Out of My Head: June Recap Episode 478

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In this episode, Ted recaps the Ted in Your Head Podcast episodes for June 2025.

He also discusses various observations, obstacles, and obsessions that are in his head that you might identify with.

 

Please like, comment or review.

 

 

 

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Here we are at the end of June. It’s been quite a busy month.

I’ve decided to end each month with a podcast that recaps not only the episodes that I’ve dropped for that month, but also with a discussion of observations, obstacles and obsessions that are in my head that you might resonate with.

The first episode of June was 475, “I Have Become…Numb.” I was jamming with a buddy to Comfortably Numb, A Pink Floyd song from the album The Wall. I was intrigued by the lyrics do did a deep dive into the origin of the song and came to understand that the song describes a tendency we all have which is to “check out” or become numb when confronted with the challenges and obstacles we face in life. There are many ways to numb ourselves, but the problem is that we end up numbing ourselves to the joy of life as well.

Episode 476 was my interview with Rohini Walker, mentor, consultant and writer about such things as soul-body liberation.

This episode had one of the most interesting interviews I’ve ever done as far as my own resonance with the subject matter, which I would say is liberating oneself from the hypnosis of our culture as well as cultivating a greater connection not only with the physical body but with the body’s native wisdom. Rohini just dropped the first three episodes of her podcast called Root + Rise which I really enjoyed and recommend that you check it out too. Her content is excellent as well as her delivery.

Episode 477 addressed “The Hidden Fear that You May Have but Don’t Know It.” I’ll spill the beans: it’s the fear of stopping, pausing, resting, being still, and doing nothing. I discuss how this obsessive need to always be doing something can result in burnout, fatigue, and anxiety.

You can find my podcast on Apple podcasts, Spotify, Soundcloud and iHeart.com. I would be so appreciative if you gave me some likes, or shared an episode that you like, or left a review.

Remember that you can watch me doing the podcast on YouTube @TedAMoreno or read the text of the podcast with links here at TedMoreno.com/blog.

Moving on to observations, obstacles and obsessions:

I’ve been on a news and social media fast since last Friday and it feels so good that I may do it for another week. I do admit that I scan the headlines once a day but am refraining from reading commercial news sources, listening to the news, and listening to podcasts or watching videos about politics. I haven’t decided how I will consume social media and the news when I come off this break, but I am much more aware of how overwhelming this glut of information is and how it makes me feel. I suggest you try a news fast, a break from social media or both.

Remember that many commercial news outlets are not trying to give you information but influence your point of view. This is a form of hypnosis. And not the good kind. I’ll be doing a podcast soon about the hypnosis of our culture.

This month I’m being called to pay attention to the subject of transitions. I find it interesting how these topics come in waves, alerting me to pay more attention to certain life challenges.  June is a month of transition. Not only the transition to summer, but transitions like graduations. I have a child graduating from high school, but also one graduating from community college with the prospect of both going off to live away from home.

I hadn’t realized how this transition was affecting me until I had other people, both clients and personal relations, discuss with me the challenges they were having from their own transitions.

One person contacted me seeking support for caregiver burnout. The transition was from being a married person to being a caretaker of an aging spouse who is at the end of life. They spoke of overwhelm, resentment and the inability to  take care of themselves.

Another person I spoke with is looking at the prospect of closing a business they’ve had for over 50 years and possibly selling their house.

These life transitions can be quite difficult to navigate. Our subconscious mind likes things to stay the same. It doesn’t want to change but we all know that the only constant is change. The key is to stay centered and grounded in our bodies, accept the change, and move through fear without the tendency to catastrophize. I’ll be doing a podcast on this subject soon.

My latest obsession, if you want to call it that, is the series True Detective. I’ve just finished the first season and it’s quite good. I try to limit my television viewing to 3 or four hours a week. I don’t binge and I only watch one thing at a time.

What I prefer to do in the evenings is read. I’m currently reading two books that I’ve read before and I’m sure I will continue to re-read into the future.

One is a famous book from 1972 by Carlos Castaneda titled Journey to Ixtlan, The Lessons of Don Juan. If you are not familiar with the books of Carlos Castaneda and you are interested in shamanism and indigenous wisdom or into just a really good read, check out Castaneda’s books. There is so much to say about them, I won’t go into here, but Castaneda caused quite a sensation with these books in the late 60s and early 70s.

The other book is by a guy who goes by the name of Jed McKenna, called Spiritually Incorrect Enlightenment. This book is part of a trilogy of books that McKenna has written on enlightenment or what he calls truth realization. However, it is very much not a warm and fuzzy candles and incense approach to Truth. It is more of an invitation to set everything on fire and see what is left that is True. Intriguing? Yes, but also very confronting.

One final observation: as I was on my walk around the local lake, I spotted a group of runners running up a very steep hill. Someone was shouting at them to keep running so I’m guessing it was a local high school cross country team in training.

It reminded me of when I ran cross country in high school and trained by running up steep hills over and over again. Our team went on to become the one of the best cross country teams in California. That training, as hard as it was, gave me an incredible confidence in my body and the ability to have endurance in all areas of my life. But I owe it all to the two coaches I had because they believed in my ability to do things that I didn’t believe I could. And I did.

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click Here >

That is the value of a coach. If you interested in hypnotherapy and high performance coaching, you can reach me at TedMoreno.com to request a complimentary phone consultation to see if hypnotherapy and coaching is right for you.

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

Mark Twain said that.

Thank you for being here!

Ted

The Hidden Fear You Might Have But Don’t Know It – Episode 477

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Are you super productive and proud of it? Do people tell you that you are always busy doing something? Great!

However, when you stop, slow down, or pause, do you feel anxiety, fear, or guilt? If so, you may have a hidden fear of slowing down or relaxing.

There is a term called Hurry Sickness, which is the feeling of being constantly rushed and stressed.

There is also such a thing called Doing Addiction: always needing to be doing something.

These are just two reasons why you might feel anxious, guilty and have great resistance to pausing, stopping, resting or relaxing. There are others.

In this episode, Ted talks about a fear that you might not even know you have. This fear can control you, push you, and create overwhelm, fatigue and illness. If there is something telling you that if you pause, relax or take time off it might create a catastrophe, then take the time to check out this podcast episode.

Please comment or review.

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Someone asked me recently “What’s your podcast about? Is it about hypnosis?”

I thought to myself, “It’s not really about hypnosis…”

That’s the tool that I use as a hypnotherapist to help people, but the podcast is not really about that. I had to sit down and think about and articulate what my podcast is about.

And so this is what I came up with:

In the Ted in Your Head podcast, we seek to liberate ourselves from the negative hypnosis of lack, limitation, and lethargy, and intentionally pursue a powerful path of personal transformation.”

So that’s what I’ve got. I meant it, I said it, and I’m here to represent it.

Speaking of hypnosis, as a hypnotherapist, I work in many different areas: anxiety, breaking bad habits, greater motivation etc. If you feel that you can use some support, you can reach out to me at TedMoreno.com/contact and request a complimentary phone consultation.

Let’s get into our topic of conversation, the hidden fear that you might have but don’t know it.

Let me begin by explaining that many people come to me for a lot of the same reasons.

  • They’re overwhelmed.
  • They’ve got too many things to think about
  • They’ve got too many things to do.
  • They’re highly stressed, and this is impacting their stomach or it’s keeping them from sleeping.
  • They are experiencing anxiety, confusion, worry and uncertainty.

These are the kind of main things that people come to me for help with. And of course, hypnosis is the main tool that I use. It’s a powerful tool, and very effective. When somebody leaves my office, they feel better than when they walked in; more calm, more relaxed, more at ease. But in a typical hypnotherapy session, I also give my clients recommendations. Of course, one of the recommendations I give them is to slow down, take more breaks, get better sleep, sit outside, watch the sunrise, chill out a bit, right?

This is a good prescription, I think, for much of what ails us in our modern society. But lately, I’ve had a wave of clients coming in saying to me “I tried to do what you recommended. I tried to relax, I tried to take more breaks, but I noticed that when I slow down, I feel fear. I feel anxiety.”

They have a fear of slowing down, and that’s the hidden fear that I want to talk to you about today. It seems to be an epidemic these days, of people that are just afraid of slowing down, or when they stop or take a break or slow down, a lot of anxiety comes up. Why is that?

As I was doing the research for this podcast, I found two very interesting terms that I hadn’t heard before. The first one is hurry sickness. What is hurry sickness? It’s the feeling of being constantly rushed and stressed. It’s not a real sickness, but it is a condition that we can feel quite often. Obviously stress and worry is all mixed up in this hurry sickness.

“I’ve got to accomplish all these things. I’ve got to make this happen. I’ve got to do this, I’ve got to do that, got to take care of the kids, got to do the job, got to maintain the house!”

It’s that feeling of “I’ve got to, I have to, I’ve got to, I have to.”

The hyper awareness of time is another aspect of this: “Oh, look at the clock. I’ve only got so much time to accomplish this. Oh no, is it really 7pm already?”

Can you feel that in your body right now, as I describe it? The feeling that time is your enemy, and there’s not enough time to get stuff done, so consequently, there’s a fear of falling behind.

I had somebody call me just last night and say, I’m so busy. I’m really afraid of falling behind. I really need to catch up.”

What I told this person is that it’s important to understand that you’ll never catch up. You’re not going to at one point, lean back in your chair, put your feet up on the desk, and say, “Yay! I’m caught up. Everything is done!”

That’s not going to happen. Life is a constant progression of pushing stuff forward. That’s what life is, moving this thing forward, moving that thing forward and there’s always something to do. So fear of falling behind is an important part of this inability to just sit and stop and rest.

These three things: hurry sickness creating stress and worry, hyper awareness of time, and fear of falling behind; I would group all of these under the tendency to tie your self-worth to productivity.

The idea is that you are not a valuable person unless you are doing something. You’re not a good person unless you are productive. This is a problem because our value as human beings doesn’t come from what we do, but who we are, right? And yes, what we do may be in alignment with who we are, but we can get stuck in the cycle of just being productive for the sake of being productive due to the idea that if we’re not productive, then we’re lazy or not deserving of reward or prosperity or abundance, or whatever it is for you.

Of course, we derive value from being productive. It feels good to accomplish our goals, and it feels good to our self-worth when we earn money, take care of the family, and set important plans in motion.

However, we don’t want our self-value to depend exclusively on our productivity, that’s a huge mistake. I would suggest that you take time to examine your thoughts and see if that is indeed the case with you. Is that what’s stopping you from stopping or slowing down? Is that what’s keeping you from doing less and enjoying life more? I think that is a worthwhile thing think about, don’t you?

We’re talking about “doing addiction.” Doing addiction, that’s the second term that I read about that I hadn’t heard before, an addiction to doing. Why would we become addicted to doing?

To distract ourselves from negative emotions. We don’t want to feel negative emotions. We don’t want to feel grief, we don’t want to feel loss, we don’t want to feel anxiety, worry, uncertainty. We don’t want to feel lack of confidence or fear. So we distract ourselves by obsessively needing to do something even when we don’t need to.

Why do we call it an addiction? Because an addiction is something that we use to medicate ourselves, to not feel. It’s entirely possible that having to be busy all the time and not resting is a way to medicate ourselves to our feelings. If I’m busy, I’m always distracted. If I never sit down and feel what I need to feel, they I’m not vulnerable right? If I’m not productive, then somebody’s going to come and call me out on my laziness, etc., etc. It’s an addiction when you use it but can’t control it and you know it’s not working for you anymore.

This is an important thing to discuss, because the way to let go of negative emotions is to feel them.

If we are distracting ourselves from feeling our emotions, then we are repressing our emotions, and as I’ve discussed in previous podcasts, the downside of emotional repression could show up in the body as physical challenges or become overwhelming and lead to other mental health issues.

We need to be okay with feeling our feelings. And if when you stop or rest, feelings come up that you don’t want to feel, that’s a good sign that there’s something you need to pay attention to.

You might ask yourself: Where are these feelings coming from? What can I do about them to release them or resolve them?

There are many different ways to make this happen. However, it starts with recognizing that you have these emotions or feelings inside of you that you don’t want to feel, or that you’re avoiding.

Then, there may be a need for therapy or some intervention, or at the very least, attention and the intention not to avoid uncomfortable feelings.

Another reason that some people don’t want to stop, rest or slow down, may be due experiences of trauma and prolonged overwhelming stress, leaving their nervous systems in a state of hypervigilance which is the feeling of being constantly on guard.

It’s very common for people to be walking around in this constant state of what we might call hyper arousal, or hyper vigilance, the feeling that if you’re not always preparing, or on alert, something catastrophic is going to happen to you and you’re going to be caught off guard. You constantly feel the need to think and plan and focus, or something bad is going to happen.

This is typically a trauma response for many people, and for people that have experienced periods of intense prolonged stress.

Ultimately, there is a feeling of lack of control. We want to keep everything under wraps. We want to control how we’re feeling and to control how we’re feeling, we need to control everything out there. And guess what? You can’t control everything out there. You can control some things. I personally feel that you have no control over anything except the thoughts that you attach to but that’s a podcast topic for another time.

However, I think trying to control everything out there so that you can control what you’re feeling is a losing proposition, like a dog chasing its tail. Better to be ok with not always being in control.

So these are some things to think about. Ask yourself: “Do I have this hidden fear of slowing down, of resting, of stopping?”

Many people do and if you do, what can you do about it?

How can we address this fear of simply taking time to stop and smell the roses?

It comes down to a couple of things.

Recognize it. That’s the first step.

Admit to yourself: “Oh, I really feel anxiety when I stop. I really feel afraid when I’m not being productive.”

Recognize that, and if that’s something you want to change, then you can start working on it.

Start by practicing. We need to practice stopping or pausing. We need to feel what comes up. Notice it. Write about it. Talk about it in therapy or with somebody you trust or love, or with a counselor, whatever.

You might say: “So I’m productive and busy all the time and I don’t want to deal with my emotions and that’s fine with me.” Great! No problem.

But typically people that come to me don’t want to feel afraid of resting and stopping. They go on vacation and they can’t relax. They go to a party to have a fun, relaxing time with friends but can’t stay off their phones to work or deal with one thing or another. Or, they have incredible resistance to just spending time with others and taking it easy. For many people, that’s not how they want to live.

One of the ways that we can practice stopping or resting is through meditation. It can be difficult. Meditation is very hard for many people for that exact reason that they’re not used to stopping. They can’t stop. Their minds are like, blah blah blah chatter chatter chatter blah blah blah, right? But that’s why meditation is called a practice. We have to practice meditation.

Can’t figure out the meditation thing? How about taking some deep breaths, just practicing maybe two or three minutes of deep breathing? This is a way of stopping, a way of calming the nervous system, a way of resetting that hyper vigilance to a more calm, relaxed state.

Another important strategy is to schedule relaxation into your life. Schedule a day off, or maybe just half a day. For example, half of the day on Sunday, you’re not going to do anything, just sit and watch TV, read a book or play an instrument.

Positive affirmations can be very helpful as well and can be very, very powerful. Don’t underestimate the words that you say to yourself.

Positive affirmations might sound something like: “It’s okay if I take a break, it’s okay. If I take a day off, everything’s going to be okay. I’m still productive and valuable even if I take time off.”

If we have those affirmations and we’ve practiced them, then when a negative thought comes in, like “You’re being lazy for taking a break”, then you can challenge it. You can challenge it because you have this new language and a new way of being available to you.

I’ve discussed scheduling relaxation, however, time scheduling in general is fundamental to this equation.

Time scheduling is important so that you can be realistic about what you can accomplish. If you have a list of 100 things to do, and you start the day by looking at that list, that’s a losing battle right off the start, because you’re probably not going to be able to accomplish 100 things, and you’ll end up feeling stressed and bad about yourself at the end of the day.

Instead, focus on accomplishing eight or nine things that are the most important things you need to prioritize.

The key to being productive, in my view, is getting the most important stuff done first and if you have time left over, you take care of the minor stuff. This is where time blocking is very helpful. For example: “From 10 to 11, I’m going to do this. From 11 to 12, I’m going to focus on that. From 12 to one, I’m going to eat some lunch and maybe read or scroll through social media.

Finally, you can always seek professional help to get better at slowing down or stopping and getting more comfortable with relaxing. Seek professional help especially for trauma or past times of stress or loss or grief that you are having trouble managing on your own.

I work in many of these areas, and if that is something you’re interested in, you can reach out to me to get a complimentary phone consultation by going to TedMoreno.com/contact.

Is this a hidden fear you have that you didn’t know: the fear of slowing down or stopping? If your answer is “Maybe”, then check it out. Do some writing. Talk to other people, ask them what they think.

If it’s not something that you experience, if you’re fully able to rest, relax and slow down, then share this podcast with somebody that you think could benefit.

Or, leave a comment letting me know what you think.

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click Here >

You can find me on Instagram and all the usual social media outlets. You can listen to this podcast on Spotify, Apple podcasts and Soundcloud.

if you want to watch this podcast as a video, go to YouTube @TedAMoreno.

Thank you for reading!

Ted

 

Interview with Rohini Walker, Writer, Mentor and Consultant – Episode 476

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You must check out this fascinating and illuminating conversation with Rohini Walker, British-Indian writer and devoted practitioner of soul-body liberation. Rohini moved to the desert of Joshua Tree, California with her husband from London, England in 2013 and began a creative journey of writing, mentoring, and consulting.

Rohini co-founded the arts and cultural print periodical Luna Arcana, with Martin Mancha (Ted’s cousin)

Ted was inspired to have Rohini as a guest because of her article titled “Committing to Digestion in the Information Age.” In this article from her newsletter Letters from Luna, Rohini discusses the over-consumption of information that has become addictive and normalized. Like going from one all-you-can-eat buffet to another without allowing anything to digest, this incessant consumption of news and social media keeps us distracted, anxious, and uncomfortable in our bodies with “hot heads and cold bellies.”

Drawing from Ayurveda, Traditional Chinese Medicine and other indigenous wisdom traditions, Rohini shares how she works with her clients to have greater connection with one’s body as well as to the natural world, allowing us to cultivate “Cool heads and warm bellies”.  This episode is guaranteed to give you some things to think about.

Listen to this podcast episode now:

Rohini Walker’s website: https://www.rohiniwalker.com/

“Committing to Digestion in the Information Age”

Luna Arcana: https://lunaarcana.com/

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click Here >

Watch Ted in Your Head on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tedamoreno

Addicted to your phone? Is overconsumption of media a challenge for you? Request a complimentary phone consultation with Ted by going to https://tedmoreno.com/contact-us/. You can talk about your challenge, get more information about the benefits of hypnotherapy, and if it feels right to you, schedule your first session.

I Have Become…Numb – Episode 475

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Life can be so stressful and so overwhelming, that we might seek to become…numb.

There are so many ways that we can numb ourselves to the challenges of life.

When this becomes a habit through the various ways available to us, then we can find ourselves stuck, stagnating, hiding out and disengaged from life.

In this episode, Ted discusses the wisdom he got from an old Pink Floyd song, and how that is a warning to us all when we want to hide out and numb ourselves to our own lives.

Check out this podcast and feel free to comment or review.

 

 

Listen to this podcast episode now:

If you’re watching this on YouTube, you may notice that I’m holding a guitar. That’s because today I want to talk about a song.

“Hello. Is there anybody in there?”

Now, if you know anything about rock music and you grew up in the era that I grew up in, then you probably recognize the lyrics to that song. But first, a little back story…

A few weeks ago, I got together with my good friend Adam to play some guitar. Now I’ve been playing guitar for a while, and I can sit down and probably entertain you with some songs from my era for an hour or so, but Adam, my buddy Adam, is on a whole other level. He’s an awesome lead guitarist. (Click Here to check out his channel)

Anyway, we got together, and we were we were playing some songs, and we decided to work on a particular song by Pink Floyd called “Comfortably Numb”

We worked up a really good rendition of it, and it was very, very fun, but I became very interested in doing a deeper dive into this song, so I started to explore its history as well as its lyrics. I invite you to take a listen to this song.

The following information is from Wikipedia from the article titled “Comfortably Numb” (last edited 5/3/25)

  • In 2021 the song Comfortably Numb was ranked number 179, on 179. On Rolling Stones list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time.
  • David Gilmour’s performance on the track has been consistently lauded as being the crowning achievement of his career as a guitarist.
  • The song is from the 1979 album called The Wall, which is a concept album about an embittered and alienated rock star named Pink.
  • In “Comfortably Numb”, Pink is medicated by a doctor so he can perform a rock show.
  • These lyrics (by Roger Waters, writer and vocalist) were inspired by his experience of being injected with tranquilizers for stomach cramps during one of his performances in 1977 during one of Pink Floyd’s tours.
  • Author Mike McCormick writes that the song “is perhaps the apex of rock music as an art form. No other song cuts deeper says so much about the human condition or hits such moments of beauty and horror.”

The line from the song that speaks to this beauty and horror and human condition is the line “I have become comfortably numb”.

So that’s what I want to talk about today. I began to think about what this song says about the human condition. I realize that what it says is that we as human beings have a desire to numb out, to not feel, to hide out from life.

There are so many ways that we can do this. We can numb out by immersing ourselves in the pit of social media, by sitting on the sofa and just binging the latest streaming show, while mindlessly doing the hand to mouth ritual of mindless eating.

We can numb ourselves with the old standbys, drugs and alcohol.

Many times, the news becomes a way of numbing ourselves. We become numb to all the news stories, just another way to hide out, another way to medicate ourselves from life.

I think the reason that we have a tendency to do that is because of what I’ve referred to in my previous podcast as an epidemic of overwhelm, particularly today, 2025 with much going on, so many changes, so much to think about.

In my own life, here at the end of May and the beginning of June 2025, I have two kids graduating, one from community college and transferring to a university and another one from high school. There’s a whole lot going on. There’s a lot of things to think about, a lot of pressure and a lot of stress.

I’m no different from anybody else. I want to numb out by watching the latest show. I want to numb out by coming home and fixing myself a mixed drink or a couple of glasses of wine. I want to numb out by doom scrolling on social media. I think we all have that tendency to want to get numb.

For many people with mental health conditions, that might be the way forward. The way to make it through the day might require some kind of prescribed medication or even a little bit of recreational medication. I’m not against that, but each person needs to decide for themselves what they need to move forward, as opposed to the need to stay safe and comfortable and not move forward.

I love that quote by John Shedd from 1928 that says

“A ship in a harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.”

As the captains of the ship of our lives, we want our ships out there engaged with life, exploring, discovering new ways of being, continuing to grow and become better navigators, if you will.

Yet, we have a tendency, and it’s part of our DNA, to be safe, be comfortable, and at times, perhaps to numb ourselves in the many ways that I just talked about.

However, you may know what that leads to: stagnation, stuckness, and not moving forward. It’s so easy to get to that place of just consistently numbing out. And then one day we turn around and we say, “What’s the point of life? Why am I here? All I do is avoid the challenges of my life and nothing changes.”

I’m being a bit extreme here, and I’m not talking to anybody in particular, but we all know that feeling.

Let me tell you a little story. A friend of mine purchased a house in a gated community and as he was working on his house, he would notice that a couple of times a week, a guy would drive by in a golf cart with a ladder. He would stop the golf cart, pull out the ladder, and he’d climb up and change the light bulbs on the cute little street lights.

They weren’t the really tall streetlights, they were kind of vintage looking street lights, not too tall, something that you could reach with a ladder. And that’s what this guy did. He would climb up, he would change the bulbs, he would clean out the spider webs and the birds’ nests.

One day, my friend approached him and said, “Hey, I’ve noticed that every couple of days you come by and you do this. Are you employed by this gated community?”

The man said, “No. Actually, I live here. I’m a resident here. They pay me a small amount of money to make sure that all the streetlights are functioning properly.”

He continued, “I don’t really need the money. But when I moved in here, I noticed that many people who moved in and retired started playing golf, drinking, and in two years, they were dead. I didn’t want to be like that. So, I decided I needed a mission. I needed a purpose. I needed to get out of my comfort zone. So, my mission and my purpose is to keep the lights on, and that’s what I do.”

Think about that for a second. He didn’t want to go into that medicated, numbing, hiding out feeling of playing golf and drinking. Not that there’s anything wrong with retiring or playing golf, but he saw a pattern, and he didn’t want to be a part of that pattern.

The idea is that to live a fulfilling life, we must be engaged with life, both the good stuff and the not so good stuff. We must constitute ourselves as being up for the challenge of living and not have numbing out as our go to strategy. It’s easier said than done.

We all need rest and relaxation. No doubt about it, we all need time to chill, to relax, to take a vacation, to step back from the challenges of life. However, we want to make sure that we’re not doing that for avoidance.

What we need to do is to feel discomfort. We need to get out of our head and into our body and feel the resistance to doing the things that are hard or facing the situations that are challenging. We need to learn to manage our stress and overwhelm so we can get better at it and gain more capacity.

I’m not talking about relaxation, not talking about chilling out, not talking about an occasional celebratory drink with friends or family. I’m talking about avoidance, which we all do, but we want to be conscious of when we’re doing that and be aware of it.

Procrastination is a good sign that we’re trying to avoid something. Let’s be very clear about that: we all avoid. We all procrastinate. Nobody wants to face hard times or difficult challenges. Nobody wants to walk into areas of uncertainty, yet, that’s how we grow. That’s how we get better.

I don’t know about you, but there’s no point in my life where I want to say, “Ah, I’m done growing. I’m done trying. Now I’m just going to coast.”

It’s so easy to do, especially when you get a little bit older. But Helen Keller said, “Life is either an exciting adventure or it’s boring.”

Brene Brown said, “Numb the dark and you numb the light.”

So how do we do that? How do we get out of the need or the desire to be numb avoid the hard stuff?

Well, I can tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I try to do consistently.

I get up early so I have some quiet time before the day starts. I try to do at least 10 minutes of meditation every day. I do some stretching to get into my body. I try to write some things that I’m grateful for. I create an intention for the day. I get out of the house and get outside and allow green trees and blue skies and wind and sun to come into my mental environment. This really allows me to start the day feeling very centered and very grounded. I’m always telling myself affirmations, such as I’m up for this, I’ve got this, I’m courageous.

There’s another quote, I’m not sure who said it, but it goes something like: when we numb ourselves to the negative emotions that we feel, we numb ourselves to the positive emotions as well.

Life is about light and dark, and we must embrace both in order to have a life that is intentional and a life that is fulfilling. We need to have the belief in ourselves that we’re up to the challenges of life. I can’t stress how important this belief is. So many of us need to know what’s going to happen. We want to have that sense of certainty, and if we don’t have it, we’re anxious and afraid. This is where trust and faith come in: trust that we can constitute ourselves as being courageous, being intentional, and being somebody who can continue to move forward even though we’re scared, even though we’re anxious, even though we’re overwhelmed.

So, keep that in mind. I talk a lot about overwhelm in my podcast, and you’ll know you’re in overwhelm when you’re doom scrolling, when you’re reaching for that next drink, when you’re sitting in front of the television telling yourself, I really need to turn this off and do something. Rest and relax when you need to, but above all, keep moving forward.

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click Here >

Watch Ted in Your Head on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tedamoreno

Are you ready to free yourself from the habit of numbing yourself? Ready to take life on with courage, strength and confidence? Request a consultation to find out if hypnotherapy is right for you. To request your complimentary consultation, go to https://Tedmoreno.com/contact and he’ll get back to you in 48 hours to schedule your consultation.

Thank you very much for tuning in to my podcast today. Take good care of yourself, and by all means, go to the show notes at Tedmoreno.com/blog and check out the links that I have in the transcript to this podcast.

Take good care. We’ll talk soon. Bye now.
Ted

 

Interview with Dr. Rad – Episode 474

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Interview with Dr. Dar Radfar, Board Certified Sleep Apnea Authority

Did you know if you’re not treated for moderate to severe Sleep Apnea you could lose 12-15 years off your life? Also, a new study from the University of Wisconsin revealed that there is a 5 times higher risk of cancer of any kind if Sleep Apnea is left untreated!

In this episode, Ted talks with Dr. Dar Radfar (Dr. Rad) about sleep apnea, its symptoms, causes, and the impact it can have on your physical and mental health. Dr. Rad also discusses home testing for sleep apnea, and different treatment options.

If you know that you are not sleeping well, are waking up with a dry mouth, have been told that you snore, and are experiencing drowsiness and a foggy mind during the day, you may have symptoms of sleep apnea. Check out this episode for valuable information and resources that could make a huge difference in your life!

~Please leave a review or comment.

Listen to this podcast episode now:

 

Dr. Rad’s website: https://www.805dentistry.com/

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click Here >

Watch Ted in Your Head on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tedamoreno

If you are having sleep issues, or need to be more consistent in your sleep habits, Ted can help. Request a consultation to find out if hypnotherapy is right for you. To request your complimentary consultation, go to https://Tedmoreno.com/contact and he’ll get back to you in 48 hours to schedule your consultation.

 

Thoughts About Life and Death – Episode 473

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Being alive is a matter of life and death. Life happens daily but death only happens once. However, we tend to avoid the subject of our own mortality, yet, what can be more personal to us? We can’t have a life without a death.

In this episode, Ted reflects on the subject of life and death and discusses the questions: Why should we be mindful of death? How can death awareness add to our life? Why do we sometimes carry such existential fear of non-existence? How can we not be afraid of death, our own or that of those we love?

 

 

Listen to this podcast episode now:

If you watch the video of this podcast you can see me attempting to play a Japanese folk tune called Sakura Sakura (or you can hear Yo Yo Ma play it). Sakura means cherry blossom and this song is about spring and the season of the cherry blossoms. The symbolism of the cherry blossom is deeply rooted in the culture of Japan. This is because it symbolizes the transience of life and the impermanence of all things. The blossoms arise, are beautiful for a brief time, and fall too soon. They are a primary example of the concept of “mono no aware”, which is Japanese for “the beauty of passing things”.

Of course, the words to this popular song speak to the brevity of human life. We blossom in beauty and radiance for a short time and then expire.

Last week I went to two funerals. One for someone how was 97 years old and another for someone who was 42. We hope to live a long life, but we might not.  I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.

Today I want to talk about life and death.

Notice how you feel hearing the word death. Does it make you feel sad, depressed, anxious, or scared? If so, then perhaps your relationship with death could use some attention.

Why can’t we accept death like we accept that day will turn into night, summer into fall; the cycle of life: everyone that is born will die.

One of the most powerful things we can do is to come to terms with our own mortality, to accept the fact of not only our own death, but those that we love and cherish.

Now if this is really triggering for you, you might not want to continue listening to this episode…I respect that. If you are going through a grief or loss journey, this might be too hard to hear. If so, stop listening and remember that as a hypnotherapist, I have helped many clients on this journey.

I talked about this subject a bit in my podcast number 462 in November of 2024 titled: Remember What You Don’t Want to Think About: Memento Mori. Memento Mori means “remember you will die.”

Why is that something we should remember?

We should remember that we will die because there is no life without death, and there is no real living without acknowledging that it will all be done too soon, as the Neil Diamond song says. From the moment we are born, we have a relationship with death, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. I would suggest to you that life is more precious if we can acknowledge and remember this irrefutable and inevitable fact.

Doing so can give a person a grand perspective of one’s life because we live with the certainty that tomorrow will be there, but it very well may not, tomorrow is promised to no one.

However, we don’t need to be afraid of that fact. It doesn’t need to make us depressed or anxious or fearful.

When I was a kid, maybe 5 years old, I asked my mother “Mom, am I going to die?”

“Yes,” she said, “We are all going to die.”

I cried inconsolably exclaiming “But I don’t want to die!”

She held me and told me that it was ok. Maybe that’s why I have never had an issue with the topic of death.

Our greatest problem as humas is fear and the greatest fear is the fear of nonexistence which includes the fear of death but also, the loss of a relationship, a friend or family member, pet or even a job or a house. We ask ourselves “Who am I without this ____”

Our greatest threat is the death of our ego, the idea of who we are, the fiction we have created for ourselves. It’s the construction of who we are, a description that’s always changing. The ego’s primary goal is to maintain itself at all costs. This is the root of all fear.

Once we lose the fear of death, I think life becomes sweeter. We can lose that existential dread that many of us carry. Then we’re free to enjoy life in the best way possible.

This fear of nonexistence or fear of death is quite pervasive in our culture. We don’t want to think or talk about it about it but it’s worth thinking about and definitely, talking about.

Meditation can be helpful in freeing us from fear. We can cultivate detachment from our thoughts, fears and future projections. There is a Buddhist meditation practice called maraṇasati, or mindfulness of death. It’s a meditation technique designed to increase awareness of mortality and encourage living in the present moment.

I’ve never done this but from what I know about it, it’s pretty intense. You start with imaging your own death and the process of decay, the passing time and the eventual return into dust. That’s heavy…

It’s not for everyone.  This practice is not about dwelling on fear or negativity but about cultivating mindfulness and acceptance of the natural cycle of life and death. If you look it up on Wikipedia, you’ll get a pretty good description of it.

The point is to develop compassion for all beings who must live, then die, and to have less attachment to the material world, and a greater appreciation for life.

Again, this is not for everyone. To fully accept this inevitable stage of our life requires us to have done some healing from previous loss and grief, which is a journey of its own.

Want to catch up on previous episodes?  Click Here >

Do you feel that fear of death is keeping your from living fully? Or are you experiencing loss or grief where all you want to do is stop thinking about loss? Hypnotherapy can help. Request a consultation to find out if hypnotherapy is right for you. To request your complimentary consultation, go to https://Tedmoreno.com/contact and he’ll get back to you in 48 hours to schedule your consultation.

I want to leave you with the idea that true freedom is the ability to be free from the past and free from the future, and to fully, wholly and powerfully experience this present moment so that the time you do have, is not only meaningful, but as good as you can make it.

Thanks for being here, I invite and appreciate your comments and reviews.
Ted

Photo by Dilaudid – Own work; modified from Image:Go_board.jpg, which was made by user:donarreiskoffer, CC BY-SA 3.0

 

A New Direction for the Ted In Your Head Podcast – Episode 472

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In this episode, Ted discusses the desire to take his podcast in a new direction after almost 10 years of the Ted in Your Head Podcast. How to overcome anxiety, how to be more confident, how to let go of worry, these are good topics that Ted have been addressing but now he is asking the question: “How can we live life in a way that allows us to feel excited, inspired, energized and confident in the face of so many changes and challenges? How do we not only avoid falling into negativity and overwhelm, but more importantly, who do we need to be to maintain positivity and keep moving forward?

In this episode, Ted is not providing any answers, but instead, is asking the questions that are all on our minds at this moment in time. Please feel free to leave a comment or review.

 

Listen to this Podcast now:

I want to begin this post by expressing my gratitude to you for reading this or however you are getting my podcast. Whether you’re a regular listener or a first-time listener, or you’re a client, previous or current, if you’re tuning into this podcast in any way, shape or form, I really want to give you, my appreciation. When I started this podcast, I wanted it not only to be a way to get my name and what I do out there, but I really wanted it to be helpful. So, thank you so much for reading this today. I am grateful for you.

The title of this podcast is A New Direction. I’ve been thinking a lot about this podcast and where I want to take it. It’s been about a month since I’ve done a podcast, and I needed some time to think about what I wanted to do with this podcast.

What I’ve been doing, if you if you don’t know already, a lot of episodes on how to how to overcome anxiety, how to deal with test anxiety, how to overcome lack of confidence, how to grow self-esteem, and all of those kind of personal development type things.

I do think that’s been helpful. If you want that information, you can certainly get it from my podcast, and I will continue to do podcast episodes about those topics. But a lot of that information you can get on the internet. Heck, you could type in “How do I overcome test anxiety?” and AI will give you a lot of good information about that.

Now, however, I want to take this podcast in a new direction, because to be honest with you, I was getting a little bit kind of bored with what I’ve been doing, so I took some time off, took a month off to think about what I want to do next.

What I would like to do moving forward is get deeper into the question of who do we need to be to face the challenges of life? But not only that, but who do we need to be to really experience life at a higher level with more excitement, more energy, more juice, if you will. I want to address some of the essential aspects of life, such as, who do we need to be in the face of our own aging, or in the face of seeing our parents age? This is an important topic to me at this point in my life.

Or the loss of loved ones, or the impending loss of loved ones. So instead of coming out of these life challenges and trying to pick ourselves up or put ourselves back together, instead, I want to explore how do we go into these situations and not get so knocked down? In other words, how do we constitute ourselves to be up for these challenges of life?  How do we manage to find the time to maintain our own self-care, to maintain our energy, to take care of ourselves? Life is so busy, and if you’re not used to exercising or a higher level of self-care, how do we wrap our head around, what that looks like?

How about money? How do we deal with the money thing in the face of economic uncertainty? A lot of pundits are out there saying we’re headed for a recession or higher prices. I’ve got some kids going into college and that is definitely on my mind. Taking care of vehicles, mortgage, and future security are all things on my mind right now.

How do we avoid worrying or having anxiety about money? This is a very important question, because money is an important situation that we have to deal in our lives today.

However, I just don’t want to talk about challenges. The question I really want to ask is, how can we make life worth living in the face of living in 2025? Whether you’re in the United States or another country listening to this podcast, how do we live life in a way that’s exciting? How do we maintain the wonder, the awe, the excitement of life, rather than allowing ourselves to get ground down by the constant number of things we need to think about, worry about, or be concerned about?

Helen Keller said that life is either an exciting adventure or it’s boring. I don’t think many of us see life as an exciting adventure. If you have a job you have to go to, or you’re not independently wealthy, or you have kids, life can become a real grind. How do we maintain that sense of wonder or awe?

George Bernard Shaw said, “Life is not about finding yourself; it’s about creating yourself.”  How do we continue the process of self-creation on a daily basis? What does that even look like?

I think a lot about a guy like David Bowie, the musician, the rock star. I think he’s an example of somebody that was continually looking to recreate himself. Started off as, Ziggy Stardust, then went on to be Thin, White Duke. He continued to present himself in new and exciting ways. And I don’t think you need to be a rock star to be actively involved in the act of self-creation.

But again, what does that look like, and how do we find the time to do that? Does it mean getting a new wardrobe every two or three years? I don’t think so but how do we continue to live life in a way that’s inspiring and creative? If there’s no creativity, if there’s no novelty, that’s when we get burned out, that’s when we lose interest, that’s when we start turning to things to numb ourselves.

I also want to talk to experts. I want to have a lot more conversations, a lot more interviews, asking people, how do you keep from being overwhelmed? I think overwhelm is one of the biggest problems in our life today, too many things to think about, too many things to do, too many things to worry about?

I mean, here I am, I’m a 65-year-old guy in the United States, 2025. I’ve got money to think about. I’ve got a mortgage. We’re a three-car household, and another driver is coming online, insurance, retirement, Medicare, parents. How do you deal with all of that without going crazy, without wanting to immediately come home and pour yourself a drink or take yourself a toke, right? These are the questions that people are coming to me and asking me. Things like “How do I maintain staying out of trance, the spaced out don’t know whether I’m coming or going state? How do I maintain not sinking into despair or worry? Who do I need to be? How do I constitute myself to be a person that is awake, aware and intentionally living life?

I think that’s a big question, when overwhelm gets its fangs into us, then we’re fearful, and that, ladies and gentlemen, is truly the biggest problem of our time: Fear. Fear of what’s going to happen, fear of what’s not going to happen, fear of getting old, fear of dying, fear of losing the people that we love, fear of what’s going to happen with the economy.

There’s a lot of fear right now, at this particular point in time, not only because of what’s going on in the government, but also because the pace of change is so incredibly fast. Things are changing so quickly. How do we even keep up? I mean, you know, I’m looking at having to get a new computer. I was talking to a client the other day where we agreed that even getting a new phone, that can be incredibly stressful. What do we do? How do we do it? How do we maintain our stability, our feeling of being grounded and really having the confidence and trust that we’re able and up for taking on life in all its myriads of joys and challenges in 2025?

Most importantly, I want to hear from you. I really want to hear from you. What’s keeping you up at night? What are you struggling with? What do you think you’ve nailed down? What do you think you have dialed in? I really want to hear from you.

One of the things that’s bothering me is that I don’t get much engagement from the listeners of my podcast, so I want to let you know that you can leave comments at SoundCloud at Tedmoreno.com/podcast, or you go to the transcript of this podcast, which is at Tedmoreno.com/blog and leave a comment on this post.

You can always go to my Facebook page or Instagram page to leave comments about how you feel about any particular podcast or what you’d like to hear, I really want to hear more about what you think about the things that I’m talking about.

So there you go. That’s what I’m thinking about these days. I’m thinking a lot about personally, for me, the next 10 years. What do I want the next 10 years to look like, not just in my own business, but how creative do I want to be I life? What do I want to continue to bring to the world? I’m 65 years old. I figure I’ve got another 10 years of creativity and the ability to make my own unique contribution. Retirement is not really a word that I want to talk about or deal with, because I want to continue to reinvent myself and bring more good stuff to the world.

So that’s what I’m thinking about, and I want to share that with you. And of course, if you want to share something with me, I’m totally open to that. You can go to tedmoreno.com/contact, you can send me an email about your thoughts, and of course, you can send me an email if you are interested in a half hour phone consultation where we can talk about working together, doing hypnotherapy, and your particular situation. We’ll answer your questions, and if you’re ready, we can set up an appointment.

Thank you so much again for listening and take good care of yourself, and we’ll talk again very, very soon.
Have a great day.
Ted

 

 

Top 10 Tips to Overcome Fear of Public Speaking – Episode 471

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It’s been said that for many, fear of public speaking is a fear worse than death. However, in today’s business environment, chances are you will be required to give reports or presentations to colleagues or clients. Or, you may be asked to give a toast, or speak at a wedding or funeral. As with all fears, fear of public speaking is learned, and what is learned can be unlearned. Nobody is born a good public speaker. The good news is that you can learn to overcome the fear response and speak comfortably and effectively. In this episode, Ted gives the top 10 tips for overcoming the fear of public speaking. Even if you can speak in public but want to do better and feel more comfortable, check out the helpful information in this episode.

Listen to this Podcast now:

Nobody is born a good public speaker. As with all fears, fear of public speaking is learned, and what is learned can be unlearned. When someone says, “I have a fear of public speaking because I’m not a good speaker” all they are really saying is “I haven’t developed the skills to be an effective speaker.” Becoming comfortable in front of a group is a skill you can learn.

In today’s business environment, you will almost certainly be required to give reports or presentations to colleagues or clients. If so, consider learning to speak in public as a necessary part of your personal and professional development. You might also be called upon to speak at weddings or funerals. It doesn’t feel good to have to say “I can’t”.

Many people who once suffered from fear of public speaking  have gone on to become very good speakers.

Here are some other things to remember:

  •  You don’t have to be a master orator in order to be effective. You just need to be yourself. Don’t try to be or think of yourself as a “public speaker”.
  • The audience is on your side, wanting you to succeed.
  • You don’t need to memorize a lot of information. That’s what notes and handouts are for. It’s even easier to a presentation over Zoom with the help of screen sharing to share visual aids such as PowerPoint presentations.
  • It’s ok to feel a little nervous, that’s natural.

Nervousness is not the problem. The problem for most people is the fight or flight response (sweaty palms, rapid heartbeat, shallow breathing, inability to think clearly) when asked to speak to a group.

In additions, many suffer from anticipatory anxiety which is falling into the “What If Pit”:

  • What if they don’t like me
  • What if I really screw up
  • What if I embarrass myself
  • What if they see I’m nervous

The good news is that you can learn to overcome the fear response and speak comfortably and effectively and it doesn’t have to be  stressful.

Of course, there are different levels of fear of public speaking. At one end of the spectrum, you might be challenged by social anxiety disorder to the point where even talking to someone one can be anxiety provoking. That’s a problem of a different magnitude; I’ve covered social anxiety in past podcasts and will probably revisit that soon.

Most people that come to me for hypnotherapy don’t have this challenge, they just want to feel more comfortable giving professional presentations such as in a business networking situation, giving short speeches and maybe giving an occasional toast or saying a few words at a funeral.

Tips for dealing with fear of public speaking

  • Preparation is the key to success. Have an outline for what you are going to say. Put your notes on 3×5 index cards that are numbered in order. Know if you are going to be standing up or sitting down, at a podium, or on a stage. If you are going to use any kind of tech like a computer or PowerPoint, you really need to test that and make sure that wherever you are going to speak can accommodate your tech. Have a back up plan if your tech doesn’t perform the way you want it to.
  • Do a little mental preparation before you speak. Psyche yourself up, see yourself doing great, give yourself some positive suggestions using positive affirmations. Challenge your negative self-talk. It doesn’t help to say things like “I just know I’m going to screw this up.” or “I have so much fear of public speaking!”. Be realistic in your expectations and show this in your language to yourself: “I can do this, it’s only ten minutes.”  or “This is a great opportunity to show my stuff.”
  • Practice relaxation techniques: Deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation can help calm your nerves before and during your presentation.
  • Practice, practice, practice. Practice saying the words out loud, not just in your mind. Practice in front of someone you trust who can give you some feedback. This is one of the best ways to deal with fear of public speaking. Record yourself to see what vocal tics you might want to work with. Practice in front of a mirror.
  • Focus on your body. Stand up straight, shoulders back. You know how it’s hard to feel depressed when you are smiling? What you do with your body will impact how your brain works. Feel your feet on the floor. Center and ground yourself before you speak by focusing on your abdomen and taking a deep breath. Also, practice making eye contact. The best practice is to look into different people’s faces but if that’s too hard for you, what can be helpful is looking slightly over the tops of the heads of the audience and focusing on the back of the room.
  • Don’t be boring. The worst sin you can commit as a speaker is making people wish they were somewhere else. Humor is good.  People want to laugh, and when they do, you’ll feel a lot more comfortable. Just use common sense to avoid offending your audience with jokes that are off color or politically volatile unless of course you are preaching to the choir, so to speak, and your speech is intended to be political.
  • Shift your perspective: Instead of focusing on your own anxiety, focus on connecting with your audience and sharing valuable information. Try to craft your message to your audience so that what you tell them has some impact on them. Think about making a contribution to your audience.
  • Make sure you eat something. Diet and your level of anxiety are intimately related. Don’t go in front of a group on an empty stomach or over-caffeinated. Low blood sugar can trigger anxiety.
  • Join a speaking group such as Toastmasters. These groups exist specifically for people to practice public speaking in a safe and supportive environment. There are chapters everywhere so click on the link and check it out. In addition, there’s a lot of instructional material out there including books, DVDs and audio programs that can be very helpful.
  • Get professional coaching or hypnotherapy. If you haven’t done a lot of speaking in public or, if you’ve had bad experiences in the past, then speaking in front of people is an unknown to your subconscious mind or it represents danger to your subconscious mind. The idea is to make the unknowns known so that your mind feels more familiar and comfortable with what you want to do. Hypnotherapy is an excellent way to get that subconscious mind on board and working for you. I help people let go of the anxiety and  fear of public speaking that keeps them from getting ahead personally and professionally

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click Here >

Watch Ted in Your Head on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/tedamoreno

Ted helps people let go of the anxiety and the fear of public speaking that keeps them from getting ahead personally and professionally.

Reach out and request a complimentary consultation by going to https://tedmoreno.com/contact. He’ll get back to you within 48 hours to schedule a conversation to see what working together can do to support you in speaking more effectively, powerfully and enjoyably.

Here’s a quote by Mark Twain:

“There are two kinds of speakers: those that are nervous and those that are liars.”

Thanks for being here!

Ted

Self Sabotage: Identifying How You Stop Your Success – Episode 470

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If you have the sneaky feeling that you are holding yourself back from taking the actions that lead to success, then there is a good chance you are engaging in self-sabotage. While some self-sabotage behaviors are easy to see, some are subconscious and therefore, hidden.  

In this episode of the Ted in Your Head Podcast, Ted describes the behaviors and thought processes that can point to your own self sabotage. Once you are aware of them, you can begin to address them and let them go, creating a path to success and accomplishment.

Listen to this Podcast now:

We’re talking today about self-sabotage and what I mean by that is behaviors that keep us from our goals and accomplishments. I addressed this subject two years ago, but recently I’ve had a number of people coming to me for help with this challenge so I thought I would revisit the subject with some updated information.

Self-sabotage is when we consciously or subconsciously stop ourselves from getting what we want. This could be due to things we are doing or things we are not doing.

There are many ways that we sabotage our success and happiness and goals. Some we’ll be aware of, but other ways are subconscious behaviors, so this makes it more difficult to identify and address.

Any subconscious behavior is tricky because it’s below conscious awareness, so often we don’t even know we have the behavior.

There are also many reasons why we self-sabotage, consciously or subconsciously. A lot of these may stem from childhood, especially if we had a dysfunctional childhood. Other reasons might be fear of success or failure, low self-esteem, or lack of confidence. But the it’s almost always rooted in fear.

It’s important to understand that if you want to accomplish something, and you haven’t done it, then what you want to accomplish is unknown to your mind and represents safety. Your subconscious mind likes what is known and will keep you from the unknown to protect you. This means that your subconscious mind, a very large part of your mind, will overpower whatever your conscious desires might be, resulting in resistance and self-sabotage.

Let’s talk about how you can identify how you are holding yourself back. You probably  know that you are not living up to your potential, and in fact, if you are not achieving what you know to be your potential, than it’s safe to assume that there are self-sabotaging behaviors at work. There are many, but these are the most common ones, so as we go through these, make a mental checklist of which of these apply to you. According to Psychology Today, behavior is said to be self-sabotaging when it creates problems in daily life and interferes with long-standing goals. The most common self-sabotaging behaviors include procrastination, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, comfort eating, and forms of self-injury such as cutting and oftentimes, illness.

  1. Feeling not deserving. Feeling not deserving would also include imposter syndrome, that sneaky feeling that you are faking it and the fear that someone is going to discover that you’re a fraud. If you have subconscious programming that you haven’t worked hard enough, suffered enough, paid enough dues or you’ve done things that mean that you should not have success or happiness, then your mind will do what it can to keep those things from you. Check out Ted in Your Head Episode 426 titled What you Deserve Has Got Nothing to Do with It.
  2. Focusing on what is not working or not going right. It’s the feeling that there is always something wrong. “Nothing ever works. Nothing ever goes right for me. You can’t trust anybody. What’s the point?” Always focused on the negative. Complaining a lot. This is deadly and it’s sneaky because it’s a way to let yourself not strive because nothing’s going to work out anyway. This is toxic, this stinking thinking, so if you recognize this in yourself, start to change that as quickly as possible using positive affirmations.
  3. Negative self-talk and extreme self-criticism. It’s easy to see this in ourselves and others, but it’s one of those self-sabotage behaviors that can become a really bad habit. Always tearing yourself down and beating yourself up, and the more you do it, the worse you feel, the worse you feel, the more you do it, and nothing productive gets done.
  4. We all procrastinate, but chronic procrastination is most likely self-sabotaging behavior. Putting off what you need to do. Not taking care of the important stuff until there is a crisis. Reasons for procrastination: you are easily distracted. You have poor time management. You are a perfectionist and you’re afraid of not doing it perfectly. Your discipline muscles are weak. You are not good at self-regulation which means not being able to control your emotions. In other words, you’re not good at handling frustration, or you get angry when things don’t go your way or sad that you can’t make something happen. Successful people take action in spite of how they are feeling.
  5. Comparing yourself to others. It can be depressing and make us feel desperate when we look at others and think: “How come I’m not where that person is? What’s wrong with me?” This can create a feeling of futility, or we beat ourselves up or both. Do you think that’s helpful or motivating? It’s hard to be motivated when we’re feeling bad about ourselves, hence, self-sabotage. That’s when we start convincing ourselves that there’s something wrong with us because everyone else seems to be able to do what we can’t.

When this becomes a habit, it can be the most painful form of self-sabotage. Check out my podcast episode 357 Compare and Despair.

  1. Refusing to ask for help. “I don’t need anybody’s help, I can do it on my own.” This is so sneaky because it’s self-sabotage disguised as self-reliance. Nobody does it on their own. Or how about “I can’t count on anybody, nobody can do it as good as me, they won’t understand what I need, it’s too much hassle to ask for help, I need to do it my own way. I’ll look weak if I ask for help.” The truth is, when you ask for help, you are holding yourself accountable to the person that’s helping you. That can be scary and feel vulnerable.
  2. Picking fights or initiating conflicts with valued partners and loved ones. One surefire way to sabotage yourself is to chase away or repel anyone who might support you or encourage you or, again, hold you accountable. This is very common, more than you might think. It’s a way to stop your progress by creating conflict so that you can stay alone, unsupported and blocked.
  3. Avoiding or withdrawing from others. Instead of picking fights, you can just avoid or withdraw from those who could support you or encourage you. Or, after picking fights and creating conflict, you can just say “To hell with them” This is hard to see, because if we are focused on shaming and blaming others, it’s hard to look at ourself and our own motives.
  4. This next one is pretty obvious: making excuses or shifting blame. “It’s their fault that I’m not where I want to be, it’s the economy, the government, the politicians, my spouse, my parents,” on and on. Making excuses as to why we can’t do what we need to do to accomplish what we want to accomplish. This keeps the focus off us and allows us to avoid responsibility.
  • Substance abuse, overspending, or “overdoing it” and other types of self-medication including overeating. Any type of self-medication keeps us from feeling or looking at those issues that we need to be aware of and overcome. This could also include a lack of attention to your health so that you can use lack of energy or illness as reasons to not put in the time and effort. You may know that some little kids will make themselves sick to keep from going to school. Adults can do it too.

Those are the ones you need to look out for.

There’s a self-sabotage quiz you can take to help you see what your patterns are. It’s at the Psychology Today website:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201805/30-types-of-self-sabotage-and-what-to-do-about-it

Here are a couple of articles that might be helpful:

https://www.verywellmind.com/why-people-self-sabotage-and-how-to-stop-it-5207635

https://www.happierhuman.com/self-sabotaging/

There’s a lot to talk about when it comes to self-sabotage. The first step is always awareness. You need to know there’s a problem before you can address it, so I hope this episode was helpful to you.

Want to catch up on previous episodes?  Click Here >

Watch Ted in Your Head on YouTube: https://youtu.be/gWblQ1A9_UY

If you feel that self-sabotage is holding you back and you are ready to do something about it, you should know that hypnotherapy can be one of the most powerful ways to turn your challenges into possibilities. Book a complimentary consultation with Ted so that you can explore if working together is your best path forward. To request your complimentary consultation, go to https://Tedmoreno.com/contact and he’ll get back to you in 48 hours to schedule your consultation.

“Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts.” —Buddha

Remember you can watch this podcast on YouTube at @TedAMoreno.

Ted

How to Find Something in Your Life That’s Worth Waking Up For – Episode 469

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In this episode, Ted answers a question sent in by a Ted in Your Head listener: “I’m having a hard time waking up in the morning. I feel like there’s nothing to look forward to. How can I go about finding something in my life that’s worth waking up for?” Great question: Why get out of bed if it’s only going to be “the same ole same ole…”?

Only you can answer that question. The good news is that we all have the ability to create ourselves anew and find passion or passions that move us out of bed and into engagement with the world. Ted discusses some practical actions you can take right away to begin to give yourself a bigger and better reason to get up in the morning.

Listen to this Podcast now:

I had a listener reach out to me with a question:

“I’m having a hard time waking up in the morning. I feel like there’s nothing to look forward to. I’m not depressed but how can I go about finding something in my life that’s worth waking up for? I know about exercise and finding a hobby and eating well. I’m talking about steps to discover my passions.”

Thank you, listener, for your question. Let’s unpack this:

The fact that she’s not depressed is important. She’s aware that exercise and eating well is good.

She’s talking more about finding a passion that gets you out of bed in the morning, something to look forward to, something that’s exciting. As opposed to the “same ole same ole…”

First off, let’s not skip past the fundamentals of good sleep, exercise and proper nutrition. These are important for more energy and mental clarity which goes a long way towards being passionate. I’ve talked a lot about this. I’m always talking about this, so I won’t go into it again.

What we’re looking for is here something deeper, something that gives you a sense of purpose and meaning and motivation to start your day. Something that truly energizes you, something to look forward to.

  1. I would start by putting pen to paper or hands on a keyboard and writing. Journaling can be very helpful. Putting down ideas, exploring possibilities, notating insights etc. can be extremely helpful and a powerful path to self-awareness. Or, have a conversation with someone you trust but take notes or record the conversation so that you can refer back to any ideas or excitement that was triggered.

Ask yourself:

  • What do I want to create in this world? Art, music, a foundation, a business maybe?
  • Who do I want to impact? Very often passion comes from a sense of contribution.
  • What problems do I want to solve?
  • What legacy do I want to leave?

These are just prompts to get you thinking. However, don’t just think; write or record.

  1. Reconnect with What Used to Inspire You Think back to times in your life when you felt the most engaged and alive. What were you doing? Who were you with?

I was talking with a client the other day who is a new father, and business  owner. He said that he misses all the things he used to do that kept him fired up and bettering himself like reading or lifting weights. Sometimes, our passions get buried under responsibilities, and revisiting past interests can help reignite something meaningful.

It’s important to understand that this is a process of exploration. You must do a bit of work. You’re not going to listen to this podcast and all of a sudden wake up ready and rearing to go. Maybe instead of looking at your phone first thing in the morning, you journal instead? Just a suggestion…

  1. Explore what you’re curious about. What are you interested in? Picking a new passion might be harder than paying attention to what naturally catches your interest. Are there certain topics you like reading about, are you drawn to particular type of work or activity? Write those down, explore them on the internet, follow those small insights because they can lead to something bigger.
  2. This next thing is really important: What energizes you? What drains you? Pay attention to how you feel after different activities. Music energizes me, nature energizes me, reading about interesting things energizes me. Dealing with insurance, taxes, computer stuff, technical stuff: that drains me, but I know people who love those things. Do you like helping people, working with people or are you more of a solitary person doing your own thing? That’s important to know. Start designing your days to include more of what naturally fuels you so that you have something to look forward to in the day.
  3. Experiment Without Commitment

Give yourself permission to try things out. Take a class, attend a workshop, volunteer, or talk to someone or shadow someone that’s doing something that interests you. Don’t put pressure, don’t make it all or nothing, don’t feel the need to commit or be perfect. Just explore, check it out. If it doesn’t float your boat, let it go, but you still might get some good stuff from the experience.

  1. Connect with Inspiring People or read about them. Sometimes, being around passionate people can help spark something in you. Talk to people who love what they do. Ask them what excites them, how they found their path, and what keeps them going.

Or read about people who you admire. Learn their stories. What were their challenges and how did they overcome them. What are their philosophies of life?

  1. Set small goals that are exciting. Have the intention to read or listen to a book for a period of time if you enjoy that. Or exercise, take a walk. Go drive and check something out. Learn a new skill. Meet someone for coffee. Go to a museum or art gallery.

Even if you don’t know your passion is yet, setting small goals or challenges can add meaning to your days.

  1. Embrace change and let go of who you have always thought you were. In your journaling and reflection, think about the old you. The you in the past. You’re not the same person you were 5 years ago. We change, we grow wiser and more experienced, we must allow yourself to evolve.

Sometimes, we get stuck because we define ourselves by who we used to be. The things that once excited you may not be the same now and that’s okay.

Remember our subconscious minds like the known and familiar. It wants us to stay the same because that’s safe. Be willing to embrace new ways of thinking, new ways of feeling about yourself, talking about yourself both in your head and with others. Get your mind familiar and comfortable with the idea of the you that’s here, now.  Give yourself permission to have beginners mind, be willing to start again. George Bernard Shaw said “Life is not about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself.

  1. Recognize that passion often comes from taking action, not just thinking about it. You don’t have to wake up one morning with a lightning-bolt realization. Passion usually grows from engagement. Start doing things every day and see where they take you. You must be willing to do something other than be in your head. Start small but be consistent.
  2. Talk to your subconscious mind using positive affirmations. I believe that positive affirmations before bed and after you wake up are powerful. This gets your subconscious mind familiar with new ways of thinking. Start them with I am or I am becoming. We believe what we tell ourselves over and over. This is a form of autosuggestion because we are in hypnosis after we wake up and right before we sleep. Use that time to re-program your mind.

That’s what I have for you today.

I’ll leave you with two quotes, first one is by Bob Dylan:

“He not busy being born is busy dying” is a lyric from Bob Dylan’s song “It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)

Two of the most interesting things I’ve done recently was to read both Bob Dylan’s and Elvis Costello’s autobiographies. I was introduced to a whole new world of creativity, music and ideas.

Every day we are born again. Have your very first thoughts be positive thoughts like “Thank you for a brand new day.”

The next quote by George Bernard Shaw:

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”

Life is meant to be enjoyed. Find time to play, explore, try stuff, and learn.

Want to catch up on previous episodes?  Click Here >

Watch Ted in Your Head on YouTube: https://youtu.be/gWblQ1A9_UY

If you’re having trouble getting up in the morning feeling excited and looking forward to the day, you can request a complimentary phone consultation by going to TedMoreno.com/contact. He’ll get back to you to talk and explore what you want to create next.

Thanks you so much for reading.

Ted