Why You Can’t Sleep and What You Can Do About It – Episode 511

I’ll just say this right up front, I sleep really, really well.

I know. You might hate me a little right now.

People have told me I must have a clear conscience. And honestly? I’ll take it.

But here’s the thing — in my hypnotherapy practice, I hear about sleep problems constantly. Clients come to me for all kinds of issues — stress, anxiety, weight loss, confidence, and almost without fail. Somewhere in the conversation, they mention that they’re not sleeping well.

And I get it. Sleep deprivation is no joke. When you’re not sleeping well, everything is harder. Everything feels worse. And the world seems like a much more difficult place than it actually is.

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Ted in Your Head · Why You Can't Sleep and What You Can Do About It – Episode 511

 

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So today, we’re going to talk about sleep. Why it matters so much, what gets in the way, and, most importantly, what you can do about it.

In my recent podcasts, I’ve been focusing on what I call the “epidemic of overwhelm” or the trance of modern life.

I’ve talked about how blood sugar can impact us, why meditation is so great for having a calm, clear mind, and my last podcast was on how to create a perfect day.

This one’s for everyone who lies awake at night staring at the ceiling, wondering why their brain suddenly wants to replay every awkward moment from the last ten years.

You know who you are.

Let’s dive in.

Why Sleep Matters

Let me start by saying something that I think most of us intellectually know but don’t always take seriously:

Sleep is not a luxury. It’s a biological necessity.

It’s right up there with air, food, and water. And yet so many of us treat it like it’s optional. Like it’s something we’ll get around to when everything else is done.

Spoiler alert: everything else is never done.

Here’s something fascinating about what happens when you sleep. During the day, your mental and emotional energy gets attached to everything you experience: every conversation, every problem, every frustration, every joy. At night, your mind goes to work sorting through all of it. Think of it like going through your mail. Some things get filed away for later. The junk gets thrown out. And your mind works to recover that mental and emotional energy so you have it available for the next day.

That’s why when you wake up after a really good night’s sleep, you feel refreshed — not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too. Your mind did its job.

And when you don’t sleep well? That process gets disrupted. You wake up still carrying yesterday’s emotional baggage, without the energy to deal with today’s.

Here’s a simple but sobering fact: miss just ten percent of your normal sleep, and research suggests you’ll be about ten percent less effective the next day. That might not sound like a lot, but string a few of those nights together and you’re operating at significantly reduced capacity.

The effects of poor sleep are real and they’re serious.

We’re talking about irritability, anxiety, weight gain, poor immune function, reduced work performance, impaired decision-making, and in extreme cases — falling asleep at the wheel.

I’ve got to tell you, sometimes when I see a one car accident, like they’ve gone off the road or something like that, I often wonder if they were sleep deprived.

According to the Mayo Clinic, more than one-third of adults experience insomnia at some point. And ten to fifteen percent deal with chronic, long-term insomnia.

That’s a lot of tired people out there.

What’s Keeping You Awake?

What’s behind all this sleeplessness?

Well, there are quite a few possible culprits.

Some sleep problems are connected to health conditions — things like chronic pain, depression, anxiety, acid reflux, hormonal changes like menopause, or medications that interfere with sleep. If you suspect something medical is going on, please talk to your doctor. That’s important.

But for many people, the causes are more lifestyle-related. Things like:

• Big one.
• Eating too late at night. Also a big one.
• Drinking alcohol before bed — and yes, I know it feels like it helps you relax, but I’ll get to that in a minute.
• Caffeine
• Jet lag
• Changes in your work schedule.
• And probably, one of the biggest reasons why people can’t fall asleep or stay asleep: they are in the “fight or flight” response which is that state of physiological alertness that kicks in when your nervous system thinks there’s a threat nearby. Also called hypervigilance.

Remember: your nervous system doesn’t always know the difference between a real threat and a stressful triggering email.

And here’s something worth keeping in mind as we get older: aging naturally affects sleep quality. Sleep tends to become lighter as we age, which means we wake up more easily and more often. That’s normal. But it doesn’t mean you just have to accept poor sleep.

Now, let’s talk about the number one reason people tell me they can’t fall asleep.

Are you ready?

They can’t turn off their brain.

Sound familiar?

You lie down, close your eyes, and suddenly your mind is off to the races. Replaying conversations. Planning tomorrow. Worrying about things you have absolutely no control over at eleven o’clock at night. Solving, or rather, attempting to solve, major life problems with your head on the pillow.

That’s actually a terrible time to solve problems. Your brain is tired. Your perspective is limited. And all you’re doing is creating an association between your bed and stress.

Your bed should be associated with sleep and not with worry. Not with dread. Not with your mental to-do list.

Setting Yourself Up for Good Sleep

Okay, so let’s talk about what you can actually do to get better sleep.

And I want to start before you even get into bed, because setting yourself up for a good night’s sleep really begins earlier in the day.

Watch your caffeine intake.

I know this is not exactly revolutionary advice, but it bears repeating. If I have coffee after about four in the afternoon, I notice it in my sleep. Some people are even more sensitive. Pay attention to your own body. Some people sleep better by cutting out caffeine entirely. See what works for you.

Watch what you eat — and when.

Heavy meals, rich foods, and spicy dishes close to bedtime can keep you up. Try to finish eating at least two to three hours before bed. On the other hand — and this surprises some people — certain folks actually wake up in the middle of the night because their blood sugar drops too low. If that’s you, a small protein snack before bed can help. I’m talking about a little cheese, a few almonds, some yogurt. Not a ribeye at ten-thirty. A light snack.

Be careful with alcohol.

I know, I know. A glass of wine feels relaxing. And it might help you fall asleep initially. But the sugar in alcohol can actually disrupt your sleep later in the night, causing you to wake up or sleep less deeply. If you’re having sleep problems, it’s worth paying attention to how alcohol affects your sleep specifically.

Exercise — but not too late.

Regular exercise is genuinely great for sleep. It releases tension and stress from the body. But try to finish your workout at least three to four hours before bedtime. Vigorous exercise right before bed can actually stimulate you and keep you awake. Keep it gentle if you’re exercising in the evening — some light stretching is actually perfect.

Quit smoking if you smoke.

Nicotine is a stimulant. Enough said.

Your Nighttime Routine

Now let’s talk about what happens as you’re getting ready for bed. This is what sleep experts call “sleep hygiene” and it matters more than most people realize.

Start by turning off the screens.

This one is huge. The blue light emitted by phones, tablets, computers, and televisions signals your brain that it’s daytime. It suppresses melatonin, which is the hormone that helps you fall asleep. Try to power down your screens at least thirty minutes before bed. I know that sounds hard. I know you want to scroll. But your sleep will thank you.

Skip the news.

The local news at eleven o’clock is basically a highlight reel of everything alarming that happened today. Murders, disasters, things to be afraid of. That is not how you want to prime your brain for sleep. You can catch up on the news tomorrow. The world will still be there.

Write things down.

One of the most effective things you can do before bed is get the contents of your busy brain out of your head and onto paper. Journal. Make a list. Plan out the next day — put things into actual time slots. When your mind knows the next day is handled, it tends to relax. There’s less of that background hum of “I need to remember this” keeping you awake.

Create a relaxing bedtime routine.

Your body loves routine. When you do the same things in the same order every night, you’re essentially sending a signal to your nervous system: it’s time to wind down. This might look like: a warm shower, some light stretching, brushing your teeth, reading a physical book, not on a screen, and turning off the lights. Whatever works for you. The key is consistency.

Keep your room comfortable.

Your body temperature naturally decreases when you sleep. A cool room — somewhere around sixty-five to sixty-eight degrees for most people — helps facilitate that process. Keep your room dark. Use blackout curtains or a sleep mask if needed. If noise is an issue: a snoring partner, traffic, a neighbor’s dog who has apparently never heard of sleep, consider earplugs or a white noise machine.

And please, make sure your mattress and pillow are actually comfortable. If you’re waking up with back pain or a stiff neck, that is a clue. A good mattress is one of the best investments you can make in your health. I can’t believe what I paid for my mattress and it was 50% off. But it is worth every penny.

Watch what you do in your bedroom.

This one is really important and often overlooked. Be mindful of the associations you’re creating in your bedroom. If you watch the news in bed, your brain connects your bed with stress. If you have tense financial conversations with your partner in bed, your brain connects your bed with conflict. If you pay bills in bed or do work in bed — I’ve heard it all — your brain is going to have a hard time knowing that bed means sleep.

There are only two things you should do in bed and one of them is sleep. Use your bedroom for sleep. Keep it a sanctuary. If you can’t fall asleep within about fifteen to twenty minutes, get up. Go to another room. Do something quiet and calm until you feel drowsy again. Then come back to bed.

Avoid long naps.

If you need a nap, keep it short. Twenty minutes is ideal. A long nap during the day can make it harder to fall asleep at night. And try not to fall asleep on the couch in the evening. You’ll sleep poorly, you’ll have to drag yourself to bed, maybe you’ll need to turn on the lights to change or brush your teeth, and that little bit of sleep might be just enough to keep you wide awake when you actually want to sleep.

Establish a regular sleep schedule.

Go to bed at the same time. Get up at the same time. Even on weekends, if you can manage it. Your body has a natural internal clock, and when you work with it instead of against it, sleep becomes much easier. Think of it as conditioning yourself; you’re teaching your body when it’s time to sleep and when it’s time to wake up.

And know how much sleep you personally need. Most adults need seven to eight hours. But some people do fine on six. Some people really need nine. Pay attention to how you feel. Not how tired you are after one bad night — but how you feel when you’re consistently getting a certain amount of sleep.

When You Can’t Fall Back Asleep

Okay, so what do you do when you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep?

First — and this is important — try not to freak out about it.

I know. Easier said than done. But getting anxious and frustrated about not sleeping is one of the fastest ways to make sure you definitely don’t sleep. The stress response kicks in, your mind starts racing, and now you’re lying there thinking about the fact that you’re not sleeping, which makes sleeping even harder.

Here’s something that might actually help: there’s research suggesting that sleeping in one long continuous eight-hour block is not necessarily how humans have always slept. Historically, waking in the middle of the night was common and normal. So if you wake up, try not to catastrophize it.

Keep the lights low. Don’t turn on the TV or your phone. Stay out of your head — avoid the temptation to start running through your problems.

Instead, try some calming techniques. Deep breathing. Slow, intentional breathing activates your parasympathetic nervous system — your body’s “rest and digest” mode. Try breathing in for four counts, holding for four, and breathing out for six to eight counts.

You can also try visualization — imagine yourself in your favorite peaceful place. A beach. A forest. Your grandmother’s kitchen if that’s what feels safe and calm to you.

Count backwards from 100. Slowly. It sounds almost too simple, but it gives your mind something to focus on besides your problems.

Pray, meditate, repeat a mantra. Whatever aligns with your beliefs and your practice. Positive affirmations about sleep are good as well.

And if you genuinely need to get up, keep the lights low, do something quiet — read a physical book, sit quietly — and try lying down again after twenty to thirty minutes.

Just please don’t try to be productive at two in the morning. There’s actually research suggesting that if you consistently get up and do things in the middle of the night, your brain will start waking you up on purpose to get stuff done. That is not the habit you want to build.

Now, there is a great technique called Cognitive Shuffling. Cognitive shuffling is a science-backed sleep technique designed to quiet a racing mind by occupying it with random, thoughts and images. Instead of trying to force your brain to go blank, this method gently distracts your mind and mimics the natural, dream-like state your brain enters when falling asleep. You can do a search for cognitive shuffling or you can click here to get more information.

How Hypnotherapy Can Help

Now, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention something that I find genuinely fascinating in my practice.

Clients come to me for all kinds of reasons — quitting smoking, managing stress, building confidence, overcoming fears. And one of the things I hear regularly is that after their very first hypnotherapy session, they had one of the best nights of sleep they’d had in a long time.

Better sleep is very often a natural side effect of hypnosis.

And when it comes to insomnia specifically, hypnotherapy can be very effective — particularly for the mental and emotional components of sleep problems. If your sleeplessness is rooted in anxiety, racing thoughts, or the inability to relax, hypnotherapy can help address those patterns at the subconscious level.

Think about it this way: if your mind has learned to associate bedtime with stress and worry, hypnotherapy can help you create new associations: ones that support relaxation, calm, and sleep.

If you’re curious about that, I’ll tell you in a moment how to reach out to me so we can have a conversation about whether it might be a good fit for you.

Alright, let’s bring it home.

Sleep is one of the most important things you can do for your health, your mental well-being, your relationships, and your performance in every area of life. It is not optional. It is not a sign of laziness. It is a biological necessity.

And the good news is — for most people, with some awareness and some intentional changes — sleep can get significantly better.

Start with one or two things from today’s episode. Maybe it’s cutting off caffeine earlier. Maybe it’s turning off the screens at night. Maybe it’s starting a simple journaling practice before bed. Pick something and try it consistently for a week.

I’ll leave you with a few of my favorite quotes on sleep.

“A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.” — Irish Proverb

“Happiness consists of getting enough sleep. Just that, nothing more.” — Robert Heinlein

And my personal favorite: “The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep.” — E. Joseph Cossman

Thanks for listening to the Ted in Your Head podcast. If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use a better night’s sleep.

You can watch this on video here at YouTube. And if you want to watch me in action, doing hypnotherapy with a flight attendant who has insomnia, click here.

You can find me at TedMoreno.com where you can learn more about hypnotherapy and reach out for a complimentary consultation.

Good night, everyone. Sleep well.

And until next time — remember: your mind is powerful. Use it on purpose and take care of yourself because the world needs the best version of you.