The Power of Asking for What You Want– Episode 439

I was speaking with a client last night and I told him the following story. It’s a great story, so I thought I would share it with you.

In 1987 I had a sales job that involved going into people’s homes and trying to sell them stuff. It was a very tough gig. It was the kind of deal where the managers of the business wore flashy jewelry, drove flashier cars, and yelled a lot.

I had just started on my own personal development journey and was reading books like “Think and Grow Rich”. I started to make a list of goals, and I decided that I wanted to drive a Porsche.

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Now, at this point in my life I was barely able to make my $250 rent, and this sales job was not helping. But I did what one of the books suggested and cut out a picture of a Porsche and hung it on my wall. I even knew enough to write it down, and it went something like this: “I’m driving a Porsche down I-10 listening to a Dire Straits cassette” (One of my favorite bands at the time, when everyone was using cassettes). Now, please keep in mind that I was in my 20’s, single, naïve, and a little bit of a knucklehead.

Somehow, a few months later, I managed to win a sales contest during a period of “feast” in my sales (as opposed to famine). The prize was that the winners would get flown from Phoenix, Arizona, where I lived at the time, to Huntington Beach, CA, where the owner of the company lived. We would sail with him on his yacht to Catalina Island off the coast of California, where he would treat us to a nice dinner and put us up in a hotel for the night. So we did. The next day, on the yacht while sailing back to the mainland, the owner of the company and I were talking. “So, Ted,” he asked me “What kind of car do you see yourself driving?” I definitely had an answer to that question so I told him. “I would like to drive a Porsche!”

So, we made a deal. If I agreed to open a franchise in Tucson in the next few months, he would put me in a Porsche today. “Sure!” I replied. He got on his boat phone and made a short call during which he asked me “What color?” “Red” I said.

When we arrived at Huntington Harbor, there, sitting on the dock, was a brand new, 1987 Porsche 930. Seventy-five thousand dollars’ worth of the world’s finest driving machinery, red as the blood that flows through my veins.

The owner of the company handed me the keys, I got in, and immediately drove to my parent’s house in Los Angeles to show off. I asked my dad if he had any music for me to listen to, and he gave me, you guessed it, a Dire Straits cassette. I drove back to Phoenix on I-10.

True story. Looking back, what I find interesting is that I wasn’t amazed that someone had given me the keys to a Porsche 930 to drive as my own. It didn’t occur to me that I had manifested what I wanted using visualization and affirmation. All I did was ask and I got what I asked for. When I hung the picture of the Porsche on the wall, I wasn’t feeling anxious, or wondering how I was going to get it, or worried that I wouldn’t. I just hung it there, thinking that it was a cool thing to do, visualizing myself driving this car and having fun doing it.

But there’s more to the story. The car was not given to me. The owner (a multi-millionaire) leased it and gave it to me to drive. It was my responsibility to come up with $1100 each month which included the insurance and the lease payment. That wasn’t easy with the feast or famine sales job I had.

Be Careful of What You Ask For

A few months later, in the parking lot of a pool hall where I was hanging out (a place few respectable Porsche owners would want to go), someone mangled the rear window wiper and kicked off the driver’s side view mirror. I didn’t have the $350 deductible to replace them.

I was living in an apartment complex where I was parking a $75,000 car in the parking lot. One day someone smashed the side window in a failed attempt to steal the car stereo. About a month later, I got a flat tire, but I couldn’t afford to replace it, so I drove around on the spare donut tire until I finally turned the car back in to the owner, a mere six months after I got it. It was in bad shape, and I was glad to be done with it.

The Moral of The Story

What I should have asked for was an income that allowed me to own a Porsche as well as maintain it. Instead, I asked to drive one down I-10 listening to a Dire Straits cassette, which I did. I got what I asked for.

About 20 years later, I’m looking at my hypnotherapy appointments for the week and things are looking slow. I’m feeling just a bit of anxiety. I check my email and someone I hadn’t talked to in a long time sends me a link to a Tony Robbins video. It’s a good video where Robbins talks about the use of “incantations”, which are affirmations with lots of emotion. I wrote down verbatim one that he uses, and it goes like this: “The abundance of God’s wealth is circulating in my life now. It’s wealth flows to me in avalanches of abundance. All my needs and desires and goals are met instantaneously by Infinite Intelligence where I am one with God and God is everything. ” (By the way this is something I still say every day.)

After writing this down and tweaking it a bit to match my personal belief system, I proclaimed my version of this affirmation with all the passion and energy I could muster. I also added, “My passion is helping people. People that I can help are calling me for hypnotherapy appointments.”

Within two hours two people called me to book appointments. Was it a coincidence? Maybe, but it didn’t feel like it.

I began to wonder: Why are so many of us afraid to ask for what we want and what we need?

As children we ask incessantly for what we want. Then we grow up, learn how we think the world really works, and stop asking because of resignation, cynicism, fear of rejection and fear of disappointment. Sometimes we are taught, “If someone offers to give you something you should politely decline.”

What if everyone started asking, or even demanding, what they wanted, including: an end to poverty and war, quality schools, a working health care system, health, wealth, happiness, love?

Maybe it’s all true: Ask and you will receive. Knock and the door will be opened. Think and grow rich. What you focus on expands. When you visualize you materialize. The how’s are the domain of the universe. Energy goes where attention flows. You become what you think about.

Every once in a while, I make an attempt to go back to being naive. I try to go back and re-consider the things I learned in my 20’s not as truths, but as possibilities. Such as:

· I can get what I want /need even though I might not deserve it. (check out my podcast Episode 426: What You Deserve Has Got Nothing to Do with It.)

· It’s ok for me to ask repeatedly for what I want / need because I might just get it.

· I can get what I want / need even if I don’t have the money for it.

· I might not have to work hard for what I want and need. Maybe I’ll get it just because I asked for it.

· I can take action to get what I want/need even if I don’t do it perfectly.

· The Universe, God, Infinite Intelligence, whatever you want to call it, wants to help me get what I want and need.

· Maybe, just maybe, I am the Creative Power in the flesh. Maybe I do have the power to manifest whatever I want quickly, possibly instantaneously and I just don’t know it or learned how to do that yet.

· Maybe I don’t have to worry. Maybe I just need to ask and believe. Maybe worry and anxiety is the problem when I perceive that I’m not getting what I want.

It’s not easy to train your mind to have faith in your ability to create what you want when it looks like it’s not going to happen to you. But at 64 years old, I’m still in training. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Thanks for listening, I appreciate you. Are you having trouble believing you can get what you want? Are you having trouble taking the actions you need? If so, I invite you to request a complimentary consultation to explore if working together is the best path forward for you. You can do that by going to tedmoreno.com/contact. I’ll get back to you within 48 hours.

I have two quotes for you this week. First one is from Norman Vincent Peale:

“The great secret of getting what you want from life is to know what you want and believe you can have it.”

Here’s the second one: “You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.” That’s Oprah Winfrey.

Have a great day!

Ted

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Are you having trouble believing you can get what you want? Are you having trouble taking the actions you need? If so, request a complimentary consultation to explore if working with Ted is the best path forward for you. You can do that by going to tedmoreno.com/contact.  Ted will get back to you within 48 hours.

 

Creating a Morning Ritual: 25 Awesome Things to Do – Episode P437

It has been suggested by people much smarter than me that what you do first thing in the morning has a tremendous impact on how the rest of the day goes.

I totally agree for two reasons: Number one: For about the first half hour after you wake up, you are in a state of hypnosis. That means that your mind is open and suggestible, so what you think and do first thing in the morning not only gets impressed upon your subconscious mind but has a powerful impact on your day.

Number two: Starting the day intentionally is one of the most powerful things you can do to have a better life. Most people start the day without any intention of who they want to be, what they hope to accomplish and what they want their day to be like. Having the intention as to what you want to create that day is the first step to manifestation.

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Do you get up first thing in the morning and start complaining?

· “God I’m so tired!”

· “I hate getting up!”

· “I hate my job!”

Imagine what messages are being sent to your subconscious mind.

Are you one of those people that immediately start to worry:

· “Oh man, what’s going to happen today?”

· “I hope nothing goes wrong…

· “I just know it’s going to be one of those days…

Worrying first thing in the morning is a great way to program your mind for worry and fear. Remember, worry is a prayer for what you don’t want.

And of course, there are those that first thing in the morning, pick up their cell phones or turn on the tv to the negative news to see who was murdered in their neighborhood overnight or what so-and-so politician said that pisses you off. This is the worst type of negative programming.

These are NOT awesome things to do first thing in the morning.

What you want to do is create a morning ritual that becomes a habit so that you do it automatically and reap the benefits of intentionally starting your day in a powerful way. Now if you spend any time on Instagram or Facebook this is a popular topic of discussion now. But, to toot my own horn, I’ve been preaching the power of a morning ritual for 15 years. In fact, this podcast started as a blog post that I wrote way back in 2011.

A morning ritual is simply something you do first thing in the morning that empowers you, that puts you in a good headspace, and that leaves you feeling energized but calm and ready to take on the day.

It can be as short and simple as 15 minutes of meditation or prayer. It can be a yoga workout or a walk on the treadmill or outside. It could be doing a little journaling. But it must work for you, or you won’t do it. I know some folks need to get up really early; try to do something.

So, here’s some ideas for starting your day. Pick one or two that you think will work for you and try them out. Give yourself some time to work this out. Write down what sounds good to you. Then, start with something, even if it’s just one thing, every morning. You don’t have to do the same thing each day, you can alternate. A good idea is to go to bed already knowing what you will do the next morning.

You will feel the difference it makes when you choose consciously and intentionally what you want to bring into the gift of your brand-new day.

1. Get up earlier. Getting up earlier gives you more day and more peace and quiet. You also give yourself more time to do some of the things you want to do. Start by setting your alarm 15 minutes earlier.. Don’t get up at the last minute and then rush around stressed out trying to get to where you need to be. It’s not worth the extra 15 minutes of sleep.

2. Drink a big glass of water. You’ve gone 7 or 8 hours without drinking anything. Start by hydrating your body. Some people put a little lemon juice in their water. I put a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar in mine. Have some water on your nightstand.

3. Make your first thought of the day a positive thought. The night before, write down the positive thought that you want to have as the first thought of the day. “It’s going to be a good day!” or “Glad I’m alive!” or maybe a gratitude list. I have a list of affirmations that I read to focus my mind on what I want to create. 4. Create your day. I got this from Dr. Joe Dispenza who was in the film “What The Bleep Do We Know!? Create your day first thing in the morning or the night before by imagining how you want your day to be. Say to yourself: “Today I will experience inspiration (or relaxation fun, etc.). Today I will attract things that inspire me. When they happen, I will know that I created it.” Believe you can affect the universe. Why not? It’s better than believing that you are a victim of fate and circumstance.

5. Read and visualize your goals. Your mind cannot distinguish between what is real and what is vividly imagined. The mind likes and moves towards what is known and familiar. Get your mind comfortable with your goals first thing in the morning by closing your eyes and seeing yourself doing what you want to do, having what you want to have and being who you want to be.

6. Pray or meditate. Get in touch with Infinite, the Divine, God or whatever you consider that to be. It could be as simple as sitting in a chair and breathing, or in a lotus position or on your knees. Use a candle, beads, rosary, incense, or chanting. Take time to inquire within. It’s said that when you pray, you talk to God and when you meditate, God talks to you.

7. Go outside. Let the sun shine it’s rays upon you. Breathe in the fresh morning air. Walk barefoot through the grass. Drink your coffee and eat your breakfast outside. If you normally do yoga in the living room, try doing it outside.

8. Do something in the garden. Water, weed, plant or harvest. Pick a tomato or a bunch of flowers for a vase. Or just sit there in amazement and wonder.

9. Do yoga or stretch. A flexible body means a flexible mind. You don’t want hardening of the attitudes. Stretching releases tension and toxins and gets you in touch with your body.

10. Read something inspiring. Religious books, your favorite inspirational authors, self-help books, or a short quote to ponder for the day. 11. Listen to music or your favorite app. Music stimulates the brain and awakens the emotions. Whatever makes you feel good, listen to it first thing in the morning. I do this every morning and I love it. Or find an app that you like such as the Calm App, the Waking Up App or the Ten Percent Happier Meditation App.

12. Write in your journal. Keep it positive. What have you learned recently? What is good in your life? Write a Gratitude list. Or, just quiet your mind and let it tell you what to write.

13. Take a walk. Greet the world as it wakes up while moving your body. Breathe deeply. Walk to Starbucks to get you out the door. Walk the dog. Walk where it’s beautiful if possible. I do this every morning if I can.

14. Ride a bike. There’s something about riding a bike that is freeing and joyful. Maybe because you did it as a kid.

15. Get some exercise. Exercising first thing in the morning jump starts your metabolism, giving you a sense of relaxed energy. It could be walking, lifting weights, Pilates, going to the gym, pushups and/or pull ups. Make it work for you. I’ll repeat that: Make it work for you. 16. Look at beautiful images. Fill your mind with beauty. Perhaps you have photos, or a great garden, or a picture book with incredible images. Give yourself a few minutes to take in the good stuff. 17. Do the magic that you do. If you are a writer, write. If you are a painter, paint. If you are a musician, make music. If you’re a singer, sing. If you are a dancer, dance. If you are a photographer…

18. Write a letter, send an email or a text message to someone you haven’t contacted for a while. Just to say hi.

19. Call someone you’ve been meaning to call or haven’t talked to in a while. “Hi, I know it’s first thing in the morning, and you’re probably getting ready for (work, school) but I just wanted to say that I really (miss you, love you, am thinking about you, remembering the good times, want to apologize, etc.) That’s all! Bye!”

20. Treat yourself to breakfast. If you usually fix your own stuff, go out and eat, connect with the world.

21. Fix your own breakfast. If you usually go out, then nurture yourself by feeding your own sweet self. 22. Make a donation. Write a check or go online. Make your first act of the day one of generosity.

23. Get in bed with your kids and smooch on them. Do a little snuggling with your partner before you get up.

24. Wear something that’s comfortable that makes you feel good. Get it ready the night before (ironing it or washing it). Dress for success!

25. Call in well. Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Say “Hi, I’m feeling too good to go to work today. I think I’ll hang out in the Rose Garden at the Huntington Botanical Gardens instead. See you tomorrow.” Ok, don’t do that if it’s going to get you in trouble. Instead, call in sick for a mental health day. We all need one occasionally.

Step out of the insanity of the daily grind by getting in touch with what is true and meaningful on a daily basis. Making a “first thing in the morning habit” out of just of few of these things can change your life.

I’ll be going on Instagram next week to make a couple of videos about my morning ritual. You can follow me at tedamoreno

Thanks for listening! If you need help getting up earlier or finding the motivation to start your morning ritual, I invite you to book a complimentary consultation today and explore if working together can be your best path forward. To request your complimentary consultation, go to tedmoreno.com/contact and I’ll get back to you within 48 hours. Here’s a quote for you from a song by someone I absolutely love, Joni Mitchell:

But the only thing I have to give
To make you smile, to win you with
Are all the mornings still to live
In morning Morgantown

Wishing you beautiful mornings,
Ted

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What you do first thing in the morning has a tremendous impact on how the rest of the day goes. Creating the habit of a morning ritual can energize you, empower you, and put you in the right headspace to take on the day in a powerful way. In this episode, Ted gives you 25 awesome things that you can pick and choose to create an morning ritual that can  become the best part of your day!

If you need help getting up earlier or finding the motivation to start your morning ritual, book a complimentary consultation today and explore if working with Ted can be your best path forward. To request your complimentary consultation, go to tedmoreno.com/contact and Ted will get back to you within 48 hours.

The Top 5 Subconscious Blocks That Are Holding You Back – Episode 436

Ted in Your Head Podcast
We all have things we want. Consciously, we have goals, desires, and outcomes we want to achieve. However, our subconscious mind, which is more than 75% of our mind, might have “programming” that is in conflict with what we are trying to achieve.  If that is the case, our subconscious mind will do what it can to stop us. That’s when we feel blocked. It’s that feeling that no matter how hard we try, we always seem to stop ourselves through self-sabotage, procrastination and giving up too soon.

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In this episode, Ted reveals the top 5 subconscious blocks that could be working against you and holding you back from success, happiness and health. Be sure to check this one out!

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Are you feeling blocked but can’t figure out why? I’d like to extend to you a onetime complimentary consultation. If you are interested in exploring hypnotherapy and high performance coaching, go to tedmoreno.com/contact and I’ll get back to you within 48 hours to schedule your consultation.

How to Deal with the Winds of Change – Episode 435

It’s been a while since my last podcast and there have been a few changes since then.

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Most significantly, a loss in my family (which I will discuss in a future podcast). There have been some changes in my business, and my oldest child is now driving and in college. If there’s one thing that’s one thing you can count on, things will change.

The last time I did a podcast on change was Episode 48 in 2019. We’ve had a pandemic since then. I was 59 years old. I just turned 64 last week. It’s 2024.

I remember when we went from rotary dial phones to push button, then to cordless. I got my first cell phone in 2005. That was cool.

I remember using LPs, (long playing records but everyone calls them vinyl now) to 8 track, to cassette, to CD, to iPod to streaming music. Those changes were easy, and fun.

But there are many changes that aren’t so easy to navigate. In my last podcast I talked about heartbreak, that’s a tough one. Loss, and the death of loved ones. Getting older, how about that one? Watching your loved ones get older, watching parents age. Reminds me of a line from a Bonnie Raitt song called Nick of Time:

I see my folks are getting on
And I watch their bodies change
I know they see the same in me
And it makes us both feel strange
No matter how you tell yourself
It’s what we all go through
Those lines are pretty hard to take
When they’re staring back at you.

The pace of change in our lives accelerates exponentially. I read recently that there has been more change in the last 30 years than in the last 300.

As 21st century humans must assimilate change and new information more rapidly than at any other time in history. Especially technological change, but also, birth and death, growth and decay, marriage and divorce, buying and selling, falling in love and falling out, getting hired, getting fired, getting on board and jumping off. Sometimes you make the choice and sometimes it’s made for you.

Change will happen whether you want it to or not. Make no mistake about it, it’s hard. Change is hard. Everything about our minds does not want to change. We are wired to seek the known, the familiar, the comfortable; this is how our minds keep us safe. The unknown represents danger. That’s where much of our anxiety and fear comes from. Much of the future seems unknown.

But, when you think about it, everything about the future is unknown. We trick ourselves into thinking that things will stay the same, that we know what will happen, and that’s part of the reason why it’s so hard because we don’t know what will happen, and most things in our lives won’t stay the same.

The flip side of that is that we seek change. We want to better our lives, we want to grow, we seek to improve our situation, make more money, become more capable, more skilled, have better relationships. We want and we need change.

So how can we deal with change? Or maybe a better question is, how can we prepare for change?

The truth is that for some changes, we can’t prepare. But we can prepare our minds and hearts for what may come. First, we want to realize that life is transitory. Things come and go. All things must pass, George Harrison said that. This is the nature of things. We will pass. We must accept this reality first and avoid any magical thinking that says otherwise.

Second you need to be ready to let go. It’s hard sometimes. Letting go of youth, letting go of people, friendships. Sometimes you have to say to yourself, I let this go, I release this thing, or I release this person.

Third, we need to practice being resilient. Constitute yourself as being able to roll with the changes. We can get annoyed or angry or indignant when things change inevitably. Those are normal human emotions and reasonable responses to changes you don’t like. But don’t live there. Practice accepting, allowing, and embracing change. Practice being peaceful in the face of change. Take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, that will help.

Fourth, cultivate wisdom. It’s never too early or too late to do this. See how life really is, not just how you think or would like it to be. Seek to be free from your own ego when you can, and you’ll get better at it. I always say that we think we live life but really, life lives us. Step back, be present, see the patterns of life. Get grounded in the reality of being human. Try to be happy to be alive and to be able to witness the changes such as the change of the seasons, the growth of your kids, and especially, your own growth.

I took a walk this morning and it was cloudy, and a cold wind was blowing. Soon it will rain. But I know that soon after that, it will be sunny and warm, and the flowers will bloom and the air will be fragrant. I want to be here for the changes, even for the hard ones. It’s ok, I know it’s going to be ok. I invite you to tell that to yourself a lot when you feel the winds of change blowing.

Here’s a quote for you: “Change is the law of life, and those who look only to the past and present are certain to miss the future” -John F. Kennedy.

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click here >

If you are having trouble navigating the winds of change, I invite you to book a complimentary consultation with me so that we can explore if working together is your best path forward. To request your complimentary consultation, go to https://Tedmoreno.com/contact
and I’ll get back to you in 48 hours to schedule that.

 

Thanks for listening,

Ted

How to Heal a Broken Heart – Episode 434

Lately I’ve had more than a few people come to me for help with mending their broken hearts.

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Some had been left by the person they were in love with or married to. Others were cheated on.  Still others were led to believe that there was a promising relationship happening only for the other partner to say no it’s not going to happen, leaving the client disillusioned and heartbroken.

If you have ever had these experiences, (and if you’re my age, which is 63, there’s a good chance that you have), you know it can be one of the most painful things to endure. Almost as painful, or perhaps, even more than the death of loved one. Let me say that if you’re going through something like this or if you have in the past, you have my deepest compassion.

I’ve shared my own experiences in this podcast over the years and it was one of the most difficult things I’ve had to deal with it. It took a significant amount of time to heal and it took a lot of work. So, I understand the pain. Fortunately for me, I bumped into a few people that had wisdom and similar experiences, and I had a community around me that allowed me to find my footing and heal. I’m happy to say that when I did, I was bigger, better, stronger, wiser, more mature, and more ready than ever to negotiate a relationship with my own personal power and confidence intact, which I certainly did not have in the relationship that I’ve described in the past.

Here’s some things that you can do right away to help you start healing and feeling better.

The first thing is to accept what’s happening. This is hard because every fiber of our being wants it to be different. We might have had dreams, plans, and a future that now, is no more. As soon as you can, accept that this is what life has given you. It sucks, I know, believe me I know. We can only deal with what is.

Next, realize that healing takes time. It’s a process and there’s no way to avoid feeling crappy or being in physical or emotional pain. You must tell yourself that you’ll get through it and be ok. You will feel so many different emotions such as

loneliness, humiliation, rejection, disappointment, sometimes even relief to be done with it. Be patient and gentle with yourself and do what you can to put one foot in front of the other.

The process is called grieving. Give yourself time and space to grieve. Cry if you need to and then, get up and take care of some business. Don’t have the expectation that you are just going to jump right back into life and be ok. You won’t. This is a wound which requires time and effort to heal.

Try to avoid doing things that make the healing worse, like following the person on social media or texting them. Don’t look at their photo, put that away for a while until later. After my big bad breakup, the most useful thing I heard was “No contact”. Don’t call, don’t drive by their house, don’t spy on them. There was no texting back then, but if there had been I would have been advised not to text. That was so helpful and allowed me to begin healing.

Remember that grief must be expressed, don’t keep it in. Crying is an important part of it, but also, talking to people about how you feel. Usually, the best person for this is a professional. If you have friends that are willing to listen just be aware of how much you’re dumping on them. Journaling can help but talking to a person is better.

Psychotherapy or hypnotherapy can be really helpful in understanding what happened and how you can prevent the same thing in the future. I realized that a large part of the problem in my breakup was me, so I began exploring my own lack of self-esteem and my controlling nature with a support group as well as a psychotherapist. That might’ve saved my life.

If you get depressed to the point that you can’t function, consider medication. There is no shame in taking meds short term to assist you in your healing. Do your due diligence though when seeking this option.

It’s important to move your body and get exercise. Emotions such as grief and loss are felt in the body. We don’t want them to get stuck in the body and that’s why movement can be so helpful during these times. Even just walking or riding a bike can be very therapeutic. Consistent yoga practice can help you reconnect with yourself.

Be intentional about getting back to yourself. Get back to doing the things you like to do. Many people give these things up when they get in a relationship. Get back to enjoying being with yourself. Re-connect with who you are. See if you can be ok with being alone, maybe for the first time. Don’t go jumping into another relationship to distract yourself because then you risk breaking someone else’s heart.

Get your stuff in order. What have you left on the back burner of your life? What did you stop paying attention to? Your family? Your friends? Your health? Your job? Get back to the job of living.

The next thing can be helpful, literally: Help someone and find a way to contribute to others. Volunteer. If you are focused on helping someone else, you are less focused on your own situation. Not only that but it feels good to help people. As rough as it might be for you, there is always someone out there having it a lot worse.

Try to find the lesson and the meaning. This takes a bit of time, but I would suggest to you that these life episodes can be transformative. It was for me. Growth, strength, maturity, and wisdom are all powerful things that you can gain from the pain and disappointment. Use it all to become better.

Lastly there are so many resources online. Search for the NLP technique called “Mending a broken heart”. You can use it on yourself. There are a lot of really good videos that can be incredibly helpful.

Let me leave with you a quote:

“Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” — Marilyn Monroe.

Thanks for listening and please take good care of yourself.

Ted

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click here >

P.S. If you are struggling with a broken heart and need some help in healing and getting back on your feet, I invite you to book a complimentary consultation with me so that we can explore if working together is your best path forward. To request your complimentary consultation, go to https://Tedmoreno.com/contact and I’ll get back to you in 48 hours to schedule that consultation.

 

Are You Being a Nasty Witch or a Freaking Ogre? – Episode 433

Ever had one of those days when you are crabby, irritable, unhappy and downright nasty? That’s when people start telling you things like “Wow, you sure are being a nasty witch today!” or “Man, why are you such a freaking absolute ogre today?”

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Well, maybe not in those exact words. Maybe in stronger words?? Sometimes we can’t even put a finger on why we are irritable or crabby. That’s a sign it’s time to give yourself some time to yourself. Time to take some personal time. “I can’t”, you might say? You can’t afford not to.

We’re all trying to get our wants and needs met, but first we need to be clear about what they are. The first step is to step away and carve out some time to figure it out.

Most of us are a collection of many different wants, needs and desires pulling us in many different directions. Of the all the things that I hear in my office, this is the most common: “One part of me wants this, and another part of me wants that…” Usually one part is unhappy with the other part because it’s not doing what the first part wants it to do, like quit smoking or get more motivated to exercise. Can you relate? I can.

If you throw job and family responsibilities into the mix, things can get complicated. It’s easy to avoid thinking about something within us that needs our attention until we can no longer ignore it. In my opinion, many people have no clue who they are or what they want because they’ve never spent much time with themselves.

Taking time for you, and being with yourself, can be one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself because it results in self-knowledge.

It’s a way to honor yourself as well as your wants and needs, and to get clear about what those are. This is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.

If you are in a relationship such as marriage, that relationship grows from time spent with each other. If you have kids, an effort needs to be made to nurture that relationship. In the same way, it’s necessary to develop a relationship with yourself by spending time doing something you enjoy.

Of course, we all have responsibilities; things we need to do and places we need to be. The idea of taking time to yourself might appear to be impossible, if not downright ridiculous and unnecessary.

Yet, the whole idea of transformation involves moving towards freedom and away from constraint. To be free means you have a choice. A choice as to who you want to

be and what you want to do. However, it’s easy to get caught up in being who you think you should be according to someone else’s standards. Then, there is no choice. In episode 21, Are You A Zombie (a long time ago!) I talked about how we can become zombies from overwhelm and can become like the walking dead. Never taking time for yourself to do what you enjoy or like to do, can result in irritability, stress, tension and becoming difficult to live with, for yourself as well as others.

I have a wife and kids. These are relationships that need time and attention, lots of it. My relationship with myself also needs time and attention. Most of the time I get along with me but sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I’m critical of me or downright mean to me or careless with me. It can get so bad that I end up not liking myself very much. Ever been there?

It’s better to be your own best friend. If you’re upset with your friend, and that relationship is important, then you’ll eventually want to have a conversation with that friend and resolve whatever it is that’s coming between you. But first you need to spend time with that friend.

Ideas for spending time with yourself:

· Check in with your own self-care.

· Ask yourself: “Am I getting what I need. Am I getting what I want. Am I asking for these things?”

· Learn to be comfortable with yourself, learn to enjoy your own company. Not so easy if you’re not used to it. The constant need to be with others can be an addiction. It can be a distraction from what ails you deep inside.

· Take a walk, read a book, go to a park or museum. This is the time to rejuvenate and calm your mind. It might mean taking a day off work.

· Get a massage.

· Journaling is a very powerful way to be with yourself, to get intimate with your thoughts and feelings. Journaling can help us identify buried emotions such as anger and resentment. · Hypnotherapy is one very effective way to get present to what’s going on in your head and in your life. Talking to a friend, priest or counselor is also time you give to yourself to explore your inner life, which is the most important part of your life, because everything else is a reflection of that inner life.

· Exercise, yoga and mindfulness practices like meditation are other ways.

· Taking yourself out to dinner. Take a drive just to drive and listen to music.

In our busy world, most people will not do this until a crisis occurs, then taking time might be a short stay in the hospital. It doesn’t have to come to that. Give yourself what you need on a regular basis, and you will notice that not only will people want to spend more time with you, but you’ll be happier with yourself. Then you only need to be an ogre or witch at Halloween.

Here’s a quote from the Dalai Lama:

“If you feel burnout setting in, if you feel demoralized or exhausted, it is best for the sake of everyone to withdraw and restore yourself.

Are you having trouble being more in control of regulating your emotions? Request a complimentary consultation with Ted to explore if hypnotherapy can transform your challenges into possibility! Click here to request a consultation: https://tedmoreno.com/ready-to-get-started/

The State of Men, a discussion with Sammy Villanueva – Episode 431

By all indications, many men, especially young men, are struggling and falling behind in the quest for health, happiness and success. In this episode, Ted and Sammy Villanueva, the founder of the HeRose Men’s Mastermind Community, have an in depth discussion about the challenges many young men face, how those challenges impact them, and what can be done about it.

If you are a man, or know a young man that is struggling, please take some time to listen to this important episode of the Ted in Your Head podcast.

 

Listen to this podcast episode now:

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If you know a young man that could use some support, or you are a man looking for support, request a complimentary consultation with Ted at https://tedmoreno.com/contact. Ted will answer any questions and help you explore if hypnotherapy with Ted is the best path forward for you.

5 Signs That Anxiety is Crippling Your Earning Potential– Episode 425

5 Signs that anxiety is crippling your earning potential.

I work a lot with people with anxiety. All the different kinds: social anxiety, fear of public speaking, panic attacks, driving anxiety, fears and phobias, etc. These fears and anxieties can have a huge negative impact on our lives, of course.

But the biggest impact that people feel from having anxiety is the impact it has on their careers. Because how you do in your job or career is quantifiable. You can measure it. You get feedback from people and results. It might be reflected in your paycheck.

It’s so frustrating to know that you could be doing better but you have a sense that you are holding yourself back. And the reason you are holding yourself back is almost always fear.

So today we’ll talk about 5 signs that anxiety is crippling your earning potential.

Some of these you might recognize, with others you might just have a sneaky feeling that it’s true for you. Some may not apply to you at all. If so, great! The intent is to become aware and root out the ways in which anxiety is stopping you from greater success. Judy Blume said “Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.”

It’s important to understand that it’s not necessarily the smartest people that achieve success. Often it’s the people that are ok with taking risks. They are ok with failure. They don’t let fear stop them even when they are afraid. Here are the 5 signs:

Opportunity knocks and you pretend you’re not home. You know how sometimes someone knocks on your door and your like “Shhh, be quiet!” You don’t move and you just hope they go away.  You’re being offered chances for advancement and turning them down, dragging your feet responding to invitations or missing application deadlines to take advantage of these opportunities. Or, you’re turning down leadership positions. You feel conflicted: you want it but what if you get it? What if you’re not up for it? What if you screw it up? Doubt, fear and anxiety come up to pull you down and sabotage your success.

2       You lack confidence when it comes to putting yourself out there.

You avoid building relationships or alliances that can be beneficial. You’re not networking because of social anxiety or not feeling good enough to hang out with people you think are successful.  Or you’re afraid that being seen might result in someone saying “Hey let’s get together sometime and see how we can work together” or “Hey I’ve got an opportunity for you!” You’re playing it way too safe.

3       You are afraid of failure or afraid of success. These are two different things. Fear of failure is “What if I try and don’t succeed and I’m embarrassed and humiliated, and everybody finds out I’m a loser.” Fear of success is, “What if I do really good and I get so busy  I don’t have time for my family or I end up working all the time or I get too stressed out or people start to resent me because they’re jealous?” It’s called tall poppy syndrome, the idea the if you rise above the rest, you’ll get cut down.

4       You have rationalizations for staying at your current level of success. This sounds like “Oh, I’m ok with the money I’m making”, or “I don’t really want any more challenges or responsibility, I’m good.” Or you’re apathetic:  “I don’t really care because I can’t make a difference so I’m just going to cruise along and collect my paycheck and keep my head low.”

5       You feel like an imposter: Imposter syndrome. “What if they find out I really don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve got them all fooled so far, but if I take on more or try to play a bigger game, they’ll find out I’m a fraud and I’ll be chased out of town by people with torches and pitchforks.” This is a biggy for a lot of people and it’s a very popular topic right now. And I’ll tell you what, even very successful people feel this sometimes.

Now, maybe you have good reasons for staying where you are. Maybe you are super happy with your level of success in life. Maybe you don’t network because you don’t need to. That’s great. But… if you know, deep down inside that you can do more, be more and contribute more and you’re not because of anxiety and fear, well that can really take the juice out of life and leave you feeling defeated.

I personally don’t want to look back and say “I could’ve been a contender.” I don’t want to look at other successful people what are enjoying success and all that comes with it while thinking to myself: “I am just as good as they are, why are they doing so much better than me?” I don’t want to look back and say “I could’ve done more but I was too afraid.”

So you really have to do some soul searching here and bring a high degree of self-awareness and self-honesty to your life to see where you are being stopped. Remember, the job of our minds is to protect us from what is unfamiliar and unknown. The known is where we are now, and the unknown is where we want to be. We need to get our subconscious minds on board and in line with our conscious goals, dreams and desires. That’s essentially what I help people do as a hypnotherapist. However, the first step is always self-awareness. Identify what is stopping you so that you begin to address it.

I’m posting the text to my podcasts now at http://tedmoreno.com/blog so if you come across one of my podcasts and wish you could read it, that’s where you want to go.

If I can help you to identify and overcome fear and anxiety that is keeping you from your profession and personal goals, , feel free to request a complimentary consultation at https://tedmoreno.com/contact. We’ll talk about what’s going on, I’ll answer any questions you have, and we’ll explore if working together is the best path forward for you.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
–Eleanor Roosevelt

 

Listen to this podcast episode now:


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Do you suspect that anxiety crippling your earning potential?  Request a complimentary consultation with Ted to explore if hypnotherapy can transform your challenges into possibility! Click here to request a consultation: https://tedmoreno.com/ready-to-get-started/

10 Ways to Cultivate Joy– Episode 424

It’s 1998, I’m living in Tucson Arizona and I’m not happy. My girlfriend and I were having major problems with each other and were soon to break up. Money was really tight, and to top it off, someone broke into the house I was living in and stole my stereo and the guitar that my parents had given to me for my high school graduation in 1978.

The two things that made me the happiest, my guitar and my stereo, were gone and everything looked very bleak. This went on for a while until I decided to use my JC Penney credit card and buy a Sony Discman with some headphones. I went straight to the campus of the University of Arizona, sat on a shady bench and listened to Mozart. I sat there with my eyes closed with bliss, contentment, and delight. I was feeling joy for the first time in a long time, and it felt good. Things got better for me immediately.

There are plenty of articles online about how to find joy. However, joy is not something you go looking for. Like a garden, it’s something you must cultivate and continue to work on so that joy becomes a regular part of your life.

Maybe you can remember being a child and feeling the lightness of joy as you played and jumped and ran and laughed. I remember as a child running through the sprinkler in my back yard with my brothers singing supercalifragilisticexpialidocious with wild abandon.

We felt it in our bodies, we were present with the amazing feeling of being alive and we expressed it through movement, singing, being silly, laughing.

But of course, we grow up, we become burdened with responsibilities and worries, and we lose the lightness. We don’t really lose it, we lose the time to cultivate it which as adults, I believe we must do as a regular part of our self-care.

When we feel joy, everything is right with the world. We feel safe, confident, fulfilled and loved by the universe. Do you think that’s good for our health? Of course, it is.

Can you feel joy even when you are not happy? Yes, because they are two different things. Happiness comes from the pleasurable feelings we have when we are excited or satisfied with situations, things, or an experience. Joy, however, is longer lasting, with feelings of contentment, fulfillment and peace. It can be cultivated even when there are circumstances going on in your life that are not making you happy, such as my ability to find some joy even in the midst of great uncertainty with my relationship and the loss of my property.  So going with the idea of cultivation, happiness is a vase of flowers, while joy is your garden of beautiful flowers.

Here are 10 ways to cultivate more joy in your life, while acknowledging that there are many more ways for you to figure out on your own.

  1. Physical activity. But you knew that right? Moving your body releases neurotransmitters that make you feel good. In my view, this is the fertile soil for cultivating joy.
  2. Get outside. Even sitting in a chair watching the clouds or the rain or listening to the birds can be joyful. Cultivate being present to the miracle of the natural world. It’s our birthright and our home.
  3. Practice gratitude. If your focus is on what you lack and what’s going wrong in your life, you are focused on the weeds that grow in your flower garden. If you look for things to be grateful for, you will find them. In your garden of joy, gratitude is the sunshine that illuminates what’s beautiful.
  4. Self-Care. It’s hard to feel joyful if you are not taking good care of your body and your mind. This might mean taking more breaks or even vacations, making more time for relaxation, meditation, or prayer, or paying more attention to your diet. Make time to do the things that you enjoy doing such as your favorite interests or hobbies. Most importantly, get good sleep for God’s sake.
  5. Create daily positive rituals. Let’s see, how about a daily walk, jog or bike ride outside while practicing gratitude. Wow, that covers half my list right there all at once! Establish a morning routine that gets you in the right mindset, create a daily habit of yoga, stretching, reading, or making art or music. These are the kinds of things that if done consistently, can change your life and create more consistent abiding joy.
  6. Dance, sing, play games, take that dusty motorcycle or bike out for a ride. Or pick up that dusty guitar or dust off the piano. Board games, card games, chess. I played Scrabble with my mom recently for hours. See if you can bring back that feeling of being lost joyfully in the moment that we were able to do so well as children.
  7. Do something different and new. Novelty is the cure for stuckness. Take on a new hobby, start reading a new book, take a class, learn an instrument or new skill that you can master. Challenge yourself to grow and learn. Cultivating joy requires flow and bringing in new energy.
  8. Spend time with positive people. Who you spend time with can be incredibly impactful. Avoid as much as possible spending time with complainers or folks that bring you down. Instead hang out with people that are upbeat and positive, people that smile, laugh and listen. This is one of the most joyful things we can do as humans: social interaction.
  9. Deal with the past. Regret, sadness, shame, and depression can be heavy burdens that make it hard to be joyful. Have the intention that you are going to let go of the past and be free from its negative impact. If you need to cry or feel sad or lonely then do that but don’t live there. Cultivate hope and faith that things will get better. If you need to talk to a therapist, make that happen. Many, many people have overcome the pain of the past to live a more joyful life. You can too.
  10. Give back. I say that the reason for living is giving. Find a way to help someone else. Volunteer. Donate time, money or a skill to your favorite cause or charity. Giving back could even mean showing kindness or doing something nice for someone. You’ll feel good and that’s good for you. It means you stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about someone else.

 

There you go. 10 ways to cultivate joy in your life. Let me give you one more as a bonus: Find a sense of purpose or meaning for your life. There will only be one you and you bring something to the table that nobody else can. What do you want to be remembered for? What unique contribution do you want to make? Why were you put here on this earth? You may not find an immediate answer to these questions but it’s the asking of the questions that matters. Keep asking and seeking to uncover your reason for being here.

Here’s today’s quote: “It is only in sorrow bad weather masters us; in joy we face the storm and defy it.” British novelist Amelia Barr

Listen to this podcast episode now:

 

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click here >

If I can help you to cultivate more joy in your life, feel free to request a complimentary consultation at https://tedmoreno.com/contact. We’ll talk about what’s keeping you from joy or happiness, I’ll answer any questions you have, and explore if working together is the best path forward for you.

Sometimes You Just Need to Let Go – Episode 423

I’m not sure that I ever mentioned this to you, but at one point in my life I wanted to be a cowboy. It wasn’t when I was 6 or 7, I was actually in my 20s. This is embarrassing but I had dreams of working on a ranch and being out in the wide open spaces and you know riding a horse and all that cowboy stuff. I actually got a job working on a ranch but that’s a whole other story, maybe I’ll tell you about that sometime…

Anyway, during my “cowboy” phase, while living in Arizona, I decided to try my hand at the rodeo. I made up my mind to try bareback bronc riding.

This is where a rider gets on a horse (or bronc) whose only desire is to buck the bronc rider off. With only one hand, the rider hangs on to a “rigging”, which is a handle, like on a suitcase, attached to a leather strap strapped around the horse. To hang on, the rider wears a glove that fits tightly into the rigging handle, secured with resin (sticky) powder. The goal is to stay on for eight seconds.

At the time I was living in an agricultural fraternity, so I had some buddies that were in the rodeo. One of the guys had a wooden sawhorse that had a rigging attached to it. I practiced for a while on this wooden sawhorse with two guys at either end bouncing it up and down while I tried to stay on. The whole thing sounds silly while I’m saying it but back then I really thought this would help me stay on a real horse. Thinking I was ready, I went to the practice arena one night and paid ten bucks for my chance to ride a wild bronc.

My legs felt like jelly as I lowered myself onto the horse which was held in a bucking chute which is a wooden enclosure with a gate out to the arena. I jammed my gloved hand into the rigging. Out in the arena, the pickup man waited on his horse. The pickup man’s job is to rescue the rider from the bronc.

I nodded my head to signal that I was ready. The chute opened. Eleven hundred pounds of horse rocketed into the arena with 130 lbs. of me attached to it.

About 3 seconds too late, I realized that I really had no business being on that horse. I was getting tossed like a rag doll in a clothes dryer.

The pickup man, seeing that I was a lost cause, rode up next to us on the right. I started to climb onto his horse. I got halfway there with one leg on when he yelled “Take your hand out of the rigging!”

In all the excitement, I had forgotten to take my left hand out of the handle of the rigging. My hand was stuck tight with resin, on the other horse, stuck in there all nice and cozy, the way it was supposed to be. Except now, it wasn’t supposed to be.

All I could do was climb back onto the bronc. After a few more bone-rattling bucks, I got my hand free, and he gleefully sent me flying off and into the ground.

After I got all the dirt out of my mouth, and with some sense pounded into me, I decided to do horses a favor and end my rodeo career right then and there. Sometimes you just need to let go.

But sometimes, caught up in the excitement (or routine) of life, it’s easy to forget that we are still holding on to things we should have let go a long time ago. Like me on that bronc, we can end up being dragged along by our emotional or physical involvement, shaken to and for by our choices, or being thrown by our physical and psychological “stuff.”

As hard as it might be, there are times when the best thing to do is let go and get off. This is how you make yourself available for a new ride. This is how you allow new (maybe better) stuff to come in.

What are some things that we might want to let go of? What’s something that needs to be released from your life, now?

· Material things you don’t use or need.

· A job that’s no longer serving you.

· A relationship that has reached its end.

· An unrealistic desire that’s distracting or getting in the way of what you really need to be doing. (Like trying to ride horses that don’t want to be ridden)

· Guilt or regret

· A tradition that’s outdated.

· A belief

· A habit

The things that people come to release are usually things like anger, resentment, judgement, guilt.

We’re all entitled to these feelings; they are normal human emotions.

The question is, how long do we want to hold on to them before they become like a ball and chain, weighing us down and keeping us from moving forward.

When I got attached to that horse in the rodeo arena, he owned me. I was at the mercy of his anger at having someone on his back that he didn’t want.

Do we really want to be owned by our anger, our resentment, our guilt? Riding our bitterness and resignation until we find ourselves in the dirt? That sounds pretty scary to me.

I can’t tell you when to let it go. How to let it go, well that might be a topic for another podcast. But the first step is to be clear that what you are holding onto is no longer serving you and might just be costing you more than you think.

That day back in 1984 when I let go of that horse, I let go of the desire to be in the rodeo. I like my bones too much. There were several new interests and desires that came after that, as well as a lot of bruises and pain. I just kept letting go when I realized they weren’t what I needed anymore. It’s never easy, but so far, it’s been a hell of a ride.

Quote:

“To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.”

– Jack Kornfield

 

 

Listen to this podcast episode now:

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click here >

Do you have a feeling that there are things inside of you that need to released? Request a complimentary consultation with Ted to explore if hypnotherapy can transform your challenges into possibility! Click here to request a consultation: https://tedmoreno.com/ready-to-get-started/