Choose: What It Is, What It Ain’t

Today’s post is by guest author James Gabriel. James is a fellow participant in a seminar I am taking called “Living Passionately”.

Choice

Choice begins before dawn’s crack for some and right at for others, and I choose mine to be long after that. There are times when I must wake in the morning darkness and head off to the institution that is my job, because another person has set me to do so and though this is arduous and somewhat painful I choose it.

I’m up and I shower because I choose cleanliness though I choose not to put myself together as best I could because I am groggy from waking so early and choosing this damn job that I’m off to. Of course I chose to stay up surfing the web last night rather than try to go to bed at a time which is too early per my usual time. So by this choice I am in pain.

I choose my pain.

I step out of the shower and glance in the mirror at my nakedness. This is a result of choices made for a number of years when the yummy was chosen over the healthy, lethargy over activity and television over exercise. All choices, all made by me.

I dress and at work I live in choice. I choose this job every minute that does not fulfill or stimulate me. I choose to placate people who attempt to demean and casually I mention this other institution that helped me deal, it’s called Landmark and they sometimes ask and they sometimes do not and I choose it all.

My finances are not where I imagine they should be because of choices I made of irresponsibility in the past, but it is clear that my belt can tighten and I can choose a way out.

I choose though I feel like I am chewing on glass and smiling.

I choose though it tastes like it has been regurgitated once before.

I choose debt and credit.

I choose to be single and lonely rather than lie to myself and someone else.

I choose until it becomes the little voice which I have been taught to ignore and I get confused.

I choose this because there has been something elusive and hidden from my view and the more I choose the more I begin to see options because the more I choose the more I know I am going to have to choose it tomorrow and the next day. I am choosing into my future.

I leave work choosing it. I carry this weight and I am choosing it. I have my life and I am choosing it. I see the future and the choices I am making now and choose not to continue choosing this. Tomorrow I may have too, but today, is opportunity.

I choose a salad for dinner and I choose an activity because this is my body and I choose it.

I choose to pursue my writing because I do not choose this job for my future though I will choose it tomorrow. I choose to look for opportunities today.

I choose to abandon my writing for an hour and choose to write this about choice because I am committed to writing things that enlighten and inspire. This is my choice, this is my life and I choose to remove things that do not serve it.

I choose everything

as it is what it is

and it ain’t what it ain’t.

But it could be

What I see

If I choose

For it will be

But it occurs

That it should be

What I believe

It to be

If I woulda

If I coulda

Then I should

And I still can

    Create myself

As something I choose

Rather than circumstance

Choose for me.

James Gabriel is a native of southern California.  He has  five completed novels, several dozen short stories and over a thousand prose and poems. His style is an amalgam of horror, science fiction, sarcastic humor, and politically surreal existentialism. The ‘everyman’ characters he creates tend to move, enlighten, inspire and sometimes disturb readers and listeners to his prose and poetry. Check him out at www.readjamesgabriel.com.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks using the buttons below.

Your companion on the path to transformation,

TMan