Scribblings from Close to the Ground: Don’t be a Bootyhead!

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 Welcome to another edition of “Scribblings from Close of the Ground”, wisdom from the mouths of babes, namely, Rocky and The Chick, my two daughters.

R: Hi, Rocky here!

C: And I’m The Chick, we’re Ted’s kids and we’re going to tell you how not to be a Bootyhead!!

R: Ha ha! Bootyhead!! Bootyhead!!

C: Rocky! Stop!

R: Sorry! (hee hee!)

C: Anyway, sometimes when I go to bed, I can’t fall asleep because my mind is all filled up with bad stuff.

R: Like the monsters on Scooby Doo! Read more

I’m not Angry, It’s Just What I’m Feeling.

Years ago I worked for a company that sold accounting software. They charged for tech support, and my job was to take the incoming calls from people needing tech support, get a credit card number, and then transfer them to the tech support guys.

Of course, some people didn’t like the idea of being charged for technical support, especially when their accounting software wasn’t working. One day a call came in, and per the script, I asked “Who am I speaking with?”

“Joe Angry!” was the curt response. Without even thinking twice, I asked, “How can I help you today Mr. Angry?” He WAS angry. I talked him down a bit, and when I called him Mr. Angry again, he said more calmly, “My name is John, it’s just that I’m feeling angry because this software of yours is not working.”  He went from being angry, to feeling angry. He was able to get one step removed from his anger.

The difference is subtle but important. We can feel anger so strongly and deeply that we start to become the anger. It becomes “who we are”. We start to identify with it and may begin to feel that if we let it go, we  give up a very real part of ourselves. For some of us, this may be the only part of us that feels powerful or that we feel can affect the world, and anger can become our only tool for getting what we want or need.

Of course, the fact is that we are not ever any single emotion, we are beings that have an emotional landscape that allows us to feel anger, as well as joy, happiness, sadness, frustration, etc.

When we continually assert and affirm “I am angry!” then we can become possessed by anger. “I am” is a very powerful affirmation. It can take control of us in ways that are ultimately dis-empowering as well as destructive when it becomes a habitual way of being.

Of course, to feel angry is to feel  human emotion. We can begin to take control and manage our anger if we fully accept and understand that we will feel angry at times, and resolving to let go of shame or guilt about having angry feelings.

One way to keep anger as a feeling and to avoid having it become who we are is to simply state, to ourselves or to others: “I feel angry”  or “When that happens (or when you say that or do that), I feel angry.” This way we keep anger where it belongs, in the realm of what we feel, as an emotion, that, like a storm, will pass. It allows us to become one step removed from the anger, giving us more choices as to how we will handle this feeling.

Then we can respond to anger ; we become responsible for our anger. It’s the difference between “This is who I am” and “This is what I’m feeling.” I may not be able to help what I am, but I can respond to what I’m feeling.

Using the metaphor of the emotional landscape, we are able to see that we are passing through anger, and that if we choose to walk through it, we will soon be out the other side. We don’t need to proclaim that who we are is anger, because then it doesn’t matter where we journey, because where ever you go, there you are: Mr. or Mrs. Angry.

Give yourself permission to feel the rocky path of anger, and keep walking. Trust that a different emotion, maybe even joy, awaits around the corner.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

Your companion on the journey to transformation,

Ted A. Moreno

Success Performance Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist

Photo by Skye Moorehead.

 

The Inner Critic: Listen Up

Today’s post is by guest author Greg Angriella, who writes about why your inner critic may have something valuable to tell you. In the process of personal transformation, we seek to be open to what our minds, as well as our bodies, are telling us, even if we don’t want to hear.

The inner critic gets a bad rap ever time. “Silence your inner critic!”, “Avoid the inner critic, it will sabotage your best efforts,” or “Your inner critic is your worst enemy”, are common wisdom we often hear about this negative voice inside. However instead of running from this negative voice inside, perhaps we might slow down and take a good look at it. We might be very surprised at what we discover.

Facing our Demons Head On

This is like facing our demons in our dreams. If you are having a recurring nightmare where something big, bad and ugly is chasing you, the advice is to turn around and face it, head on, eye to eye. Suddenly the demon stops being a demon, you realize that it’s simply something that has been trying to get your attention. You have been so dedicated to avoiding it that it grew and and got stronger and eventually took the form of a demon hunting you down.

It’s the same with any negative energy in our life. If we take the approach of simply shutting it off and avoiding it, we may set ourselves up for trouble later on.

What is your inner critic trying to tell you? If you stop and listen you can find out. There is a message buried beneath the negativity. It’s not all bad, there is something wise coming from the depths. You just need to see through the blindness of the negativity to see the jewel of wisdom shining beneath.

The Wisdom You are Missing

For example let’s say you want to start a blog, but whenever you begin you run into the self sabotaging thought, “I can’t write, nobody will read my blog posts…” When this happens, you hate yourself for having the negative thought, so you react with, “Darn, why am I so negative!!!” You blame yourself for your negative thinking, but you never really get down to the heart of the matter, which is to listen to the negative thought and see why it is there.

Perhaps you are right, perhaps writing is not your thing at all, and it would be wise to move on and find what it is you really want to do. Or perhaps you are a great writer but you’ve settled on a topic you don’t really know anything about, and you simply need to look more carefully at your choice of topic. Or maybe you are a brilliant writer after all, and this blog idea has been your way of avoiding the challenge of writing that best seller.

But meanwhile, you have been so dedicated to silencing your inner critic that you didn’t take the time to discover what is actually going on inside of you. So the next time you hear a voice inside screaming, “You can’t do that!!!”, slow down and listen to why that voice is there. You might be amazed at what you will learn.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

Your companion on the journey to transformation,

Ted  Moreno

7 Things to Do to Have a More Peaceful Holiday Season.

I find it ironic that that during the holiday season the word peace is often used, but for many of us, this is the most hectic and stressful time of year.  In addition to life becoming very busy with shopping, parties, and events, it is also a time when emotions can be close to the surface. Many recall and feel the loss of loved ones more acutely at this time, and many people feel loneliness and alienation, regret or resentment. 

Our quest for personal transformation involves releasing old patterns that we habitually engage in during the holiday season that no longer work for us, and creating a new relationship with this time of year that allows us to have the experiences that we desire, whatever those might be.  I’m focusing on peace because I rarely hear people say “I’m much too peaceful this time of year.”

If you roll just fine with the holiday season, loving every minute of it, no need to read further. If, however, you feel you could and would like to have a more peaceful experience at the end of the year, then read on.
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How to Be Peaceful

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Peace. In the media you will hear that word almost daily. Peace talks. Peace in the Middle East. The peace process. Peace activists. Nobel Peace Prize. Peace of mind. Peace and quiet.

Most people want and strive for peace. Yet, peace seems in  short supply these days. Why is peace so rare in our lives, as well as in the world at large? Sometimes it appears that long lasting peace is almost impossible. Granted, there exists an abundance of beauty and harmony, and even though it may not seem like it, the vast majority of the world is not at war (at least not in political wars.) In spite of that, we must acknowledge that as a race, we have a long and bloody history of violence, murder, war, and genocide. I think we can agree that we can do better. Read more

Always Walking With Us: On One Side, Life, On the Other…

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Death. When I was five years old I asked my mom if I was going to die. To her credit, she gave me the straight scoop: “Yes, you are going to die someday. Everybody dies.” I started bawling “I don’t want to die!” She held me (probably regretting her answer) and comforted me, telling me that my death was a long way off, and I believed her, and I haven’t really been that concerned about it since then.

The subject of death is on my mind these days, as there have  been a few deaths in my life recently. I’m aware that the subject makes a lot of people uncomfortable, and you might even be feeling some of that discomfort now.  Carl Jung said “Shrinking away from death is something unhealthy and abnormal which robs the second half of life of its purpose.” However, in our culture, we hold a great fear of death and shrink from it because some of our most difficult moments of pain and loss come when we are confronted with the death of another, or the prospect of our own.  It rarely makes good dinner conversation.

Yet, to consider death, or even to meditate on it,  allows us to gain greater meaning from life. There are formal death meditations in many cultures, and the conquest of death is a central tenet of all religions. To walk in fear of death means to walk in fear of life, as the miracle and sweetness of life is inseparable from the knowledge of it’s eventual end. To have a richer, more complete experience of life, we must become comfortable with the idea of death.

I like what the character Don Juan says about death, from “Journey to Ixtlan” by Carlos Castaneda:

Death is our eternal companion, it is always to our left, at an arm’s length…
How can anyone feel so important when we know that death is stalking us?… The issue of our death is never pressed far enough. Death is the only wise adviser that we have…It may tap you any moment, so really you have no time for crappy thoughts and moods.”

The idea here is that the realization that death always stalks us can give us the awareness that we are not promised any future, and should we recieve it, it is truly a gift and perhaps a miracle, and not to be taken for granted.

To contemplate our death allows us to understand our relationship to it and why it creates such fear. What is your belief about death? Do you believe you will go to hell? Or do you believe that you will be with Jesus and all the people you ever loved? Perhaps you believe that you’ll get a chance at another go around, reincarnated as someone or some thing else. There are those who belief that when you die, that’s it, nothing more.

What you believe about death will determine how you feel about it. If you have beliefs about death that are fearful, it’s uselful to ask yourself, “Are these beliefs hand-me-downs, or are they the result of my own searching, pondering and thinking?” You can choose what to believe about what happens at death, as well as why we happen to find ourselves among the living in this place, at this time.

When asked what the meaning of life was, the Dalai Lama replied “To be happy and to make others happy.” Again,  a quote by Carl Jung: “As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” Jesus of Nazareth said: “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on a stand, and it gives light everyone in the house.(Matthew 5:14-16). Certainly, these are beliefs that are not only life affirming but affirm what we can leave behind.

When we are faced with the death of someone we know and love, we grieve the loss, but the bitterness of the loss is tempered by the fond memories of what that person gave us. What’s become apparent to me is that the essence of a person is not their body, but the legacy they leave and the impact they have on you and others. This essence can last for centuries and even millenia.

My grandmother died a year ago, but she is alive everytime I look at one of the beautiful plates that she loved to make, or tend to the cactus that she to gave me years ago that are probably just as old as I am. She’s just as much here, in a way, as when she was alive and maybe more.  My wife’s cousin died in april, but during my recent vacation with some of her family who was close to him, his name was brought up much more than it ever was when he was alive; what he would say or do,  how well he played pool, his generosity.

To become comfortable with death, and particularly our own, means that we can remain open to and aware of Death’s advice: “Someday I will come for you. Do not waste time being petty or small. You have been given the gift of life and light. What will you do with it, and what will you leave behind after both are extinguished?”

We may never become comfortable, and we may never fully understand the end of life, especially seemingly meaningless and tragic death. Should we choose to contemplate or seek to understand the subject,  we do so acknowledging that it will be a life-long contemplation,  and our understanding of it will be informed by our own inevitable experiences. But we can continue, even if uncomfortable, to gaze directly and with courage on that which we share with every human that ever lived, our ever-present companion,  Death.

This post is dedicated to my good friend and colleague Jim Locke who passed away earlier this week. He not only encouraged me to start writing a blog in 2009, he set it up and showed me what to do. If you have enjoyed any of my blog posts, it’s due in part to Jim’s contribution to my life.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.

Your companion on the journey to transformation,

TMan

Ted A. Moreno
Personal/Small Business Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist
www.TedMoreno.com

FEEL FREE TO — USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE, WEB SITE OR BLOG. Just let me know that you are, and include the following with it:

Ted A. Moreno is a Certified Hypnotherapist and Success Performance Coach. Ted empowers his clients to transform their lives by helping them reach their goals of success, abundance, personal development, health and happiness. To learn more, visit www.TedMoreno.com/blog

 

It’s OK For You to Not Know

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Galaxy NGC 5866. Credit: NASA/ESA

I used to be one of those people who always had to have an answer for everything, you know, a “know it all.” Then one day someone told me “You’re not at smart as you think you are, and you’re not fooling anyone.” The nerve!! But it was true. So I stopped Read more

How to Be Happy Anytime

 Today’s post is written by Leo Babauta, from his zenhabits blog.

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Hotei, god of happiness. Photo by Andrea Schaffer

My friend Barron recently asked, “If you could be anywhere right now, doing anything you want, where would you be? And what would you be doing?”

And my answer was, “I’m always where I want to be, doing what I want to be doing.”

I’ve notice that in the past, like many people, I was always wishing I was doing something different, thinking about what I would do in the future, making plans for my life to come, reading (with jealousy) about cool things other people were doing.

It’s a fool’s game.

Many of us do this, but if you get into the mindset of thinking about what you *could* be doing, you’ll never be happy doing what you actually *are* doing. You’ll compare what you’re doing with what other people (on Facebook and Twitter, perhaps?) are doing. You’ll wish your life were better. You’ll never be satisfied, because there’s *always* something better to do.

Instead, I’ve adopted the mindset that whatever I’m doing right now is perfect. If I’m writing a post, that’s amazing. If I’m reading blog posts on the Internet, that’s interesting. If I’m doing nothing but hanging out with my family, that’s incredible. If I’m walking outside, enjoying the fresh air, that’s beautiful.

There’s nothing I’m ever doing that isn’t the most incredible thing on Earth. If I’m doing something sucky (I can’t remember doing that recently), maybe that’s an invaluable life lesson. If I’m with someone boring or obnoxious, it’s a lesson in patience, or empathy, or in learning to understand people better.

The Now Mindset, In Practice

Let’s say you’re washing the dishes. Wouldn’t you rather be having a delicious meal instead, or talking with your best friend? Sure, those things are great, but they’re only better if you believe they’re better, and more importantly, the comparison is totally unnecessary. Why should you compare what you’re doing now (washing dishes) with anything else? Wouldn’t almost anything lose out if you compare it to something you like more? Will you ever be happy with what you’re doing if you always compare it with something you like more?

Washing dishes can be as great as anything else, if you decide to see it that way. You’re in solitude, which is a beautiful thing. If you do it mindfully, washing dishes can be pleasant as you feel the suds and water in your hands, pay attention to the dish and its texture, notice your breathing and thoughts. It’s meditation, it’s quiet, it’s lovely.

You can say the same of anything. Driving to work? Enjoy the solitude, the chance to be alone with your thoughts, or to listen to music you love, to see the world around you. In a meeting with co-workers? Pay attention to how people talk and interact, learn about the human mind, see yourself in everyone around you, learn to love anyone no matter who they are, practice giving up expectations of who people should be or what this meeting should be like.

I’m always happy with what I’m doing, because I don’t compare it to anything else, and instead pay close attention to the activity itself. I’m always happy with whoever I’m with, because I learn to see the perfection in every person. I’m always happy with where I am, because there’s no place on Earth that’s not a miracle.

Life will suck if you are always wishing you’re doing something else. Life will rock if you realize you’re already doing the best thing ever.

Zen Habits is about finding simplicity in the daily chaos of our lives. It’s about clearing the clutter so we can focus on what’s important, create something amazing, find happiness. It also happens to be one of the Top 25 blogs in the world, with about 200,000 readers.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

Your companion on the journey to transformation,

TMan

Ted A. Moreno
Personal/Small Business Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist
www.TedMoreno.com

How to Avoid Overwhelm During the Holidays

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I’m going to share with you a secret that I’ve learned in my time working as a hypnotherapist. Knowing this secret could change your life, because whenever you are aware of something going on, you have the possibility of changing it. Knowing this secret could even save your life.

The secret is that most people are asleep most of the time. By asleep, I mean that they walk around in a trance, in hypnosis, unaware, their minds a thousand miles away from where they are at any given moment.I’m not putting people down for being sleepwalkers. It’s simply a function of 21st century America. There’s too much to think about, to much to do, too much going on. Life these days can be very overwhelming.

 Overwhelm is the feeling that you don’t know whether you are coming or going. The feeling of running around like a chicken without a head. You lose the ability to think clearly or make a decision. You walk into a room and can’t remember why you went in there. You may find yourself driving your car without the proper focus and attention. (I’m not immune, I recently rear ended someone while rushing to get somewhere.) This is a type of a trance or hypnotic state, what we hypnotherapists call hypersuggestiblility, which means that every little thing can have a negative effect on you. You can no longer deal effectively with life’s challenges.

We are especially susceptible to this type of overwhelm during the holidays. For many of us, our list of “things to do” doubles. There are parties, events, shopping, more traffic, more noise. We may have negative associations to this time of year because of negative family dynamics or the loss of a loved one. It’s colder and darker, creating a desire to hibernate or curl up in a ball and sleep. It’s harder to wake up in the mornings.  People exercise less, and there’s the tendency to eat and drink things that lower our immune systems. We spend more time indoors so we’re in closer proximity to cold and flu viruses.  It can all be so overwhelming, that it’s commonplace to hear people say that they dread the holiday season.

However, we always have a choice in how we respond.

Here are a few suggestions that may help you to stay focused, awake and aware so that you can enjoy whatever you choose to do over the next few months that we call the Holiday Season.

  • First and most important: Sit down and choose powerfully what the holidays mean to you and what you want to get out of them. If you choose to fly to Cancun and hang on the beach with a Pina Colada, that’s your choice, if you are willing to accept the consequences. If you want to go gaga and go all out with parties, decorating, spending a ton of money and eating and drinking to your heart’s content, then do that, and be willing to accept the consequences. If you want to stay focused on the spiritual  aspects of the holidays, then make that your goal. Overwhelm happens when we feel that we have no control and that we are at the mercy of the season. It’s your life, you decide how to spend it, now, today, during the holidays, whenever.
  • Be realistic with your expectations. There is only so many hours in a day, so many days in a week, and only so many days until this that or the other.  Think clearly about what you will be able to accomplish at any particular time. In addition, be realistic about what you expect from others. Their expectations my differ radically from yours. If in doubt, ask.
  • Don’t neglect your self care. Exercise, eating regularly, getting enough sleep, taking your vitamins, drinking enough water, etc., become even more critical when you are busy, under stress, and the cold and flu season is in full swing.
  • Plan. I always suggest planning your day the night before. Being prepared helps manage stress. Running around, forgetting stuff, not eating, and driving while distracted, on the phone or after drinking, is not only highly stressful, it’s dangerous.
  • Have a mantra or affirmation that reminds you to stay present, aware and awake. For example, “Eyes open, wide awake”, “Breathe”, “Focus” or “It’s ok!” are all good ones.
  • Take some alone time. After shopping, sit in your car and take some deep breaths. Nothing creates overwhelm more quickly than a shopping mall during the holidays. At a party, step outside for some peace and quiet, a chance to collect yourself, and check in on yourself. (Am I good to drive? Am I done eating? Am I running on time for other commitments?)
  • If you know that you are going to be involved with family dynamics that have the possibility of being dicey, then acknowledge that going in and be clear about how you want to act. Stress, fatigue, alcohol, and familial dysfunction can be a lethal combination. Manage accordingly.
  • Finally, look for the joy, the special moments, and the magic and you’ll have a good chance of finding it. Be open to love, acceptance and forgiveness. Notice beauty whenever it presents itself; in the clear crisp light of a winter sky, in a tree twinkling with lights,  in the eyes of someone smiling at you. Be willing to accept and acknowledge the greatest gifts, those that are priceless, precious and enduring.

Happy Holidays!

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.

Dedicated to helping you move to your next level of greatness,

TMan

p.s. Just for reading this far, as my gift to you,  I’m going to give you $35 off of my regular fee for any hypnotherapy session you come in for in the month of December.(Can’t be combined with any other offer out there, sorry!)

Ted A. Moreno
Personal/Small Business Coach
Certified Hypnotherapist
www.TedMoreno.com                                                                       
 (626) 826-0612
Photo by Skye Moorhead
www.skyemoorhead.com
 

Maybe Everything That Dies, Someday Comes Back.

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I remember the day I got sent home from a job for being a lousy salesperson. It was 1986 and I had a sales job in Phoenix. I was general manager of the business and I was doing pretty good, although I was working  7 days a week, 12 to 13 hours a day.

I went into a sales slump. All of a sudden Read more