Self Care During the Holidays: 10 Tips

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Self care during the holidays is essential if you want to stay sane. Getting seriously stressed out, experiencing emotional breakdowns, having conflicts with family members and getting sick may not be the technical definition of insanity, but if these things happen due to lack of self care during the holidays, then you might FEEL as if you were going insane.

10 Tips for Self Care During the Holidays

 

1. Get enough sleep.  When you’re sleep deprived you’re irritable and prone to overwhelm, so negative emotions are much more easily triggered. You’re low on energy and not able to deal effectively with life’s normal challenges.Your immune system becomes challenged leaving you open to getting sick. Fatigue will cause you to reach for high sugar, high carb foods, making you feel even worse.

2. Avoid overdosing on sugar. Although sugar may give you a short term boost, the following drop in blood sugar can result in depression, anxiety , fatigue, irritability and mood swings. Other possible side effects from sugar overload: yeast infections, backaches, indigestion, bloating, eczema and frequent colds. Click here to read more.

3. Be mindful when you drink alcohol. Self care during the holidays does not include getting a DUI, throwing up in your boss’s bathroom, getting into a verbal or physical conflict, saying things you later regret, or waking up with a pounding hangover.  The amount of alcohol that causes intoxication is enough to suppress your immune system, leaving you open to colds, viruses or worse.

4. Drink lots of water. All the benefits of drinking water are too plentiful to list here. Remember that if you don’t drink water you will die. Seriously. Drink enough water and you’ll have less headaches, joint pain, constipation, crankiness and weight gain.

5. Wash your hands. It’s cold outside. Everyone is in the house. Some folks are carrying around flu and cold viruses but aren’t sick yet. Think about all the handshaking,  fingers in mouths, sneezing and coughing that goes on at a typical holiday party. Before you eat, always wash your hands.

5. Eat whole foods. Whole foods are foods that resemble how they grow in nature, which means unprocessed or minimally processed. These types of foods are nutrient rich and contribute to a healthy body. They keep your immune system strong and help keep you disease free.

6. Move your body. The benefits of consistent movement of your body are long and lasting. Improved mood, increased energy, better sleep, more fun, better sex, calmer mind, less stress, the list goes on and on. It could be walking a few minutes a day or going to the gym. Just do something.

7. Take breaks and days off.  Taking some days off to shop, wrap, renew or rest is essential to self care during the holidays. One way to deal with stress is to have regular periods of down time. Regular breaks during working hours can give you better memory, improved concentration, and increased creativity.

8. Nurture yourself. What fills you up? What makes you feel like life is worth living? What activities  can you do that could give you peak experiences? Self care during the holidays means giving to yourself all the good, juicy, healthy, happy stuff that you can.

9. Lower your expectations. A lot of unhappiness and frustration comes from having expectations about the holidays and not having them met to your satisfaction. Understand that people and circumstance change and that self care during the holidays might mean having to accept what shows up. The quickest way to insanity is to invest a lot of emotion into wanting what is, to be what it is not.

10. Find your own meaning. Ultimately, you are responsible for your holiday experience.You can be swept along by things and situations that hold no meaning for you, or you can you find something significant about this time of year that resonates with your deepest feelings and values. Remember that nothing has any meaning other than what you give it.

If you need help with your self care during the holiday season, you can contact me by clicking here. 

You are worth  self care during the holidays, aren’t you?

Ted

p.s. Did I leave anything out about self care during the holidays? If you think I did, please let me know in the comment section.

How to Stay Sane During the Holidays

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We all know that it can be hard to stay sane during the the holidays! They can be quite stressful.

There’s money anxiety: “How am I going to be able to afford buying gifts?

There’s family: “I just hope we don’t get into a big argument!”

There’s travelling: “Flying isn’t so much fun anymore.”

There’s food: “I hope I don’t gain a ton of weight!”

And of course, there’s parties: “He go SO drunk last year!!”

Anyone of these by themselves or in any combination can make us crazy. So how do we stay sane during the holidays?

The key to remaining sane during the holidays.

Stay awake! That’s the key. By that, I mean stay conscious and aware of what’s going on within you and without you. Understand that in your journey through the holiday season there will be situations that trigger emotions, reactions and responses. Stay connected to how you are feeling, observe the story you are telling, and be aware of what you are thinking. With this kind of awareness,  you can make powerful choices that serve you and help you stay sane during the holiday season.

For example, say you feel sad during the holidays. That’s a good thing to be aware of: “I have a tendency to feel sad during the holidays.” Accept that about you, but don’t make it mean anything other than you’re a human with emotions. Making up a story about it would be ” I’m such a terrible person for feeling sad during the holidays.” Don’t do that!

Perhaps you can take some quiet time to explore these feelings and bring awareness to them, maybe by journaling or sharing your feelings with someone you trust. Why do you feel sad? Perhaps you lost someone at the holidays. Maybe you feel lonely at the holidays. Allow yourself to feel and give yourself permission to express those feelings. Stay present and understand that it’s ok to feel sad.Then make a conscious choice. You may choose to have a good cry. Or, you may decide that you are going to spend as much time as you can with people you like and love.

Insanity during the holidays comes from not wanting to deal with what is. Remaining sane during the holidays means looking at what is squarely in the eye and making a choice as to how to deal with it. For example: “I hate that the holidays are so commercialized!” But the fact is that they are commercialized and that you are the hater! Choose to do your holidays in a way that is meaningful and significant for you.

Another example is insane stress during the holidays. You must first have an awareness that this isn’t working for you anymore. Then acknowledge your ability to choose your holiday experience.  It could be as simple as getting more sleep, taking supplements or not letting your exercise program fall by the way side. It could be a choice not to over commit your time or energy. Or it could be the decision to do all your shopping online or not shop at all.

Take some time now to be aware of:

  • What staying sane during the holidays would look like for you
  • Who you really want to be with during the holidays
  • What  you really want to do during the holidays

In addition, get clear about:

  • Where you are not sane during the holidays every year
  • Expectations that are thwarted every year
  • People that are not healthy for you to be around during the holidays

Then decide what you’re going to do to have the holiday experience you want and DO IT.

To stay sane during the holidays always remember that it’s YOUR holiday movie. You get to direct it and say who’s in it and how the story goes or not even make a holiday movie. It’s up to you to make it something you enjoy sitting through.

Ted

p.s. Need some help staying sane during the holidays? Click here to contact me for a free phone consultation.

It’s Better to Be Grateful than Dead

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Grateful

Why do we have only one day a year dedicated to giving thanks? If it was up to me, we would have Thanksgiving day once a week, (minus the huge feast). Think about it: if you lived 80 years, having Thanksgiving day once a year would give you 80 days when you were reminded to be grateful. If you had it every week, you’d have 4,160 days reminding you to make to be grateful. Think that would make a difference in your life? I do.

What’s so great about being grateful? Well, try going a whole week without saying thank you or being appreciative for anything. Complain loud and incessantly that whole week. Walk around with a feeling of entitlement, that the world owes you, and see how you feel. Compare and despair while bemoan what you don’t have. (What? You’re doing already that? You better call me immediately at 626-826-0612 or click here and I’ll give you 25 bucks off your next session.)

Gratitude is not just an attitude, it’s an energy that you generate. If you’re looking for it, you might feel it driving down the freeway in the shadow of beautiful mountains painted in red by the setting sun, or standing outside at night freezing your buns off awash in the glory of a full moon. It make take some practice generating that grateful attitude until you’re feeling  moments of bliss on a regular basis, but believe me, it’s worth it.

Being grateful is not just something you say or think, it’s a feeling that sustains you through the tough times, or gives you the icing when you’ve got your cake and you’re eating it too.

Everything looks better, feels better, works better when you’re grateful. Feeling grateful feels good. Feeling good is good for you, physically, emotionally and spiritually. We know that prolonged negative feelings can adversely impact health. And really, feeling thankful as a way of life is not that hard to do.

Taking it grateful instead of for granted.

I recently had a health scare with one of my children. More like a health terror, because that’s what it felt like. It put me in a place where all I wanted to do was hold both of them tightly and never let go. All of a sudden, their noisiness was not so noisy, their messiness not so messy. What a small price to pay to be able to kiss them while they sleep. I don’t every want to take them for granted; I hope I can always feel blessed that they are in my life.

Sometimes you really get that Life is fragile and unpredictable. One second too soon or a minute too late and there’s a funeral, or some other tragedy, loss or catastrophe. Anything can be taken from you at any time. I appreciate my grandmothers and grandfathers so much more now that they are gone than I ever did when they were alive. Didn’t really appreciate my siblings and parents until I was far, far away from them.

Maybe you need to go through some tough times to really appreciate the  blessings that have been bestowed upon you. My advice is: don’t wait for that to happen.

Every time I see a person sitting at a bus stop in the freezing cold or blazing heat, I’m thankful I have a car. With air conditioning and a heater. I know what it’s like to be cold, hungry, lonely and broke, so now that I’m warm, well fed and surrounded by my family, I’m feeling most of the time like life is grand.

There may be some dead that are grateful aside from Jerry Garcia and the band, but maybe the highest form of gratitude you can have is feeling lucky to be alive.

To be alive means you can be grateful. You get to have that chance. For your sake, take it. You’ve been given the fertile ground to plant and harvest the seeds of gratitude before that ground becomes your bed. Be thankful. For   every    single   little   thing.

(If you’re having trouble feeling the love as the holiday season approaches and you need some help, contact me by clicking here for a free 30 minute phone session.)

Ted A. Moreno
 
Photo by Skye Moorhead
www.skyemoorhead.com
 

Fear of Public Speaking: Worse than Death?

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Fear of public speaking is a fear worse than death

I’ll help you get out of that speech…

 

It’s been said that fear of public speaking is a fear worse than death for some people.

I’m not sure how many people have the fear of public speaking so bad that they would rather die, but many people do consider speaking in front of a group on par with a root canal on the list of their favorite activities.

Nobody is born a good public speaker. As with all fears, fear of public speaking is learned, and what is learned can be unlearned. When someone says “I have a fear of public speaking because I’m not a good speaker” all they are really saying is “I haven’t developed the skills to be an effective speaker.” Becoming comfortable in front of a group is a skill you can learn.

You may someday be called upon to speak to a group, maybe at a wedding or funeral. In today’s business environment, you will almost certainly be required to give reports or presentations to colleagues or clients. If so, consider learning to speak in public as necessary part of your personal and professional development.

If you are someone who gets the fight or flight response (sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, inability to think clearly) when asked to speak to a group, the good news is that you can learn to overcome the fear response and speak comfortably. It doesn’t  have to be  stressful. Many people who once suffered from fear of  public speaking  have gone on to become very good speakers.  Here are some other things to remember:

  •  You don’t have to be a master orator in order to be effective. You just need to be yourself. Don’t try to be or think of yourself as a “public speaker”.
  • The audience is on your side, wanting you to succeed.
  • The chances of you loudly passing gas, fainting, throwing up, totally forgetting what you were going to say or  the audience throwing stuff at you rarely happens and if it does, you can probably make a joke out of it.
  • You don’t need to memorize a lot of information or even impart a lot of information. That’s what notes and handouts  are for.
  • It’s ok to feel a little nervous, that’s natural.

Of course, there are different levels of fear of public speaking. On one end of the spectrum, you might be challenged by social anxiety disorder to the point where even talking to someone one on one is a problem. On the other end, you may feel  fear or nervousness that makes the prospect of public speaking just another stressful thing  in  your life. Either way, if you want some help, click here to contact me.

Tips for dealing with fear of public speaking

  •  Practice but don’t over- prepare. Have an outline for what you are going to say. Put your notes on 3×5 index cards that are numbered in order. Practice saying the words out loud. Practice in front of someone you trust that can give you some feedback is one of the best ways to deal with fear of public speaking. Record yourself to see what vocal tics you might want to work with. Practice in front of a mirror.
  • Don’t be boring. The worst sin you can commit as a speaker is making people wish they were somewhere else. Although there are many situations where one may need to speak, try to craft your message to your audience so that what you tell them has some impact on them.
  • Humor is good. People want to laugh, and when they do, you’ll  feel a lot more comfortable. Just use common sense to avoid offending your audience.
  • Humility is good. Don’t try to come across as an expert if you aren’t. Even if you are, remember, people don’t care how much you know unless they know how much you care.
  • Make sure you eat something. Diet and your level of anxiety are intimately related. Don’t go in front of a group on an empty stomach or over-caffeinated.
  • Monitor the conversation in your head so that it supports you. It doesn’t help to say things like “I just know I’m going to screw this up.” or “I have so much fear of public speaking!”. Be realistic in your expectations and show this in your language to yourself. “I can do this, it’s only ten minutes.”  or “This is a great opportunity to show my stuff.”
  • Do a little mental preparation before you speak. Psyche yourself up, see yourself doing great, give yourself some positive suggestions.
  • Use EFT to release anxiety.

I help people  let go of the anxiety and  fear of public speaking that keeps them from getting ahead. If you want to excel as a public speaker, there’s a lot of instructional material out there including books, DVDs and audio programs.   Toastmasters is the most well known and respected venue for people to hone their skills, and I highly recommend that you check out your local chapter. Check out Barbara Rocha’s programs as well. If you have a fear of public speaking, you CAN learn to be comfortable whenever you’re called upon to “show your stuff.”

Ted

If you want to hear a podcast of this blog with a funny story, go to tedmoreno.com/podcast, episode 32.

Click Here For a Free Guide to Relieve Anxiety

 

31 Scary Questions to Ask Yourself

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It’s all about scary this week as we approach Halloween and Day of the Dead. 

It’s a time when it’s fun to be scared, as long as we know that it’s just a movie, or someone dressed up as the walking dead.

Truth is, there are plenty of really scary things out there.  But by far, the scariest things are those that we hide from ourselves, the things that we are afraid to deal with.

Unresolved issues that haunt us, pain we can’t seem to release, resentment that traps us in unhappiness. These are the monsters under the bed, the goblins that we spend so much energy keeping locked in the closet, for fear of what they might do if looked at them.

Of course,  once we turn on the bedroom light, look under the bed and throw the closet door open, we find that there is nothing to fear.

Shining the light of our awareness on those things that we don’t want to deal with allows us to see them clearly.Then we can take the opportunity to clean them up or straighten things out.

Asking yourself a few scary questions can help you transform an unseen ghoul into Casper the Friendly Ghost. (Who really just wants to lend a helping hand.)

Ask yourself these 31 scary questions and see if any of them make you a little freaky. If so, perhaps you are starting to exorcise some demons! Keep asking yourself those questions and see what comes up.

31 Scary Questions to ask yourself.

  1. Am I happy?
  2. If I’m not, am I waiting for something to happen to be happy?
  3. Is it possible for me to decide to be happy now?
  4. Do I know what I want?
  5. Have I given up on getting the things I  want that are truly important to me?
  6. What fear keeps me from living the life I want?
  7. Have I become cynical, negative, or resigned?
  8. Do I like myself?
  9. Am I able to quickly name 10 great things about me?
  10. Am I taking care of myself?
  11. If no, do I feel I’m worth taking care of myself?
  12. Am I getting the love and attention I want and need?
  13. Do I have fun regularly?
  14. Do I have fulfilling social interactions?
  15. Am I expressing myself honestly and authentically?
  16. Is there someone I need to forgive?
  17. Is there resentment burning inside of me  that I need to resolve or express in a healthy, productive manner?
  18. Is there a negative belief that I need to  release or let go of?
  19. Is there a change I need and should make NOW?
  20. Why am I here?
  21. Is there a valid reason for the things that I am doing that are stressful and overwhelming?
  22. Am I giving me the me time  I need?
  23. Do I have regular moments of peace, calm and tranquility?
  24. Do I have frequent feelings of gratitude?
  25. Do I complain a lot?
  26. Do I hang around negative people that bring me down?
  27. Is my work meaningful and fulfilling?
  28. Do I compare myself to others and find it creates despair?
  29. Am I caught up in a lifestyle that I  feel is not meaningful to me?
  30. Am I happy with the answers I have to these questions?
  31. If not, what can I do today to change?

Perhaps a few of these scary questions brought up some stuff. You might not be able to answer some of these scary questions in the way you feel you should or would like to.

If so, copy those scary questions and paste them into a word or notepad etc. document. Delete all the questions that don’t have an emotional charge for you. Keep deleting until you have about 5 or 10 of the biggest, baddest scary questions that are giving you the heebie jeebies.

Now keep these questions where you will see them. Maybe write them down on a 3×5 card and carry them around with you. Keep asking yourself these scary questions with awareness so that you can move beyond fear, negative self- judgement and shame and into the possibility of changing the answers.

For instance, to the question: “Do I like myself?” you might answer “No! I don’t! And it really sucks! I hate that I don’t like myself! 

See if you can move into non-judgement: “OK, I don’t like myself. I’m probably not the only one. I’m not a terrible person because I don’t like myself. But I want to like myself. So what can I do to begin to like myself?” 

See how many of those scary questions you can bury by committing to some action. Bless and release old ways of being that no longer serve you and that are ready to be laid to rest. Then continue on your journey, a little more confident, on your way to an attitude of gratitude.

Need some help on your journey? You can contact me by clicking here.

Ted

Hypnosis 101: How Does It Work?

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TheoryoftheMindIn last week’s post I talked about how hypnosis is a natural state we all go into; while watching TV, while driving, while exercising, before we go to bed and right after we wake up.

That attached diagram, (courtesy of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute) is what I use with every new client to explain how hypnosis and hypnotherapy works.

From the time we are born until about 8 years old, we are very suggestible. That just means that we take in everything as absolute truth. As children, we do not have the ability to analyze incoming information; we believe everything we are told. Most kids are walking around in hypnosis.

We learn likes and dislikes, what we are capable of, what we are not capable of, what is fearful, desirable, etc. This is the creation of our so called Life Script: a collection of beliefs and “knowns” that shape our behavior and thinking.  This happens at the level of our subconscious mind, so we are not aware that it is occurring. We all fall under the hypnosis of our culture, and adopt the beliefs of our parents, religion and society.

Between 7 and 9 years old, we begin to develop the “critical mind” which blocks suggestions into our subconscious minds. We began to question incoming information, we began to ask why, and to seek to understand the information presented to us. At this point we begin to develop our conscious minds, which we use for decision making, reasoning, analyzing, and logic. We start to think for ourselves.

As you can see from the diagram, the subconscious mind makes up 88% of our total “mind power” according to some estimates. The conscious mind, only about 12%. The subconscious mind has a much greater influence on our behavior.

What brings people into my office is the realization that they have a problem that they cannot seem to solve on their own. For instance, they can’t quit smoking, or get rid of anxiety or get motivated.

The reason for this is that that their subconscious minds contain the programming that keeps them anxious, or procrastinating, or smoking, or overeating. This programming comes from childhood. For instance, in the case of smoking,  someone may have seen their parents smoking, saw that they look relaxed when they were smoking, and maybe even saw commercials for smoking. (“Winston tastes good like a cigarette should”)

Their subconscious mind is familiar and comfortable with smoking, to the subconscious, it’s a “known”.

So even though they may want to quit smoking, the part that wants to quit is only 12 %: the conscious mind. But 88% wants to keep smoking. Which do you think will win out? Of course, the 88%.

Hypnosis as a tool for change.

This is where hypnosis comes in. When a person is in hypnosis, their critical mind, whose job is to be the gatekeeper to the subconscious mind, takes a break. They become very suggestible, or, open to suggestion.

So in a hypnotherapy session,  I can use the power of suggestion to get the subconscious mind familiar with what the goal is, so that the goal now becomes a “known” to the subconscious mind. With enough repetition and reinforcement, by coming to a few sessions or listening to recordings that I make for my clients, they can begin to reprogram their minds to stop smoking, be more calm and relaxed, or be more motivated. See how that works?

I specialize in helping people quit smoking, release anxiety, and get motivated! If you want to know more about how I can help you, click here to contact me. I can help you change your mind one thought at a time!

Ted

How To Put Yourself Into A Hypnotic Trance

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Well for starters, you can register for Self Hypnosis for Success and take control of what goes into your mind!  The class begins January 24th from 9 am to 10:30 am at Pasadena City College in Pasadena, CA.  Click here to register.

Or, you can go into hypnotic trance by being overwhelmed. Too much noise, too much activity,  too much to do, too much going on. If it becomes to much to deal with, your mind will seek to escape by going into what we call a hyper-suggestible or trance state, aka hypnotic trance. Think “running around like a chicken without a head.”

Hypnosis is a natural state we all experience. We’re in hypnosis half an hour before we go to bed and half an hour before we wake up. Perhaps you know people that walk around all day in a hypnotic trance? Perhaps you?

Watching the news on television can put you into a  hypnotic trance under uncontrolled conditions. You go into a hypnotic trance by sitting still, fixing your gaze on the talking heads, and having a passive mental attitude. Television news is designed to provoke emotions. Most of the time these emotions are  fear, sadness or anger. You may have an inner commentary about these emotions such as “That’s terrible!” “Oh my God, how sad.” “I hate those (liberals, conservatives, politicians, etc)!” Think about how this affects your mental state and how you view the world.

Learn to Put Yourself into a Hypnotic Trance

Do you really want to learn how to put yourself into a hypnotic trance? Register for my Self Hypnosis for Success class starting on September 20 at 9 am at Pasadena City College. The class continues on the 27th and October 4th from 9 to 10:30.  To register, click here.

Use the power of self hypnosis to:

  • Have the mindset and attitude for success in business and personal life.
  • Get rid of procrastination that keeps you stuck and in a rut.
  • Feel less self-conscious and more relaxed and confident in social and professional situations.
  • Increase sales through higher confidence and less call resistance.
  • Get relief from stress, anxiety and fear.

Learning self hypnosis is the most powerful way of using the hypnotic trance for your benefit. Register for Self Hypnosis for Success and take control of what goes into your mind!  The class begins January 24th from 9 am to 10:30 am at Pasadena City College in Pasadena, CA.  Click here to register.

Hope to see you there,

Ted

 

Are You Ready for Change?

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ready for change?

Are you ready for change? You’d better be. Because it’s coming like a locomotive and if you’re not ready, you’ll get run over.

I remember when we went from rotary dial to push button, then to cordless. I got my first cell phone in 2005.

I remember using lps, (long playing records) to 8 track, to cassette, to CD, to iPod.

Those changes were easy, and fun.

Other changes were not so easy. The transition from college to work.

I didn’t learn to use a computer until 1998. That was hard. I’m still learning.

Getting married was great but having kids required a period of adjustment, from only being responsible to myself to being responsible for the care of another human. I thought I was ready for change but I wasn’t so ready.

I pushed back when I was informed that it was time for my baby daughter to start eating solid food.  I had just gotten the baby food thing down. I wasn’t ready for change.

Letting go of the naive idea that all I had to do was print business cards and my phone would start ringing. Not. I had to learn to market my practice. (“Turn and face the strain” D. Bowie)

Every time I thought I had it figured out, something changed, and most of the time, I wasn’t ready for the change.

The pace of change in our lives accelerates exponentially. I read recently that there has been more change in the last 30 years than in the last 300.

We as 21st century humans must assimilate change and new information more rapidly than at any other time in history. To achieve our goals such as happiness, fulfillment, or prosperity, we must be willing to let go of the old and move into the new and unknown. That is my business, the business of change.

Are you ready for change?

Change will come knocking… wait,  back up. Change will crash through your door and come rolling in whether you are ready for change or not.

Birth and death, growth and decay, marriage and divorce, buying and selling, falling in love and falling out, getting hired, getting fired, getting on board and jumping off, sometimes you make the choice and sometimes it’s made for you.

How do you get ready for change? You get ready to let go. You realize that all things are in transition and that all things must pass. It’s not easy and most don’t navigate change easily.

When should you get ready for change? You probably won’t until you realize that you are not ready and that the train is about to clobber you. That’s when it become apparent that it’s time to leave your car stuck on the track and run like hell.

Can we be ready for change? Probably not most of the time. But when it’s time to change, time to let go of what’s been, we can be ready with the belief that we can do it with grace, trust and confidence.

Ted

Having trouble dealing with change? Click here to contact Ted.

How to Ease Anxiety About Dental or Doctor Visits

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Want to learn how to ease anxiety about dental and doctor visits? Watch this video.

I was recently asked by Dr. Jack Von Bulow of Temple City Dental Care to give a presentation on how to ease anxiety about dental and doctor visits.

We all know that to maintain our dental and physical health, we need to pay regular visits to the dentist or doctor.

However, many people are prevented from getting the care they need because of the fear and anxiety they have about going to the dentist or the doctor or even thinking about a doctor or dental visit.

In this video recording of my presentation on July 30th, I discussed five simple things that you can do to ease anxiety about dental or doctor visits.

Download handouts on how to ease anxiety about dental and doctor visits.

 

Handouts were available at the event,  including “5 Things You Can Do to Be More Comfortable, Calm and Relaxed When Visiting Your Doctor or Dentist” and Dr. Jack has generously provided them for download on his website.

You can get them by clicking here.

If you do even one of the five things I’ve suggested, you will get some relief. If you do all of them, you may experience a definite reduction in your fear and anxiety. I’ve even provided step by step instructions on the steps to take leading up to your appointment.

If you know anybody that suffers from fear and anxiety about going to the doctor or dentist, please forward this information to them.

Ted

 

 

 

 

The Shackles of Shame

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Shame. Say the word out loud and feel it’s intense power.

The root of the word shame is thought to come from an older word meaning to cover, as in covering oneself. When we feel shame, we cover ourselves, literally and figuratively.

Eve was said to cover herself in the Garden of Eden when she realized she was naked. She became ashamed of her natural physical form, the essence of her human-ess.

 Shame

Eve After the Fall, Auguste Rodin.
(Photo by MichaelLovesArt)

When we are shamed as children we are uncovered and our error is exposed; “Shame on you!”  or “You should be ashamed of yourself.” Yet, like Eve, as children we are often shamed for what is natural to us, i.e picking our nose, touching ourselves, or hitting our siblings.

The affect of shame, either taken on by oneself or given to us by others, can be subtle but devastating and long lasting. We can stuff shame down so deep inside that it becomes covered even to ourselves.

Yet the effect, like the word, is powerful. The lengths we will go to cover and hide our shame can keep us from ever fully living life. It is very hard to be happy carrying the ball and chain of shame.

We can become bound by the shame of who are or who we are not, what we do and what we don’t do, what we’ve done or what we failed to do, where we are in life or where we are not.

We can become so bound by shame that we stop moving, stop trying, stop expressing, stop loving. We will go into emotional hiding. We will go to great lengths to avoid anyone seeing us for who we think we are. God forbid we are uncovered as a fallible human being.

The Antidote for Shame

The antidote for shame is self forgiveness. We can accept our humanity, which includes the experience of triumph as well as failure. We can make amends, write a letter, seek absolution, apologize and ask for forgiveness.

And we must be willing to fail again. We must be willing to acknowledge that living fully means often falling short of the mark (the original meaning of “sin”). But first we must be willing to uncover the shame to ourselves, then to another. This takes courage and a desire to be free from hiding who and what we are.

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” 

~Brene Brown (click on the link for her TED talk on shame.)

Thanks for reading,

Ted

To hear a podcast of this blog, go to TedinYourHead.com