Embrace Your Place: Powerfully Claiming Your Existence – Episode 408

Let me start with a story goes back to when I was 7 years old. I was in church with my dad, which was strange because I’m the oldest of 8 kids and usually if I was in church it was with my 7 other siblings and mom and dad. Maybe he wanted company that day, I don’t know.

Everything was fine until my nose started to run. Now, I had allergies as a kid, nothing serious, so I always carried a clump of Kleenex with me. I reached into my pocket, pulled out my Kleenex clump, and wiped my nose but it still kept running.

Soon the clump of Kleenex was a snotty mess so I secretly threw it on the floor of the church and immediately felt like a sinner for desecrating the Lord’s house with my snotty tissue. And my nose kept running.

If I had a long sleeve shirt I would’ve wiped it on my sleeve but I had a short sleeve shirt. I tried wiping my nose on my bare skin on the back of my hand but that was really gross and I started to feel really miserable because my nose kept running.

What I started doing was squeezing all the snot from my nose into my hand and wiping it underneath my pant leg. Soon my pant leg was wet and snotty and I almost started crying when my dad noticed my discomfort and asked me “What’s going on?”

I told him with tears in my eyes “Sorry Dad, I’m so sorry my nose keeps running and I don’t know what to do!”

He reached into his back pocket and gave me his handkerchief which solved the problem. After church, he asked “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I think I might’ve said that I didn’t want to bother him. But looking back, the truth is that I didn’t feel I was allowed to ask for what I needed. The church was more important, not talking was more important, not bothering my dad was more important than my discomfort. He had 8 kids and he seemed like he was bothered a lot.

That’s how I felt as a kid.

Maybe your childhood was different, but I know I’m not the only one that felt this way as a kid. Now I had and still have decent hardworking parents and I’m grateful. But the messages I got as a kid from the world around me went something like this:

· Who do you think you are? You’re not special.

· Don’t call attention to yourself, don’t toot your own horn

· Stay in your lane.

· Follow the rules

· Don’t be a bother

· Don’t take more than your share

· You only get what you deserve.

· Don’t rock the boat.

I think if you look for the hidden meaning behind these messages, I think it comes down to two very disempowering ideas: what you think and say doesn’t matter and what you want and need doesn’t matter. And this is a very unconscious. Nobody actually tells you that but that’s the message. We don’t think these things consciously either. But it’s kind of like a computer virus, a mind virus, operating in the background. Programming is a good name for it.

So as we grow up, and try to make our way in the world. We encounter challenges, we make mistakes, we fail to do what we set out to do and then we might even start to reinforce these negative messages with our own negative self-talk. And even as adults we have people reinforcing these things. Family members, bosses, religion: you are a sinner. And that starts to feed these mind viruses and they grow. It’s possible to find ourselves with the feeling that we need to apologize for who we are because we feel bad about ourselves. It’s possible for some people to get to the point where they feel they need to apologize just for being alive. And that’s a sad state of affairs. Some people overcompensate by being bullies or being demanding or obnoxious and that’s sad too.

These are the messages many of us receive and I know that for a fact after almost 20 years as a hypnotherapist working with thousands of clients. There’s only one word to describe these kinds of negative messages we get from the world. It’s all bullshit.

Speaking of a sad state of affairs, For most of my life, I believed I was fuckup.

Sorry, but that’s the word I used to myself. I believed I would screw it up. Whatever it was, job, relationship, life, whatever. I didn’t want to get married, have kids, buy a house or start a business. Why, so I could screw it up? So I would sabotage myself. With stuff like perfectionism. “If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all.” That’s a very sneaky form of self-sabotage, which is something I struggled with a lot when I was young.

And so consequently, I was always asking myself one terrible question. What’s wrong with me?

As a hypnotherapist, I see things. I hear things. Some of my clients tell me that they get on social media. And they say oh look they’ve got a beautiful house, beautiful car. Look what they’re doing, wonderful vacations, nice restaurants. So it’s easy for them to think, “How come I’m not doing that? How come I don’t have that? What the hell is wrong with me?”

Now, we’re not talking about you of course. But you might know someone that can relate.

The only thing wrong with most people is that someone told them some bullshit and they believed it.

Mark Twain said: “The trouble with most of us is that we know too much that aint so.”

We believe what we’re told. That’s what we do as little kids. From the time we’re born until 8 or 9 years old we take in everything as absolute truth. So when people come to my

hypnotherapy office because they don’t feel good about themselves, or they feel less than, I tell them “Hey, It’s the programming. Just the programming. The mind viruses you caught from someone else. It’s not your fault. It’s not who you are, it’s just how you are thinking and what you believe, and the good news is that you can change your thinking and what you believe.”

And that’s what I want to talk about today. How to claim our rightful place in this world by changing what we believe. And guess what. You don’t need to do anything or accomplish anything or be anybody to believe that you are ok. It’s a decision you make. Because your value, your worth, doesn’t have to depend on anything out there, it comes from within.

The first step is to realize just how much BS there is out there. There is a lot. All the socialization that tells you that you’re nothing unless you have this or are doing this or making this. It’s hard to find the truth.

Let’s look for what’s true shall we? Here’s the interesting thing about truth. It’s self-evident, we should be able to see it for ourselves. We shouldn’t have to take anybody else’s word about what is true.

I can’t speak for you, but what is evidently true for me, is that I exist. I am. What that means is that I’m having an experience. Right now. That’s the only thing I can say for sure. I have an awareness that I am having an experience that I call life. This awareness is a fundamental quality of our being by the way. My awareness right now, in this moment, is that life is pretty darn good.

Look around you. Are you reading this on a computer in a comfortable house? I’m writing this on a computer in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. What are the chances of that? I don’t know but what I can tell is that right now, that’s pretty cool. I feel lucky to be here.

What did I do to deserve this? The answer is it doesn’t matter because deserves has got nothing to do with it. The idea that you only get what you deserve is just more bullshit. Plenty of people have what they don’t deserve and plenty of others never get what they do deserve. Would you agree? So let’s remove from deserves from the equation.

Because here’s the thing. Somehow, someway, I came into existence. I didn’t ask to be born but here I am. I’ve been given life and I consider that a gift.

If you can say to yourself, I exist or I am, then you’ve been given that gift too. And far as I know none of us did anything to deserve it. But here we are.

And look what you get as part of the deal. Eyes to see. A mouth to taste. A nose to smell. Ears to hear. A heart to feel. A brain to think.

And so, just by virtue of being born, you get the sun. The moon, the stars, the sea. You get mountains, trees, rivers, lakes. Flowers, clouds, rain, snow. All the beauty of the world is yours should you choose to enjoy it. You were gifted with 4000 years of music, 3000 years of poetry, literature. 50, 000 years of art. It’s yours. You inherited it.

You get to love, be loved and have your heart broken. You get to succeed and fail. You get to have challenges. If you didn’t have challenges you would invent some I can assure you of that. You get to be young and grow old if you’re lucky. You get to dream and realize your dreams. Or not.

All this just for being born. Hell of a deal. The universe or God or whatever must love you because it has seen fit to have you here now.

Sometime in the 90s I was sitting on a mountain looking out over a beautiful valley in the Catalina Mountains of Tucson Arizona. They call these mountains sky islands because you can drive from the desert and in 30 minutes be in lush pine forests.

A voice spoke to me. It might’ve been the voice of God or nature or those mushrooms I ate. But the voice said something really profound: You’re ok Ted. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just figuring it out like everybody else. You’re only human, and that’s ok. It’s good that you’re here. Don’t worry, we’ve got your back.

I never heard that before in that way. In way that was so validating. It took a while for me to completely get that, but I did and that shift of perspective changed my life and has brought me here today to share that message with you.

Ever seen Gone with the Wind? There’s a great scene. Scarlett O Hara is the protagonist. She grew up on her family’s plantation vain, self-centered, spoiled by wealthy parents. The civil war comes and sweeps away her wealthy lifestyle. She finds herself destitute and starving. She goes out to the fields to find something to eat but the only thing she can pull out of the ground is a withered carrot. She tried to eat it but gags. She falls to the ground miserable and crying. But then she stands up. She raises her fist to the sky and in a moment of desperation but also of empowerment, she says “As God is my witness I will never be hungry again.”

Have you ever made a declaration like that? Have you ever been down on you knees or with your back against the wall and you said “ I don’t care what it takes or what I have to do, I’m going to make this happen.”

Because that’s what we need to do.

If anything I said resonated with you today, then what you want to do is make a powerful declaration by calling on the powers that be and saying out loud or in the silence of your mind, “As the Universe or God is my witness I belong here. It’s good that I’m here. Even if I’ve screwed up. Even if I’m made mistakes. Even if I don’t have that thing that other people have even if I’m not doing that amazing thing they’re doing. Even if I’ve done things I’m not proud of even if I fuck it up, I’m doing my best, it’s ok that I’m here and it’s good that I’m here.”

I would suggest to you that this is the most powerful perspective that you will ever adopt. This is the most powerful thing to believe.

Reject any message you ever got from others or yourself that said that you are not good enough or less than or there’s something wrong with you. You are whole and complete right here, right now. You are unique and special and inherently awesome. This is your home. This is your life. Life is up and then it’s down, that’s life. It’s hard sometimes but that doesn’t mean that you suck.

Refuse to apologize for being alive, for being here now. Make a commitment to being unapologetically you. Embrace that fact that you are here now and that that is a good thing if for no other reason than because you say so. Believe you are here for a reason. Is that true? It doesn’t matter, it’s a good belief to have. It’s a good place to stand. Here’s a quote by Anonymous: The two most important days of your life is the day you were born and the day you find out why.

Stake your claim to all the joy and happiness and wonder and awe you can get your hands on. Be willing to receive what you didn’t earn or don’t deserve but also be willing to do something to attract what you want into your life. You have a right to ask for what you want and what you need and what you want and need is important. Life itself is a gift given to you for reasons we don’t understand, and we don’t have to.

Here’s another quote for you “We have a responsibility to love ourselves. If we don’t, we are contributing to the world’s problems.”

Marianne Williamson said that in her book A Return to Love. Here’s another quote from that book you might’ve heard:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Do whatever you can to liberate yourself from fear, from the bad things that happened in the past and from the BS. Do what you can to love and care for yourself. And above all, be grateful.

Listen to this podcast episode at the link below.
TedinYourHead.com

7 Steps to Fulfill Your Desires in 2018

fulfill your desires

Here we are finishing the first month of the New Year. How’s it going for you? Are you on track to fulfill your desires?

If you are like most people, things are the same as the were this time last year, in other words, “same stuff, different day.” You probably realize that making resolutions isn’t a good way to fulfill your desires. I read somewhere that only 8% of those that make resolutions actually keep them.

To fulfill your desires, there are definite steps you need to take to manifest what you want in your life.

Setting Goals and Intentions: The Key to Fulfill Your Desires

  1. First of all, you need to subscribe to the belief that you CAN get what you want, that you are deserving, worthy, and able to fufill your desires and dreams. You must believe that the Universe, or God, or Infinite Intelligence  has your back. Nothing will happen if you believe that you can’t do it, or that you should be punished, or that it’s not worth the hassle, or that God doesn’t want you to fulfill your desires and dreams. If you need help with this part, you should click here.
  2. Next, to fulfill your desires, you must KNOW what you desire. You need clarity about what you are serious about manifesting.  This takes time and reflection. Do you want to lose weight? Buy a house? A new car? Get a new job? Take a yoga class? Create a new website for your business? Have a better relationship? Take some time to journal/write or having a discussion with someone you trust.
  3. To fulfill your desires, you must write down your goals and desires. This step is where most people get stoppedEvery accomplishment, great or small, started off as an idea in someone’s mind. The trick is to turn that intangible idea into something that happens in physical reality, something you can feel, hear, touch and share with others. Writing your goals and dreams down is an essential step to fulfill your desires because it starts the process of bringing your desires into the physical realm. If you do it on a computer, print it out. You can have goals for business, family, household, health or spirituality. Have a number of different goal sheets for different areas of life. Keep them in a notebook or folder where you can easily find/review them.
  4. Next, set target dates or timelines that indicate when you plan to have your goals and desires accomplished. As opposed to “someday I’ll have this/do this…”, instead, write down exactly when you plan to achieve the goal or fulfill your desires. If it is ongoing, then create a timeline or series of benchmarks. What needs to get done and by when? Put pressure on yourself with deadlines and target dates.
  5. Create action steps. Break down your desires/goals into specific things that you will do to achieve them. For instance, “Call John to discuss proposal” or “Research yoga classes in my area” or “Purchase materials needed.” Nothing will happen without taking action!
  6. Reinforce the goal/desire on a consistent basis. There are a many ways to do this. Review goals weekly or monthly. It’s easy to set a goal and then forget about it, easy for our dreams and desires to get covered up by the busyness of life. Life is a moving parade, so to fulfill your desires, you must stay focused on what you want. it’s  Set a time and a day every week or every month when you will do this and review your progress, keeping your desires top of mind. In addition, use positive statements about your ability to fulfill your desires, goals and dreams. These are called affirmations. Say them/read them right before bed with your mind is very suggestible.
  7. Finally, celebrate when you accomplish something! Set rewards for achieving your desires, such as a trip or vacation, or buying something you want, or just a day off. Reinforce the good feeling of accomplishment that comes when you fulfill your desires.

Get Your Subconscious Mind On Board

Remember, your subconscious mind, (88% of your total mind, according to one theory)  wants everything to stay the same. To the subconscious, the unknown represents pain. If you don’t have it yet, then what you desire is an unknown to your subconscious mind. Since the subconscious avoids unknowns, your subconscious mind will often sabotage your efforts and try to keep you where you are now, because that is what is known, and the subconscious like what is know and familiar, even if you conscious mind wants something different.

The key is to use the steps above to get your subconscious mind familiar and comfortable with what you want: the desired result, the fulfillment of your desire, the compelling outcome. This will take organization, planning and time investment. If you are not used to doing this, then start small with an easily achieved goal. It’s worth it! You can do it! If you need help, contact me by clicking here.

The only language the Universe understands is Faith + Intention + Action. It’s said that God helps those that help themselves. Claim your desire, declare it to to world, then start putting one foot in front of the other to fulfill your desires in 2018.

Have a great year!

Ted

Why You Need Discomfort!

 

 discomfort

One hot summer day found me at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. I was on a  river rafting trip with Arizona River Runners and 30 other people. My buddy Brian was driving the boat on this 9 day trip down the Colorado River.

One evening after dinner while  people were pitching their tents, one of the passengers came running up to tell us that there was a rattlesnake near the tents. Brian grabbed his “snake tool” and we headed off to capture the snake and relocate him to another part of the beach. A few of the passengers were quite fearful because they had never seen a rattlesnake.

Try as we might, we couldn’t get close enough to snag it. The snake preferred to stay deep in the brush. We assured the frightened  passengers that snakes would rather avoid people and that this snake would try to get as far away from us as possible.

On the last day of the trip, a woman approached me and Brian and confided that she was so uncomfortable with snakes that she had decided to stop drinking  water. Her plan was to get so dehydrated that she would have to be helicoptered  out of the canyon. Temperatures at the bottom of the canyon can get as high as 120 degrees in the summer, so if you don’t drink water you can get dehydrated bad enough that you’ll have to be flown out to the nearest hospital. Cost: $1500 for the ride.

She had a choice: possibly risk her life  by dehydration and pay  for evacuation from a trip which she had already spent a good deal of money, or face her discomfort in order to experience  a once in a lifetime adventure.

She chose to stick it out. She realized that to experience the beauty and majesty of the Grand Canyon from a boat on the river,  she would have to endure some discomfort. Like any wilderness expedition,  a river trip down the Canyon involves blazing heat, sleeping on the ground, no shower or public facilities, and an array of wildlife including poisonous snakes.  At the end of the trip, she shared that it was one of the most incredible experiences of her life. She decided that she could endure some discomfort.

How many opportunities for growth have you passed up because you wanted to avoid some discomfort? How many exciting adventures have you missed out on? How much of the juice of life have you left behind because it might involve discomfort? 

T. Harv Eker says in his book “Secrets of the Millionaire Mind”:  “The only time you are actually growing is when you are uncomfortable.” Where you are now in your life, financially, physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally, is within your comfort zone. To grow, to learn and to change, you need to step out of that comfort zone and get uncomfortable.”

It’s not easy to do something you’ve never done before. It won’t feel right, you won’t be doing it perfect, you will feel out of place, it’s not what you thought. However, with a little consistency and by doing it regularly,  something interesting happens: It starts to get easier. If you persist, something amazing happens. It becomes very comfortable to do it and possibly uncomfortable not to.

This is how habits are formed. You give your(subconscious) mind time to get comfortable with something new by walking through the initial discomfort. Think about the things you want to do but haven’t, like starting an exercise program, taking a class, going on a trip, introducing yourself to someone or joining a club or organization. Is it the discomfort of the unknown that’s stopping you? If you want to move you in the direction of embracing discomfort for growth or learning, here are some things to thing about.

Why Discomfort?

  • Life is not always comfortable. Discomfort will come along for no other reason than the fact that you are alive. Even if you could stay in your jammies  watching tv all day,  you’d still get hungry, bored, etc. What kind of life is that anyway?
  • There are areas of your life where you already accept discomfort because there is a great payoff in doing so. Example: getting up to go to work, going to the dentist.
  • Discomfort by itself won’t kill you. It might make you grumpy, angry, scared, or nervous, but rarely does anyone die from discomfort.
  • You need discomfort. That’s how life gets your attention. You are forced to take action even if you don’t want to. For example: ” I don’t have time to eat but I’m so hungry I can’t think straight.”
  • Discomfort makes like worth living. There is discomfort in uncertainty. But if all you ever had in your life was certainty, you might do something to  screw it up just to make it more interesting. (People do it all the time, for example, creating drama.)
  • You can feel uncomfortable and not let it stop you. When you are uncomfortable in a new situation, simply acknowledge that to yourself. “I’m uncomfortable but I don’t need to let it stop me.”

The reason hypnotherapy is effective in creating change is that it helps your mind become comfortable with the new and unfamiliar. Try this on: every time you feel uncomfortable see it as an opportunity for growth. Embrace discomfort! Welcome it! If you are uncomfortable, it simply means you are alive and growing.

If you just can’t stand the discomfort but have decided that you need it, I can help you. Contact me by clicking here.

Ted

p.s. Feel free to share this with your social media networks using the buttons below. 

The Mental Bank Program: Rewrite Your Mental Script

mindcogs

 

So, has much changed since the New Year has started? If not, don’t be too bummed out. If you’ve been reading my blogs for any period of time, you know it’s all about your programming. If you want things to change, you need to change the programming.

So what if I told you that there is a system that takes five minutes a night that would program your mind for more money, more success and more happiness? Would you take five minutes a night and do it?

You might be saying “Sure, I’ll take five minutes a night to make more money, have more success and happiness!”

Well, the reality is, you’re wrong,  you won’t.  And even though you say you want to be more successful, prosperous, happy, that fact is… you don’t. Change can be the hardest thing in the world. Why?

Because of the most  powerful force in human behavior which is….. homeostasis. The innate drive to stay the same.

We see homeostasis in our physical body; if we get to hot, we sweat to cool down. If we get too cold, we shiver to bring our temperature back to where we are comfortable.

Same thing happens in our mind. For most of us, if we are short of money, out of a job, car soon to be repossessed, we become very motivated. However, when things are going well, we have a tendency to relax. Now, consider this: if things are going too well, we may even sabotage our success. Why would  we do such a thing?

Because our subconscious mind knows only two things: knowns and unknowns. What is known is familiar and comfortable, for example, the amount you have in your bank account. What is unknown is fearful to the subconscious, for example, a lottery winner of mega millions who very quickly finds himself back to where he started, wondering “Where did it all go?”

The subconscious mind makes up 88% of your mind. This is automatic behavior. This is your so called “life script.” And every day you wake up you see it: the car you drive, the house you live in, your bank account etc. This is the information that you receive every day that reinforces your comfort level, that is, your “knowns.

What do we do about our innate drive to stay the same?

The Mental Bank Program

We must work to change incrementally a little every day by sending the subconscious mind different information to get a different result. Putting new information into our subconscious mind can create new “knowns” that are in line with our goals. However, we must introduce this new information in a way that the subconscious mind can understand and take in deeply so that your “ceiling” of success begins to change. The most powerful and simplest way to do this that I have found is through the Mental Bank Program.

The Mental Bank program was invented by Dr. John Kappas, the founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute (HMI), the nations first accredited college of hypnotherapy and where I received my training as a hypnotherapist.

You can go to www.MyMentalBank.com and watch George Kappas, director of HMI and son of Dr. John Kappas, present the Mental Bank Program via streaming video. If you are interested in moving yourself forward and beyond your current level of success, performance, wealth or happiness, then I highly recommend this two hour video.

Only a small percentage of people reading this will bother checking out the Mental Bank video, which is why there are so few that are really enjoying the level of success that they would like. I challenge you to take the time to check it out. It’s interesting and informative and George Kappas does a great job making it fun to watch. Let me know what you think about the Mental Bank, OK?

Have a great week,

Ted

Fear of Public Speaking: Worse than Death?

Fear of public speaking is a fear worse than death

I’ll help you get out of that speech…

 

It’s been said that fear of public speaking is a fear worse than death for some people.

I’m not sure how many people have the fear of public speaking so bad that they would rather die, but many people do consider speaking in front of a group on par with a root canal on the list of their favorite activities.

Nobody is born a good public speaker. As with all fears, fear of public speaking is learned, and what is learned can be unlearned. When someone says “I have a fear of public speaking because I’m not a good speaker” all they are really saying is “I haven’t developed the skills to be an effective speaker.” Becoming comfortable in front of a group is a skill you can learn.

You may someday be called upon to speak to a group, maybe at a wedding or funeral. In today’s business environment, you will almost certainly be required to give reports or presentations to colleagues or clients. If so, consider learning to speak in public as necessary part of your personal and professional development.

If you are someone who gets the fight or flight response (sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, inability to think clearly) when asked to speak to a group, the good news is that you can learn to overcome the fear response and speak comfortably. It doesn’t  have to be  stressful. Many people who once suffered from fear of  public speaking  have gone on to become very good speakers.  Here are some other things to remember:

  •  You don’t have to be a master orator in order to be effective. You just need to be yourself. Don’t try to be or think of yourself as a “public speaker”.
  • The audience is on your side, wanting you to succeed.
  • The chances of you loudly passing gas, fainting, throwing up, totally forgetting what you were going to say or  the audience throwing stuff at you rarely happens and if it does, you can probably make a joke out of it.
  • You don’t need to memorize a lot of information or even impart a lot of information. That’s what notes and handouts  are for.
  • It’s ok to feel a little nervous, that’s natural.

Of course, there are different levels of fear of public speaking. On one end of the spectrum, you might be challenged by social anxiety disorder to the point where even talking to someone one on one is a problem. On the other end, you may feel  fear or nervousness that makes the prospect of public speaking just another stressful thing  in  your life. Either way, if you want some help, click here to contact me.

Tips for dealing with fear of public speaking

  •  Practice but don’t over- prepare. Have an outline for what you are going to say. Put your notes on 3×5 index cards that are numbered in order. Practice saying the words out loud. Practice in front of someone you trust that can give you some feedback is one of the best ways to deal with fear of public speaking. Record yourself to see what vocal tics you might want to work with. Practice in front of a mirror.
  • Don’t be boring. The worst sin you can commit as a speaker is making people wish they were somewhere else. Although there are many situations where one may need to speak, try to craft your message to your audience so that what you tell them has some impact on them.
  • Humor is good. People want to laugh, and when they do, you’ll  feel a lot more comfortable. Just use common sense to avoid offending your audience.
  • Humility is good. Don’t try to come across as an expert if you aren’t. Even if you are, remember, people don’t care how much you know unless they know how much you care.
  • Make sure you eat something. Diet and your level of anxiety are intimately related. Don’t go in front of a group on an empty stomach or over-caffeinated.
  • Monitor the conversation in your head so that it supports you. It doesn’t help to say things like “I just know I’m going to screw this up.” or “I have so much fear of public speaking!”. Be realistic in your expectations and show this in your language to yourself. “I can do this, it’s only ten minutes.”  or “This is a great opportunity to show my stuff.”
  • Do a little mental preparation before you speak. Psyche yourself up, see yourself doing great, give yourself some positive suggestions.
  • Use EFT to release anxiety.

I help people  let go of the anxiety and  fear of public speaking that keeps them from getting ahead. If you want to excel as a public speaker, there’s a lot of instructional material out there including books, DVDs and audio programs.   Toastmasters is the most well known and respected venue for people to hone their skills, and I highly recommend that you check out your local chapter. Check out Barbara Rocha’s programs as well. If you have a fear of public speaking, you CAN learn to be comfortable whenever you’re called upon to “show your stuff.”

Ted

If you want to hear a podcast of this blog with a funny story, go to tedmoreno.com/podcast, episode 32.

Click Here For a Free Guide to Relieve Anxiety

 

Personal Power: How to Increase Your Ability to Affect the Universe

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“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself, Therefore all progress is made by the unreasonable man.” ~George Bernard Shaw

Personal Power is your ability to take action. It is the use of your life force to affect the universe in a way that suits you.

We are not born with much personal power, yet, we attempt to assert it as soon as possible. We cry, we grasp, we refuse, in an attempt to meet our needs. As soon as we are able, we touch what we want, take what we want, put it in our mouth, bang it on a table, and throw it away when we lose interest.

Our personal power is dependent on our belief systems.

Our ability to use our personal power  to get our needs met is soon limited by our socialization. We are taught from an early age what we cannot and are not allowed to do.

Eventually, we see ourselves at the effect of the universe, instead of the other way around. We blame circumstances outside of ourselves for our inability to get what we want. Soon, we come to believe that to exercise our personal power, we must be reasonable and act according to established rules about “how things work.” We accept these rules as facts, but for the most part, they are beliefs.

At a seminar I was attending, the seminar leader held up a 20 dollar bill. “Who wants this 20 dollars?” she asked. Everyone raised their hands. “Who wants it?” she asked again. Some people started answering “Me! Me! I do!”  She continued to hold up the 20 dollar bill. “Who really wants this 20 dollar bill?”

I stood up and grabbed the 20 dollar bill out of her hand and immediately felt like I had done something wrong. In my belief system, grabbing something out of someone’s hand in public is not acceptable.  Turns out she was waiting for someone to come and take it.

Our personal power is depleted by our emotions.

Often when we act on an intention, we’ll encounter resistance or obstacles. These trigger emotions of frustration, anger or futility, which rob us of our personal power and keep us from attempting in the future. We have thoughts that “This shouldn’t be happening” or “It should not be hard”. We then end up in the weakened position of not being able to accept what is right in front of us, robbing us of the opportunity to learn and increase our personal power.

Our personal power is depleted by other people’s energy.

Other people’s opinions, comments, approval or lack there of can drain us of our personal power if we let them. Negative ways of being that other people exhibit regularly can suck our personal power like vampires. Even more inhibiting can be “no-possibility” cultures existing at work or in the family.

Ten ways to increase your personal power.

  1. Adopt the belief that you can affect the universe. Why not?
  2. Cultivate the habit of taking an action immediately when the need hits you. This might be writing something down, making a call, sending an email or making a plan.
  3. Declare yourself blocked and immune to other people’s negativity.
  4. Decide to do something boldly audacious or unreasonable. Tell everyone you intend to do it “As God is my witness’ or “Come hell or high water.” In spite of their opinions and/or nay-saying, deliver.
  5. Start doing something worthwhile every single day that you are not doing already. Resolve to do it daily until the day you die.
  6. Practice saying no to petty distractions or obligations that promise to derail you.
  7. Practice asking repeatedly until you get what you want at the risk of being annoying.
  8. Decide on something you want that will be not worth the inconvenience to get it. Be willing to inconvenience yourself just to get it.
  9. If you find yourself unable to exercise your personal power because of some “rule” or “fact” tell yourself: “What if this is just a belief? How do I know it’s true?” (Note: all facts are beliefs and no belief is true.)
  10. Take an action that will require great effort and accomplish it without emotion. Refuse to get emotional about any of it until you accomplish it. Then celebrate.

“Everything we do, everything we are, rests on our personal power. If we have enough of it, one word is enough to change the course of our lives. If we don’t, the most magnificent piece of wisdom can be revealed to us and that revelation won’t make a damn bit of difference.”

~Don Juan, from Tales of Power by Carlos Castaneda

To listen to a podcast of this blog, go to TedinYourHead.com Episode 60

 

10 Strategies to Avoid Failure

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How to Avoid Failure:

 

  1. Never try. If there is even a chance of failure, don’t even attempt it. Play it safe to avoid failure. If you can’t win them all why win any?
  2. Play small. To avoid failure, don’t go for anything audacious or exceptional. Stay average. Don’t stand out. Don’t call attention to yourself.
  3. Stay in your comfort zone. It if involves discomfort or the unknown, avoid failure by staying the hell away. Stick with what is known and familiar.
  4. Always let fear dictate your actions. If fear of failure shows up, there’s a good chance failure might happen. To avoid failure, let your fear stop you. Stay home and hide out.
  5. Put “always looking  good” at the top of your standards. Failure doesn’t make you look good, so if you are always focused on looking good, you can avoid failure. After all, looking good is very important to many people, isn’t it?
  6. Never be willing to grow or learn. This almost always involves failure, which almost always involves growing and learning, so stay stunted.
  7. Never set goals. Only 3 percent of people set goals by writing them down. Those 3 percent will experience failure, you can bet.
  8. Never dream. Be practical. Avoid failure by never getting  in over your head or biting off more than you can chew.
  9. Don’t put anything at stake. You can avoid failure by never losing anything.
  10. Totally hate on stuff that goes wrong.  To avoid failure, you don’t want anything to go wrong. You want to be in control of everything at all times.

ps. Interestingly, these are the same strategies to avoid success.

pss. If you are interested in being  successful in any way, you can probably do that by doing exactly the opposite of the above. If you need help, click here. 

To hear my podcast of this blog, go to TedinYourHead.com Epidode 64.

Ted

The #1 Thing Holding You Back from Success

Beliefs keeping you from successBeliefs keeping you from successBeliefs keeping you from success

One day, employees at a company got to the office and saw a big sign on the door that read:

“Yesterday, the person who has been holding you back from success at this company passed away. We invite you to join the funeral currently in progress at the gymnasium.”

Many of the employees shook their heads at first, saddened by the fact that one of their colleagues had passed away.

But as they made their way over to the gym, they began to get curious as to who this employee was.

  • Was it that annoying account manager who told the stories that had no point?
  • Was it some renegade secretary that was throwing away important memos and documents?
  • Was it even some Vice President who had been embezzling funds?

The closer they got to the gym, the more curious they got.

As they entered the gym, they saw that many of their fellow employees were already there, standing in line to pay their respects.

But the eye-opening part was, as soon as each employee looked inside the coffin, the others could see that the viewer became shocked and silent, as if they had just seen a ghost.

And this just added to the intrigue of the deceased individual.

So as each employee approached the coffin, they felt an overwhelming sense of anticipation.

Can you guess who was inside the coffin?

You see, what the employees found was not actually an employee, but a mirror.

Everyone who looked inside the coffin saw themselves.

Next to the mirror was a sign that said:

“There is only one person capable of holding you back from the success you desire and deserve: that person is YOU.

Only YOU have the power to either achieve your goals or prevent yourself from achieving them.

You are responsible for your own life, and you begin your journey to success the moment you put to death the part of you that thinks you can’t.

So to that doubting, fearful, restrictive side that is holding you back from success… rest in peace.”

The only thing standing between you and your success is the belief that you can’t have it.

And that belief might not be working for you anymore.  

However, many of our beliefs are like childhood friends. They may have worked so well for us in the past. The idea of letting them die can feel like a part of us has to die.  And in a sense, that is true, because we are so identified with our beliefs that we feel they are who are are.

But our beliefs are not who we are. They are simply our beliefs. And they change: ever believe in Santa Claus?

It is possible for you to go from “I can’t” to “I can and I will!” But it takes a willingness to think differently and in a way that might be uncomfortable at first.

What beliefs are holding you back that need to be re-examined and released?

Try this: find a belief that you know is not true anymore yet seems to be still pulling your strings. Write it out on a piece of paper. 

Then create a ritual. You can make a small fire and burn the paper with the intention of releasing the belief. Say goodbye to it as the smoke rises in the air. Or, you can fold the paper up in some cloth and bury it, with a little headstone that reads: HERE LIES A BELIEF THAT I — USED TO KNOW, NOW IT’S TIME TO LET IT GO. Then, walk away as you affirm your new, more empowering belief.

I’ll let you decide how you want  to do it, but do something! If you need help, let me know.

When they finally do lay you to rest, refuse to be buried, as Les Brown says, with “hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, books that were never written, songs that were never sung, inventions that were never shared, cures that were never discovered…”

Only you can give them life, and it starts with your belief.

Ted

Special thanks to James Lee.

Is Your Job a Path With a Heart?

 Trail in Temperate Rainforest

This post was originally posted in March of 2010.

Being a hypnotherapist and  small business coach is the longest job I’ve held, now going on 10 years and without a doubt, the most fulfilling job I’ve had.  My story is one where I’ve had a lot of jobs. I used to feel bad about moving from job to job so often, and for not being able to decide about what I wanted to do. I used to really beat myself up at times.

In my search for meaningful work, I have sold books door to door. I’ve cleaned up horse poop in stables. I have herded cattle in Montana. Read more

How You Can Make Difference in Any Job

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I never really knew what I wanted to do as a kid growing up. I didn’t figure that out until I was in my 4os. Some have called me a late bloomer, others have told me that I had my head up my arse. But there’s one thing I did know: I knew what I didn’t want to do.

I didn’t want to work just to work. Becoming rich just to get stuff was never a goal, nor was becoming famous or powerful. I really only wanted one thing: Read more