You Have a Lot to Offer, Why Are You Hiding Out? – Episode 456

We all have something to offer our families, jobs and communities. But if we don’t believe this, then we will hide out and not even try. We’ll hide our light under a basket so that no one gets to benefit from it.

It’s a tragedy, that so many of us discount our value, invalidate our worth, and hide our brilliance and contribution from the world. But what if we truly adopted and cultivated the belief that we are here for a reason? That we are here to make a contribution that no one else on the planet can make in the same way? In this episode, Ted explores the question of why so many of us hide our greatness.

 

 

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I had a job when I was at the university of Arizona at the cookie counter in one of the student union restaurants called the Fiddley Fig (if you can believe it), baking cookies and selling them. I worked with Heather, a young student who was grouchy a lot of the time. Yet, she was wonderful with the customers. She made them laugh and talked them up, but as soon as they were gone, she’d go back to being grouchy. One day, I was sitting in the restaurant taking a lunch break when a woman passed me who had just bought some cookies and knew I worked there. She looked at me and said, “I sure do love that girl that works at the counter, she’s so wonderful.”

So, when I got back from my lunch break, I told Heather what the lady said. She scowled and said she didn’t believe me and then called me a word starting with A and ending with hole.

The next day, as I was coming into work, I saw the same lady who bought the cookies the day before. I stopped her and I told her that Heather didn’t believe me when I related to her what the lady had said. I asked her if she would salvage my integrity and tell Heather what she had told me. A few minutes later, as I started my shift, the lady came up to buy some cookies, and said to Heather “I just wanted to let know that I really did tell your co-worker that I think you are wonderful, and you have such a great smile and I love coming here and buying cookies from you!” Heather mumbled a thank you, and after the lady left, she asked to take a break. As she walked out of the cookie counter, I could see that she was crying a bit.

Heather changed that day. She continued to be great with the customers, but from that day on, she became a lot more pleasant to us and a lot less surly and grouchy. In fact, she started taking better care of herself and her appearance. I guess she just needed someone to tell her that she had something to offer.

While I was attending my all-boy’s high school, I was kind of shy around women. One day I was talking to a girl that I knew and was comfortable with.

We started talking about one of her friends and I happened to mention that I liked her friend and that I wished I could go talk to her. She asked me why I didn’t. I said that I wasn’t very good at talking to girls and that I would embarrass myself.

She tilted her head to one side and looked right at me and said “That’s not true at all. You are a great conversationalist. Not only that but you are respectful and not boastful or obnoxious. I find it very pleasant to speak with you.”

No one had ever told me that before. Because of my belief that I wasn’t good at talking to girls, I was always hiding out in some corner at the dance. After that day, I changed a bit as well.

One of the ways that I changed is that I always looked for an opportunity to point out to people the things I liked about them, and the things they had to offer. I saw the impact that these kind words had had on Heather and me, and so I wanted my words to have the same impact on others. And often, when I would tell people how cool or wonderful or awesome I thought they were, if they didn’t look at me like I was crazy, they would tear up just a bit.

In my hypnotherapy practice, I’ll often ask my clients to tell me what is great about them. Some simply can’t come up with anything and others start to cry. What is it about acknowledging what we bring to the table that is so triggering for so many people?

Of course, it’s the programming: what we were told by ourselves and others when we were young sent the message that we were somehow deficient or lacking or not enough.

I believe that we all have something to offer our families, jobs and communities. But if we don’t believe this, then we will hide out and not even try. To use a Biblical reference, we’ll hide our light under a bushel basket so that no one gets to benefit from it.

What if we truly adopted and cultivated the belief that we are here for a reason? That we are here to make a contribution that no one else on the planet can make in the same way? Everyone seems to think these days that if

you’re not a big deal on social media or some kind of influencer on Tik Tok then you’re nothing.

There is always an opportunity to make a difference in big and small ways.

It’s a tragedy really, that so many of us discount our value, invalidate our worth, and hide our brilliance and contribution from the world. The bigger tragedy, of course, is that we are all deprived of the fullness that each of us can offer.

When I started my practice in 2003, I was earnest and enthusiastic about the idea of transformation and how I was going to help so many people. But the reality is that change is hard. It takes commitment and work. I have at times found myself cynical and resigned regarding the ability of people to change. There have been many times when I was socializing with people outside of work, and someone would be talking about a challenge or problem that they were dealing with, and instead of giving a suggestion or giving them something to think about, or even just suggesting a book or resource, I just sat there nodding my head.

I’m careful about coming across as a know it all, or offering unsolicited advice, but I could have said something that might have made a difference, even if there was pushback such as was the case with my experience with Heather. After all, I’ve been working with clients for 20 years as a hypnotherapist and coach in private practice. Why would I hide out and not offer something that might be helpful, at the very least to see if they were receptive?

I think part of the reason is that we seem so scared now to speak up. We’re so concerned about offending someone because so many people are looking for offence. We’re so hunkered down in our own little opinion bubbles, and the last thing we want to do is start an argument. We’re all so proud and stubborn and walled off, it seems to me. Many of us have become cynical and resigned, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Maybe you’re someone who is out there doing good work and making a great impact and doing everything you can do. Good for you. Maybe you’re someone

who really isn’t interested in offering anything to anybody and all you want to do is keep your head down and be ok with hiding out. Hey, I get it, that’s your choice and we all get to live the way we want to live.

But maybe, just maybe, you know that you can do more, offer more and give more. Maybe you know that you are hiding out and that bothers you because it’s unfulfilling. I believe that there is pattern, flow and purpose in life that needs to express itself through us just as an oak tree is expressed from an acorn. It’s built into us and if we feel it but try to stop it or hide from it, we get stunted in our growth.

So, if you know you have a lot to offer but you also know that to some extent you’re hiding out, then here is what I suggest:

Take an inventory of your talents, skills and abilities. Write them down and get clear about what you can offer to the world.

I’ve been playing guitar and singing since I was in grade school. Recently I was asked to bring my guitar to a family reunion. I played songs that I’ve been playing for my family for years. People loved it and were so happy and joyful to hear and sing along with all the old songs. I’d forgotten how much it mattered to my family to play music and sing. It made me happy to do it.

Look at your family, job or community. Is there a need for what you have? Is there a fit? Can you offer your time or skill or volunteer? Can you provide a contribution and be part of the solution? Do you see something that can be made better or fixed and you know you can fix it? Don’t give up just because someone pooh-poohs your idea. Don’t get pissed off or resentful. You can’t change everything. But what can you change? Start with yourself.

Look at what’s holding you back? Is there fear? Of course there is. Has there been rejection in the past? Are you feeling cynical and resigned? How can you get over it?

It’s risky, I know. You might not do it right, they might not like it, it might be too much hassle or work, or it might not be worth the time and trouble to come out of hiding. I get it. But what if you did do it right? What if they did like it?

What if the hassle or work or time or trouble was worth the feeling that you are doing something that matters? I mean, what else is there?

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If this is something you want to explore in the context of hypnotherapy and coaching, request a complimentary consultation at https://tedmoreno.com.  We’ll talk and see what’s up and how we can work together.

Here’s a quote I’m sure you’ve heard before and it is truly one of the most powerful quotes I have ever heard.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

That’s Marianne Williamson.

Thanks for reading and take care.

Ted