12 Ways to Cultivate Gratitude

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  1. Take responsibility for your ability to feel grateful now. Realize that nothing outside of you needs to change or be different for you to feel grateful.
  2. Have a mantra. Create the habit of repeating a word or phrase to say throughout the day to bring you into present moment awareness. “Be Here Now”, or “What is this?” or “This is my life, right here, right now.”
  3. Get out of your head and observe the world around you. Notice objects, shapes, colors, designs. Be aware how things reflect light, how they are constructed, how things wear down. Notice without judgment, only with perception.
  4. God is in the details. Take time to look closely and deeply into things. Feel the surface of something and get present to the textures and what that does for you (or not). Really look into peoples’ faces; notice eyes, hair, and how they use their hands.
  5. Listen fully and completely. Choose to just listen. Not defend or retort. Don’t miss what is being said because you are formulating what you are going to say. When listening to music, just sit and listen. Right now, what do you hear?
  6. Focus on something that brings you peace. Some people carry beads. Some listen to music. Some read. Playing music, walking, gardening, petting an animal, are all simple things. Powerful and easily done, they allow us to focus and become one with what we are doing.
  7. Take time for things. We have been hypnotized into believing we should cram as much as we can into each day. Productivity to achieve goals is a worthy aspiration, but taking on too much and running around all the time becomes a grind. Do less better.
  8. Be with nature.
  9. Expand your awareness. At any moment, try to get connected to what is within 50 feet of you. (You’re in a building.) Then go out 100 yards. (You’re in a neighborhood, complex, city block.) Expand your awareness to your city, state, part of the world. See yourself as part of a larger whole.
  10. Realize that it’s a process. It’s about the journey. Try to detach from results. They may or may not be important tomorrow or in a week or month. Instead, focus on how you are being, instead of what you are doing.
  11. Visual reminders. Flowers, statutes of holy beings, little signs. Look at them throughout the day and breathe and say thank you. These things have a tendency to become unnoticeable as part of the scenery so move them often.
  12. Just sit. Sit quietly. Don’t do anything. Eyes open or closed. Call it meditation or whatever. Be with yourself powerfully.

 So much of living from gratitude comes from letting go of our ideas of how the world should be, ought to be, could be or how we would like it to be. Try to do this regularly for just a short period of time. The idea is to get to the point where you can say truthfully “It’s all good.”

Ted

626.826.0612

You’ve Got to Be Alive to Have Gratitude

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There may be some dead that are grateful aside from Jerry Garcia and the band, but maybe the highest form of gratitude  is feeling lucky to be alive.

I find it interesting that we only have one day a year dedicated to giving thanks. What if every week we had a Thanksgiving day? (Minus the huge feast, of course.) If you lived 80 years, Thanksgiving Day once a year would give you 80 days when you were reminded to give thanks. If you had it every week, you’d have 4,160 days set aside for gratitude. Do you think that would make a difference in your life?

So what’s the big deal about gratitude? Well, try going one week without saying thank you or being appreciative for anything. Complain loud and incessantly the whole week. Walk around feeling that the world owes you, and see what that does for you. Compare and despair while you enviously desire what others have that you don’t. (What? You’re doing already that? Call me immediately at 626-826-0612 for 10% off a session.)

Gratitude is not just an attitude; it’s a feeling that you generate through presence. Get out of your head and look around you. Can you feel it while gazing into your child’s face? Stepping out on the porch at sunset to bid the day adieu?  Standing outside at night awash in the glory of a full moon?  It takes some practice generating it until you’re feeling moments of bliss on a regular basis. It’s worth it and not that hard to do.

Gratitude can sustain you through the tough times, or give you the icing when you’ve got your cake and you’re eating it too.

Everything looks better, feels better, works better when you’re grateful. Feeling grateful feels good and is good for you, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Sometimes I’m woken up in the middle of the night. “I’m scared Daddy!” I let them get in the bed even though it means less of a sound sleep.  It’s a small price to pay for the smell of their hair, the sound of their breathing. All too soon I might keep myself awake wondering if they are ok and when they will be home.

Life is fragile and unpredictable. One second too soon or a minute too late and there’s a funeral, tragedy, loss or catastrophe. Anything can be taken from you at any time. Some folks need to go through tough times to really appreciate the blessings that have been bestowed upon them. I suggest that you don’t wait for that to happen.

To be alive means you can be grateful. You get to have that chance. For your sake, take it. You’ve been given the fertile ground to plant and harvest the seeds of gratitude before that ground becomes your bed. Be thankful. For   every    single   little   thing.

 Ted

Photo by Skye Moorhead

The Flash of Light That is My Life

Photo by Skye Moorhead

Photo by Skye Moorhead

Photo by Skye Moorhead

 

 

This post was originally published in September 2010. I am now 53, my oldest daughter had completed first grade and my youngest, kindergarten.

I was having a conversation with two colleagues recently about how quickly time passes. One said that he still felt like a kid inside. The other said “We all feel that way, yet, when I think about being 60, I realize that I’m nearer to the end of my life than the beginning.

I figure I’m about halfway, at 50 years old. That was fast.

The day before, my oldest daughter started her second week of kindergarten. It was the first chilly day after temps of 100+ here in So Cal.  I walked through the schoolyard with my daughter and there were sights and sounds I’ve not experienced for many years: children in line, backpacks, classrooms. I still remember my first day of first grade. Has it been 45 years?  My daughter’s in school now, how did that happen so quickly? Is summer over already? Everything is happening so quickly…

I was camping out on Lake Mohave last weekend with my brothers and brother-in-law. The first night on the lake we were treated to an incredible lightning storm. We were surrounded on every inch of the horizon by constant lightning flashes, continuously lighting up the pitch black night. It was incredible; something I’ve seen only a handful of times and only while living in Arizona.

Today, my first day back at work, I drove from my 7 am business meeting to my office, but I didn’t stop; I drove right by. I wasn’t ready to go in there, sit down, and be contained within four walls. I drove aimlessly for a while, listening to Elvis Costello sing “Poor Fractured Atlas.”

I ended up sitting at an outdoor table at a café. I sit there now, the air is cool, and it’s still quiet. The sun shining on me feels good.  There are lots of trees and flowers. There’s a nursery next door, when I’m ready to leave I will walk slowly through it, to be close to the green and living things.

Photo by Skye Moorhead

Photo by Skye Moorhead

Coming back from a few days at the lake is always tough for me. My mind is slow, and I find myself resisting the transition back to “regular”, busy life.  I want another hour to sit, to watch, to think, to feel my life happen. I’m not ready to go back to work yet, just give me another hour. There will always be work to do. And life will continue to fly by. For now, I’m standing outside the stream of my life, where I can drink with intention and clarity.

As if in confirmation, a bell rings at the train station, it’s message: “Train coming, better get on board.” A dragonfly flys by me. The last one I saw was at the lake, two days ago as I sat peacefully looking out over the water and reflecting on my life. It seemed to remind me “Don’t let it go…”

Life is precious and short. To stay on board with your own life you’ve got to pay attention, or you’ll miss what matters, as it goes by quickly. While sitting in your seat on the ride of your life, you’ve got to look out the window and be present to your own life as it passes by; the valleys, the peaks, the plateaus, the darkness, the light.

There is a Japanese folk song I like called Sakura Sakura (Cherry Blossoms). To the Japanese, the fleeting beauty of the cherry blossoms symbolizes the brevity of life and the frailty of existence. Like the life of a man or woman, the petals are brief, colorful, and bright for the short duration of their life before they wither and die.

Life is meaningful, profound, and precious precisely because it will be done too soon, and I find myself very present to that now. I can’t help but ponder the Big Question: Why are we here, just to be gone in a flash?

I think about that lightning storm. Maybe it’s all about the light. It’s said that everything living is light bound into matter. What if the most profound legacy we can leave, in the short flash of a spark that is a person’s life, is the light that we bring to the darkness? Those that we revere through history, whose lives and teachings we honor in church and temple, in music and art, were all bringers of light.  That light gives us hope, guidance and comfort as we continue along on our journey that is this life.

I think the biggest problem that humans face, and the biggest obstacle to peace and happiness is that we are blind to our own light. We fail to see it because we’re not taught to, or shown how. So how can we see the light in others?

If I can be present to this brief and singular burst of color that is my life, if I can know myself as this lightning flash bound into matter, then maybe I can know your light. And if you can’t see it, then maybe I can help you see it. Should I find myself in darkness, maybe you can help me find mine.

After I’m gone, I don’t want my kids to remember me for how hard I worked, how much money I made, or how much respect I got. I want them to remember that I helped them know and honor their own light, because I was in touch with mine. I want to light the way for them.

And so I go back to work, back to the busy, but now with a bit more peace. The reason I’m here is to know my light, and then shine it, wherever, whenever, and however I can, into the pitch black of our own blindness.  May we all light the way for each other.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.

 Ted

www.TedMoreno.com                                                                        
 (626) 826-0612
Photos by Skye Moorhead
www.skyemoorhead.com

Five Steps to Finding Your Life’s Purpose (Guaranteed!)

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Purpose? Uh, I’m a little busy right now…

There seem to be a lot of people these days looking for their life’s purpose. I googled “How to find your life’s purpose” and came up with 94 million results. I searched a few of the 94 million results and found that most involved writing stuff down, going back to childhood, what brings you joy, etc. When I was looking for my life’s purpose, none of those things helped.

If you are like a lot of people looking through the 94 millions results looking for clues as to how to find their life’s purpose, look no more. Here are five easy steps to finding  your purpose, guaranteed. Now, you must follow these steps exactly to get this right. Read more

Get Out! The Importance of Contact with Nature

Have you ever stood by the side of the highway and looked out over a magnificent vista? How does that contact with nature make you feel? Does it bring you a sense of peace? How about a change in perspective?

Being outside in contact with nature has a profound effect on our minds.
In doing research for this post I found a fascinating article titled “PSYCHOLOGICAL BENEFITS OF NATURE EXPERIENCES: RESEARCH AND THEORY” by  John Davis, Ph.D. The gist of the article is that there is much solid research that confirms what is obvious to many: contact with nature leads to increased mental health  and positive psychological development.

Contact with Nature: Positive Benefits

This article cites many positive psychological benefits of being in contact with nature, including:

  • Relaxation and stress reduction
  • Decreased mental fatigue, restored mental clarity, and increased sense of well-being.
  • Increased recovery from surgery and better health
  • Improved work performance in job settings
  • Benefits for children’s attention, including reduction of symptoms of ADHD.

Even better, you don’t have to be climbing a mountain or paddling a kayak. Beneficial contact with nature can range from an extended wilderness excursion, to spending time in a park or even your backyard, gardening,  and even watching nature scenes on TV! Even looking at pictures of nature scenes in a book or magazine can have a beneficial effect.

I’ts only been within the past 100 years or so that most of us in the industrialized nations  spend most of our time indoors. However, for most of our history as humans, we were outside: hunting, farming, walking, or just watching nature do it’s thing.

This allowed us to be present to the circle of life, the constant repeating cycle of the seasons, the phases of the moon, the changing constellations, the blooming and dormancy of trees and the changes in the behavior of animals.

As a modern society, we have lost sight of the fact that we are of the earth, and that the rhythm of nature is reflected in our own bodies. Allan Watts said “The Earth peoples just like an apple tree apples. When you look out of your eyes, at nature happening out there, you’re looking at you!”

In the article mentioned, John Davis refers to this as the “transpersonal” benefits of nature. Examples of transpersonal benefits from contact with nature include:

  • Nature is a trigger for peak experiences. Jesus, Moses, Buddha, and Mohammed had mystical experiences in wilderness settings.
  • Nature can trigger spiritual awakening
  • Nature is an antidote to a world that is overly rationalized
  • Nature can promote a shift from what is invented (the ego, built structures) to what is essential (that which existed prior to or before human action)

 My own personal opinion is that much of our discontent and angst in western culture is that we have lost our essential connection with the natural world.

When clients come to me who are challenged by negative emotions such as anxiety, depression, one of the first suggestion I will make to them is to get out! Get outside, walk around, and establish that connection with “essential nature”. My good friend and mentor June Davidson suggests walking every day barefoot on the earth. Chi gong philosophy suggests that trees have tremendous beneficial energy just by being near them.

I’ll make the same suggestion to you: take a few minutes every day to get outside, or at the very least, seek contact with nature through a window or even in a photo. Every day, see if you can take a break from the same house, same office, same freeway and just for while, get out!

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

Your companion on the journey to transformation,

Ted

Getting Free from The Hypnosis of Your Mind

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One of the most fun and common ways to get hypnotized is to go the movies. When we see a movie, we believe what we’re seeing is really happening. We get scared, feel happy, and maybe even cry.  We literally become hypnotized to the point that we forget that none of it is real. We are so caught up in the content of the movie, we forget about the context, which is the fact that we’re in a building, watching light projected onto a screen. (Hold that thought for a second…)

People that come to me really want only one thing: Liberation. Like all of us, they want to be liberated from thoughts, feelings, sensations or behaviors that don’t serve them.   I help them be aware that none of those things is who they really are. I help them see that the things they want to be free from exist as the content of the mind: the ongoing, always changing stuff of the mind. That’s what minds do: they produce content, and we are trained and conditioned to look for content. We’re attached to content.  If we can develop the awareness that as human beings we are hypnotized by the content of our minds, then we can see the truth of what’s going on, and see that we have a choice.

What’s the content of our lives? Beliefs, thoughts, feelings, everything we think we are: the past, our future goals, and the details of our life situations. So what’s the context?  Like the screen in a movie, it’s the awareness that all this content is projected onto. The content is always changing but the awareness of the content is always present, even if you are unaware that you’re aware. And most of us are unaware of our awareness.

This is where we can lose our power. Just like watching a movie, we get hypnotized by all of this content. We get involved in the drama, the story. We become attached to it. We identify with it and we say this is who I am, this is what I believe. And we can become so invested in this content, so invested in what we believe and feel, that we may be willing to die or even kill for it.

Take anger, for example. Nobody ever really makes us angry. We make ourselves angry by thinking “It/he/she/ shouldn’t be like that.” The divide between how it is and how we think it should be is what creates anger for us. But how we think it should be is not real. It doesn’t exist. But our tendency is to believe that everything we think is true. But I’ve got news for you. Most of what we think is true is simply theory, belief, opinion, generalizations and habitual patterns of thinking.

Take fear. When we say “I am afraid”, we’ve now become the fear. Then we might say “I shouldn’t be afraid. Why am I afraid? I hate being afraid. I hate that thing that makes me afraid.” This is just more content. All we’re doing now is keeping the fear alive because what you resist persists because you are putting energy into it. The truth is, “I am aware of the emotion of fear, which will soon pass or fade.” What’s even closer to the truth is “I am awareness”. This is the context out of which all this content arises.

So we can look at anger or fear or any other negative emotions from the context of awareness. We can acknowledge “I’m having the experience of fear.” As humans, we will experience fear, of course, as well as courage, hope, despair etc. But instead of saying “I should not feel afraid”, we can stop shoulding all over ourselves. We can say “OK right now, I’m feeling fear and that’s what is. It’s ok to feel fear because I’m only human. And just because I’m feeling fear doesn’t mean that it has to stop me.”

What happens when we feel fear and we keep on going? Fear changes and starts to become courage, then confidence, then competence. It’s always changing. Because content is transitory.

How can we liberate ourselves from our mind stuff and identify more powerfully with the awareness of this content? (Which in my opinion is who we really are.) We can start by being the observer of our own process. We can notice when anger, worry or any other negative emotion, feeling or thought comes up. We can say “anger coming up” or “anxiety movie starting now”.  We can disengage from “I don’t want or like what is happening now” and just be with what is going on within us, without judgment or wishing it was something else. Now we are no longer reacting. Now we can be responsible which means “able to respond.” That’s freedom, the ability to choose a response instead of reacting.

Here’s something to try that is very simple. It will take 5 minutes and will give you the chance to see your content in all its glory.

Find 5 minutes where you won’t be disturbed, put a candle on a table, light it and set a timer for 5 minutes. Focus on the candle flame. Very quickly, you’ll notice your focus being taken off the flame and drawn towards your mind’s content. It might look like this: “I don’t have time for this…I’m tired…There was something I needed to do…This reminds me of…that candle smells good…that person is such a …”

Just observe what is happening. Watch the stuff just roll on by without getting attached to it.  This is the essence of meditation.

Let me ask you a question: what would happen if you were to do this every day for 5 minutes? I invite you to try it and see.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks using the buttons below.

Your companion on the path to Transformation,

Ted

Ten Radical Steps for Freeing Yourself from Insane Stress

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Do you ever get the feeling like you are being carried along by circumstance, expectations and habit over the stress cliff and into the overwhelm pit?  Have you recently looked around you with the sneaking suspicion that insanity rules the day? Well, desperate times require desperate measures. Here’s 10 radical steps to help you avoid going over the edge even though it seems that everyone around you is. Read more

Your Beautiful Life

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I awoke in a tent on a beach on a desert lake on a Sunday morning. Not yet sunrise, there was a silent light, barely interrupted by the notes of moving water. A few stars still floated in a purple sky.

I crawled out, splashed water on my face and put coffee to boil on the camping stove.

I put on a life vest, tucked my ipod into my pocket and my earbuds in my ear, and placed the box with my camera in the red kayak. I got in and shoved off into the still waters of the cove.

I paddled a little ways from the shore, then put up my paddle and drifted. The water was dimpled and translucent like the glass in your bathroom window. In a kayak you sit below the surface of the water, it cradles you and you let it rock you, up and down, back and forth. The high tips of stark mountains far in the distance were lit by fire and a faintish pink colored the surface of the lake.

I’ve been to this cove now, what, 9 or 10 times? We always camp at this cove, it’s like home now. On the beach, three tents, two still occupied.

My ipod sang:

I come back here sometimes
Angels fall fireflies ascend out
Beyond the aching skyline
Reckless distances erupt in intoxication

I drank heavily what was before me and something shifted. I pulled out my camera and took a few shots. Then I put it away and started taking pictures with my mind. I was under the influence of immense gratitude.

Ah gimme gimme good water,
Ah gimme gimme gimme good water

It was good water. I was given good water.

I realized then that I was being given so much more and this realization shook me like a wave.  I was being given all of creation, in all it’s magnificence and glory. I was being given a life by life itself and life poured over me and into my eyes, into my ears and settled into my arms.

And in that moment, it was enough. It was all I needed or even wanted. I felt as if I had been given a gift so precious and sweet, that nothing else mattered. I had that moment, it was mine and it was enough just to be there. (Life: “Moreno?” Moreno: “Here!”) In fact, it was so much more than enough; it was all I could ever ask for.

Tears came to my eyes, I must admit to you now. I was held by water, sky and mountains and they spoke to me and said “It’s ok, son.” I was them, and they were me, and it was so very ok. It was a transcendence, a showering of grace. I went looking one morning and I found it, by God, in that quiet speck of infinity.

There once was a note pure and easy
Playing so free like a breath rippling by

I knew then. I got it. I became fully and totally present to my wonderful, beautiful, miraculous life. It didn’t matter how much money I had or didn’t have, how much time I had or didn’t have, how much pain and happiness I’ve had or didn’t have. In that brilliant, holy moment, I did not care because I was in love with f**king everything.

I’m glad I’m alive am I
I’m glad I’m alive
I’m glad I’m alive
I’m glad I’m alive am I

Can you see it now? Can you look out the window and see it? Can you look in the face of the person in the cubicle next to you and see it? Can you see it in the veins on the back of your hand or can you feel it by putting your hands on your face or heart? Can you feel it when you think of the first time your rode a bike or ran through a sprinkler on a summers day, gardenias blooming madly? Can you affirm it when your crusty eyes open and the first light of a new day kisses your brain? It’s there, it’s always there, you always have it, the profound and unfathomable beauty and mystery of your walk on this wonderful earth in this beautiful place at this miraculous time.

You don’t need to do anything or go anywhere or buy anything or be anybody. Everyday it’s gifted to you until it’s not. You don’t have to climb for it, dig for it, fight for it or drift to it. Just look for it, here, now. I wish I could give it to you but you just have to look for it.

But the only thing I have to give
To make you smile, to win you with
Are all the mornings still to live

All the mornings still to live.

To listen to a podcast of this blog, go to my podcast TedInYourHead Episode #81

The Ebb and Flow of Life

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Last month I was watching a documentary titled “The Love We Make”, which followed Paul McCartney as he organized the The Concert for New York City benefit concert in October of 2011.

As I watched, there were things that McCartney did that I found interesting. Now, unless you’ve been living in a cave for the last 20 years, you know that McCartney is one of the most famous musicians on the planet, recognized everywhere he goes, and one of the richest men in England. He’s also a former member of that musical group that changed the face of popular music. Yet, he seems pretty normal and well adjusted, seemingly able to avoid the pitfalls that a lot of famous performers fall into.

What I noticed is that backstage and in his dressing room, Read more

What You Need When You Don’t Know What to Do

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If read many articles or blogs in print or online, you may have noticed many  that start with “10 easy ways to…” or “43 things you should…” or “3 step formula for…”

Why are there so many articles and blogs that start this way?  Because readers respond to them.

They respond because we are all looking for those x number of steps, for the magic formula, for the specific directions that will tell us how to get what we want. We read self help books, go to seminars, subscribe to the magazines and follow the gurus or religious traditions hoping we will get the road map to peace, happiness, success, or fulfillment.  Of course, there are a lot of people willing to tell you that they have the secret you are searching for. Read more