Sometimes You Just Need to Let Go – Episode 423

I’m not sure that I ever mentioned this to you, but at one point in my life I wanted to be a cowboy. It wasn’t when I was 6 or 7, I was actually in my 20s. This is embarrassing but I had dreams of working on a ranch and being out in the wide open spaces and you know riding a horse and all that cowboy stuff. I actually got a job working on a ranch but that’s a whole other story, maybe I’ll tell you about that sometime…

Anyway, during my “cowboy” phase, while living in Arizona, I decided to try my hand at the rodeo. I made up my mind to try bareback bronc riding.

This is where a rider gets on a horse (or bronc) whose only desire is to buck the bronc rider off. With only one hand, the rider hangs on to a “rigging”, which is a handle, like on a suitcase, attached to a leather strap strapped around the horse. To hang on, the rider wears a glove that fits tightly into the rigging handle, secured with resin (sticky) powder. The goal is to stay on for eight seconds.

At the time I was living in an agricultural fraternity, so I had some buddies that were in the rodeo. One of the guys had a wooden sawhorse that had a rigging attached to it. I practiced for a while on this wooden sawhorse with two guys at either end bouncing it up and down while I tried to stay on. The whole thing sounds silly while I’m saying it but back then I really thought this would help me stay on a real horse. Thinking I was ready, I went to the practice arena one night and paid ten bucks for my chance to ride a wild bronc.

My legs felt like jelly as I lowered myself onto the horse which was held in a bucking chute which is a wooden enclosure with a gate out to the arena. I jammed my gloved hand into the rigging. Out in the arena, the pickup man waited on his horse. The pickup man’s job is to rescue the rider from the bronc.

I nodded my head to signal that I was ready. The chute opened. Eleven hundred pounds of horse rocketed into the arena with 130 lbs. of me attached to it.

About 3 seconds too late, I realized that I really had no business being on that horse. I was getting tossed like a rag doll in a clothes dryer.

The pickup man, seeing that I was a lost cause, rode up next to us on the right. I started to climb onto his horse. I got halfway there with one leg on when he yelled “Take your hand out of the rigging!”

In all the excitement, I had forgotten to take my left hand out of the handle of the rigging. My hand was stuck tight with resin, on the other horse, stuck in there all nice and cozy, the way it was supposed to be. Except now, it wasn’t supposed to be.

All I could do was climb back onto the bronc. After a few more bone-rattling bucks, I got my hand free, and he gleefully sent me flying off and into the ground.

After I got all the dirt out of my mouth, and with some sense pounded into me, I decided to do horses a favor and end my rodeo career right then and there. Sometimes you just need to let go.

But sometimes, caught up in the excitement (or routine) of life, it’s easy to forget that we are still holding on to things we should have let go a long time ago. Like me on that bronc, we can end up being dragged along by our emotional or physical involvement, shaken to and for by our choices, or being thrown by our physical and psychological “stuff.”

As hard as it might be, there are times when the best thing to do is let go and get off. This is how you make yourself available for a new ride. This is how you allow new (maybe better) stuff to come in.

What are some things that we might want to let go of? What’s something that needs to be released from your life, now?

· Material things you don’t use or need.

· A job that’s no longer serving you.

· A relationship that has reached its end.

· An unrealistic desire that’s distracting or getting in the way of what you really need to be doing. (Like trying to ride horses that don’t want to be ridden)

· Guilt or regret

· A tradition that’s outdated.

· A belief

· A habit

The things that people come to release are usually things like anger, resentment, judgement, guilt.

We’re all entitled to these feelings; they are normal human emotions.

The question is, how long do we want to hold on to them before they become like a ball and chain, weighing us down and keeping us from moving forward.

When I got attached to that horse in the rodeo arena, he owned me. I was at the mercy of his anger at having someone on his back that he didn’t want.

Do we really want to be owned by our anger, our resentment, our guilt? Riding our bitterness and resignation until we find ourselves in the dirt? That sounds pretty scary to me.

I can’t tell you when to let it go. How to let it go, well that might be a topic for another podcast. But the first step is to be clear that what you are holding onto is no longer serving you and might just be costing you more than you think.

That day back in 1984 when I let go of that horse, I let go of the desire to be in the rodeo. I like my bones too much. There were several new interests and desires that came after that, as well as a lot of bruises and pain. I just kept letting go when I realized they weren’t what I needed anymore. It’s never easy, but so far, it’s been a hell of a ride.

Quote:

“To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.”

– Jack Kornfield

 

 

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How to Step Back and Watch the River Flow – Episode 422

My oldest daughter graduated from high school a few days ago and my younger daughter is turning 16 this month. My wife asked me how I felt about that. I thought for a second and said “I guess I’m just observing.”

When things get super stressful, like they have been, and there’s a lot of stuff going on, sometimes I feel the need to just step back and be the witness. I’ve discussed this previously a bit in episode 389 but I want to revisit the idea of just watching without any attachment to how I want it to be, how I think it should be, or how it was or how I think it will be. I find it very liberating to get into this space if I can.

I wrote a letter to my graduating daughter not only congratulating her and all that but I also gave her some advice I thought might be helpful. I don’t know if she’ll take it to heart or even care, but I hope so. One of the things I wrote about was change, telling her that it’s the only constant in life.

Sometimes change happens in a way that we like and sometimes it doesn’t and sometimes we don’t know if it’s good or bad. I think we have some agency that allows us to create the changes that we want but some change is inevitable and often painful. The loss of the innocence of youth, watching relationships drift away and or end, the passing of people we love, the aging of our bodies. We can’t do much about these things. Change is stressful and because life is change, life is stressful. So how do we deal with with it all? Well, we can practice acceptance, have gratitude, and step back and just watch the whole thing flow by.

How do we do that? It involves a shift in perspective from content to context. Now don’t check out on me here, ok? I’ll explain.

I did a presentation a few years back to a group of business people. I showed them drawings I had made on pieces of paper. I held one up and asked “What’s this?” They would answer, “It’s a bird”, or “It’s a boat” or “It’s a flower.”

But nobody said “It’s a piece of paper with a drawing on it.” That’s the context. The content is bird, boat, or flower. As humans, we are very identified with the content of our lives: the details, what happened, what will happen, descriptions. The context is the awareness of having an experience called Life.

Imagine you are in a canoe or kayak. You’re paddling your way down the river. You have a destination, a place you want to be. You’re trying to avoid rocks or getting overturned in a rapid; you want the journey to go as smoothly as possible. Imagine at one point, you paddle your canoe to a nice grassy place, pull it out of the water, and sit on the bank to watch the river flow by. You are no longer in the process of trying to get to where you want to go, now, you’re just watching the river flow.

Jim Carrey once said: “I used to be a guy who was experiencing the Universe, but now I feel like the Universe experiencing a guy.”

Guy is content, Universe if context. Pondering the idea that you are the universe having the experience of a guy or gal is what I’m talking about. It’s a major shift of perspective. It’s freedom because at that moment, there’s nothing you need to do or worry about or solve or figure out. There is nobody you need to be. You’re just checking things out.

There’s a song from the 1970’s called “Spill the Wine” by Eric Burdon and War. It’s about a guy who is strolling on a hot summer’s day and he decides to lay down to rest in a field of grass. He falls asleep and dreams he’s the star of a Hollywood movie. The lyric goes:

“The fact that me, an overfed, long haired, leaping gnome should be the star behind a Hollywood movie, hmm.”

In the same way, I can think to myself: The fact that me, a short haired, overfed, leaping vibration of the universe should be a husband, father, hypnotherapist and dude living in 21st century America. Wow. Far out. Cool.

Of course it’s hard to do when things are challenging, but that’s when we really need to shift our perspective.

I had a realization of this while driving through Scottsdale, Arizona in 1987. I was the general manager of a sales team. However, I was in a sales slump and had been for a couple of weeks. I walked into work one day and my boss said to me

“I can see failure written all over your face. You have dead eyes. You’re not bringing that attitude of despair and negativity in here. Go home and get your head straight. Go, now!”

I felt pretty terrible and pretty low at that point. While I was driving home I passed a lake with a beautiful fountain shooting high up into the air. It was a gorgeous spring day. One of my favorite songs came on the radio. I was able to get out of my head and realize that life is good even if I wasn’t selling, that nothing will last forever. I teared up and got a bit emotional. I went home and I think I called my mom to say hi. I went to work the next day and started selling like a fiend. I was no longer attached to what it all meant.

Stepping back means letting go of the narrative of your life (which is the content of your life) for a while. Your details: age, gender, occupation, status, history, goals, desires etc. Instead, you just watch your life flow. With awe. With wonder. With amazement. Now, you’re no longer a guy or gal, now you’re the Universe, or awareness. Now you’re just aware. Now you are the watcher, just watching.

We’re so attached to the details, the narrative, the content, that it takes practice to step back but it’s so worth it to get a sense of the truth of you. This is why mindfulness practices like meditation are so valuable and so popular right now. Because there’s so much content in life right now, we just want a break from it.

Practice stepping back once a day to say to yourself “Wow, check this out!” Even if its not wonderful or beautiful or fabulous. Remember everything is always changing. I personally believe the more connected you are to your own awareness, the higher the vibration you put out and will attract back to you. Good luck with that.

Here’s a quote by Bob Dylan from his song Watching the River Flow:

Oh, this old river keeps on rolling, though.
No matter what gets in the way and which way the wind does blow.
And as long as it does I’ll just sit here and watch the river flow.

Thanks for being here,

Ted

 

 

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The Wounded Child Inside of You – Episode 421

The “Inner Child” is a concept developed by CG Jung and further developed over the years by both pop psychologists and analytical psychology. It represents the childlike aspects of each of us. Ideally, we are connected with the wonder, joy and excitement of our inner child. However, if we have experienced childhood trauma, our inner child can become a wounded child, resulting in feelings in adulthood of shame, guilt, anxiety and other negative emotions. In this episode, Ted discusses signs that your inner child may be a wounded child, and more importantly, how to heal that part of you.

 

 

 

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How to Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body – Episode 420

How to Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body – Episode 420

In our western culture, intelligence, logic and reason are highly valued as the means to success and accomplishment. Consequently, we have become disconnected from our own bodies. Many of us have become unable to hear it’s wisdom and intelligence which show up as feelings in the body. Or, if we are aware of these feelings, we repress them to the point where they may become expressed as illness or dis-ease. Ted discusses the importance of a strong connection with our bodies and how to do that by “getting out of our heads.”

 

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How to Stay Out of (The Bad Kind) of Hypnosis – Episode 419

How to Stay Out of (The Bad Kind) of Hypnosis – Episode 419

So many people are struggling right now with anxiety, lack of motivation, crises of confidence and a struggle to find a sense of mission or purpose.

There are a lot of reasons for this but Ted discusses the impact of reason events, including the pandemic, and how information overload and social media contribute to a kind of negative hypnosis. If you are feeling these things, remember this too shall pass and tune in to this episode of the Ted in Your Head podcast for helpful insights as to what’s going on out there.

 

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Ted in Your Head Interview Series: Mimi and Chase, Relationship Experts: Episode 418

In this next installment of the Ted in Your Head Interview Series, Ted interviews Mimi and Chase of The Medicin Podcast. Chase and Mimi are dedicated to spreading truth in the areas of holistic health, spirituality, relationship health and much more. They relate their journey from high school sweethearts to married couple, to divorced for […]

Finding the Path Back to Yourself, Episode 416

 

In this episode, Ted suggests that the biggest problem most people suffer from is their own negative self-judgment, shame and self-condemnation.

Often a result of a combination of ridicule, criticism and neglect in childhood, we make decisions as children that there must be something wrong with us.

Ted talks about the path to healing: acknowledging our wounds and releasing negative beliefs about ourselves to create a more forgiving and compassionate relationship with ourselves. Don’t miss this powerful episode.

 

 

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Standing in Awe of the Power of Belief  – Episode 412



 

What do you believe? Why do you believe it? Do you believe that what you believe is true? How do you know? How do your beliefs impact your life positively and negatively? Are you willing to change beliefs that don’t work for you? Ted takes a deep dive into these questions in a way that may give you a different perspective about what you believe.

 

 

 

 


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It’s 2023. So What? – Episode 411

 

Ok, so New Year’s resolutions just don’t seem to work. So how should we treat the New Year? As just another day? Should we set goals, intentions or just let life happen the way it does? What if we really want to bring something new into our lives? Good questions that Ted takes on in the first Ted in Your Head podcast of 2023.

 

 

 

 

 

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If you are having trouble achieving your goals or finding the motivation to make it happen, request a complimentary consultation with Ted to explore if hypnotherapy can transform your challenges into possibility! Click here to request a consultation: https://tedmoreno.com/ready-to-get-started/

 

Embrace Your Place: Powerfully Claiming Your Existence – Episode 408

Let me start with a story goes back to when I was 7 years old. I was in church with my dad, which was strange because I’m the oldest of 8 kids and usually if I was in church it was with my 7 other siblings and mom and dad. Maybe he wanted company that day, I don’t know.

Everything was fine until my nose started to run. Now, I had allergies as a kid, nothing serious, so I always carried a clump of Kleenex with me. I reached into my pocket, pulled out my Kleenex clump, and wiped my nose but it still kept running.

Soon the clump of Kleenex was a snotty mess so I secretly threw it on the floor of the church and immediately felt like a sinner for desecrating the Lord’s house with my snotty tissue. And my nose kept running.

If I had a long sleeve shirt I would’ve wiped it on my sleeve but I had a short sleeve shirt. I tried wiping my nose on my bare skin on the back of my hand but that was really gross and I started to feel really miserable because my nose kept running.

What I started doing was squeezing all the snot from my nose into my hand and wiping it underneath my pant leg. Soon my pant leg was wet and snotty and I almost started crying when my dad noticed my discomfort and asked me “What’s going on?”

I told him with tears in my eyes “Sorry Dad, I’m so sorry my nose keeps running and I don’t know what to do!”

He reached into his back pocket and gave me his handkerchief which solved the problem. After church, he asked “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I think I might’ve said that I didn’t want to bother him. But looking back, the truth is that I didn’t feel I was allowed to ask for what I needed. The church was more important, not talking was more important, not bothering my dad was more important than my discomfort. He had 8 kids and he seemed like he was bothered a lot.

That’s how I felt as a kid.

Maybe your childhood was different, but I know I’m not the only one that felt this way as a kid. Now I had and still have decent hardworking parents and I’m grateful. But the messages I got as a kid from the world around me went something like this:

· Who do you think you are? You’re not special.

· Don’t call attention to yourself, don’t toot your own horn

· Stay in your lane.

· Follow the rules

· Don’t be a bother

· Don’t take more than your share

· You only get what you deserve.

· Don’t rock the boat.

I think if you look for the hidden meaning behind these messages, I think it comes down to two very disempowering ideas: what you think and say doesn’t matter and what you want and need doesn’t matter. And this is a very unconscious. Nobody actually tells you that but that’s the message. We don’t think these things consciously either. But it’s kind of like a computer virus, a mind virus, operating in the background. Programming is a good name for it.

So as we grow up, and try to make our way in the world. We encounter challenges, we make mistakes, we fail to do what we set out to do and then we might even start to reinforce these negative messages with our own negative self-talk. And even as adults we have people reinforcing these things. Family members, bosses, religion: you are a sinner. And that starts to feed these mind viruses and they grow. It’s possible to find ourselves with the feeling that we need to apologize for who we are because we feel bad about ourselves. It’s possible for some people to get to the point where they feel they need to apologize just for being alive. And that’s a sad state of affairs. Some people overcompensate by being bullies or being demanding or obnoxious and that’s sad too.

These are the messages many of us receive and I know that for a fact after almost 20 years as a hypnotherapist working with thousands of clients. There’s only one word to describe these kinds of negative messages we get from the world. It’s all bullshit.

Speaking of a sad state of affairs, For most of my life, I believed I was fuckup.

Sorry, but that’s the word I used to myself. I believed I would screw it up. Whatever it was, job, relationship, life, whatever. I didn’t want to get married, have kids, buy a house or start a business. Why, so I could screw it up? So I would sabotage myself. With stuff like perfectionism. “If I can’t do it perfectly, I won’t do it at all.” That’s a very sneaky form of self-sabotage, which is something I struggled with a lot when I was young.

And so consequently, I was always asking myself one terrible question. What’s wrong with me?

As a hypnotherapist, I see things. I hear things. Some of my clients tell me that they get on social media. And they say oh look they’ve got a beautiful house, beautiful car. Look what they’re doing, wonderful vacations, nice restaurants. So it’s easy for them to think, “How come I’m not doing that? How come I don’t have that? What the hell is wrong with me?”

Now, we’re not talking about you of course. But you might know someone that can relate.

The only thing wrong with most people is that someone told them some bullshit and they believed it.

Mark Twain said: “The trouble with most of us is that we know too much that aint so.”

We believe what we’re told. That’s what we do as little kids. From the time we’re born until 8 or 9 years old we take in everything as absolute truth. So when people come to my

hypnotherapy office because they don’t feel good about themselves, or they feel less than, I tell them “Hey, It’s the programming. Just the programming. The mind viruses you caught from someone else. It’s not your fault. It’s not who you are, it’s just how you are thinking and what you believe, and the good news is that you can change your thinking and what you believe.”

And that’s what I want to talk about today. How to claim our rightful place in this world by changing what we believe. And guess what. You don’t need to do anything or accomplish anything or be anybody to believe that you are ok. It’s a decision you make. Because your value, your worth, doesn’t have to depend on anything out there, it comes from within.

The first step is to realize just how much BS there is out there. There is a lot. All the socialization that tells you that you’re nothing unless you have this or are doing this or making this. It’s hard to find the truth.

Let’s look for what’s true shall we? Here’s the interesting thing about truth. It’s self-evident, we should be able to see it for ourselves. We shouldn’t have to take anybody else’s word about what is true.

I can’t speak for you, but what is evidently true for me, is that I exist. I am. What that means is that I’m having an experience. Right now. That’s the only thing I can say for sure. I have an awareness that I am having an experience that I call life. This awareness is a fundamental quality of our being by the way. My awareness right now, in this moment, is that life is pretty darn good.

Look around you. Are you reading this on a computer in a comfortable house? I’m writing this on a computer in a nice house in a nice neighborhood. What are the chances of that? I don’t know but what I can tell is that right now, that’s pretty cool. I feel lucky to be here.

What did I do to deserve this? The answer is it doesn’t matter because deserves has got nothing to do with it. The idea that you only get what you deserve is just more bullshit. Plenty of people have what they don’t deserve and plenty of others never get what they do deserve. Would you agree? So let’s remove from deserves from the equation.

Because here’s the thing. Somehow, someway, I came into existence. I didn’t ask to be born but here I am. I’ve been given life and I consider that a gift.

If you can say to yourself, I exist or I am, then you’ve been given that gift too. And far as I know none of us did anything to deserve it. But here we are.

And look what you get as part of the deal. Eyes to see. A mouth to taste. A nose to smell. Ears to hear. A heart to feel. A brain to think.

And so, just by virtue of being born, you get the sun. The moon, the stars, the sea. You get mountains, trees, rivers, lakes. Flowers, clouds, rain, snow. All the beauty of the world is yours should you choose to enjoy it. You were gifted with 4000 years of music, 3000 years of poetry, literature. 50, 000 years of art. It’s yours. You inherited it.

You get to love, be loved and have your heart broken. You get to succeed and fail. You get to have challenges. If you didn’t have challenges you would invent some I can assure you of that. You get to be young and grow old if you’re lucky. You get to dream and realize your dreams. Or not.

All this just for being born. Hell of a deal. The universe or God or whatever must love you because it has seen fit to have you here now.

Sometime in the 90s I was sitting on a mountain looking out over a beautiful valley in the Catalina Mountains of Tucson Arizona. They call these mountains sky islands because you can drive from the desert and in 30 minutes be in lush pine forests.

A voice spoke to me. It might’ve been the voice of God or nature or those mushrooms I ate. But the voice said something really profound: You’re ok Ted. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re just figuring it out like everybody else. You’re only human, and that’s ok. It’s good that you’re here. Don’t worry, we’ve got your back.

I never heard that before in that way. In way that was so validating. It took a while for me to completely get that, but I did and that shift of perspective changed my life and has brought me here today to share that message with you.

Ever seen Gone with the Wind? There’s a great scene. Scarlett O Hara is the protagonist. She grew up on her family’s plantation vain, self-centered, spoiled by wealthy parents. The civil war comes and sweeps away her wealthy lifestyle. She finds herself destitute and starving. She goes out to the fields to find something to eat but the only thing she can pull out of the ground is a withered carrot. She tried to eat it but gags. She falls to the ground miserable and crying. But then she stands up. She raises her fist to the sky and in a moment of desperation but also of empowerment, she says “As God is my witness I will never be hungry again.”

Have you ever made a declaration like that? Have you ever been down on you knees or with your back against the wall and you said “ I don’t care what it takes or what I have to do, I’m going to make this happen.”

Because that’s what we need to do.

If anything I said resonated with you today, then what you want to do is make a powerful declaration by calling on the powers that be and saying out loud or in the silence of your mind, “As the Universe or God is my witness I belong here. It’s good that I’m here. Even if I’ve screwed up. Even if I’m made mistakes. Even if I don’t have that thing that other people have even if I’m not doing that amazing thing they’re doing. Even if I’ve done things I’m not proud of even if I fuck it up, I’m doing my best, it’s ok that I’m here and it’s good that I’m here.”

I would suggest to you that this is the most powerful perspective that you will ever adopt. This is the most powerful thing to believe.

Reject any message you ever got from others or yourself that said that you are not good enough or less than or there’s something wrong with you. You are whole and complete right here, right now. You are unique and special and inherently awesome. This is your home. This is your life. Life is up and then it’s down, that’s life. It’s hard sometimes but that doesn’t mean that you suck.

Refuse to apologize for being alive, for being here now. Make a commitment to being unapologetically you. Embrace that fact that you are here now and that that is a good thing if for no other reason than because you say so. Believe you are here for a reason. Is that true? It doesn’t matter, it’s a good belief to have. It’s a good place to stand. Here’s a quote by Anonymous: The two most important days of your life is the day you were born and the day you find out why.

Stake your claim to all the joy and happiness and wonder and awe you can get your hands on. Be willing to receive what you didn’t earn or don’t deserve but also be willing to do something to attract what you want into your life. You have a right to ask for what you want and what you need and what you want and need is important. Life itself is a gift given to you for reasons we don’t understand, and we don’t have to.

Here’s another quote for you “We have a responsibility to love ourselves. If we don’t, we are contributing to the world’s problems.”

Marianne Williamson said that in her book A Return to Love. Here’s another quote from that book you might’ve heard:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Do whatever you can to liberate yourself from fear, from the bad things that happened in the past and from the BS. Do what you can to love and care for yourself. And above all, be grateful.

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