Tag Archive for: holiday stress

Holiday Family Gatherings: How to Stay Sane During the Holidays

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We all want our holiday family gatherings to be times of positive, loving  interactions and of basking in the warm feeling that comes from being with people we love.

However, this is often not the case for many people. For these folks, and maybe you are one of them, these holiday family gatherings can be a source of great stress because of the expectation of conflict and dysfunction. These type of holiday family gatherings have the potential to steal your holiday cheer and leave you in a bad place for weeks.

The truth is that sometimes the people we love can get under our skin.They can say and do things that trigger negative reactions in us such as anger, irritation and sadness, causing us to strike back, making the situation worse.

Politics,religion, and people interfering in your personal life or business are just a few of the triggers that can be the cause of arguments, conflict and tension at holiday family gatherings.

Throw alcohol into the mix and these holiday family gatherings can become volatile to the point that after the party is over, family members are not even speaking to each other.  How to deal with these potentially stressful situations?

The key is to be prepared.  You could simply decide not to go or attempt to fake your own death to get out of it. However, if you do decide to attend your holiday family gatherings, here are some suggestions on how to stay calm and in control.

How to prepare and deal with holiday family gatherings.

1. Have an intention and decide your outcome ahead of time. Be clear about how you want to be at the holiday family gatherings. Have a goal for how you want to feel and respond. Create the outcome that you will leave feeling good about your visit.

For instance, suppose that every time you get together with your mother, you get impatient and frustrated, leaving you to you feel terrible afterwards. Before you see her again, make it your goal to be calm, loving, patient and kind. You might even write it down: “My intention is to be calm loving, patient and kind when I see my mother on Christmas day.”

Of course, you can also have the intention that you’re going to verbally destroy  anyone that attempts to mess with you at the holiday family gatherings, but this is not a good way to stay sane during the holidays.

2. Identify the triggers. Think back to previous family gatherings about what happened that triggered negative emotions or reactions from you. Is it what someone says or does? Is it a particular topic of conversation? If you are aware of the potential negative triggers, and can keep your  positive outcome in mind, you are more likely to stay in control.

3. Have a response ready when these triggers occur. If your outcome is to be calm, centered and balanced during holiday family gatherings, then decide what you will you do when the triggers appear. For instance, when someone brings up that topic of discussion that you know is going to cause trouble, you might:

  • Smile and say, “I really don’t want to talk about that right now.”
  • Excuse yourself and go to the restroom or go outside and take some deep breaths.
  • Make a joke out of it and change the subject.
  • Use the STOP method: Stop, Take a breath, Observe your body, emotions and thoughts, and proceed in a way that honors you, the other and your relationship.

Of course, as a last resort, you can always be prepared to leave if things get too out of hand. It’s a tough choice but sometimes it’s the right one.

4. Create your own positive trigger. This is a technique where you have a “power word”, phrase or a physical action that triggers a positive response. Put yourself into a relaxed state before you go to the holiday family function. You can imagine yourself in a relaxing place, or just breathe and release stress and tension. On each exhalation, say your word or phrase, such as “Calm” or “I can deal with this” or “In control”. Do something physical such as rub your fingers together while you are doing this. The idea is that you form an association between rubbing your fingers/saying your power word with a relaxed state so that when you feel those negative triggers threatening to derail you, you can use your positive trigger to get back to being calm, centered and balanced.

You may not be able to change your family dynamic, but you can always have control over how you respond. This holiday season, see if you can let go of the past, stay in present, and expect only the best from the future.

Need help? Someone to talk to? Contact me by clicking here.

Ted

p.s. If you thought this post was helpful, please leave a comment or share with your social networks.

How to Stay Sane During the Holidays

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We all know that it can be hard to stay sane during the the holidays! They can be quite stressful.

There’s money anxiety: “How am I going to be able to afford buying gifts?

There’s family: “I just hope we don’t get into a big argument!”

There’s travelling: “Flying isn’t so much fun anymore.”

There’s food: “I hope I don’t gain a ton of weight!”

And of course, there’s parties: “He go SO drunk last year!!”

Anyone of these by themselves or in any combination can make us crazy. So how do we stay sane during the holidays?

The key to remaining sane during the holidays.

Stay awake! That’s the key. By that, I mean stay conscious and aware of what’s going on within you and without you. Understand that in your journey through the holiday season there will be situations that trigger emotions, reactions and responses. Stay connected to how you are feeling, observe the story you are telling, and be aware of what you are thinking. With this kind of awareness,  you can make powerful choices that serve you and help you stay sane during the holiday season.

For example, say you feel sad during the holidays. That’s a good thing to be aware of: “I have a tendency to feel sad during the holidays.” Accept that about you, but don’t make it mean anything other than you’re a human with emotions. Making up a story about it would be ” I’m such a terrible person for feeling sad during the holidays.” Don’t do that!

Perhaps you can take some quiet time to explore these feelings and bring awareness to them, maybe by journaling or sharing your feelings with someone you trust. Why do you feel sad? Perhaps you lost someone at the holidays. Maybe you feel lonely at the holidays. Allow yourself to feel and give yourself permission to express those feelings. Stay present and understand that it’s ok to feel sad.Then make a conscious choice. You may choose to have a good cry. Or, you may decide that you are going to spend as much time as you can with people you like and love.

Insanity during the holidays comes from not wanting to deal with what is. Remaining sane during the holidays means looking at what is squarely in the eye and making a choice as to how to deal with it. For example: “I hate that the holidays are so commercialized!” But the fact is that they are commercialized and that you are the hater! Choose to do your holidays in a way that is meaningful and significant for you.

Another example is insane stress during the holidays. You must first have an awareness that this isn’t working for you anymore. Then acknowledge your ability to choose your holiday experience.  It could be as simple as getting more sleep, taking supplements or not letting your exercise program fall by the way side. It could be a choice not to over commit your time or energy. Or it could be the decision to do all your shopping online or not shop at all.

Take some time now to be aware of:

  • What staying sane during the holidays would look like for you
  • Who you really want to be with during the holidays
  • What  you really want to do during the holidays

In addition, get clear about:

  • Where you are not sane during the holidays every year
  • Expectations that are thwarted every year
  • People that are not healthy for you to be around during the holidays

Then decide what you’re going to do to have the holiday experience you want and DO IT.

To stay sane during the holidays always remember that it’s YOUR holiday movie. You get to direct it and say who’s in it and how the story goes or not even make a holiday movie. It’s up to you to make it something you enjoy sitting through.

Ted

p.s. Need some help staying sane during the holidays? Click here to contact me for a free phone consultation.