head on straight. This is where it all starts. Get grounded, pay attention to sleeping, eating and exercise and avoid unhealthy behaviors such as drinking. Get yourself a therapist or hypnotherapist if you need to talk to someone to get out of that fight/flight response and address any negative feelings of guilt, resentment, stress, and anxiety.

Next, deal with your money situation head on. Review your finances and take things one step at a time. Be clear about how your money is being spent and how much you need to meet your monthly obligations. Prioritize bills or the things that require the most attention. Make a budget so that you can track your spending. When you dive in and start addressing your situation this will give you a feeling of control which will help lower anxiety. It’s about taking action even though it might be uncomfortable.

Ask for help from an expert. Even if that is someone in your family that is better with money than you. Seek out a financial advisor or counselor that you trust. You don’t need to do it on your own.

Create some financial goals. What do you want? Can you begin a savings program so that you have some cash on hand? Can you open an IRA or contribute a bit more to your 401k? Take some time to create short term goals such as saving a specific amount of money or paying off a debt but also create long term goals for a home or car purchase or funding education.

Track your expenses so that you can control your spending. Write expenses down in a checkbook register or review your account online weekly. Regularly review your

financial situation so that you know what’s going on and are actively managing your finances. “Where attention goes, energy flows” is a quote by Tony Robbins and James Redfield that suggests that whatever you focus on will grow.

Work on your relationship with money. You have a story about money that is in a large part based on the programming you received about money. Your relationship with money, and hence how much money you have, will have a lot to do with the story you have been telling yourself. The implication here is that if you have problems with money, it may have a lot to do with how you think about money. We all bring our own associations to finances and money and some associations are good and some are bad. Try to identify beliefs about money that keep you stuck in feelings of scarcity and worry. Read books, listen to podcasts, and educate yourself on how to be better with money. Watch your self-talk, avoid catastrophic thinking, and never affirm that you have no money, or that you are broke, or use language that keeps worry and fear in place.

One of the most helpful books that I have read that helped me release my own money anxiety is Busting Loose from the Money Game: Mind-Blowing Strategies for Changing the Rules of a Game You Can’t Win by Robert Scheinfeld. There is a process described in this book that I have used to significantly and permanently release much of the money anxiety I used to have. I also invite you to listen to my Ted in Your Head podcast episode 443: 7 Steps to Change Scarcity Consciousness to an Abundance Mindset. By the way, did you know Ted in Your Head is on Spotify now?

Lastly, my good friend Michelle Arpin Begina has released her excellent book Be Good with Money and I am reading it and really enjoying it and I recommend you get it too. It’s available on Amazon.com. I plan to have her as my guest on a future podcast but in the meantime, check out my podcast interview with Michelle by searching for Ted in Your Head episode 319 at tedmoreno.com/podcast or by clicking here.

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After today’s episode, you might be asking how hypnotherapy and high performance coaching can help you transform money anxiety into confidence, shatter limiting thinking and activate the best and most prosperous version of yourself. If so, Ted is extending to you a one-time complimentary consultation. If you know that you’re ready to do something different and you are interested in exploring hypnotherapy to see if it’s a good fit for you, then you can request the consultation at https://tedmoreno.com/contact.

I hope you found today’s episode helpful. Here’s a quote to close it out:

“Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? No Pockets.” —Jerry Seinfeld, comedian

Thanks for listening and be sure to cultivate that feeling of abundance first in your mind.