Of the all the things that I hear in my office this is the most common: “One part of me wants this, and another part of me wants that…” Usually one part is unhappy with the other part because it’s not doing what the first part wants it to do, like quit smoking or get more motivated to exercise. Can you relate? I can.
We’re all trying to get our wants and needs met, but first we need to be clear about what they are. Otherwise, we can become crabby, irritable, unhappy and downright nasty. That’s when people start telling us things like “Wow, you sure are being a nasty witch today!” or “Man, why are you such a freaking ogre today?” Well, maybe not in those exact words. Sometimes we can’t even put a finger on why we are irritable or crabby. That’s a sign it’s time to give yourself some time to yourself.
Most of us are a collection of many different wants, needs and desires pulling us in many different directions. If you throw job and family responsibilities into the mix, things can get pretty complicated. It’s easy to avoid thinking about something within us that needs attention until we can no longer ignore it. In my opinion, many people have no clue who they are because they’ve never spent much time with themselves.
Taking time for you, and being with yourself, can be one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself because it results in self knowledge.
It’s a way to honor yourself as well as your wants and needs, and to get clear about what those are. This is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.
If you are in a relationship such as marriage, that relationship grows out of time spent with each other. Even if you have kids, an effort needs to be made to nurture that relationship. In the same way, its necessary to develop a relationship with yourself by spending time doing something you enjoy.
Of course, we all have responsibilities; things we need to do and places we need to be. The idea of taking time to yourself might appear to be impossible, if not downright ridiculous and unnecessary.
Yet, the whole idea of transformation involves moving towards freedom and away from constraint. To be free means you have a choice. A choice as to who you want to be and what you want to do. However, it’s easy to get caught up in being who you think you should be according to someone else’s standards.
In last week’s post I talked about how we can become zombies from overwhelm and can become like the walking dead. Never taking time for yourself to do what you enjoy or like to do, can result in irritability, stress, tension and becoming difficult to live with, for yourself as well as others.
I have a wife and kids. These are relationships that need time and attention, lots of it. My relationship with myself also needs time and attention. Most of the time I get along with me but sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I’m critical of me or downright mean to me or careless with me. It can get so bad that I end up not liking myself very much. Ever been there?
It’s better to be your own best friend. If you’re upset with your friend, and that relationship is important, then you’ll eventually want to have a conversation with that friend, resolve whatever it is that’s coming between you. But first you need to spend time with that friend.
Ideas for hanging out with yourself (and being cool with it.)
- Learn to be comfortable with yourself, learn to enjoy your own company. Not so easy if you’re not used to it. The constant need to be with others can an addiction. It can be a distraction from what ails you deep inside.
- Take a walk, read a book, go to a park or museum. This is time to rejuvenate and calm your mind. It might mean taking a day off of work.
- Journaling is a very powerful way to be with yourself, to get intimate with your thoughts and feelings.
- Hypnotherapy is one very effective way to get present to what’s going on in your head and in your life. Talking to a friend, priest or counselor is also time you give to yourself to explore your inner life, which is the most important part of your life, because all else is a reflection of that inner life.
- Exercise, yoga and mindfulness practices like meditation are other ways.
- Taking yourself out to dinner. Take a drive just to drive and listen to music.
In our busy world, most people will not do this until crisis occurs, then taking time might be a short stay in the hospital. It doesn’t have to come to that. Give yourself what you need on a regular basis and you will notice that not only will people want to spend more time with you, but you’ll be happier with yourself. Then you only need to be an ogre or witch at Halloween.
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Your Companion on the Path to Transformation,
TManTed A. Moreno Personal/Small Business Coach Certified Hypnotherapist Specializing in Your Success www.TedMoreno.com (626) 826-0612 Photo by Skye Moorhead. www.SkyMoorhead.com