Stop It! 43 Things To Stop Doing NOW

  1. Stop saying “I hate _.” That makes you a hater.
  2. Stop acting like you’re the only one with problems.
  3. Stop complaining to people that can’t do anything about it. They don’t want to hear.
  4. Stop complaining if nothing can be done about it.
  5. Just stop complaining, already!
  6. Stop wishing that what is, isn’t and that what isn’t, is. Deal with what is real.
  7. Stop watching so much television.
  8. Stop calling yourself bad names. You are what you say you are.
  9. Stop comparing yourself and your situation to others. Compare and despair.
  10. Stop buying crap you don’t need.
  11. Stop equating your self worth with your net worth.
  12. Stop  caring what other people think about you. Most of the time, it’s none of your business.
  13. Stop trying to get more done in less time. Life is not about doing.
  14. Stop being so attached to who’s in what political office. Most of the time, it doesn’t matter.
  15. Stop acting and talking like your favorite celebrity or tv character.
  16. Stop caring about what happens to Kim, Lindsay, Justin, JayLo, or any other celebrity. You have more important things to worry about.
  17. Stop worrying so much.
  18. Stop believing everything you hear.
  19. Stop believing everything you read.
  20. Stop believing everything you see.
  21. Stop believing everything you think.

  22. Stop pretending you don’t care about that thing that you say you don’t care about. Because you do care.
  23. Stop wanting today to pass quicker than it is going to. That just makes it take longer.
  24. Stop believing that it’s either this or that, black or white, right or wrong. It all depends on who you are, where you are and what year it is.
  25. Stop eating so much junk.
  26. Stop being so mean to your beautiful body. Yes, you.
  27. Stop arguing for your limitations.
  28. Stop believing that there is nothing you can do about it. There is always something you can do about it.
  29. Stop believing that what always was will always be.
  30. Stop saying that you will try. Yoda said “Do or do not. There is no try.”
  31. Stop trying to change people. Change yourself instead.
  32. Stop believing that God is interested in punishing you. She told me last week that you’re good at doing that all by yourself.
  33. Stop thinking that you deserve to be punished.
  34. Stop shoulding all over yourself.
  35. Stop being so fearful. Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.
  36. Stop pretending that you have nothing to offer or contribute. If you’re still above ground, then you do.
  37. Stop being so afraid of other people. They are just you in a different body.
  38. Stop hanging out with people that want to keep you down. “It’s hard to soar like an eagle when you are running around with pigeons.” -Les Brown
  39. Stop holding back what you need to say. It’s bad for digestion.
  40. Stop holding on to your stuff so tightly. It’s making you constipated.
  41. Stop worrying about money. That’s why you don’t have more.
  42. Stop worrying that people will find out how smart, talented, gifted, funny, weird, nerdy, sentimental, warm and fuzzy and what a freak of nature you are. It takes all types, and it’s all good, my friend.
  43. Stop hiding your light under a basket. We need it now more than ever.

p.s. Don’t believe anything I’ve written here. 


Want to hear the podcast version of this? Go to


Are You Ready for Change?

ready for change?

Are you ready for change? You’d better be. Because it’s coming like a locomotive and if you’re not ready, you’ll get run over.

I remember when we went from rotary dial to push button, then to cordless. I got my first cell phone in 2005.

I remember using lps, (long playing records) to 8 track, to cassette, to CD, to iPod.

Those changes were easy, and fun.

Other changes were not so easy. The transition from college to work.

I didn’t learn to use a computer until 1998. That was hard. I’m still learning.

Getting married was great but having kids required a period of adjustment, from only being responsible to myself to being responsible for the care of another human. I thought I was ready for change but I wasn’t so ready.

I pushed back when I was informed that it was time for my baby daughter to start eating solid food.  I had just gotten the baby food thing down. I wasn’t ready for change.

Letting go of the naive idea that all I had to do was print business cards and my phone would start ringing. Not. I had to learn to market my practice. (“Turn and face the strain” D. Bowie)

Every time I thought I had it figured out, something changed, and most of the time, I wasn’t ready for the change.

The pace of change in our lives accelerates exponentially. I read recently that there has been more change in the last 30 years than in the last 300.

We as 21st century humans must assimilate change and new information more rapidly than at any other time in history. To achieve our goals such as happiness, fulfillment, or prosperity, we must be willing to let go of the old and move into the new and unknown. That is my business, the business of change.

Are you ready for change?

Change will come knocking… wait,  back up. Change will crash through your door and come rolling in whether you are ready for change or not.

Birth and death, growth and decay, marriage and divorce, buying and selling, falling in love and falling out, getting hired, getting fired, getting on board and jumping off, sometimes you make the choice and sometimes it’s made for you.

How do you get ready for change? You get ready to let go. You realize that all things are in transition and that all things must pass. It’s not easy and most don’t navigate change easily.

When should you get ready for change? You probably won’t until you realize that you are not ready and that the train is about to clobber you. That’s when it become apparent that it’s time to leave your car stuck on the track and run like hell.

Can we be ready for change? Probably not most of the time. But when it’s time to change, time to let go of what’s been, we can be ready with the belief that we can do it with grace, trust and confidence.


Having trouble dealing with change? Click here to contact Ted.

The Flash of Light That is My Life

Photo by Skye Moorhead

Photo by Skye Moorhead

Photo by Skye Moorhead



This post was originally published in September 2010. I am now 53, my oldest daughter had completed first grade and my youngest, kindergarten.

I was having a conversation with two colleagues recently about how quickly time passes. One said that he still felt like a kid inside. The other said “We all feel that way, yet, when I think about being 60, I realize that I’m nearer to the end of my life than the beginning.

I figure I’m about halfway, at 50 years old. That was fast.

The day before, my oldest daughter started her second week of kindergarten. It was the first chilly day after temps of 100+ here in So Cal.  I walked through the schoolyard with my daughter and there were sights and sounds I’ve not experienced for many years: children in line, backpacks, classrooms. I still remember my first day of first grade. Has it been 45 years?  My daughter’s in school now, how did that happen so quickly? Is summer over already? Everything is happening so quickly…

I was camping out on Lake Mohave last weekend with my brothers and brother-in-law. The first night on the lake we were treated to an incredible lightning storm. We were surrounded on every inch of the horizon by constant lightning flashes, continuously lighting up the pitch black night. It was incredible; something I’ve seen only a handful of times and only while living in Arizona.

Today, my first day back at work, I drove from my 7 am business meeting to my office, but I didn’t stop; I drove right by. I wasn’t ready to go in there, sit down, and be contained within four walls. I drove aimlessly for a while, listening to Elvis Costello sing “Poor Fractured Atlas.”

I ended up sitting at an outdoor table at a café. I sit there now, the air is cool, and it’s still quiet. The sun shining on me feels good.  There are lots of trees and flowers. There’s a nursery next door, when I’m ready to leave I will walk slowly through it, to be close to the green and living things.

Photo by Skye Moorhead

Photo by Skye Moorhead

Coming back from a few days at the lake is always tough for me. My mind is slow, and I find myself resisting the transition back to “regular”, busy life.  I want another hour to sit, to watch, to think, to feel my life happen. I’m not ready to go back to work yet, just give me another hour. There will always be work to do. And life will continue to fly by. For now, I’m standing outside the stream of my life, where I can drink with intention and clarity.

As if in confirmation, a bell rings at the train station, it’s message: “Train coming, better get on board.” A dragonfly flys by me. The last one I saw was at the lake, two days ago as I sat peacefully looking out over the water and reflecting on my life. It seemed to remind me “Don’t let it go…”

Life is precious and short. To stay on board with your own life you’ve got to pay attention, or you’ll miss what matters, as it goes by quickly. While sitting in your seat on the ride of your life, you’ve got to look out the window and be present to your own life as it passes by; the valleys, the peaks, the plateaus, the darkness, the light.

There is a Japanese folk song I like called Sakura Sakura (Cherry Blossoms). To the Japanese, the fleeting beauty of the cherry blossoms symbolizes the brevity of life and the frailty of existence. Like the life of a man or woman, the petals are brief, colorful, and bright for the short duration of their life before they wither and die.

Life is meaningful, profound, and precious precisely because it will be done too soon, and I find myself very present to that now. I can’t help but ponder the Big Question: Why are we here, just to be gone in a flash?

I think about that lightning storm. Maybe it’s all about the light. It’s said that everything living is light bound into matter. What if the most profound legacy we can leave, in the short flash of a spark that is a person’s life, is the light that we bring to the darkness? Those that we revere through history, whose lives and teachings we honor in church and temple, in music and art, were all bringers of light.  That light gives us hope, guidance and comfort as we continue along on our journey that is this life.

I think the biggest problem that humans face, and the biggest obstacle to peace and happiness is that we are blind to our own light. We fail to see it because we’re not taught to, or shown how. So how can we see the light in others?

If I can be present to this brief and singular burst of color that is my life, if I can know myself as this lightning flash bound into matter, then maybe I can know your light. And if you can’t see it, then maybe I can help you see it. Should I find myself in darkness, maybe you can help me find mine.

After I’m gone, I don’t want my kids to remember me for how hard I worked, how much money I made, or how much respect I got. I want them to remember that I helped them know and honor their own light, because I was in touch with mine. I want to light the way for them.

And so I go back to work, back to the busy, but now with a bit more peace. The reason I’m here is to know my light, and then shine it, wherever, whenever, and however I can, into the pitch black of our own blindness.  May we all light the way for each other.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.

 (626) 826-0612
Photos by Skye Moorhead

Five Steps to Finding Your Life’s Purpose (Guaranteed!)


Purpose? Uh, I’m a little busy right now…

There seem to be a lot of people these days looking for their life’s purpose. I googled “How to find your life’s purpose” and came up with 94 million results. I searched a few of the 94 million results and found that most involved writing stuff down, going back to childhood, what brings you joy, etc. When I was looking for my life’s purpose, none of those things helped.

If you are like a lot of people looking through the 94 millions results looking for clues as to how to find their life’s purpose, look no more. Here are five easy steps to finding  your purpose, guaranteed. Now, you must follow these steps exactly to get this right. Read more

I’m Grateful I’m Not A Turkey, 2011


Here’s my gratitude list for 2011, you can click here if you’re interested in reading my 2009 list.

I’m grateful:

  • that my feet aren’t any bigger than they are. (Give me a break, I’m just getting warmed up here…)
  • that my wife is a good cook.
  • that in spite of that I still look kind of skinny.
  • for my wife who loves me and has my back.
  • for my six year old who teaches me to walk the talk.
  • for my four year old who teaches me that every impatient thing I tell her she will eventually say back to me. Read more

Always Walking With Us: On One Side, Life, On the Other…


Death. When I was five years old I asked my mom if I was going to die. To her credit, she gave me the straight scoop: “Yes, you are going to die someday. Everybody dies.” I started bawling “I don’t want to die!” She held me (probably regretting her answer) and comforted me, telling me that my death was a long way off, and I believed her, and I haven’t really been that concerned about it since then.

The subject of death is on my mind these days, as there have  been a few deaths in my life recently. I’m aware that the subject makes a lot of people uncomfortable, and you might even be feeling some of that discomfort now.  Carl Jung said “Shrinking away from death is something unhealthy and abnormal which robs the second half of life of its purpose.” However, in our culture, we hold a great fear of death and shrink from it because some of our most difficult moments of pain and loss come when we are confronted with the death of another, or the prospect of our own.  It rarely makes good dinner conversation.

Yet, to consider death, or even to meditate on it,  allows us to gain greater meaning from life. There are formal death meditations in many cultures, and the conquest of death is a central tenet of all religions. To walk in fear of death means to walk in fear of life, as the miracle and sweetness of life is inseparable from the knowledge of it’s eventual end. To have a richer, more complete experience of life, we must become comfortable with the idea of death.

I like what the character Don Juan says about death, from “Journey to Ixtlan” by Carlos Castaneda:

Death is our eternal companion, it is always to our left, at an arm’s length…
How can anyone feel so important when we know that death is stalking us?… The issue of our death is never pressed far enough. Death is the only wise adviser that we have…It may tap you any moment, so really you have no time for crappy thoughts and moods.”

The idea here is that the realization that death always stalks us can give us the awareness that we are not promised any future, and should we recieve it, it is truly a gift and perhaps a miracle, and not to be taken for granted.

To contemplate our death allows us to understand our relationship to it and why it creates such fear. What is your belief about death? Do you believe you will go to hell? Or do you believe that you will be with Jesus and all the people you ever loved? Perhaps you believe that you’ll get a chance at another go around, reincarnated as someone or some thing else. There are those who belief that when you die, that’s it, nothing more.

What you believe about death will determine how you feel about it. If you have beliefs about death that are fearful, it’s uselful to ask yourself, “Are these beliefs hand-me-downs, or are they the result of my own searching, pondering and thinking?” You can choose what to believe about what happens at death, as well as why we happen to find ourselves among the living in this place, at this time.

When asked what the meaning of life was, the Dalai Lama replied “To be happy and to make others happy.” Again,  a quote by Carl Jung: “As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” Jesus of Nazareth said: “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on a stand, and it gives light everyone in the house.(Matthew 5:14-16). Certainly, these are beliefs that are not only life affirming but affirm what we can leave behind.

When we are faced with the death of someone we know and love, we grieve the loss, but the bitterness of the loss is tempered by the fond memories of what that person gave us. What’s become apparent to me is that the essence of a person is not their body, but the legacy they leave and the impact they have on you and others. This essence can last for centuries and even millenia.

My grandmother died a year ago, but she is alive everytime I look at one of the beautiful plates that she loved to make, or tend to the cactus that she to gave me years ago that are probably just as old as I am. She’s just as much here, in a way, as when she was alive and maybe more.  My wife’s cousin died in april, but during my recent vacation with some of her family who was close to him, his name was brought up much more than it ever was when he was alive; what he would say or do,  how well he played pool, his generosity.

To become comfortable with death, and particularly our own, means that we can remain open to and aware of Death’s advice: “Someday I will come for you. Do not waste time being petty or small. You have been given the gift of life and light. What will you do with it, and what will you leave behind after both are extinguished?”

We may never become comfortable, and we may never fully understand the end of life, especially seemingly meaningless and tragic death. Should we choose to contemplate or seek to understand the subject,  we do so acknowledging that it will be a life-long contemplation,  and our understanding of it will be informed by our own inevitable experiences. But we can continue, even if uncomfortable, to gaze directly and with courage on that which we share with every human that ever lived, our ever-present companion,  Death.

This post is dedicated to my good friend and colleague Jim Locke who passed away earlier this week. He not only encouraged me to start writing a blog in 2009, he set it up and showed me what to do. If you have enjoyed any of my blog posts, it’s due in part to Jim’s contribution to my life.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.

Your companion on the journey to transformation,


Ted A. Moreno
Personal/Small Business Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist

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Ted A. Moreno is a Certified Hypnotherapist and Success Performance Coach. Ted empowers his clients to transform their lives by helping them reach their goals of success, abundance, personal development, health and happiness. To learn more, visit


It’s OK For You to Not Know


Galaxy NGC 5866. Credit: NASA/ESA

I used to be one of those people who always had to have an answer for everything, you know, a “know it all.” Then one day someone told me “You’re not at smart as you think you are, and you’re not fooling anyone.” The nerve!! But it was true. So I stopped Read more

Every Day You Die, Every Day You Are Born


In 1927, at the age of 32, Buckminster Fuller stood on the shores of Lake Michigan, prepared to throw himself into the freezing waters. His first child had died. He was bankrupt, discredited and jobless, and he had a wife and new-born daughter. On the verge of suicide, it suddenly struck him that his life belonged, not to himself, but to the universe. He chose at that moment to embark on what he called “an experiment to discover what the little, penniless, unknown individual might be able to do effectively on behalf of all humanity.” Over the next fifty-four years, he proved, time and again, that his most controversial ideas were practical and workable. (

Amy Winehouse, the English singer-songwriter known for her powerful vocals,  Read more

What You Know Won’t Help You.


Imagine:  You’re an extraterrestrial explorer speeding though an unknown galaxy. Your spacecraft malfunctions: you’re forced to make an emergency landing on a little blue planet. You survive the landing with a crippled craft. You’re stranded. You call the Galactic AAA. It’ll be awhile before they get there, so you begin to explore.

You step out of your craft, and the first thing you see is a shiny, metallic object. Read more

Do Space Aliens Feel Alienated?


I was standing in my back yard one night looking up at the Orion Constellation. It was cold and quiet. Suddenly, without any warning, I was blasted with an intensly blinding light, causing me to shut my eyes and fall to the ground!

The light quickly diminished, and when I was able to open my eyes, I found myself not in my backyard anymore, but in a circular  steel room filled with a strange light. With a gasp, my bones went cold as I realized that I had been abducted by aliens

An invisible door slid open and a tiny alien, not more than a foot high,  shuffled toward me. He looked just like those aliens you see in the movies with the really big eyes,  except he was wearing a Star Wars T Shirt.

“Not in Kansas anymore, are ya bud?” For such a tiny fellow, his voice was a  cross between James Earl Jones and Matthew McConaughey.  A plush chair  appeared from nowhere and he sat down.  I thought about stepping on him, but he must’ve picked that up because he said “I can vaporize you with a thought, so sit down.” I sat on the plastic folding chair that materialized behind me.

“You’re some kind of therapist, right?” he said with a heavy sigh.

“I-I-I’m a hypnotherapist, I stammered, “but I…”

“Then can ya shut up and listen? It’s not all about you pal.” He sounded tired and defeated. “I feel like I’m not a part of anything these days. I just don’t know my place in the universe.” I don’t feel any connection to anything. I feel…”

“Alienated?” I offered.

“Yeah, alienated, smart ass. You probably have no clue what I’m talking about. Why did I decide to come to planet Knucklehead? I should’ve looked for someone on Cygnus x-1!” He looked so sad, I felt the urge to pick him up and hug him.

“Touch me and I’ll have you probed, punk!,” now sounding like a cross between Darth Vader and Clint Eastwood.

“Okay, calm down,” I replied.  “Look, I do have a clue. In our culture, alienation is a big problem. Especially this time of year.”

“The silly season?”

“There’s people who call it that. Some humans feel alienated and disconnected this time of year because they don’t feel a part of everything that’s going on. They  look around and see others getting together with family, enjoying traditions, or spending lots of money, and it makes them feel left out if they don’t have those things, or they just feel overwhelmed.”

“We don’t have families. We’re raised on pod farms.” he said flatly.

“Bummer,” I said.

“Yeah, real bummer. I travel this vast universe, from  galaxy to distant galaxy, so much space, so little life. Chunks of floating dustballs, gas clouds, stars being born, dying. What does it have to do with me? I’m a speck. All this technology, all this science, still doesn’t keep me from feeling alone, apart, and like there is no meaning to it all.”

“Kind of like that old song ‘Rocket Man.‘”

“Yeah, but this ain’t no rocket, chump. This space ride has a state of the art plasma drive that will get you from 0 to nowhere in the blink of your primitive eye.  And don’t forget it, fossil fool.”

“Just relax there, big guy. Point is that we humans have been dealing with feelings of social alienation, loneliness, and detachment since societies were created, particularly in our modern age. Our philosophers from Karl Marx through Kierkegaard and Heidegger and even Pope John Paul II have dealt with this issue.

“You seem knowledgable, human.”

“Nah, I’m just good with Wikipedia. Consider this:  if you’re looking for meaning, you may never find it. Like you said, it’s a big cold universe out there. Dust balls and nebulae probably don’t mean anything by themselves. But you are a part of the universe that can think, and you can make it mean something, like beauty or order or intelligence. You’re like humans in that…

“Careful! Don’t compare me to a species that just came down from the trees!!

“Sorry. As intelligent beings, humans have in common the need to make meaning. But I don’t think there’s any meaning aside from the meaning we choose to create. Which is good, because then we  can make things mean whatever we want them to, as long as it supports us in being who we want to be. Of course, who you want to be is also determined by you.”

‘Hmm,” he said pensively, rubbing his  little alien chin.

“Once you decide on a meaning that resonates with you, then you can connect with other people, or, uh, beings, that feel the way you do. Then you’re a part of something and not so, you know, um, alienated. I’m sure you have friends?”

“I’m in touch with some of my pod mates.”

“Okay, so why not develop a better relationship with them, then maybe they can become your family. I read something once: ‘The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.'”

“Interesting. Continue.”

“So you can make your life mean whatever you want, whatever floats your ship. You can create connection with whoever you choose, or contribute to whoever or whatever you choose. There was a time when I felt alienated at the holidays, when I was younger and single, until I created my own meaning for them. I’ve also created my own meaning for my life, why I’m here, and how I should live it. Now that’s my meaning, and I own it.”

“I see now that I have chosen to isolate myself in the empty darkness surrounding the stars and nebulae.”

“So did I at one time. Now I’ve chosen to be part of a family.”

“A female companion and two smaller but very loud females.”

“It’s called a wife and two kids. How’d you know?”

“I have the ability to transport you to my starship from a distant galaxy but I’m not smart enough to Facebook you?”

“Right. Point is,  your family can be anyone who you feel the desire to share a part of yourself with. Look at you and me, we’ve connected, haven’t we?”

“Indeed. You give me things to think about, surprisingly, for a lifeform obsessed with keeping coffee grounds out of the kitchen sink.”

“I’m only human, after all.”

“My condolences. Time to zap you back to your dwelling, then I’m outta here. Your culture’s holiday music is driving me nuts.”

“Wait! How’d you find me? Where’d you get that T-shirt? What’s your name?

“Google – Spielberg gave it to me – the name: unpronounceable to you. Translates to “Great Things Come in Small Packages.”

“You’re pulling my leg.”

“I said it, I meant it, and I’m here to represent it. Hasta la vista, baby.”

In the next blink, I was  in my backyard again, the Orion Constellation staring down at me hard and bright through the crisp night sky.

Beings from the other side of the cosmos feeling disconnected and alone. Guess it’s a small universe after all.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.

Dedicated to helping you move to your next level of greatness,


 Ted A. Moreno
Personal/Small Business Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist                                                                       
 (626) 826-0612
Photo by Skye Moorhead