Please Don’t Rip Me Off

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You wouldn’t steal from someone, would you? Would you rip someone off by breaking into their house and stealing their stuff? If you’re reading this, probably not.  Consider, however that there is more than one way to “rip someone off”. I heard something recently that made me realize this. Read more

Are You A DIY? Attend my Self Hypnosis Class Starting 10/23 at PCC

 

If you are a DIY (Do It Yourselfer) then you might be interested in taking my Self Hypnosis for Success Class at PCC starting October 23rd and continuing for the next three Saturdays: October 30th and November 6th from 9 am to 10:30 am. Click here to register!

All hypnosis is self hypnosis, so in this class you’ll learn to use this valuable tool to address a variety of concerns including: overcoming bad habits such as procrastination, gaining confidence, increasing motivation, releasing limiting beliefs and business success. We’ll cover what hypnosis is and isn’t, how to do a hypnotic induction on yourself, crafting suggestions and how to put it all together to reprogram your subconsious mind for success in just a few minutes a day.

You’ll receive a course syllabus as well as my Guide to Self Hypnosis and my Self Hypnosis Conditioning CD, which also includes my studio produced “Peaceful Place” relaxation track as an added bonus.

This will be the third time I’m offering this class, and so far I’ve recieved great response. Here are some comments from the course evaluations I received from the  class held in January 2010:

  • Ted is very knowledgable and enthusiastic about his field. It really helped me a lot.”
  • “It actually works!”
  • “Professional, organized and informative. The instructor was engaging and knew his subject well. I’m glad I took the course!”
  • “Clear and easy guidelines to follow. Instructor is knowledgable and well experienced.”
  • “Ted is dynamic and makes an effort to engage the students. The content was well delivered.”

Remember, you’re being hypnotized daily, through advertising, the media, and the people you spend time with. In addition, you’ve been hypnotized throughout your life to believe things about yourself and the world that may or may not work for you anymore. The good news is, you can take control of your own positive programming. If you have habits of thinking and behaving that are holding you back from the success and happiness that you want, then you can learn to use the power of your own mind to change. Click here to register!

If you’re not interested in learning self-hypnosis but believe that hypnosis can be of help to you, give me a call and I’ll give you a free half hour consultation to discuss how you can benefit from working with me as your hypnotherapist or personal/small business coach. Call (626) 826-0612, email hypnosis@tedmoreno.com or click here.

A subconscious mind is a terrible thing to waste! Put it to work for you with self hypnosis. Click here to register.

Might Be The Hardest Thing You’ll Ever Learn

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHMS-db9s0M]

Chris Whitley, one of my favorite musical artists, does a cover of an old standard that I really like. The name of the song is “Nature Boy”.  (The video above is his version set to images of our soldiers serving overseas. It’s quite moving.) The last line of the song goes like this:

“The greatest thing
You’ll ever learn
Is just to love
And be loved
In return”

Loving, being loving, is not easy, and that’s an understatement. Being loved in return, being able to accept love, might be just as difficult for some.  But  to be able to fully love and be loved in return, you must learn what might be the most difficult thing you’ll ever learn, and that is to love yourself.

Mention “loving yourself ” in social conversation and you’ll either get snickers or an uncomfortable silence, depending on the company you keep.  The importance of self-love is  like an iceberg, immense, yet so hidden. To ask the question “Do I love myself?” cuts deep down to our very perception of who and what we are. If we even get an inkling about the extent of our own self acceptance and self-love, it’s usually due to the lack of it.

And it’s no wonder. Self loathing is such an  epidemic in our modern culture, it’s almost fashionable. The Flawed Hero or Anti-Hero is our current popular icon. Dr. House, Jason Bourne, Dexter, Jack Bauer. Even Spiderman’s a nerd.

Yet, the fact remains, and it’s indisputable. You can only love another and accept love to the extent that you love and accept yourself.

What keeps us from loving and accepting ourselves? Many things.  Negative conditioning from the past, resentments against ourselves for past failures,  negative conditioning from the culture at large. Watch the news. Violence, war, death, murder, betrayal, dishonesty, cheating, lying, greed. It’s hard not to come away with the belief that people are terrible, and since I am people, I must be terrible. Do you see the subliminal programming taking place here?

So what do we do? How do we overcome any dislike, judgement or even loathing  for ourselves? How do we learn to love and  accept ourselves for who we are as well as who we are not?

Start by separating who you are from what you do. Here’s the thing that makes it so very difficult. You cannot base your love and acceptance of yourself on what you do. In other words, you can’t say “I love myself because I do good things.” That’s called conditional love. “I’ll love myself as long as I do good things”, implies that if I do a bad thing, it all goes out the window. Other examples:

  • I’ll love and accept myself as long as I’m winning.
  • I’ll love and accept myself as long as I’m kind and generous.
  • I’ll love and accept myself when I feel good about myself.
  • I’ll love and accept myself when there is someone around to tell me they love me.
  • I’ll love and accept myself when I ‘m doing it right, living up to my expectations, etc.

See the problem with these? Love and acceptance for yourself is not created in the conversation “I love and accept myself because of these reasons…” It comes out of the following conversation: 

“I love and accept myself for who I am: a being whose nature is to love, who is capable of love. I don’t need a reason to love and accept myself. I love myself because I choose to. Period.” Like I said, this may be the hardest thing you will ever learn. Sadly, many people never learn.

If I stand in the place of “I love and accept myself unconditionally”  then I have love to give and I am more aware of when I am not loving to others. I accept my humanity and the fact that I will screw up, make mistakes, hurt people. I can forgive myself, and thus,  have a greater capacity to forgive others. I see that when others are hurtful, petty and mean, that they are being challenged by their own self dislike, and then I can have compassion, because I have been there.

You might ask, “Should I love and accept myself if I am doing terrible things?”  I would suggest that if someone is doing terrible things they are doing it out of their own self loathing. If I have truly learned to love myself, then I honor myself.   To cheat you, to betray you, to inflict violence upon you, dishonors me, dishonors the highest ideal I hold for myself. That ideal is to be loving to all, starting with myself.

We will fall short of our ideal as humans do. Yet in my experience, it’s the inability to accept that we will fall short, and the judgement that results, that begins to extinguish the inner light of our own magnificence.

Keep your flame alive. Refuse to tear yourself down or beat yourself up. Forgive yourself or ask for forgiveness. Tell yourself  daily “I’m ok and doing the best I can.” Learn to love yourself and accept yourself while knowing that there is always room for improvement. The greatest things to learn are often the hardest.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

TMan

 Ted A. Moreno
Personal/Small Business Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist
Specializing in Your Success
www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       
 (626) 826-0612

Life is Hard but That Doesn’t Mean That You Suck.

One day many years ago, I was packing up my clothes to move out of a house that I had been renting with a girlfriend. We were breaking up and  I was deeply depressed. This scenario had happened all too often in my life, another failed relationship. The effort it took to pack up my stuff felt crushing and immense. At one point I sat on my bed, despondent,  and unable to continue.

Just at that moment the phone rang. It was a healer, an older woman who I had been seeing for some physical problems. Hearing the anguish in my voice, she asked me what was wrong.  I told her and finished with a pleading and desperate question: “This is not the first time this has happened, what is wrong with me?”

She said, “There is nothing wrong with you, dear.  We all have certain challenges that we must deal with. Life is hard sometimes, but you’ll get through this.” I did get through it, and I moved into a happier and more peaceful place, both literally and emotionally.

Life is hard sometimes.  But here’s the important thing to remember: Just because life is hard doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you.

There is a book by David Richo called The Five Things We Cannot Change ( and the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them.)  The five things are:

  1. Everything changes and ends.
  2. Things do not always go according to plan.
  3. Life is not always fair.
  4. Pain is a part of life.
  5. People are not loving and loyal all the time.

So much insanity and deep unhappiness comes from believing  that life should be different from what it is. And when it doesn’t turn out  the way we think it should, it’s easy to feel that we are completely to blame.  We can be so invested in “doing it right” and “looking good” that when we fall short of our own or other’s expectations we make it mean that there is something wrong with us, that we are no good, or that we are in need of fixing.

What does it mean when life is painful, when the plan falls apart, when people betray you? Well, first and foremost, it means you’re alive and probably human. It might also mean that there are things you need to learn. Better choices you need to make. More careful planning. Greater consideration about  who you decide to associate with. How do you learn this stuff? Well, mainly by screwing up. Life’s a joker, ain’t she?

I don’t feel too bad when my car breaks down and I’m unable to fix it on my own.  It’s not a skill I’ve acquired and I’m not really interested in learning.  But when the money is not coming in as fast as I want or need, the “I suck” conversation comes up pretty quick! But it doesn’t mean that I suck, it just means I need to learn more about creating wealth. I can be OK with that, and then make the choice to learn. But it’s hard to be OK with “I’m not earning what I think I should earn, so there must be something wrong with me”.

Once we accept that life is hard, once we accept and embrace the five things we cannot change, then the only question is “What am I going to do about it?” It’s a much better question than “What is wrong with me?” or “Why is this happening to me?”

Of course, you can always answer the question “What am I going to do about it?’ with “Nothing! That’s why I suck!” or I don’t know how.., I can’t.., I’m afraid..,It’s too hard… But these responses are not very empowering.

Let me suggest some powerful responses to the question “What am I going to do about it?” when life gets hard.

  • I’ll do what I can do.
  • I can’t do anything, so I’ll accept that this is going to be tough and I’ll just get tougher.
  • I can’t do anything, so I’ll just have myself a good cry and carry on.
  • Nothing. I choose powerfully to do nothing until I choose to do something. I’m willing to accept the consequences of doing nothing.
  • Who can I ask for help?
  • How can I learn to deal with this effectively?
  • A challenge! Cool. I love challenges.
  • What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.
  • Life is getting hard. Interesting. I’ll use this experience to: write my blog/song/book/paint my masterpiece/help other people going through what I’m going through. 
  • Are you kidding? I’m a frickin’ Master of the Universe! These puny challenges are nothing compared to the stuff that’s going to come up when I really get rolling.

Life will be hard sometimes regardless of what you believe about yourself. However, if deep down inside you carry the belief that you are up to dealing with life when it gets hard, then you can turn “Life is hard” into “That’s life”.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.

TMan

p.s. If you’re stuck out on the limb of “life is hard/there’s something wrong with me”, give me a call and I’ll talk you down with a free half hour phone coaching session.  (This is in line with the powerful response “Who can I ask for help?”) This offer is for the first five people who call or email.

 Ted A. Moreno
Personal/Small Business Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist
www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       
 (626) 826-0612

How Selfish Are You? Part II

Something has come to my attention lately that I find quite astonishing and frankly, disturbing. 

In fact, I’m not even sure how to write about this because it cuts pretty close to the bone for most people. 

What is astounding to me is the number of people I come across, not just in my practice but in the outside world, who don’t honor themselves. Either that, or they just plain don’t like themselves. They can’t hold themselves in high esteem. 

Now, they don’t usually come out and say “I don’t like myself”, or “I’m not worthy” but it is apparent by their actions. 

The don’t eat when they need to. They don’t get enough rest. The don’t do things for themselves. The don’t take care of their health. They don’t engage in activities that fill them up, instead of engaging in activities that are depleting. They have insane schedules. They refuse to reach out to others when they are troubled. The don’t give themselves credit. They tear themselves down. It’s almost an epidemic, at least in our culture. 

Now, I’m not immune to this epidemic. I’m feeling a little run down these days, a little wasted. I haven’t  been getting enough sleep, eating right, or getting enough exercise. Other things in my life seem to be higher on the list of priorities. I think I like myself and I think most people would say the same about themselves. Yet, I still let myself get out of balance. 

Now, you may not be one of these people. Good for you. Please continue to read and pass this along to someone you feel could benefit. 

But if you identify with any of this, then read on. (see my earlier post “How Selfish Are You Part I.) 

It seems to me that many people take better care of their cars than they do themselves. And  I think it’s safe to say that most people take better care of others than they do themselves. Why is that? 

Because we’ve been taught that it’s bad to be selfish.  

Let’s be clear about one thing, and you don’t need to be a psychologist, anthropologist or sociologist to see the truth of this: we are all basically selfish. It’s the human condition. Everything we do, we do in an attempt to satisfy some kind of physical, emotional or spiritual need. And that’s OK. The question is, can we be ok with that fact? 

Now, please understand, I’m not advocating that you forego all the kind and generous things you do for others to focus only on your needs. What I am suggesting is that there needs to be a balance. 

If you have something extremely valuable, let’s say for instance, a pet, then you will go out of your way to care for it. Why? Because you realize it’s worth in your life and how it adds to your enjoyment of life. You feed it, bathe it, take it to the vet, give it love, and make sure it’s happy. For Pete’s sake, you even clean up it’s poop! 

Here’s what I think is the crux of the problem: most of us simply don’t realize our own value. And if we have some idea of our own value, we have a tendency not to honor it. Why are you valuable? In my opinion, it’s because you were born. I think that because of that fact, you have something to offer here in this life, and life is waiting for your contribution, or  already benefitting from it. 

Is that true? Well, let me suggest that whether it’s true or not doesn’t matter.  It’s simply a really good place to stand. Stand in the place of “I am valuable and have something to offer and I should take the best care of myself that I possibly can so I can do what I came here to do.” It’s the declaration of your own value and self-worth that will help you to do the things that a person of value will do. 

If you are valuable, then you deserve the best of care. Because you have something to offer your family, as well as  your community, both local and global, than you must be up to offering your unique contribution. And to be up for that you need to be at your best, giving yourself what you need so that you can give to others.  

The first thing you should give to yourself is acceptance. Tell yourself “I’m ok. In spite of all the areas of my life where I perceive I fall short, I’m ok and doing the best that I can.” 

Being valuable, being worthy, and being ok doesn’t come from what you are doing. If you base your value and worthiness on what you are doing than you run the risk that what you are doing will never be good enough. 

Being valuable, worthy, and ok comes from saying that you are and believing it, then looking for areas in your life that support what you say. You will find them.

Let’s throw out the word selfish. How about Self Caring? Are you willing to be self care-ful? Full of care about yourself. 

Take care of yourself. We need you around. You have important work to do that only you can do. You may not feel that what you are doing is important but you don’t know what life is preparing you to do. Accept the fact that you are human and will make mistakes. Be your own best friend. Be kind to yourself in word, thought and deed. Accept yourself for who you are and who you are not. Read my weekly quote, which is one of my all time favorites. 

Don’t worry about doing it perfect. As the Buddha said on his deathbed, “Do your best”. 

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks. 

TMan 

Ted A. Moreno
Certified Hypnotherapist
Self Esteem Specialist
www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       

What Lies Dormant Within You?

360px-Snowed-in_tree_in_Hermiston

When I was living in Arizona, I tried to make it a point to come to Los Angeles every year at the holidays to see my family for three or four days. I’d stay at my parent’s house; the house in which I grew up.

During the day, both my folks would be at work, and since the other birds (my siblings) had long since flown the coop, there was just me hanging out.

I’m a person who enjoys solitude, so I always looked forward to that time. I would walk from room to room in my parents’ house,  looking at framed photos, thinking about all the time that had passed since I had left to be on my own. I’d think about my childhood, and people I’d lost touch with.  Sometimes I’d read, or play my guitar, or just sit and think in the quiet stillness.

One day I went out to the backyard to walk around and noticed one of the trees had completely lost all it’s leaves. All that remained were sticks. It looked dead. I remembered that the last time I had visited LA, in spring, it was big and full and had flowers on it. I wondered, “What’s  keeping it alive?” What was going in on there? It occurred to me that maybe the tree was like me, just kind of hanging out and being quiet for a while. A crazy thought occurred to me, that maybe the tree was reflecting on its life, in anticipation of the burst of energy that is Spring, in the revolving cycle of the seasons.

December 21st is the shortest day of the year, the winter Solstice. There’s that sense of dormancy, quiet, shutting down for a while. I think it serves us to take a cue from nature and do the same.

I invite and encourage you to take some quiet time to reflect over the past year and get in touch with what is possible for you in the future. Focus on the good stuff that happened to you.  Get a journal or some paper. Ask yourself some questions about the past year and write down the answers:

  • What challenges did you overcome?
  • What challenges stopped you?
  • What did you accomplish?
  • What remains left undone?
  • What did you learn?
  • What potential became real in your life?
  • Who have you become that you were not one year ago?

I think there’s great value in doing this. You can become present to your own self-development and growth.

But I think the most important question to ask yourself during this introspective time of year is this:

What lies dormant within me that is ready to awake?

See yourself as part of the cycle of the seasons. We all get our leaves stripped off of us at times. Sometimes we feel that we will be taken down by the winds of circumstance and change. But we can come back with renewed energy and life. It’s in our nature. Be at peace now with what happened over the past year. It’s done, it’s over. Take the seeds of growth that were given to you, take the lessons, the wisdom and the learning, plant them in your mind and move forward.

Get really clear about what you want  for your life. Maybe you are unsure, but as Les Brown suggests, tell yourself “It’s possible!” Everybody talks about taking massive action. For now, do some massive dreaming! Consider that what you thought wasn’t  possible for you in the past is no longer valid because you are not that person anymore. You have a whole year of new experiences, wisdom and learning. What are you ready for now that you weren’t ready for previously? How are you stronger and more prepared to take something on, to be more engaged with life, to play a bigger, more confident game? I guarantee you that there is something: writing a book, learning an instrument, learning a language, stepping into a new relationship or recreating an existing one,  a new job, greater health, prosperity, happiness. Discover it. You may have to dig a little in some cold and frozen soil but it’s there.  It’s waiting.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.

Dedicated to helping you move to your next level of greatness,

TMan

 Ted A. Moreno
Personal/Small Business Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist
www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       
 (626) 826-0612