Time to Get Rid of Your (Same Old) Story?

/by

Untitled-2 My life changed in 1990 when a relationship I was in fell apart like a castle made of sand. Parents had been met and plans made for the future, even though we had only been together less than four months. Perhaps you can relate to the feelings of devastation, shock, and loss that accompany the sudden end of  something into which much emotion has been invested. It brought me to my knees.

At the time, I told myself “This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me; this is the worst pain I’ve ever experienced.” My disappointment and resentment consumed me, and at times, my anger bordered on hatred. For a while this was my story, and I would tell it to anyone who cared to hear: “I’ve been terribly, terribly wronged.”

This upheaval caused me to look deep inside of me to find out why I was so affected by this short but volatile relationship. What I saw was that there were wounded parts of me that needed healing.  I began reading, journaling and working hard to build my self value and self esteem. I came to realize that I would never have a healthy relationship until I had one with myself. Within a few short years,  I had developed a new level of self respect and self acceptance. I started to tell a new story about what happened.

Today, 20 years later, I consider that experience to be the greatest gift ever given to me, next to my wife and kids. In spite of a strong desire to hold on to my anger and resentment (…anybody else ever felt that way?…), I couldn’t ignore the fact that my pain had been a catalyst to begin my own personal journey of self transformation, and for that, I am immensely grateful. I choose to tell this story now, and the telling of it empowers me.

What’s your story? Do you have a same old story you tell all the time, to yourself and others? What’s that story doing for you? Is it moving you forward or keeping you stuck? The good news is that you can change that story and choose to tell a new one anytime you want to.

There are always two parts to anything that occurs to you in life. There’s what happened, and then there’s your story of what happened. The problem is, it’s really easy to get the two confused. We can come to believe that our story about what happened is what happened, and that becomes our reality. Then we start making decisions based on a story that for the most part, we made up.

Much of my work with my hypnotherapy clients involves helping them identify stories they are telling themselves that are disempowering and downright scary. In other words, keeping these stories alive robs a person of confidence, self esteem and aliveness, while  perpetuating fear, doubt and unhappiness. The first question I ask of them is: “Ok, something happened to you, but what are you making that mean, and what is that doing for you?”

That fact is, that as humans we are meaning making machines. We will make up stories about what happens to us, we can’t help it. That’s what gives each life it’s unique flavor. What that flavor tastes like will depend on the meaning that you assign to what happens to you. “My business failed, that means I’m a failure” has a pretty bitter taste. On the other hand “Because my business failed  I learned something that will help me succeed next time” is a little more palatable, as well as being infinitely more useful.

I recently saw the film Invictus. It’s about Nelson Mandela’s attempts as president of South Africa to unite a country divided by years of apartheid. After 27 year of imprisonment by the South African government, one might expect that Mandela would want to exact revenge on those that imprisoned him. But instead, the story he told himself during his imprisonment is reflected in the poem “Invictus”, which he shares with the captain of the South African rugby team (played by Matt Damon):

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

As is widely known,  Mandela won international respect for his advocacy of national and international reconciliation and in 1993 was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, shared with Frederik Willem de Klerk.

Our reality is self-created through the meanings and interpretations we attach to the situations and circumstances of our lives, that is, what we think about them. I don’t know how much control we have over things that happen to us, but we have full control over what we think.

Want a better experience of life? Choose to think differently, come up with a  better meaning, and tell a new story to yourself and others that is inspiring, and filled with courage and hope. You have that choice, so why not choose it? After all, it’s all made up anyway.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks using the buttons below.

Dedicated to helping you move to your next level of greatness,

TMan

 p.s. Having trouble coming up with a new story? I can help you.  Call me before Saturday, September 2nd and I’ll give you $35 off my regular session price. (South Pasadena location only)

Ted A. Moreno
Personal/Small Business Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist
www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       
 (626) 826-0612
 
Photo by Skye Moorhead
www.skyemoorhead.com

Your Word Can Move Mountains: Five Steps to Integrity

/by

One recent hot weekend my family and I were checking out the pond at the Santa Anita Botanical Gardens. My youngest daughter, The Rock, started to insist “I want to go swimming!” Back in the car, she became even more insistent. We were on our way to my parents’ house, so  I told her “I give you my word that we’ll go swimming in the pool at Grandma’s house.”

Within minutes of arriving at my parent’s house, The Rock and Chicklet (my older daughter) had their swim suits on and were jumping up and down with excitement. “Can we go swimming?” “In a minute”, I said. I didn’t feel like going back into the sun. I’d already sat down, cracked a cold one, and was feeling cool and comfortable. Soon they were playing with their cousins as if they had  forgotten about the pool.  For a second I considered telling them that it was too late to go swimming but instead I jumped up and took them out into the pool. I had given them my word. How do I teach them if I can’t stick to my word?

It’s said the talk is cheap but the truth is that people cheapen talk. Consider that if you regularly cheapen your talk, then you cheapen the quality of your life.

We all know people who “are all talk”. When they say they are going to do something, we pay no attention, because they always say things but don’t deliver. On the other hand, we know people whose word is their bond. They say “I’ll be there at ten o’clock” and we know that come hell or high water they’ll be there because that’s how that person always is. We can say that person has integrity.

According to to Wikipedia:

The word “integrity” stems from the Latin adjective integer (whole, complete). In this context, integrity is the inner sense of “wholeness” deriving from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character. As such, one may judge that others “have integrity” to the extent that one judges whether they behave according to the values, beliefs and principles they claim to hold.

In other words, integrity is consistency between what one says and what one does.

Words can be incredibly powerful and creative.I’ve heard it said that there is no reality without language. If that statement is true, and I believe it is, then nothing happens without you first speaking it into existence. In Genesis 1:1 it’s written “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” The Bible goes on to say that God spoke the universe into creation.

In last week’s post I talked about declaring yourself to be who you want to be before the doing and having. In the declaring of who you are, you start to create who you want to be. This is  the power of your word.

The power of our word is developed first with ourselves by being in integrity with ourselves.  It’s easier for us to keep our promises to others than it is for us to keep promises to ourselves. Have you ever made a promise to yourself, knowing deep down inside that you probably won’t keep it? I know I have.  This is deadly, for two reasons: one, we can trick ourselves into believing we have integrity when we don’t. Second, what integrity we do have will always depend on what we commit to others. Truth be told, the most powerful promises we make are those we make to ourselves and keep.

When we commit to being a person of integrity, then our word starts to become powerful because we consistently do what we way we will do. In time, we come to trust that when we commit to something, it WILL happen. This is called creating your life through your speaking. “This I shall do” becomes not just a promise but the starting point, or genesis of what you will accomplish.

Eventually we can develop our integrity to the point where if we want to create something, we simply speak our intention and it begins to manifest it in physical reality. We know it will come to pass because we have created our word as powerful. Others know it as well. Our reputation becomes such: “If he said it was going to happen, then you better count on it happening.”

At this point, the speaking of something and the creating of it become one. We then have a clear sense of our own personal power and a deep belief in our ability to create whatever we want to create.

Here are five steps to developing the power of your word and creating yourself as someone with unshakable integrity.

  1. Start small. Commit to something you are going to do daily. Keep it simple. It could be reading for 5 minutes or sweeping the floor. Calling your mother, anything.  Try to do it for 21 days. If you really want to put yourself out there, commit to doing it at a particular time. The point is to get in the habit of doing what you say you are going to do.
  2. Clean up where you are out of integrity with yourself.Again, start with something small. Maybe your promised yourself you were going to work out three times a week but have yet to start. Simply acknowledge that you are out of integrity with yourself without shame or blame then recommit to something that you CAN do, that is realistic. Maybe one time a week. Or, choose consciously NOT to work out. Maybe it’s not something you are truly committed to and that’s ok. Be complete with it.
  3. Clean up where you are out of integrity with others.This might be tough but it’s essential. What have you promised  to someone that you haven’t completed? This might involve an apology, re-negotiation, or fulfilling the promise. Leaving these things dangling can be a heavy burden on your mind.
  4. Declare that you are going to do something big and audacious. You don’t need to know how you’re going to do it, just commit. Make yourself accountable to someone. It’s gotta be big! Do this then see what happens…
  5. Realize and accept that you will fall out of integrity. You will break your word. It’s what humans do. Don’t make it mean anything. Re-commit, re-negotiate, clean it up, and move on.

If your talk is so cheap that even your dog rolls his eyes when you speak, then you need help. I’m giving $100 off of my four session hypnotherapy package if you call before August 13 to book an appointment. Make your word a force to be reckoned with.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

TMan

 Ted A. Moreno
Personal/Small Business Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist
www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       
 (626) 826-0612
 
 

You’ve Got It Backwards! It’s BE, DO, HAVE.

/by

Have you ever heard anybody say “If only I can  have this (car, house, relationship, etc…), then I’ll do what I want to do, and then I’ll be (happy, successful, fulfilled etc.)”. Sadly, it seems that all too often people get stuck in “If only…”

That’s because it’s not the having or doing that matters. It’s the Being. Got it?

Question: Who are you Being now? Are you being relaxed? If you are, then you are doing something very different than if you were being tense or nervous. That’s because doing comes out of Being. However, many of us believe that if we just have the right thing, we will do what we want and be successful, happy, fulfilled, peaceful, etc. In my experience, though, that’s backwards, yet it’s the formula that most people follow, and it’s called

  HAVE  DO  BE

(If I have this, I will do that, and I will be what I want to be.)

Let me ask you another question. Who do you think  you are? (Hint: Who do you say you are?)  Who you say you are is who you declare yourself to be. What you say you are is probably going to reflect what you do.

Listen to your own language. Do you say you are happy? Or miserable? Do you say you are competent? Or a loser? Do you say you are lucky? Or cursed? You are what you say you are, what you declare yourself to be.

Listen  to other people’s language. How often do you hear “I am tired” or “I am sick of this” or “I hate that” (I am hating). Compare what their experience of life is to those who say things such as “I am grateful” or “I’m cool” or “I’m fantastic” or “I’m so good I wish I were twins!”.

Some might say, “Oh, they can say that because they have a good job, good marriage, or good luck.” But consider, just consider, that they have those good things because of who they declare themselves to Be. Maybe they understand that the universe works like this:

BE  DO HAVE

(If I am who I want to Be, then I’ll do what that type of person does,  and then I’ll have what that type of person has)

I didn’t come up with this. I learned it in the Landmark Forum, then read it in Conversations with God, then had it reinforced by T. Harv Eker. It’s how the Law of Attraction works.

Let’s examine this statement: “If I have the perfect job, then I’ll  make lots of money (do) , then I will be successful.” The underlying assumption is “I am not yet successful.”

Now try this: “I am successful (Being).  I do the things successful people do, and I have the things successful people have.” It starts with a declaration of Being. EVERYTHING starts with BEING.

You must declare yourself to BE what you want to BE, then DO the things that that person would do, so you can have the things that that  person would have.

It can’t be that simple can it? Well yes, but it’s not easy! Let’s say I declare that who I am is happy. This is a state of being. Does happiness start with what you do? Absolutely not! It starts with an  idea, a thought,  a happy mind set. If declare myself to be happy, then I make the choice to be happy,  so I now I do the things that happy people do. Like, for instance, smile. What is it about these happy people that they are always smiling?? What is up with that? Are they smiling because they are happy or are they happy because they are smiling? Does it matter?! They have a happy life! If I want a happy life, then I’m just going to have to do what those happy people are doing.

 What do happy people do? My advice is this: find someone who you know is  happy and ask them; they won’t mind telling you because that’s what those darn happy people do, they seem to like to spread thier happiness around, can you imagine that? Who do these people think they are?

Um….happy? Duh!

I stood up one day in 2000 and declared to the world (or at least a small segment of the world) “Who I am is transformation.” I wanted to change my life. I didn’t know what the heck transformation involved but it sounded good. (This was before I became a hypnotherapist.) So I started talking like a transformed person. Acting like a transformed person. Hanging out with people who wanted transformation. Reading books about transformation.

Now, I am Transformation Man! Don’t sell me on your shortcomings, I won’t be convinced! Don’t try to convince me you’re a terrible person, I won’t believe it! I’m a stand for your greatness, do you get that? Why? Because that is who I declare myself to be, and when I stand in the place of transformation, I am powerful. It doesn’t matter that sometimes I feel weak because how I feel has nothing to do with the committment I have made – to choose powerfully to walk the path of my own personal evolution.

Let me ask you one more question. WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE? Scarlett O ‘Hara declared “As God is my witness, I will never go hungry again!” as she scarfed on a wimpy carrot, but that didn’t matter. In that moment, she BEcame something other than just hungry.

If you are not who you want to be, then you must do the same. Declare who you want to be as who you are now. Say it out loud, declare it to the  universe, tell who ever will listen, write it down, make it your committment, your life’s purpose, your reason for being here. Scream it from the highest mountain, repeat it a thousand times a day. Then DO. Whenever, however, as much as you can, as often as you can. Ask for help. You’ll be stopped, challenged, maybe even ridiculed. Just keep declaring who you are, this is your spririt, this is your essence, this is your energy, this is your life for Gods sake!

Don’t waste another moment wishing, hoping or waiting for the right conditions to be who you want to be. Declare yourself to be it now, declare it with power and conviction. Then do something. And see what happens.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  
To hear a podcast of this blog, go to TedinYourHead.com episode 62
 
 Ted A. Moreno
Personal/Small Business Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist
Specializing in Your Success
www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       
 (626) 826-0612
 

How To Have Lots of Energy

/by

lightning-icon

I’ll never forget the time that I found instant energy. For a while I’d been trying  to find the energy to get started on all the things I wanted to do.  I’d be sitting in front of the television thinking “If only I could find the energy to get off this couch, my life would be a lot better.” I felt depressed and  unmotivated.

One day while watching Family Guy and eating Captain Crunch, someone knocked at my door. Too tired to get up, I shouted “Come in!” The UPS guy ran in with a package and dropped it right in my lap.

I was too tired to get up and a get a knife, so during the commercial breaks I used my spoon to saw through the tape and open the package. I pulled out the packing peanuts to uncover a strange glow wrapped up in some paper. I unwrapped the paper and to  my surprise, it was some Energy! I finally had some!

I jumped right up and cleaned the house. Then I wrote up my resume and went out and found my dream job. The money started rolling in. I started working out regularly, got real buff, and started dating a model. I learned to play guitar and  joined a band. We made a record and went on a whirlwind European tour that included fine dining at…

 I awoke to the opening tune of SpongeBob SquarePants. My bowl of  Captain Crunch was all over my lap. It was just a dream. “God, I’m tired” I said. The minute I said that my eyes got real droopy. I thought about taking a nap right then and there but the thought of the Captain Crunch all dried and crumbly on my pants was more than I could bear. I jumped up and shouted “NO!” I’m 35 years old! When is my life going to start?”

Then I noticed something  interesting. Just standing up and shouting had given me some energy! I found some paper and a crayon and wrote down my discovery: “Movement = energy”

I realized something else: the minute I said “I’m tired”, I felt tired! I wrote down this realization as well. “Whatever I say, my mind will obey. Energetic language = energy.”

I have a confession. This was not the first time I had fallen asleep while eating sugery cereal. One time I awoke on the couch to find my mouth open with unchewed Cocoa Puffs. I swear I thought I saw a fly flying away. It seems every time I eat a lot of sugar I get sleepy. I got a pencil and wrote this down: “Good nutrution = good energy.”

I was feeling a bit motivated now. I felt the stirring of energy inside me.  I decided to make a list of some things I would do with my bit of energy:

  1. change pants
  2. take all 12 cereal bowls off the coffee table and put them in sink.
  3. wash dishes while listening to Rush’s “Moving Pictures” really loud
  4. sort through three week-old pile of mail

Now I had some direction, some things I wanted to do. Curiously, this gave me even more energy. I had another insight and wrote this down: “Having a plan = energy.”

I was sorting through my mail  when I came across a letter from the landlord. “Ted, you are a month late on the rent. If you don’t pay the rent by this Friday I will evict you. Signed,  Your Landlord. (p.s. Judging by the overflowing garbage cans in your yard you obviously have enough money for a wide variety of cold cereal, cookies, and pastries. Suggestion: get a life.)”

The nerve! I was annoyed but also majorly freaked out. Eviction! How could I pay the rent on time if Wendy’s wouldn’t give me a raise?  I would have to find a better paying job and fast. I took the abandoned bird’s nest out of the spokes of my bike and rode down to the mall and collected a bunch of applications. When I got home, I wrote this down: “Purpose = energy”

I filled out a bunch of applications to drop off the next morning. It had been a busy day so I was feeling stressed out and tired. I wanted to sit in front of the tube.  I played my guitar instead and that energized me. I practiced “Blackbird” for awhile. I felt relaxed and calm now. Before I went to bed at 10:30 I wrote  down two things: “Fun = energy” and “De-stress =  energy”

The next day I woke up at 6:30.  I felt refreshed.  I scribbled “Good Sleep = Good Energy”. Out of habit I turned on the news: The Economy. The War. Terrorists. Floods. Car Accidents. I turned off the television, unplugged it and stomped on the remote. It occurred to me that compared to most of the world, I had a pretty good life. I was healthy, I had a place to live, lots of expensive cold cereal, and I had opportunity and the freedom to take advantage of it if I chose to. There was nobody bombing my house or my city. I felt blessed and was moved by this feeling. I wrote down “Gratitude = energy”.

I eventually took all my insights and made a sign that I hung on my wall:

” I Am Energetic”

  • I have abundant energy because I move my body by walking daily.
  • I have abundant energy because I say that I do. I refuse to say the opposite.
  • I have abundant energy because I have an energy producing diet.
  • I have abundant energy because I have a plan.
  • I have abundant energy because I have a purpose.
  • I have abundant energy because I have a good balance of work, play and relaxation.
  • I have abundant energy because I manage my stress.
  • I have abundant energy because I get enough sleep.
  • I have abundant energy because I focus on what is right with my life and I am grateful.

I started reading this every morning out loud because it energized me.

Here’s the key: nothing can give you energy. YOU MUST LEARN TO GENERATE IT.  Today, at 50, I’m grateful that I have more energy than I’ve ever had. I’ve found a sleep schedule that works for me (11-6).  I try to walk every morning.  Two days a week I’m a stay home dad with my two daughters, so I work 12-16 hour days four days a week and a few hours early on sunday writing this blog. I’m a little busier than I like (we both have huge families that we visit often), but I admit it’s my choice. I’m very conscious of how valuable time is. I have a purpose, a plan, and written down goals. I rarely watch television. And I never, ever say I’m tired unless I’m ready to go to bed. There have been a couple of health issues recently that lowered my energy, but I got my butt to my doctor, my chiropractor, and my acupunturist, and got it back. While writing this, my wife, who had no idea of this week’s blog topic,  came into my office and said “I’ve figured out that having energy is mostly in your mind”.  You can say that again sweetheart!

(Disclaimer: With the exception of the last paragraph, the preceding story is for eduational purposes only and is mostly a work of fiction. To the best of my recollection, I have never fallen asleep with unchewed breakfast cereal of any brand in my mouth. However, I did once have to remove a bird’s nest from the spokes of my bike.)

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.

TMan

p.s. Need more energy and motivation? Call me before July 10th to book a coaching or hypnotherapy session and I’ll give you my “Energy Generation” audio recording  at your next paid session.

 Ted A. Moreno

Personal/Small Business Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist
www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       
 (626) 826-0612

Don’t Let Them In! Five Steps for Keeping the Mental Mischief Makers Away.

/by

I hate to admit this to you, but when I was younger and much more foolish, I used to open my door to some pretty unsavory characters.

They weren’t even very likable, I just got comfortable having them around. They were familiar and I knew what to expect from them. I didn’t realize until much later how much hanging around with them was holding me back from what I knew I could be.

One day, there was a knock on the door while I was reading a book by the first self-development author I ever read, Dr. Wayne Dyer.  I opened the door to find  Cynicism,  someone I knew very well, standing there. I was dismayed to see that he had brought  Negativity with him, who I really despised, especially since he was always wearing that dumb “I’m With Stupid” T-shirt.

“Hey dude. It’s another crappy day. Perfect day for getting messed up”, Cynicism said. I noticed he had brought along a sixer of his favorite beverage, Notwieser Light.

I don’t know why, maybe it was the Dyer book, but I said “Sorry guys, not today”.

Negativity stepped forward and whined “Don’t be like that, homey! Let’s throw back a few and complain about the system!”

I hate being called homey. “No”, I said. “You guys get outta here. Now. I’m busy”

They shuffled off,  Cynicism grumbling “Thinks he’s too good now…”

I sat back down and felt weird. This was uncomfortable for me. I’ve always been a “nice” guy. I pretty much let in whoever wanted to come in and let them stay as long as they wanted. Right then, there was another knock at the door. I got up, irritated. I threw open the door expecting Negativity and Cynicism but instead, Possibility was standing there. I’d seen him a couple of times, but didn’t really know him too well. “Hey”, he said.”I thought I would drop by since I was in the neighborhood. Mind if I come in?’

“Sure”, I replied. “So tell me, what kept you from coming by before?”

“I’ve tried” he said.  “But I make it a point not to hang out with those other two clowns who just left.”

Cynicism and Negativity still come by and knock , but most of the time I just don’t open the door and pretty soon they go away. The odd times that I do let them in because I’m too tired to say “Get lost”,  I make sure they don’t stay very long. I haven’t seen Resignation and Despair in a while. Fear must have a key but I’m in the process of changing the locks. More and more, I find myself entertaining Possibility, who is always welcome, along with Hope, Belief, and Courage. Needless to say, life is much better.

Here are five simple steps to keep those Mental Mischief Makers from messing with your mind.

  • Stop Complaining. The MMMs are attracted to complaining like ants to sugar. They seem to have some special radar to help them find complainers. First they’ll allow  you to feel justified, then they’ll move in and take over the place.
  • Plant gratitude outside your front door. You know how some animals will not come into your garden if you have the right herbs  planted to keep them from eating your veggies? Gratitude is repellent to Negativity and in large enough amounts does a great job of keeping the  other jokers away too.
  • Take regular Inspiration Vacations. Read, hear, see things that inspire you. There’s no way that you will even hear those troublemakers knock if you’re involved in something that lifts you up and inspires you. Keep your mind in that place where your highest ideals reside.
  • Use Incantations. This is the magic that really acts like a spell to keep Negativity, Resignation, Fear, Cynicism, Doubt, and Despair away. Incantations are what you say to yourself to create what you want. Examples: I can do this, I have what it takes, I am up to this challenge, I am attracting money now, creativity flows through me. To make them really powerful, write them down and put them near a candle and light it. Seriously, I’m not kidding. Say these things a hundred times a day. Really.
  • Always be up to something. If you are up to stuff, making stuff happen, dreaming, hoping, planning, taking action, then you will be too busy for these those pesky MMMs when they come to visit.  You’ll see them for what they are: a distraction and a diversion from making your unique contribution to life.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.

TMan

 Ted A. Moreno
Personal/Small Business Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist
www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       
 (626) 826-0612

Are You Haunted by Ghosts?

/by

Halloween is a big thing around our house. My wife is  a Halloween nut, so consequently my two daughters, Matrix Chick and Fingers ( who from here on will be referred to as  The Rock ) have been frothing at the mouth about getting dressed up and trick or treating. One was a fairy and the other was Minnie Mouse. We were going to take them trick or treating but didn’t because they were having too much fun handing out candy to other trick or treaters.

January 2009 042

The Fairy and Minnie Mouse

With all this Halloween Hoopla and stuff on TV,  The Chick has been seeing ghosts lately. “Dad, there’s a ghost in my room”  or “I think there’s a ghost outside.”  Of course, I tell her that there’s no such things as ghosts, even though I know that there are.

I was watching Larry King interview a couple of guys that have this ghost lab that investigates paranormal occurences. One of the guys suggested that a ghost is the residual energy of a deceased person that won’t go away because there is unfinished business.

I wonder if you are  haunted by the energy of unfinished business? Are you aware of spectres from your past that keep you stuck in fear and trepidation? For some people, these demons are very real.

It’s said that ghosts, if indeed they do exist, don’t know they are dead or don’t want to be dead. They try to stay among the living, caught in a netherland of not alive but not dead.

How true that can be for many of us that are haunted by past tragedies, traumas, mistakes, and failures. Did  events happen in your life that should have stayed buried  that you continue to resurrect from the grave of  the past? Oftentimes these memories can take possession of us and keep us from moving forward.

Failed businesses, painful relationships, bitter divorces, the loss of a loved one, letting someone down big-time,  stupid yet costly mistakes, times when we felt we did not measure up to our ideal self. All can become goblin-like, so scary  that we never even try again or make judgements about ourselves which are no longer (perhaps never were) true. So we stay inside, windows shuttered, doors locked, afraid to venture out into possibility.

We all have a tendency to look to the  past for information about how to act in the future. But the future does not have to equal the past. What’s also true is that we are human, and as such, we will make mistakes, suffer loss, hurt people, and fail, perhaps many times before we get it right.  You are human, are you cool with that?

I’m no ghostbuster, but I think that  to allow these ghosts to rest in peace, you may need to:

  • Forgive yourself
  • Forgive someone else
  • Apologize to someone
  • Make it up so someone
  • Reconnect with someone
  • Write a letter but don’t mail it
  • See the experience from a different perspective
  • Recommit to our ideal self
  • Find the wisdom and learning from the experience and move on.
  • Change something major in your life (it’s said that those ghosts don’t like remodeling)

If you need a little technique to release the past, try this:

Close your eyes and get comfortable, taking some deep breaths. When you feel centered and grounded, See, feel or get a sense of the situation, person, or experience you want to release. Imagine cords of light connecting you to this situation, person, etc. See, feel or get a sense of a magic or special knife or sword or scissors in your hand and begin to cut the cords connecting you. When you are done, reattach the cords back to your self and imagine the cords of the person or situation reattaching themselves back to it or them. Imagine the situation or person fading away or getting smaller or smaller until they disappear. Imagining a grave where the situation/person is buried can be helpful to some people.

This is a good time to talk about letting these ghosts rest in peace; today is Dia de Los Muertos, Day of the Dead. Honor what came before and what is no more, taking the legacy of knowledge and wisdom and moving courageously into tomorrow.

How Selfish are You? (Part 1 of 2)

/by

You would not believe the bad luck I’ve had lately. Can hardly believe it myself.

One night last week I was watching television. It got later and later but I just kept watching it, even though I knew I should go to bed. I watched TV until 5:30 am, then I slept for an hour and a half. When my daughter Matrix Chick tried to wake me I snarled at her and she started crying.  Boy was I tired and grumpy!

Since I woke up late I didn’t get to eat breakfast before work. By the time I was done with my first client I was starving! There was some Halloween candy in the lobby of my building so I ate a bunch of candy corn, Tootsie Rolls and mini Three Musketeers.  If I thought I felt bad  before, I had another thing coming – I developed a horrible stomach ache!  Can you believe that!?

During my session with my next client, she actually got up and said, “I’m leaving because you keep falling asleep while I’m talking to you.  And why don’t you wipe that chocolate off of your chin?” What nerve! Can you believe the bad luck?

It seemed as if I was doomed to have a wretched day so I cancelled the rest of my appointments and went home determined to force myself to work like a dog on computer stuff that’s been piling up. I worked all afternoon. My wife came home with the kids but I kept on working. She said that dinner was ready but I kept on working. She said that dinner’s done would I help clean the kitchen but I kept on working. She asked if I would help put the kids to bed but I just had too much to do! Then she got really angry with me and we had a big fight. Can you believe the rotten luck I had that day?

If you know me then by now you may have guessed  that none of that really happened (I don’t like candy corn.)  But if it was true you might be saying “You didn’t have bad luck, you were just being irresponsible!” And that would be true.

In the imaginary scenario I just described, it can be summed up like this: I was not being responsible for my own self care. Taken to that extreme, I would say that I was being negligent; neglecting my own basic needs, therefore, I ended up neglecting  the needs of those I love.

I’ve come to the conclusion that self-care is vitally important and necessary to leading a happy and fulfilling life.

How is your basic self-care? Are you getting enough sleep? Eating right? Taking care of your health? If you are neglecting any one of these, chances are that you are seeing the consequences in some part of your life.

But let me suggest that self-care doesn’t end there. There is another level:  Are you learning? Growing, spiritually, mentally, emotionally? Are you having fun, experiencing joy, and giving yourself opportunities to become the best you can be? Paying attention to your loved ones?

 Jim Rohn said “The greatest gift you can give to somebody is your own personal development. I used to say, ‘If you will take care of me, I will take care of you.’ Now I say, ‘I will take care of me for you if you will take care of you for me.'” –

For many, the idea of being good to yourself or taking care of yourself flies in the face of everything we have been taught about being selfish. “Don’t think about yourself, think about others. Help others. Care for others. Don’t be selfish by focusing or thinking  too much about yourself.

We are all selfish on a most basic level. Everything we do we do, we do because we get something out of it. This is one of our drives as human beings. I’m not advocating living your life totally for your own pleasure and amusement, I’m suggesting that living your life for everyone else may leave you wasted, burned out and resentful and no good to anyone, least of all you! After all, you’re no good to your child on an airplane if you are passed out because you put their oxygen mask on first. You’ve got to take care of yourself first.

I think that much of life is about balance. And the hard cold truth is, it’s not easy to do. In fact, for some of us, it may be easier to live for everybody else because it gives us an excuse to shirk responsibility for our selves and our needs, especially if that was your model growing up. If that is the case, it can be really hard to do something else.

More next week, and please view my Happy Halloween post.

A Powerful Daily Practice

/by

I was talking with my soon to be four year old daughter the other day. She said “Dad, if I blink my eyes, then it’ s nighttime.” Out of the mouths of babes…I said “Yes sweetheart, in the blink of an eye, it’s next week, then next month, then next year..”

James Tayor said in a song:

Now, people live from day to day
But they do not count the time you know
They don’t see their days slipping by
And neither do I

When I was a child, the days were long, and it seemed like forever until Halloween, or Christmas or my birthday. Now, one day runs into the next, one week becomes the next and on and on. I used to work with a guy, who, in the middle of summer, would say, “Christmas is almost here” He was only half kidding. What is the biggest difference between the long, slow days of childhood and the rapid fire pace of life now? I think it was that we counted the days as kids. We didn’t need to make each day count, it just did. And then one day, all of a sudden, there was “stuff that needed to get done.” And only so much time to do it in.

I start each hypnosis session with a client by having having them breathe. In and out. I have them notice each breath, and this creates relaxation. Counting the breath, like counting the days, slow things down.

The most powerful practice I have in my life is to take time to myself to be with my life. What does this have to do with hypnosis? Well, it is possible to become hypnotized by the routine. Like a hamster on a wheel, it’s just what many of us do. Get up, work, come home, go to sleep, get up, work, come home, go to sleep, a seemingly endless cycle of activity. Throw in a few vacations here and there.

To break out of that hypnosis we must step out of the stream of our life. For me, that looks like getting up a little earlier in the morning when it is quiet. For you, it may be going to bed a little bit later. Why? What for?

To read, maybe. Not the paper, or a novel, but something that inspires you or challenges you. Or to meditate, just sitting, counting the breath. Maybe to just sit and welcome another morning, or at night, to say goodbye to another day. Perhaps to examine your life, your goals, what is it that is meaningful to you. To just drink some tea, or a cup of coffee. To consider: Who are you really? A job? A role? An activity? No, you are something much more. Take time to get to know what that is, or to re-mind yourself. Pray.

You may say that you hate to get up early. OK. But you have to get up sooner or later, yes? Get up a little sooner. Or go to bed a little later. If I don’t do this, then I really don’t have a life, I have a schedule, mostly. But it’s not easy to do. It feels like slacking. But it’s not. It is one of the most important things you can ever do. Is to be. With. You.

Did you know that many people cannot be alone because they don’t like being with themselves? If that is the case, wouldn’t you want to know that? Could you handle that insight?

How can I explain or relate the power of being present to your life by just stopping the continuous activity? I can’t. What I can do is suggest: take time to be with yourself. Alone. When it is quiet, before the day takes off,  like a ball from a  cannon. Or in the evening, after the tv’s are off and computers shut down and kids are in bed. Socrates said “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Take time to look, listen, and feel. What comes up? You may be surprised.