Tag Archive for: Self Esteem

Stop It! 43 Things To Stop Doing NOW

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  1. Stop saying “I hate _.” That makes you a hater.
  2. Stop acting like you’re the only one with problems.
  3. Stop complaining to people that can’t do anything about it. They don’t want to hear.
  4. Stop complaining if nothing can be done about it.
  5. Just stop complaining, already!
  6. Stop wishing that what is, isn’t and that what isn’t, is. Deal with what is real.
  7. Stop watching so much television.
  8. Stop calling yourself bad names. You are what you say you are.
  9. Stop comparing yourself and your situation to others. Compare and despair.
  10. Stop buying crap you don’t need.
  11. Stop equating your self worth with your net worth.
  12. Stop  caring what other people think about you. Most of the time, it’s none of your business.
  13. Stop trying to get more done in less time. Life is not about doing.
  14. Stop being so attached to who’s in what political office. Most of the time, it doesn’t matter.
  15. Stop acting and talking like your favorite celebrity or tv character.
  16. Stop caring about what happens to Kim, Lindsay, Justin, JayLo, or any other celebrity. You have more important things to worry about.
  17. Stop worrying so much.
  18. Stop believing everything you hear.
  19. Stop believing everything you read.
  20. Stop believing everything you see.

  21. Stop believing everything you think.

  22. Stop pretending you don’t care about that thing that you say you don’t care about. Because you do care.
  23. Stop wanting today to pass quicker than it is going to. That just makes it take longer.
  24. Stop believing that it’s either this or that, black or white, right or wrong. It all depends on who you are, where you are and what year it is.
  25. Stop eating so much junk.
  26. Stop being so mean to your beautiful body. Yes, you.
  27. Stop arguing for your limitations.
  28. Stop believing that there is nothing you can do about it. There is always something you can do about it.
  29. Stop believing that what always was will always be.
  30. Stop saying that you will try. Yoda said “Do or do not. There is no try.”
  31. Stop trying to change people. Change yourself instead.
  32. Stop believing that God is interested in punishing you. She told me last week that you’re good at doing that all by yourself.
  33. Stop thinking that you deserve to be punished.
  34. Stop shoulding all over yourself.
  35. Stop being so fearful. Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.
  36. Stop pretending that you have nothing to offer or contribute. If you’re still above ground, then you do.
  37. Stop being so afraid of other people. They are just you in a different body.
  38. Stop hanging out with people that want to keep you down. “It’s hard to soar like an eagle when you are running around with pigeons.” -Les Brown
  39. Stop holding back what you need to say. It’s bad for digestion.
  40. Stop holding on to your stuff so tightly. It’s making you constipated.
  41. Stop worrying about money. That’s why you don’t have more.
  42. Stop worrying that people will find out how smart, talented, gifted, funny, weird, nerdy, sentimental, warm and fuzzy and what a freak of nature you are. It takes all types, and it’s all good, my friend.
  43. Stop hiding your light under a basket. We need it now more than ever.

p.s. Don’t believe anything I’ve written here. 

Ted

Want to hear the podcast version of this? Go to www.tedmoreno.com/podcast

 

Being Grateful for the Things that Went Wrong

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As we approach Thanksgiving, much will be written this week about gratitude, how to give thanks, counting blessings, how not to stuff yourself like a tick, etc.

I’d like to suggest being grateful for things in your life that went wrong. Things that didn’t go according to plan.

Now before I go any further let me say that, sometimes when stuff goes wrong, some really bad things can happen. It would be hard to be grateful for losing someone you love in a sudden terrible accident.

Still, many people that I speak with who have lost a loved one, often say that it was a wake up call for them; they realized that they were not being grateful by taking their lives for granted and resolved to live with more passion and love.

Recently, I was watching 127 Hours, the movie about Aron Ralston, the guy who survived a hiking accident by amputating his arm which was stuck under a boulder. Seems being grateful that would be really hard to do. Still, he gave a speech (he’s paid up to $37,ooo for speeches) “about how he did not lose a hand, but gained his life back.”

I had really bad back problems as a young man. Somedays I couldn’t get out of bed. But it got me into a habit of daily stretching that continues to this day that has kept me lean and mean (at least I think so). I’ve also been challenged by severe eye problems that necessitated shots in my eyeball. I asked the doctors “What can I do to keep this from happening again?” They said “Walk everyday.” Being grateful for those problems is easy because I walk daily and I love it. Better than a sharp stick in the eye.

Now when something goes wrong in my life, it’s a bit easier to ask myself “What is the lesson here? How can I grow from this?” Being grateful for the tough times is a little easier while they are happening even though the thanks sometimes comes grudgingly.

Can you look back and feel gratitude for:

  • The pain you’ve felt?
  • The disappointments you experienced?
  • The sadness you felt?
  • The loss you felt?
  • That time you got fired?
  • That time you got sick?
  • The times you got taken advantage of?
  • The time(s) you got dumped?
  • The time you were broke?
  • The time you lost your job?
  • The time someone told you the cold hard truth to your face?
  • The time you lost?
  • The time you failed?
  • That special once in a lifetime love who got away?

You might be thinking “How can I possibly be grateful for ____?”

Well, did you learn something? Did you become stronger? More compassionate? Wiser? More honest? More loving?

Did you find some tough stuff within that you didn’t know you had that still serves you to this day? Were you able to draw out  some courage or cleverness that allowed you to get to the other side?

Were you humbled? Did you get closer to God or your fellow man or woman? Was all the superficial, artificial, surface glitter and glam stripped away to reveal the real rock hard diamond deep down inside?

If so, then you’ve got something to be grateful for,  my friend. Doesn’t mean you liked it, or want to go through it again, it could just mean that you can say “It happened, I got through it, and I got something of value from it.”

If there is anything in you that is good, strong, right, and true, anything powerful and bold, any small measure of grit and bad- assedness, I’m not sure you would have it without those experiences.

It’s called a re-frame. You pull that dusty old stuff out of the basement, that junk that has been sucking your self esteem and self worth out of you, and you polish it off, hang it up and display it like a badge of honor, even if you’re the only one who sees it. You say to yourself “Yeah, I was flat on my back, I was down and out, I was crushed, hanging by a thread, written off, forgotten, humiliated, burned out and close to dead but dammit, I did not die! I am here to tell the tale! Yes it was tough but I was tougher!

That’s what I’m talking about. Being grateful for every little bit of it. It means you’re alive.

Ted

The Shackles of Shame

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Shame. Say the word out loud and feel it’s intense power.

The root of the word shame is thought to come from an older word meaning to cover, as in covering oneself. When we feel shame, we cover ourselves, literally and figuratively.

Eve was said to cover herself in the Garden of Eden when she realized she was naked. She became ashamed of her natural physical form, the essence of her human-ess.

 Shame

Eve After the Fall, Auguste Rodin.
(Photo by MichaelLovesArt)

When we are shamed as children we are uncovered and our error is exposed; “Shame on you!”  or “You should be ashamed of yourself.” Yet, like Eve, as children we are often shamed for what is natural to us, i.e picking our nose, touching ourselves, or hitting our siblings.

The affect of shame, either taken on by oneself or given to us by others, can be subtle but devastating and long lasting. We can stuff shame down so deep inside that it becomes covered even to ourselves.

Yet the effect, like the word, is powerful. The lengths we will go to cover and hide our shame can keep us from ever fully living life. It is very hard to be happy carrying the ball and chain of shame.

We can become bound by the shame of who are or who we are not, what we do and what we don’t do, what we’ve done or what we failed to do, where we are in life or where we are not.

We can become so bound by shame that we stop moving, stop trying, stop expressing, stop loving. We will go into emotional hiding. We will go to great lengths to avoid anyone seeing us for who we think we are. God forbid we are uncovered as a fallible human being.

The Antidote for Shame

The antidote for shame is self forgiveness. We can accept our humanity, which includes the experience of triumph as well as failure. We can make amends, write a letter, seek absolution, apologize and ask for forgiveness.

And we must be willing to fail again. We must be willing to acknowledge that living fully means often falling short of the mark (the original meaning of “sin”). But first we must be willing to uncover the shame to ourselves, then to another. This takes courage and a desire to be free from hiding who and what we are.

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” 

~Brene Brown (click on the link for her TED talk on shame.)

Thanks for reading,

Ted

To hear a podcast of this blog, go to TedinYourHead.com

Weight Loss is Seldom About Weight

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“Truth is Beauty” photo by Jennifer Morrow

Of all the things I help people with in my hypnotherapy practice, it seems that weight loss is the most difficult. 

I don’t really advertise it. When someone calls me for weight loss, I tell them that it is going to be a minimum of eight sessions.  I want to make sure they are serious.

Because weight loss is rarely about food and weight.

I was recently asked by the amazing Lauren Herrera of Pilates Barbell Club in Pasadena to be a contributor to her Triple Fat Loss Formula Program. (Click here to see outtakes of a video we made.)

She posted a blog post with words that carry uncommon wisdom and leave no doubt in my mind that she “gets it” when it comes to weight loss and fitness. Here’s a little of what she wrote:

“Food issues” and losing weight are rarely about the food or the weight.

Our interaction with food and our reliance on self-acceptence through a number on the scale or tag on our clothing perpetuates a never ending battle of self-hate, deprivation of food, insane exercise regimens (over-doing cardio, or actually doing an ‘insane’ workout) encompass the never-ending cycle of diet, binge, repeat. Or worse, diet, workout like a nut, get injured, then binge out of depression and defeat and then repeat.

If it’s not about the food, than what is it about?
Well, YOU. And everything that makes you UNIQUE, WONDERFUL, TALENTED and LOVABLE. Even if you don’t see it.

Weight loss is about being ok with and accepting yourself.

 

Lauren’s ideas about weight loss reflect an enlightened approach because they speak to the reasons why weight loss can be so hard.

The reason weight loss can be so difficult is because very often food is used to soothe negative emotions such as stress, low self worth, worry, anger, and  emotional pain such as loneliness and depression . It’s hard to see these emotions as part of the cause of being overweight when so much attention is on comparing one’s body to the body on the latest cover of  Whatever Magazine. Or, focusing on the latest diet or work out fad.

Furthermore, weight loss can be sabotaged by what is known as “secondary gain”. This is a situation where subconsciously, there is more advantage to keeping the weight than losing it.

For instance, after the loss of a relationship and the resulting heartbreak,  a woman may desire to lose weight, but be unable to do so no matter how hard she tries. This can be a fear based protective mechanism to avoid attracting another relationship and the emotional pain that may result. This is almost impossible to see in one’s self without some help. But if you can see it, then you can deal with it through compassion and love for yourself to heal and move forward.

This blog post is not about how to achieve weight loss, it’s simply food for thought (no pun intended) if weight loss is one of your goals.

A very helpful question to ask yourself in your quest for weight loss is “What am I hungry for?” We are all hungry for love, attention, happiness, acknowledgement, and acceptance. Once we can identify our deep seated human needs, then we can begin to work on getting those needs met. If we can’t identify our needs, we will find a way to ease the pain of the lack of them, be it through, food, alcohol, drugs, sex or work.

The intention behind weight loss should be to honor the gift of our bodies through physical fitness and health. Start with that in mind and everything else will follow. Like Lauren says:

Truth is our attractiveness will fade with age. But, our ability to be independent, self-reliant and MOBILE when we are pushing 75 is the bigger picture. Enjoying the 100 year lifespan we are projected to have is what it’s about for me.

Me too. Hope to see you in 2060.

Ted

Hypnosis and Fitness

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Today’s post features a video, “Hypnosis 101” with me and Lauren Herrera, owner and head trainer of  Pilates Barbell Club in Pasadena. Lauren and I have teamed up and made a series of videos about the mental aspect of physical fitness and training. Each video is based on a chapter in my book “The Ultimate Guide to Letting Go of Negativity and Fear and Loving Life.”

It today’s video, we discuss how we are under the influence of hypnosis by the media and advertising, which present unrealistic standards of what bodies should look like. Many of us are still be under the hypnosis of the negative words of others going back to childhood, in which we were called names or branded with negative descriptions relating to our bodies. Most of all, we are often under the hypnosis of our own negative self talk. In time, we come to believe these things are true, and they get in the way of our ability to accept and honor ourselves for who we are now.

If physical or mental transformation is to take place, it starts with healthy self acceptance and the belief that “I am ok just the way I am, and I can be better.” Much of my work with fitness and weight clients is helping them break free of the hypnosis of their own negative self image.

Lauren says “Do you know what hypnosis is? It’s a mind thing and as you know mindset has everything to do with everything. Achieving your health and fitness goals permanently takes a whole lotta programing in your mind to actually say: “Mission Accomplished.”

True that, Lauren! Click here to check out her excellent blog as well as get her free report “5 Free and Easy Tips to Supercharge Your Fat Loss.”

Of course, if you are ready to start de-hypnotizing yourself from negative self image and negative self talk, give me a call or contact me here.

Ted

12 Laws of Life, Part I

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Recently I came across this article by a man named Tom Hoobyar, who was an inventor and high tech CEO.  It contains some of the wisest words I’ve ever read. Tom Hoobyar died on September 25th, 2001, but his words live on. Take some time to read one of my favorite guest posts.

12 Laws of Life by Tom Hoobyar

1. SELF-MANAGEMENT AND PEOPLE SKILLS ARE THE KEYS TO YOUR SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS. This is a MAJOR fact of life. And it took me a long time to get this. If you want to be smarter than me you’ll give this first principle serious consideration. Your skill level in these two areas will determine the quality of your whole life. Every champion and high achiever knows this. These simple skills are the clear difference between winners in life, and losers.

If you learn to manage yourself you can accomplish anything you can dream up. You can deal with negative experiences wisely and you can add skills as you need them. You can become unstoppable. Self management puts you on the launching pad to all the success you desire.

Most people limit themselves by their unwillingness to consider personal change. They won’t learn new things and they won’t change their behaviors even when they discover they’ve been wrong. The funny thing is, self-change is EASY. You are the one person that you can get to anytime you want. You don’t need permission or an appointment, and no one can stop you from learning and changing whenever you decide to. The only obstacle is you! Self-management is actually the first step to building people skills.

Once you commit to changing yourself into who you can be, you will notice the people around you in a different way. Now you see them as fellow beings with their own fears and drives. And they will see you with new respect and attractiveness.

You are surrounded by people who can help or harm you, based on how you treat them. Learning how people work is a skill, just like learning how you work. These people can multiply your efforts and supercharge your success It takes leadership and persuasion skills – people skills.

People skills are like a booster rocket propelling you to your dreams. And the process of succeeding with others can be learned just like you learn to make toast. If you follow directions and practice, you can develop the skills that will make you very happy and prosperous.

2. YOU ARE AT THE CENTER OF YOUR UNIVERSE. STAY THERE! As a young sailor I learned the hard way that Read more

Might Be The Hardest Thing You’ll Ever Learn

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Chris Whitley, one of my favorite musical artists, does a cover of an old standard that I really like. The name of the song is “Nature Boy”.  (The video above is his version set to images of our soldiers serving overseas. It’s quite moving.) The last line of the song goes like this:

“The greatest thing
You’ll ever learn
Is just to love
And be loved
In return”

Loving, being loving, is not easy, and that’s an understatement. Being loved in return, being able to accept love, might be just as difficult for some.  But  to be able to fully love and be loved in return, you must learn what might be the most difficult thing you’ll ever learn, and that is to love yourself.

Mention “loving yourself ” in social conversation and you’ll either get snickers or an uncomfortable silence, depending on the company you keep.  The importance of self-love is  like an iceberg, immense, yet so hidden. To ask the question “Do I love myself?” cuts deep down to our very perception of who and what we are. If we even get an inkling about the extent of our own self acceptance and self-love, it’s usually due to the lack of it.

And it’s no wonder. Self loathing is such an  epidemic in our modern culture, it’s almost fashionable. The Flawed Hero or Anti-Hero is our current popular icon. Dr. House, Jason Bourne, Dexter, Jack Bauer. Even Spiderman’s a nerd.

Yet, the fact remains, and it’s indisputable. You can only love another and accept love to the extent that you love and accept yourself.

What keeps us from loving and accepting ourselves? Many things.  Negative conditioning from the past, resentments against ourselves for past failures,  negative conditioning from the culture at large. Watch the news. Violence, war, death, murder, betrayal, dishonesty, cheating, lying, greed. It’s hard not to come away with the belief that people are terrible, and since I am people, I must be terrible. Do you see the subliminal programming taking place here?

So what do we do? How do we overcome any dislike, judgement or even loathing  for ourselves? How do we learn to love and  accept ourselves for who we are as well as who we are not?

Start by separating who you are from what you do. Here’s the thing that makes it so very difficult. You cannot base your love and acceptance of yourself on what you do. In other words, you can’t say “I love myself because I do good things.” That’s called conditional love. “I’ll love myself as long as I do good things”, implies that if I do a bad thing, it all goes out the window. Other examples:

  • I’ll love and accept myself as long as I’m winning.
  • I’ll love and accept myself as long as I’m kind and generous.
  • I’ll love and accept myself when I feel good about myself.
  • I’ll love and accept myself when there is someone around to tell me they love me.
  • I’ll love and accept myself when I ‘m doing it right, living up to my expectations, etc.

See the problem with these? Love and acceptance for yourself is not created in the conversation “I love and accept myself because of these reasons…” It comes out of the following conversation: 

“I love and accept myself for who I am: a being whose nature is to love, who is capable of love. I don’t need a reason to love and accept myself. I love myself because I choose to. Period.” Like I said, this may be the hardest thing you will ever learn. Sadly, many people never learn.

If I stand in the place of “I love and accept myself unconditionally”  then I have love to give and I am more aware of when I am not loving to others. I accept my humanity and the fact that I will screw up, make mistakes, hurt people. I can forgive myself, and thus,  have a greater capacity to forgive others. I see that when others are hurtful, petty and mean, that they are being challenged by their own self dislike, and then I can have compassion, because I have been there.

You might ask, “Should I love and accept myself if I am doing terrible things?”  I would suggest that if someone is doing terrible things they are doing it out of their own self loathing. If I have truly learned to love myself, then I honor myself.   To cheat you, to betray you, to inflict violence upon you, dishonors me, dishonors the highest ideal I hold for myself. That ideal is to be loving to all, starting with myself.

We will fall short of our ideal as humans do. Yet in my experience, it’s the inability to accept that we will fall short, and the judgement that results, that begins to extinguish the inner light of our own magnificence.

Keep your flame alive. Refuse to tear yourself down or beat yourself up. Forgive yourself or ask for forgiveness. Tell yourself  daily “I’m ok and doing the best I can.” Learn to love yourself and accept yourself while knowing that there is always room for improvement. The greatest things to learn are often the hardest.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

TMan

 Ted A. Moreno
Personal/Small Business Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist
Specializing in Your Success
www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       
 (626) 826-0612

Life is Hard but That Doesn’t Mean That You Suck.

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One day many years ago, I was packing up my clothes to move out of a house that I had been renting with a girlfriend. We were breaking up and  I was deeply depressed. This scenario had happened all too often in my life, another failed relationship. The effort it took to pack up my stuff felt crushing and immense. At one point I sat on my bed, despondent,  and unable to continue.

Just at that moment the phone rang. It was a healer, an older woman who I had been seeing for some physical problems. Hearing the anguish in my voice, she asked me what was wrong.  I told her and finished with a pleading and desperate question: “This is not the first time this has happened, what is wrong with me?”

She said, “There is nothing wrong with you, dear.  We all have certain challenges that we must deal with. Life is hard sometimes, but you’ll get through this.” I did get through it, and I moved into a happier and more peaceful place, both literally and emotionally.

Life is hard sometimes.  But here’s the important thing to remember: Just because life is hard doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you.

There is a book by David Richo called The Five Things We Cannot Change ( and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them.)  The five things are:

  1. Everything changes and ends.
  2. Things do not always go according to plan.
  3. Life is not always fair.
  4. Pain is a part of life.
  5. People are not loving and loyal all the time.

So much insanity and deep unhappiness comes from believing  that life should be different from what it is. And when it doesn’t turn out  the way we think it should, it’s easy to feel that we are completely to blame.  We can be so invested in “doing it right” and “looking good” that when we fall short of our own or other’s expectations we make it mean that there is something wrong with us, that we are no good, or that we are in need of fixing.

What does it mean when life is painful, when the plan falls apart, when people betray you? Well, first and foremost, it means you’re alive and probably human. It might also mean that there are things you need to learn. Better choices you need to make. More careful planning. Greater consideration about  who you decide to associate with. How do you learn this stuff? Well, mainly by screwing up. Life’s a joker, ain’t she?

I don’t feel too bad when my car breaks down and I’m unable to fix it on my own.  It’s not a skill I’ve acquired and I’m not really interested in learning.  But when the money is not coming in as fast as I want or need, the “I suck” conversation comes up pretty quick! But it doesn’t mean that I suck, it just means I need to learn more about creating wealth. I can be OK with that, and then make the choice to learn. But it’s hard to be OK with “I’m not earning what I think I should earn, so there must be something wrong with me”.

Once we accept that life is hard, once we accept and embrace the five things we cannot change, then the only question is “What am I going to do about it?” It’s a much better question than “What is wrong with me?” or “Why is this happening to me?”

Of course, you can always answer the question “What am I going to do about it?’ with “Nothing! That’s why I suck!” or I don’t know how.., I can’t.., I’m afraid..,It’s too hard… But these responses are not very empowering.

Let me suggest some powerful responses to the question “What am I going to do about it?” when life gets hard.

  • I’ll do what I can do.
  • I can’t do anything, so I’ll accept that this is going to be tough and I’ll just get tougher.
  • I can’t do anything, so I’ll just have myself a good cry and carry on.
  • Nothing. I choose powerfully to do nothing until I choose to do something. I’m willing to accept the consequences of doing nothing.
  • Who can I ask for help?
  • How can I learn to deal with this effectively?
  • A challenge! Cool. I love challenges.
  • What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.
  • Life is getting hard. Interesting. I’ll use this experience to: write my blog/song/book/paint my masterpiece/help other people going through what I’m going through. 
  • Are you kidding? I’m a frickin’ Master of the Universe! These puny challenges are nothing compared to the stuff that’s going to come up when I really get rolling.

Life will be hard sometimes regardless of what you believe about yourself. However, if deep down inside you carry the belief that you are up to dealing with life when it gets hard, then you can turn “Life is hard” into “That’s life”.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.

TMan

p.s. If you’re stuck out on the limb of “life is hard/there’s something wrong with me”, give me a call and I’ll talk you down with a free half hour phone coaching session.  (This is in line with the powerful response “Who can I ask for help?”) This offer is for the first five people who call or email.

 Ted A. Moreno
Personal/Small Business Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist
www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       
 (626) 826-0612

How Selfish Are You? Part II

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Something has come to my attention lately that I find quite astonishing and frankly, disturbing. 

In fact, I’m not even sure how to write about this because it cuts pretty close to the bone for most people. 

What is astounding to me is the number of people I come across, not just in my practice but in the outside world, who don’t honor themselves. Either that, or they just plain don’t like themselves. They can’t hold themselves in high esteem. 

Now, they don’t usually come out and say “I don’t like myself”, or “I’m not worthy” but it is apparent by their actions. 

The don’t eat when they need to. They don’t get enough rest. The don’t do things for themselves. The don’t take care of their health. They don’t engage in activities that fill them up, instead of engaging in activities that are depleting. They have insane schedules. They refuse to reach out to others when they are troubled. The don’t give themselves credit. They tear themselves down. It’s almost an epidemic, at least in our culture. 

Now, I’m not immune to this epidemic. I’m feeling a little run down these days, a little wasted. I haven’t  been getting enough sleep, eating right, or getting enough exercise. Other things in my life seem to be higher on the list of priorities. I think I like myself and I think most people would say the same about themselves. Yet, I still let myself get out of balance. 

Now, you may not be one of these people. Good for you. Please continue to read and pass this along to someone you feel could benefit. 

But if you identify with any of this, then read on. (see my earlier post “How Selfish Are You Part I.) 

It seems to me that many people take better care of their cars than they do themselves. And  I think it’s safe to say that most people take better care of others than they do themselves. Why is that? 

Because we’ve been taught that it’s bad to be selfish.  

Let’s be clear about one thing, and you don’t need to be a psychologist, anthropologist or sociologist to see the truth of this: we are all basically selfish. It’s the human condition. Everything we do, we do in an attempt to satisfy some kind of physical, emotional or spiritual need. And that’s OK. The question is, can we be ok with that fact? 

Now, please understand, I’m not advocating that you forego all the kind and generous things you do for others to focus only on your needs. What I am suggesting is that there needs to be a balance. 

If you have something extremely valuable, let’s say for instance, a pet, then you will go out of your way to care for it. Why? Because you realize it’s worth in your life and how it adds to your enjoyment of life. You feed it, bathe it, take it to the vet, give it love, and make sure it’s happy. For Pete’s sake, you even clean up it’s poop! 

Here’s what I think is the crux of the problem: most of us simply don’t realize our own value. And if we have some idea of our own value, we have a tendency not to honor it. Why are you valuable? In my opinion, it’s because you were born. I think that because of that fact, you have something to offer here in this life, and life is waiting for your contribution, or  already benefitting from it. 

Is that true? Well, let me suggest that whether it’s true or not doesn’t matter.  It’s simply a really good place to stand. Stand in the place of “I am valuable and have something to offer and I should take the best care of myself that I possibly can so I can do what I came here to do.” It’s the declaration of your own value and self-worth that will help you to do the things that a person of value will do. 

If you are valuable, then you deserve the best of care. Because you have something to offer your family, as well as  your community, both local and global, than you must be up to offering your unique contribution. And to be up for that you need to be at your best, giving yourself what you need so that you can give to others.  

The first thing you should give to yourself is acceptance. Tell yourself “I’m ok. In spite of all the areas of my life where I perceive I fall short, I’m ok and doing the best that I can.” 

Being valuable, being worthy, and being ok doesn’t come from what you are doing. If you base your value and worthiness on what you are doing than you run the risk that what you are doing will never be good enough. 

Being valuable, worthy, and ok comes from saying that you are and believing it, then looking for areas in your life that support what you say. You will find them.

Let’s throw out the word selfish. How about Self Caring? Are you willing to be self care-ful? Full of care about yourself. 

Take care of yourself. We need you around. You have important work to do that only you can do. You may not feel that what you are doing is important but you don’t know what life is preparing you to do. Accept the fact that you are human and will make mistakes. Be your own best friend. Be kind to yourself in word, thought and deed. Accept yourself for who you are and who you are not. Read my weekly quote, which is one of my all time favorites. 

Don’t worry about doing it perfect. As the Buddha said on his deathbed, “Do your best”. 

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks. 

TMan 

Ted A. Moreno
Certified Hypnotherapist
Self Esteem Specialist
www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       

What Lies Dormant Within You?

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360px-Snowed-in_tree_in_Hermiston

When I was living in Arizona, I tried to make it a point to come to Los Angeles every year at the holidays to see my family for three or four days. I’d stay at my parent’s house; the house in which I grew up.

During the day, both my folks would be at work, and since the other birds (my siblings) had long since flown the coop, there was just me hanging out.

I’m a person who enjoys solitude, so I always looked forward to that time. I would walk from room to room in my parents’ house,  looking at framed photos, thinking about all the time that had passed since I had left to be on my own. I’d think about my childhood, and people I’d lost touch with.  Sometimes I’d read, or play my guitar, or just sit and think in the quiet stillness.

One day I went out to the backyard to walk around and noticed one of the trees had completely lost all it’s leaves. All that remained were sticks. It looked dead. I remembered that the last time I had visited LA, in spring, it was big and full and had flowers on it. I wondered, “What’s  keeping it alive?” What was going in on there? It occurred to me that maybe the tree was like me, just kind of hanging out and being quiet for a while. A crazy thought occurred to me, that maybe the tree was reflecting on its life, in anticipation of the burst of energy that is Spring, in the revolving cycle of the seasons.

December 21st is the shortest day of the year, the winter Solstice. There’s that sense of dormancy, quiet, shutting down for a while. I think it serves us to take a cue from nature and do the same.

I invite and encourage you to take some quiet time to reflect over the past year and get in touch with what is possible for you in the future. Focus on the good stuff that happened to you.  Get a journal or some paper. Ask yourself some questions about the past year and write down the answers:

  • What challenges did you overcome?
  • What challenges stopped you?
  • What did you accomplish?
  • What remains left undone?
  • What did you learn?
  • What potential became real in your life?
  • Who have you become that you were not one year ago?

I think there’s great value in doing this. You can become present to your own self-development and growth.

But I think the most important question to ask yourself during this introspective time of year is this:

What lies dormant within me that is ready to awake?

See yourself as part of the cycle of the seasons. We all get our leaves stripped off of us at times. Sometimes we feel that we will be taken down by the winds of circumstance and change. But we can come back with renewed energy and life. It’s in our nature. Be at peace now with what happened over the past year. It’s done, it’s over. Take the seeds of growth that were given to you, take the lessons, the wisdom and the learning, plant them in your mind and move forward.

Get really clear about what you want  for your life. Maybe you are unsure, but as Les Brown suggests, tell yourself “It’s possible!” Everybody talks about taking massive action. For now, do some massive dreaming! Consider that what you thought wasn’t  possible for you in the past is no longer valid because you are not that person anymore. You have a whole year of new experiences, wisdom and learning. What are you ready for now that you weren’t ready for previously? How are you stronger and more prepared to take something on, to be more engaged with life, to play a bigger, more confident game? I guarantee you that there is something: writing a book, learning an instrument, learning a language, stepping into a new relationship or recreating an existing one,  a new job, greater health, prosperity, happiness. Discover it. You may have to dig a little in some cold and frozen soil but it’s there.  It’s waiting.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.

Dedicated to helping you move to your next level of greatness,

TMan

 Ted A. Moreno
Personal/Small Business Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist
www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       
 (626) 826-0612