Anticipatory Anxiety: How to Stop Fearing What Hasn’t Happened: Episode 444

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Anticipatory anxiety is the anxiety we experience in anticipation of doing things that frighten us. Call it the fear of being afraid. If we perceive something will be fearful for us, or if we have found that situation fearful in the past, we can become so unwilling to go through that fear again that we start making ourselves afraid or anxious even before anything’s happened. Anticipatory anxiety can shut us down and stop us cold. So, what can we do to keep anticipatory anxiety at bay? In this episode, Ted talks about how to stop creating fear and anxiety for yourself about something that has not happened. If you have driving anxiety, social anxiety or any kind of anxiety, check out this episode.

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I bought the house I live in in the middle of the recession in 2009. My hypnotherapy practice was very slow. A scary thought started eating its way into my mind like a parasite. It went like this: “Because of this recession, I’m going to lose my house and I just bought it.” This thought grew in intensity and fear as I continued to feed the parasite with negative scenarios, such as imagining me and my wife packing up our stuff and moving back into an apartment, feeling ashamed and embarrassed. I had been in tough financial situations in the past which had caused me a lot of anxiety and fear.

It got to the point where I found myself expecting something bad to happen. Because of the negative vibes I was sending out, my business phone stopped ringing almost completely, which made the situation even worse. I was as nervous as a snail crossing the highway. I was experiencing anticipatory anxiety which is the fear of what might happen.

One night I was lying in bed kind of freaking out, thinking about all the past pickles I’d found myself in. All of a sudden it occurred to me that I had been in situations much more dire and had managed to make it through. I’d never been homeless, always had enough to eat, and always had people willing to help me out. I realized that I had been creating frightening images in my mind that simply had not happened. I was scaring the crap out of myself. (I call this scatpooy, by the way, which stands for scaring the poop out of yourself.)

The truth was, I was not even close to losing my house. Yet, I was imagining it as if it was already happening. Because the mind cannot distinguish between what is real and what is vividly imagined, these scary scenarios were creating fear and anxiety in me. That night, I stopped focusing on what I didn’t want. I wrote some goals down, and started to focus and think about what I wanted, which was prosperity, abundance and happiness.

We think that worry will protect us. It won’t. We think that having anxiety will prepare us. It won’t. In fact, all anxiety does is shut us down.

It’s good to be concerned, and it’s wise to plan for eventualities. It’s smart to see the writing on the wall and be prepared with a contingency plan. It’s another thing entirely to create fear and worry over something that doesn’t exist or that hasn’t happened yet. To imagine something bad happening before it’s happened is not helpful.

In my work with clients, typically people who have anticipatory anxiety are already anxious about things like driving, social situations, test taking, or even being able to perform in bed. The thought that creates anticipatory anxiety is “What if…”

For example, someone who is anxious while driving might avoid driving altogether because of the thought “What if I have a panic attack while driving?” even though it may have been years since they had a panic attack. Of course, this kind of thinking makes anxiety and even a panic attack more likely to happen. It’s a vicious cycle of fear.

Someone who has social anxiety might think “What if I get self-conscious and turn red and people notice that I’m uncomfortable?”

Call it the fear of being afraid. If we perceive something will be fearful for us, or if we have found that situation fearful in the past, we can become so unwilling to go through that fear again that we start making ourselves afraid or anxious even before anything’s happened. There’s a great article on Psychology today titled “Anticipatory Anxiety: Bleeding Before You Are Cut.” It goes on to say that:

· Anticipatory anxiety is the anxiety we experience in anticipation of doing things that frighten us.

· Anticipatory anxiety is the third layer of anxiety—the avoidance aspect.

Anticipatory anxiety can shut us down and stop us cold. So, what can we do to keep anticipatory anxiety at bay?

The first thing to do is to be clear about what you want, and not focus on what you don’t want. You might say “My intention is to be calm and comfortable while driving.” Or “I want to feel calm and in control in social situations. Write it down like a goal. Start to direct your mind towards the outcome you want to see and get your mind more familiar with that. Ask yourself “How would my life be better if I can be free from this fear or anxiety?”

Second, try to see reality clearly if you can. Anticipatory anxiety can cloud your vision. Get present to what’s happening now, instead of the disaster that you think will happen. Then deal with what is in front of you. If you can do that, you’ll see that it’s probably not as bad as the horror film in your head. Get out of your head and into your body. Breathe and take some steps to calm yourself down in the moment. Are you exaggerating? Are you catastrophizing a little too much? Can you step back just a bit and say, “Well, it probably won’t be that bad?”

Next, change your language. Check what you’re saying to yourself. Does it sound something like this “Oh my god, I just know that this is going to be terrible?” If so then, stop and ask yourself: “How do I know that? Can I predict the future? How do I know that it’s going to be terrible?” Answer: you don’t. Even if it has been that way before, remember the past does not have to equal the future. Every thought is a prayer to the universe and all human creation starts in the mind. Use daily affirmations to change your pattern of self-talk. My favorite affirmation is this: “Right here, right now, everything is ok.” Practice calming yourself now as you think about the situation that’s coming up. This will help to associate calm and relaxation with the situation. It’s easier than calming yourself when you are in the middle of it.

The next step is to determine what actions you can take now to prepare, remedy, or plan for the situation that’s worrying you. Ask “How can I make this more manageable for myself?” Realize that for every problem, there is a solution. It may not be the ideal solution but try something. Doing nothing leaves you even more paralyzed and stuck with that churning feeling in your gut.

Lastly, see if you can cultivate trust and confidence in your ability to overcome fear. I can assure you of this: you have no idea how resilient you can be. Sometimes we need to be put to the test to force us to reach deep down inside for courage, resourcefulness and plain ole grit. You’ve got to tell yourself every day” I refuse to use the immense power of my imagination to create fear and anxiety for myself. I’m up for this challenge; it may not go my way but I won’t let it take me down.” Accept that some things are scary and that your mind is doing what it needs to do to keep you safe. Don’t beat yourself up for being afraid. The key is to face the fear and move through it.

We have these amazing imaginations that allow us to imagine things that don’t exist. This allows us to create first in our minds, then in reality, amazing accomplishments, dreams and desires. Or using that same amazing imagination, we can create the most frightful scenarios that leave us trembling and disempowered.

It all starts in the mind. How will you use the incredible power of your mind?

Speaking of the incredible power of your mind, if you need some help tapping into that power to overcome fear and anxiety, I invite you to reach out and request a complimentary consultation. Go to tedmoreno.com/contact, send me an email and I’ll get back to you within 48 hours. We’ll have a conversation to see if hypnotherapy and high-performance coaching is right for you and if it is, we’ll get started with your first hypnotherapy session.

In closing, let me leave you with a quote by Alfred Hitchcock:

“There is no terror in the bang, only in the anticipation of it.”

Thanks for reading this and have a great day.

Ted

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click Here >

If you need some help tapping into your mindpower to overcome fear and anxiety, reach out and request a complimentary consultation. Go to TedMoreno.com/contact., send an email and Ted will get back to you within 48 hours. You’ll have a conversation to see if hypnotherapy and high-performance coaching is right for you and if it is, you can get started with your first hypnotherapy session

 

The Link Between Pain and Anxiety– Episode 440

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Chronic pain and anxiety have a strong relationship to each other. Anxiety can cause or increase pain and pain can cause anxiety. This can cause a “negative feedback loop” making life increasingly unbearable for those that suffer from pain and anxiety.

Understanding the possibility of anxiety as the cause of unexplainable pain is the first step to healing. In addition, addressing the anxiety caused by chronic pain make pain more manageable. In this episode, Ted discusses the link between anxiety and pain as well as what you can do to feel better.

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I work a lot with people who come in with chronic pain but can’t figure out why. Things like back pain, shoulder pain, neck pain, stomach pain. They’ve been to all the doctors, done all the tests, taken the meds, but still can’t get the pain to go away and can’t find a reason for it. As a hypnotherapist, in these types of cases I’m always looking for an emotional reason for the pain and there are many. Anxiety is one very common reason why people have pain.

Chronic pain and anxiety have a strong relationship with each other. Anxiety can cause or exacerbate chronic pain in some people. But chronic pain can also cause anxiety. According to an article titled “Depression and Anxiety in Pain” by Adam KM Woo on the National Library of Medicine website:

· Mood disorders, especially depression and anxiety, play an important role in the exacerbation of pain perception in all clinical settings.

· Anxiety negatively affects thoughts and behaviors which hinders rehabilitation.

This article goes on to make the really important point that pain is no longer seen as a problem in the body such as a lesion that is perceived by the brain as pain. Today, pain is seen from what is called a biopsychosocial model. This model for understanding pain considers not only tissue damage, (physical damage to the body), but also, psychological and environmental factors that are interacting to create the pain experience. According to an article on the Twin Cities Pain Clinic website:

People with chronic pain are three times more likely to develop symptoms of anxiety. Researchers have found that experiencing a chronic illness puts a person at increased risk for developing anxiety or an anxiety disorder.

In other words, anxiety can cause pain, and pain can cause anxiety and depression as well.

Anybody that has ever suffered from chronic pain knows that it’s very stressful. Pain can affect our jobs, our relationships and ultimately our ability to be happy. Especially if the people around you can’t understand your pain or think that you’re imagining it or that it’s “all in your head.”

Chronic, persistent anxiety can also make people more sensitive to any pain they already have. The more they focus or obsess on the pain, the worse it gets, which can in turn increase anxiety which is what we might call the negative feedback loop.

Anxiety can cause pain such as chest pains from panic attacks, stress headaches, and muscle pain.

There are several reasons for this. When we’re stressed, we feel tension in the body; our muscles are tense. This can lead to back, neck and shoulder pain. Chronic tension in the body can also lead to joint pain, as well as headaches and even migraines.

In addition, anxiety and stress trigger hormones that cause inflammation in the body which is one of the most common reasons for pain.

There’s a very popular book by an author by the name of John Sarno called Healing Back Pain, the Mind Body Connection. If you have chronic back pain, I recommend you check out this book. Sarno came up with the term Tension Myositis Syndrome or TMS. According to Wikipedia, Sarno claims that TMS is a psychosomatic illness causing chronic back, neck, and limb pain which is not relieved by standard medical treatments. (Psychosomatic medicine studies physical diseases that are believed to have a mental component derived from stresses and strains of everyday living.)

His theory is that unexplainable pain is a distraction to help people continue to repress unconscious emotional issues.

The TMS syndrome diagnosis is not accepted by the mainstream medical community but then again, the idea of the mind body connection is still not fully understood by mainstream medicine.

The idea of pain being caused by repressed emotional issues is a completely different topic that requires its own deep dive and I’m not going to go there in this episode. But if you listened to my recent podcast Episode 438 titled “5 Hidden Costs of Living with Chronic Anxiety”, then you know that some people don’t even know that they have anxiety. Could it be possible that chronic pain is the result of repressed anxiety or fear that someone may not even know that they have? I think it is possible.

In the same way, there are people that are in pain that don’t want to take the time or effort to deal with it and choose to live with it. They just block it out or try to medicate it with pain meds or other substances. This can create anxiety. This is not a recipe for a healthy happy life.

So many of us are so busy and so overwhelmed that we have lost touch with what we are feeling both physically and emotionally. We owe it to ourselves to pay attention to the signals that our body and our mind are giving us. I’ve devoted a lot of podcasts and blog posts to dealing with anxiety. Here are 3 things that I think are important for dealing with both pain and anxiety.

First, make a commitment to take better care of yourself. Good sleep, good food, exercise, and sufficient downtime can all go a long way towards mitigating or lessening pain and anxiety. I personally feel that chiropractic, acupuncture, and massage can be incredibly helpful for both body pain and anxiety.

Second, mindfulness practices such as yoga, tai chi, meditation, and deep breathing exercises are practices that are thousands of years old and proven to support a higher level of mental and physical health. There’s a yoga joint now in every city, go check one out. Every heard of Reiki? Check it out.

Third, ask for help. I know it’s hard sometimes. I know you’ve already got too much going on. I know that you feel that you don’t have the time or energy or the financial resources to get help. However, let’s focus on what’s possible instead of looking at what’s impossible. If we look for a way to make it happen, usually we can find a way. Find a therapist to help you with your anxieties and fears. Or start by seeking out a pain management specialist or start by going to your doctor if you’ve been putting that off. Start somewhere to make life better by feeling less anxious and more comfortable in your body.

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And of course, if this podcast episode resonated with you and got you thinking and possibly motivated to start addressing both pain and anxiety using the powerful tools of hypnotherapy and high-performance coaching, I invite you to request a complimentary consultation to see if what I do is a good fit for you. You can do that by going to TedMoreno.com/contact.

Here is today’s awesome quote by John Sarno:

We must learn to recognize nature’s truths even though we don’t understand them, for some of those truths may still be beyond the ability of the human mind to comprehend. What we need is a compound prescription of humility, imagination, devotion to the truth and, above all, confidence in the eternal wisdom of nature.

Thanks for being here!

Ted

5 Hidden Costs of Living with Chronic Anxiety – Episode 438

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I’ve long realized that many people who have chronic anxiety aren’t aware that they have it. They will chalk it up to stress, or some other physical ailment. If they go to their doctor for, let’s say, digestive issues, they will be given a prescription that might be helpful but often times won’t address the root cause of the problem which is chronic anxiety, which is often diagnosed as an anxiety disorder.

Anxiety, especially if it’s chronic, (persistent or constantly recurring), can present or show up as many different symptoms which may not be recognizable as anxiety. According to the Journal of Affective Disorders 11.5% of the population experiences mild to severe anxiety symptoms but does not recognize having any symptoms.

 

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I’m not suggesting that every stomachache, episode of depression or tendency to want to have more alcoholic drinks than you should is a sign of anxiety, but if you are consistently experiencing any of these things, for example, you should assess your daily level of anxiety.

As you might know, anxiety can be defined as intense, excessive, and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations. Fast heart rate, rapid breathing, and sweating, are a few of the signs that your body is having what is called the “fight flight response”, which is a severe reaction to stress and which has evolved as a survival mechanism, enabling people and some animals to react quickly to life-threatening situations. According to the ADAA which is the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, anxiety disorders are the most common mental illnesses in the US, affecting 40 million adults; that’s 19 % of the population age 18 and older, every year. Even though anxiety disorders are highly treatable, only 37 % of these suffering seek treatment. Maybe they don’t feel they need treatment, maybe they feel they can deal with it, or maybe they are not aware of the price they pay to live with anxiety.

As an example, the global annual direct cost of anxiety disorders has been estimated to be up to $6.5 trillion, or 2.08 % of all healthcare-related expenditures according to the Journal of Affective Disorders.

There are costs to the chronic activation of this survival mechanism we know as anxiety. Here are 5 that you may not realize because they are often hidden.

1. Happiness. It’s hard to be happy when you are anxious and fearful. Reduced life satisfaction, reduced psycho-social functioning, and greater stress are the consequences of chronic anxiety. In addition, individuals that suffer from anxiety disorders often have other psychiatric disorders, the most common being depression, which is pretty much the opposite of happiness right? One cost that you will pay for your chronic anxiety is impaired happiness and mental health.

2. Lower quality of health. Digestive disturbances, impaired sleep, a reduced ability to rest, relax and be calm, and chronic pain in the body can be the consequences of chronic anxiety or an anxiety disorder. Ever heard of the gut brain connection? When your body is in the fight flight stress response, your digestive system can slow down or be shut down entirely. The neurotransmitters and hormones released when we have anxiety and stress can negatively impact gut motility (the ability of the gut to move waste through the body) and also affect the delicate balance of gut bacteria. If your digestion is not in balance and not healthy, food is not being absorbed, it’s staying in your stomach too long, and it’s causing upset stomach distress which can make you even more anxious.

Chronic anxiety can also negatively impact your sleep and I would suggest that for many people this is the first symptom of anxiety that they’ll become aware of but not recognize as anxiety related. People who are in a constant state of anxiety are hypervigilant, which is an elevated state of constantly assessing potential threats around you. If your body and mind feel constantly under threat, your body will have real problems falling or staying asleep.

The mind body connection is powerful, and research has shown for a long time that what you think and feel can cause physical symptoms in the body including pain. Prolonged levels of stress hormones can result in

feeling weak or tired, headaches and stomach distress as we just discussed. The chronic tension of anxiety can result in physical pain in the body such as neck and back pain.

A lower health related quality of life is a hidden cost of chronic anxiety.

3. Work and academic performance. Irritability, lack of focus, being distracted by worries, and fear of failure are just a few of the negative impacts that anxiety can have on your job performance. Social anxiety can stop you from networking with other professionals for greater opportunity. Chronic anxiety can keep you from engaging in public speaking or making the presentations that can move you forward in your career, causing career stagnation. In addition, the impact of needing to miss work to deal with chronic anxiety can cause obvious work issues as well.

The effect of anxiety on academic performance can be hidden as well. According to the Economic and Social Research Council, “anxious individuals find it harder to avoid distractions and take more time to turn their attention from one task to the next than their less anxious peers.” In addition: “anxiety had more effect on how much effort it took to perform a task than on how well the task was actually performed. In other words, anxiety often produced “hidden costs” that were not apparent in performance.” For many that deal with test anxiety, that cost is well known and experienced.

4. Unhealthy coping habits. Human beings will do what they can to avoid pain and discomfort. If you don’t have healthy comping strategies to deal with anxiety, you might turn to unhealthy coping habits which may include substance abuse, avoidance, self-harm, and negative self-talk such as shaming and blaming yourself. Substance abuse could include drinking, drugs, sex, gambling, or emotional eating or binge eating. These behaviors in turn can impact your health, job and relationships. 5. Chronic anxiety is expensive. According to the National Institute of Health, The average estimated total medical cost for individuals diagnosed with any anxiety disorder was $6,475. That’s just the medical cost for anxiety and doesn’t include the cost of treatment for co-morbidities that accompany anxiety, such as gut problems, sleep problems, and addressing body pain. It doesn’t include missed time from work, lower work productivity and lost

opportunity costs. And you can’t really put a price on the negative impact on happiness, your relationship or how you feel about yourself.

So, in closing, if you are not doing anything about your anxiety and just trying to power through and deal with it, you might be paying a higher price than you know. And, if you don’t think you have anxiety, but resonate with some or all of what I’ve said, well, you might want to think again.

What can you do about anxiety? I’ve posted a lot of podcasts about how to deal with anxiety. You can go to Tedmoreno.com/podcast and search for anxiety. But here are a few essential things you want to do:

· Give yourself more downtime, more relaxation time, and more time to enjoy life. Laugh more.

· Take a good look at your alcohol and caffeine intake: Both alcohol and caffeine can make anxiety worse and cause mood shifts.

· Take care of your body: Make sure to get enough sleep, don’t skip meals and eat good food. Get exercise, even if it’s just walking, this will help you get out of your of your head and into your body as well as release tension from the body.

· Try mindfulness practices such as meditation, yoga, tai chi.

· Use breathwork, which are different breathing techniques that can help reduce anxiety and stress.

· Get a massage or acupuncture to calm the body and the nervous system.

And of course, if after todays’ episode you’re asking yourself if hypnotherapy can help you reduce anxiety and the price you pay for having it, I’d like to offer you a one-time complimentary consultation. Well talk about what’s going on, I’ll answer any questions you might have and if you are ready, we’ll schedule your first hypnotherapy session. You can request your consultation by going to tedmoreno.com/contact.

And if you want to read a blog post of this episode with links to more resources go to Tedmoreno.com/blog.

Thank you for listening today and here is this episode’s quote. You may have heard this before, by Franklin D. Roosevelt:

The only thing we have to hear is fear itself.

Take care of yourself and we’ll talk soon.
Ted

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click here >

Anxiety, especially if its chronic, can show up as many different symptoms that may not be recognizable as anxiety. Ten percent of the population has symptoms of anxiety but doesn’t even know that’s what they are experiencing. In this important episode, Ted talks about the 5 costs of living with chronic anxiety that are often hidden, leading those who have anxiety to avoid addressing their challenge or to try to power though and “deal” with it, not understanding the price that they and their loved ones pay. If you or someone you know is suffering from chronic anxiety and its cost, please listen to this episode or share it. If you are interested in exploring hypnotherapy as a tool to overcome anxiety, request a complimentary consultation: go to tedmoreno.com/contact and Ted will get back to you within 48 hours.

8 Easy Tips for Dealing with Social Anxiety– Episode 429

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The first time I went to a business mixer, I was so nervous about meeting other people, that after getting a drink, I went and stood in a corner next to another guy who also seemed to have the same problem. That’s where I stayed the whole night. I went home and my wife asked me how it went and I told her it didn’t. She went with me the next time and that made it a lot easier.

Have you ever walked into a social situation with fear or dread about what you will say or do in front of other people? Has it got to the point where you avoid these kinds of circumstances? If so, you have probably experienced social anxiety. 

Social anxiety is a feeling of discomfort or fear in social situations where a person is concerned about being judged or evaluated. There’s usually an intense fear of what others are thinking about them.

Social anxiety is typically a part of childhood development, and most kids grow out of it. If they don’t, however, it can turn into chronic social anxiety in the teenage years or even into adulthood. And if you find that you need to be around people for your work, this can be highly distressing and an impediment to making valuable business connections. On a personal level, you might be craving connection or have the desire to go to parties or get-togethers but the idea seems overwhelming and way too scary for you.

Of course, we want to be sensitive to social norms, and we expect to be judged to some extent on how we are dressed, how we act, what we say and how we interact with others. This is a normal part of the social process. However, if this fear of the expectation of others becomes too severe it can affect a person’s quality of life, quality of relationships, and the ability to achieve success.

Social anxiety that is chronic and disabling is called social anxiety disorder. This is social anxiety that interferes with a person’s daily activities. According to Harold Leitenberg in the (1990) “Handbook of Social and Evaluation Anxiety”, roughly 40 million American adults 18 years or over have some type of anxiety disorder.

People that suffer from social anxiety usually feel all the symptoms of anxiety including:

  • Rapid heartbeat
  • Sweaty palms
  • Trembling
  • Dry mouth

But even more of an issue is that there is the tendency to have negative and unrealistic thinking:

  • I’m such a loser.
  • Everybody is looking at me.
  • Everybody knows that I’m nervous
  • I don’t belong here.

This in turn can lead to unproductive behaviors such as:

  • Arriving then leaving quickly
  • Using alcohol or drugs to cope with social situations
  • Excessive grooming so that they look “perfect”
  • Spending too much time on phones or devices or hiding in a corner to avoid contact like I did at my first business mixer.

Almost everyone can benefit from healthy social interaction. Avoidance because of social anxiety not only leaves one alone and isolated but can affect self-esteem and as I mentioned before, can result in lost opportunities for meaningful personal and business relationships.

I’m more of an introvert. I’d prefer to stay home, read a book, listen to music and avoid crowds and rooms filled with people, especially ones I don’t know. However, it became obvious to me early on that I needed to develop the skills that were necessary for growing my business and that those skills involved talking and connecting to people I don’t know while presenting myself as confident, approachable and in control. I learned those skills and it wasn’t really that hard, but it did take practice. owe

You can learn to be comfortable in social situations and release social anxiety if you are willing to practice and be ok with being uncomfortable.

Here are some 8 easy tips for dealing with social anxiety.

  1. Become aware of when your social anxiety gets triggered. Is it at the supermarket? Parties? Meetings? Get clear about when you feel the most uncomfortable. You can then be better prepared for those situations. Mental preparation is the key here.
  2. Take someone with you. As I mentioned, when I got back from the mixer that I told you about, my wife asked me how many people I met. I said “None”. She went with me to the next mixer and introduced me around. It really helped. Find someone that is more outgoing than you are and have them help you meet people and show you how it’s done. Find a wingman or wingwoman or wingperson.
  3. Ask questions. If you are concerned about what to say in a social situation, get good at asking questions. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Ask questions such as: What do you do? Where are you from? What made you come here today? Get people talking and you won’t have to fumble for things to say.
  4. Create a script. Have a script of things you want to say or talk about. Don’t wing it, be prepared with questions you can ask or topics you can talk about. Sounds weird but it’s incredibly helpful. Practice saying the words at home.
  5. Make sure you eat. Social anxiety can be triggered by being hungry. If you are going to put yourself into a situation where there might be some social anxiety, make sure you eat something before you go even if you don’t feel hungry, have something with protein.
  6. Practice. Find someone you trust and practice making conversation comfortably. Or join clubs or take classes where you will become “desensitized” to social anxiety through exposure to situations where you will be meeting new people. Toastmasters is an organization where you can learn to speak articulately and confidently in front of people. Got to Toastmasters.org to find a chapter near you.
  7. Mental rehearsal. Before you go into a social situation, imagine yourself feeling calm, relaxed and comfortable. Take some time to relax your body. See yourself having interesting conversations, smiling, and having fun. The key here is to get your mind familiar and comfortable with these situations. Practice feeling any discomfort and moving through it and letting it go by breathing deeply.
  8. Be realistic in your thinking. Are people really judging you? Is everybody really looking at you? How do you know that other people are better or smarter than you? You don’t! The reality is that most people are in their own heads thinking about themselves. Examine and try to replace thoughts that don’t serve you with positive affirmations such as “I can do this!” Affirmations can be very useful to help you change your negative self talk.

 

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Ok, I hope you found this helpful. I want to assure you that you can overcome social anxiety. If you want support, let me tell you that hypnotherapy is an excellent way to gain more confidence, greater ease and greater enjoyment in social or business networking situations. Request a complimentary consultation at https://tedmoreno.com/contact. We’ll talk about what’s going on, I’ll answer any questions you have, and we’ll explore if working together is the best path forward for you.

As always, let me leave you with a quote. This one is by Norman Vincent Peale

“Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they haven’t half the strength you think they have.”

Thanks for listening and have a great day.

Top 5 Things You Can Do Today to Lessen Your Anxiety – Episode 428

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(Want to hear the podcast on this topic? Go to TedinYourHead.com or tedmoreno.com/podcast)

As a hypnotherapist and anxiety specialist for 20 years, I’ve not only learned a lot about anxiety, but I’ve also seen things that I lot of people that have anxiety have in common.

Today we’re going to talk about 5 simple things you can do today to lessen your anxiety. First, let’s talk about what anxiety is.

According to the Mayo Clinic, anxiety is often described as sustained, excessive worry that a person cannot control related to the anticipation of a future threat, such as a traumatic event.

Generally,  anxiety  is your body’s natural response to stress. It’s a feeling in your body and mind of fear or worry. This can be caused by a few different factors ranging from genetics to the physiological state of your body to what’s happening in your environment.

Anxiety is your body’s fight/flight response getting activated. This is our protective defense mechanism which prepares us to literally run away or fight. It is both a physiological response as well as a psychological response.

If you have anxiety or your have experienced anxiety, you know the physical symptoms:

  • Sweaty palm
  • Shakiness
  • Disorientation
  • Shortness of breath
  • A feeling of not being in your body,
  • Increased heart rate
  • Dizziness
  • Pain in the chest or upset or pain in the stomach

These are just the physical symptoms. If you have chronic anxiety that’s been going on for a long time, then you might also experience a range of emotional issues as well, such as poor sleep, irritability, fatigue, excessive worry, and even panic attacks.

Chronic anxiety can get in the way of our ability to achieve our goals and live a life of peace and happiness. But even situational anxiety can be debilitating such as social anxiety test anxiety or driving anxiety for example.

The good news is that there are a few things you can start doing today that will help you with your anxiety. Here are 5 of the most important things that I’ve identified and recommend to my clients.

  1. When are feeling anxious our breathing tends to be short, quick and shallow. This means that your nervous system is what we call hypervigilant, or on the look for danger. You can shift your nervous system from fight or flight to rest and digest by taking some long slow deep breaths. Long and slow is the key here. Bring your attention into your body and focus on your breath. This will also help you get out of your head and get you some distance from the thing that is making you anxious. If you struggle with anxiety, I highly recommend that you go on YouTube and search for breathing exercises for anxiety and practice them daily. This could be a game changer for you.
  2. Practice Yoga. Yoga’s origins can be traced back to 5000 years ago. The word yoga means yoke or union, also sometimes interpreted as control, as you would control two oxen with a yoke. We’re talking here about bringing together the mind and body or as the ancient yoga texts from India suggest, union with the supreme. Yoga is a complex subject and there are many schools of yoga. What I’m referring to is what the Western world knows as Hatha yoga which is based on postures know as asanas, for physical fitness, stress-relief and relaxation. Personally, I can’t recommend yoga enough for overall mental and physical health. You can get a book, take a class, or watch videos. I’ve done it all, and my current yoga practice is a series of postures that I got from Instagram. Yoga can help you to get our of your head and into your body, so that you can deal directly with the physical symptoms of anxiety with greater control and a calmer mind.
  3. Eat Regularly. How you eat and what you eat can have a profound impact on how you feel. If you are skipping meals, you run the risk of episodes of low blood sugar. Do you ever feel “hangry” when you haven’t eaten? It’s when you are hungry and angry and irritable because your blood sugar is low. But low blood sugar (blood glucose) because you haven’t eaten in a while can trigger anxiety. Many phobias start as episodes of low blood sugar. For instance, say you are getting on an airplane. You didn’t get much sleep last night because you were packing, so you were rushing around in the morning trying to get to the airport, so you skip breakfast. When you get to the airport, you gulp down some coffee and a donut and the Dunkin Donut franchise. This spikes your blood sugar. So, you’re sitting on the airplane when your body says, “Whoa, too much blood sugar!” When your blood sugar drops as your body tries to bring it down, this triggers anxiety. Now you associate that anxiety with being on an airplane (or elevator, or in a car, or driving over a bridge, etc.) and now you have fear of flying. So I recommend that you eat three meals a day with protein, avoid high carb meals, and if you think caffeine is making you nervous, then it probably is. Cut down or cut it out completely. Alcohol can also increase anxiety, so try cutting down or stopping completely and see how you feel.
  4. Get More Sleep. Your mind is like a cup. You can only fill a cup with so much before it starts running over and you have a big mess. Your mind is the same way. It has a certain capacity. All the stresses and issues and problems fill up your mind. At night when you are sleeping, one of the jobs that your mind has is to empty the cup. Take out the trash, so to speak. If you are not getting enough sleep, which is 8 hours for adults, then your mind is not getting the release it needs. That’s when we start to feel overwhelmed because there’s too much going on in the mind. Overwhelm can trigger anxiety. Check out my podcast episode 419, How to Stay Out of the Bad Kind of Hypnosis.
  5. Positive Self Talk. Also known as thought reframing, this is where you practice talking to yourself in a way that you are not scaring the poop out of yourself if you know what I mean. Essentially, you are training your mind to focus on what will go right, what you can overcome and how you want it to be, as opposed to the thought of worry and fear. We can get into the habit of catastrophic thinking, doom and gloom expectation and a pessimistic outlook. This can be changed.
    For instance, if you are spending a lot of time in the “What If Pit” such as “What if this bad thing happens!” you can ask yourself “Well, what if something good thing happens?” Or you can reason with yourself and say, “I don’t know what’s going to happen, so it makes no sense to get scared or worried about something that hasn’t happened yet.” If you practice this type of self-talk or thought reframing, you’ll get better at it and it will become a new habit that can help you feel a lot more calm and at ease.

 

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click here >

So there you go. I hope that’s helpful to you. Of course, if you want to explore hypnotherapy to help with anxiety, which can be very effective by the way, feel free to request a complimentary phone consultation by going to tedmoreno.com/contact-us.

As always, I’ll leave you with a quote by Kahlil Gibran: “Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.”

Ted

The Wounded Child Inside of You – Episode 421

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The “Inner Child” is a concept developed by CG Jung and further developed over the years by both pop psychologists and analytical psychology. It represents the childlike aspects of each of us. Ideally, we are connected with the wonder, joy and excitement of our inner child. However, if we have experienced childhood trauma, our inner child can become a wounded child, resulting in feelings in adulthood of shame, guilt, anxiety and other negative emotions. In this episode, Ted discusses signs that your inner child may be a wounded child, and more importantly, how to heal that part of you.

 

 

 

Listen to this podcast episode now:

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Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click here >
Doing inner child work can be some of the most powerful healing that you do.  Request a complimentary consultation with Ted to explore if hypnotherapy can transform your challenges into possibility! Click here to request a consultation: https://tedmoreno.com/ready-to-get-started/

The Top 7 Things to Do to Manage Driving Anxiety – Episode 413

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A recent survey showed that 66% of Americans suffer from driving anxiety which is fear and anxiety associated with driving. Whether it’s fear of the highway, surface streets, bridges, high speeds, the claustrophobia that come from feeling “trapped” you car, driving anxiety can be debilitating for anyone that needs to drive. As an expert in helping people with driving anxiety, Ted talks about 7 things you can do to begin to manage this very common fear.

 

 

 

Listen to this podcast episode now

 

Want to catch up on previous episodes? Click Here >

P.S.

Having trouble feeling comfortable while driving? Request a complimentary consultation with Ted to explore if hypnotherapy can transform your challenges into possibility! Click here to request a consultation: https://tedmoreno.com/ready-to-get-started/

How to Avoid the Fog of Overwhelm Part II

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Overwhelm

In my last post, Avoiding the Fog of Overwhelm Part I, I discussed the state of overwhelm, what it is, how it happens and how it affects us.

To recap briefly, overwhelm happens when there is too much information (message units) coming into our conscious awareness. Our minds only have a certain capacity, like a cup that you can only pour so much water into. When are minds are filled to capacity, and stuff keeps pouring in, we lose the ability to cope.

At this point, our ancient survival mechanism, that good old fight or flight, gets triggered. When that happens we become what is known as “hypersuggestible” which means that we are susceptible to whatever is coming into our minds. We are actually in a state of hypnosis, but the suggestions we are giving ourselves are not positive, like the positive suggestions you get in a hypnotherapy session.

Usually, when we are overwhelmed, there is an accompanying state of stress; the conversations we are having in our heads are usually negative conversations. So, when we are overwhelmed, we can literally be programming ourselves for negativity and fear and we end up with a reinforcing cycle of overwhelm.

Each persons’ response to the state of overwhelm varies, ranging from a complete shutdown where someone might just slump into a chair and begin to cry, to irritability or anxiety, or to a feeling of being disoriented or “spaced out”, which I call the fog of overwhelm.

The end result is the same: we become ineffective in dealing with the challenges of life. We may lose the ability to be focused and on task, turn to avoidance or procrastination, or begin to feel anxious or depressed.

It’s important to note that for many of us, the modern American lifestyle lends itself to consistent feelings of being overwhelmed.

So what can we do to avoid the fog of overwhelm? Most of the things we can do involve basic self care.

  1. Get adequate sleep and take naps if you need to. Remember how your mind is like a cup? Every day it gets filled up with tension, pressure and the stress of living. Sleep is the time for your mind to empty the cup. Strive for a healthy sleep schedule and avoid stimulants such as caffeine, electronic devices, and working out just before bed.
  2. Don’t skip meals. Some people are prone to anxiety and overwhelm due to low blood sugar. Blood sugar, or blood glucose, is the main fuel for your body. Your brain uses more glucose than any other organ in your body. Do you ever get that feeling of lethargy or lack of focus in the late afternoon? Take a break and eat something with protein.
  3. Take breaks. Taking regular breaks throughout the day allows your mind to process incoming information more effectively. Breaks are scientifically proven to boost productivity and focus. Consider working in hour or 90 minute spurts, then taking a short five or ten minute break. This includes taking regular vacations and days off.
  4. Exercise. I know, you’re tired of hearing it, but exercise allows our body and minds to release tension and stress. If nothing else, get up and walk around.
  5. Meditation, yoga and other mindfulness practices. Powerful ways to feel more calm and more focused more often.
  6. Focus on one thing at a time. Multitasking can create overwhelm. Your focus is sharpest when it’s narrow and concentrated. One thing at a time: first this, then that.
  7.  Keep your vices in check. Alcohol and marijuana are hypnosis inducing drugs, not only when you are under the influence, but the next day as well. Check in with yourself to see if you need to make some changes in these habits.
  8. Count yourself out of hypnosis/overwhelm. When you find yourself overwhelmed, and starting to stress out, count yourself out of that negative state. Say out loud to yourself, if you can, “12345 Eyes open wide awake!” Clap or rub your hands together to get back into your body and out of your head.  This really works.

Take some time to go down this list and see what you can tweak and make better. You’ll find that you’re happier, more focused and productive, and a lot nicer to be around.

Having trouble sleeping? Challenged by anxiety? Need motivation to exercise? Click here to contact me for a free 30 minute consultation. 

Photo by Sb2s3

Avoiding the Fog Of Overwhelm Part I

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fog of overwhelm

An example of overwhelm: driving in the worst fog I’ve ever encountered, many years ago. I couldn’t see anything except the two red brake lights of the car ahead of me. I couldn’t see the lines of the road, and I dared not pull over to the side of the road for fear of being hit by another car. All I could do was keep my hands on the wheel, pray that the car in front of me knew where he was going, and hope that I would be able to see the sign for my exit.

I had no point of reference. I was overwhelmed by the fog and unable to do anything but hurtle through the mist, wishing for some clarity.

It reminds me of the time I was at IKEA, the furniture store, for the first time. They had the coolest stuff I’d ever seen. I wanted to see everything but apparently so did everyone else because the place was packed with people. However, after 2 hours, all I wanted to do was get the hell out of there. I literally wanted to run for the door, shove aside anyone in my way, and go find something to eat. I was getting more and more irritated by the minute and I felt like I wanted to scream, but I also felt like I was going to shut down at any minute. Ever felt like that?

I was overwhelmed. If you’ve ever felt this way, then you have experienced the fog of overwhelm.

Are you saving enough for retirement? Are the tires on your car in good shape? Have you called your mother yet? Are you ready for that event? What about taxes? Have you returned that phone call? When are you going to clean your house, fix the faucet, call the insurance guy, talk to your boss, pay that overdue bill, and schedule a physical? What are you going to fix for dinner tonight if you ever make it off this damn freeway?

This is the overwhelm of modern life.

From the time we wake up, to the time we manage to lay our heads down, we must think, remember, plan, manage time, deal with people, get lots of stuff done and hopefully, eat three meals and try to breathe.

There’s a potential cost to this: we spend our lives in a haze, irritable that we can’t see our way out, lost in a fog, stuck on a track with no scenery, with little choice to pull off because we’re too tired, too confused or too uncertain.

Here’s why: your mind has a certain capacity; like a cup, it will only hold so much. Continue to fill it past it’s capacity and you’ll have a big mess.

From the time we wake up, our minds start getting filled up. Our minds are designed to handle many incoming messages. Let’s call each bit of incoming information a ” message unit.” Your mind also has a filter (critical mind) that is designed to disregard things that don’t matter.

What determines how many message units our minds can handle? Many things: how much sleep you get, what you eat, your health, your level of organization, your level of confidence, your past, your genetics, to name a few.

Let’s say you went to bed too late, and woke up late for work. Now you are rushing around, no time to eat breakfast. You’re running late, and traffic is terrible. You try to text your boss but you almost hit the car in front of you. You arrive at work and there’s an important meeting that you are supposed to be in. You need a cup of coffee but there’s no time to get one. You end up working through lunch and now you are starving, tired, and headache cranky. That’s a lot of messages units coming into your mind.

What happens when you are in overwhelm? 

Your mind cannot take in more information because you are incapable of dealing with the onslaught of message units. You are experiencing the fog of overwhelm.

At this point, your critical mind, the part of your mind that is designed to deal with incoming message units,  is failing. You no longer have the ability to critically deal with what’s coming at you. You are now running around like the proverbial chicken without a head. Message units are flowing into your mind unchecked, like a dam that has burst. Guess what happens next?

Your flight or fight response, that ancient survival mechanism designed to prepare you to run or fight, kicks in. Congratulations, you are now in hypnosis. 

The technical definition of hypnosis is: an overload of message units, disorganizing the critical mind, triggering the fight/flight response, creating a state of hyper-suggestibility, creating access to the subconscious mind.

However, this is not the good kind of hypnosis where a nice gentlemen like myself is speaking to you gently using positively wonderful suggestions while you recline in a comfy happy chair.

Nope. This is the bad kind of hypnosis where you can’t think straight, can’t see straight, can’t make a decision to save your life, and you are giving yourself positively dreadful suggestions like “I can’t stand this, how did I get here, I want to kill someone, I’m so tired, I’m so angry and irritable, I hate this, and all I want to do is run screaming out of here before I punch someone out.” (Did I mention that in this state you’re hyper-suggestible which means super open to suggestions?)

It’s quite difficult to be effective in the fog of overwhelm because there is no clarity and you are like a zombie. Difficult to make the right decisions, difficult  to keep your cool when someone gets snarky with you, because you are now reactive rather than pro-active. But it’s easy to forget stuff, let things slip through the cracks, and easy to allow negativity or anxiety to overtake you.

Think about how many people are in this state on a daily basis. 

So what can we do? How do we handle the fog of overwhelm when we are so turned around we’ve lost our bearings and there are no signposts available? I’ll talk about this in my next post “The Fog of Overwhelm Part II.” Stay tuned. 

p.s. Check out my podcast Ted In Your Head Episode 21 “Are You a Zombie?”

Also, check out the podcast of this blog at my podcast Ted in Your Head Episode 40

l

Social Anxiety: How to Feel Comfortable Socially

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Social anxiety

The first time I went to a business mixer, I was so nervous about meeting other people, that after getting a drink, I went and stood in a corner next to another guy who also seemed to have the same problem. That’s where I stayed the whole night.

Have you ever walked into a social situation with fear or dread about what you will say or do in front of other people? If so you have experienced social anxiety. 

Social anxiety is a feeling of discomfort or fear in social situations where a person is concerned about being judged or evaluated. There’s usually an intense fear of what others are thinking about them.

Social anxiety is typically a part of childhood development, and most kids grow out of it. If they don’t, however, it can turn into chronic social anxiety in the teenage years or even into adulthood.

Of course, we want to be sensitive to social norms, and we expect to be judged to some extent on how we are dressed, how are act, what we say and how we interact with others. This is a normal part of the social process. If this fear of the expectation of others becomes too severe it can affect a person’s quality of life.

Social anxiety that is chronic and disabling is called social anxiety disorder. This is social anxiety that interferes with a person’s daily activities. According to Harold Leitenberg in the  (1990) “Handbook of Social and Evaluation Anxiety”, roughly 40 million American adults 18 years or over have an anxiety disorder.

People that suffer from social anxiety usually feel all the symptoms of anxiety including:

  • Rapid heartbeat
  • Sweaty palms
  • Trembling
  • Dry mouth

There is the tendency to have negative and unrealistic thinking:

  • I’m such a loser.
  • Everybody is looking at me.
  • Everybody knows that I’m nervous
  • I don’t belong here.

This leads to unproductive behaviors such as:

  • Arriving then leaving quickly
  • Using alcohol or drugs to cope with social situations
  • Excessive grooming so that they look “perfect”
  • Spending too much  time on phones or devices or hiding in a corner to avoid contact.

Almost everyone can benefit from healthy social interaction. Avoidance because of social anxiety not only leaves one alone and isolated, but can affect self esteem and result in lost opportunities for meaningful personal and business relationships.

You can learn to be comfortable in social situations and release social anxiety. It takes practice.

Here are some tips for dealing with social anxiety.

  • Become aware of when your social anxiety gets triggered. Is it at the supermarket? Parties? Meetings? Get clear about when your feel the most uncomfortable. You can then be better prepared for those situations.
  • Take someone with you. When I got back from the mixer that I told you about, my wife asked me how many people I met. I said “None”. She went with me to the next mixer and introduced me around. It really helped. Find someone that is more outgoing than you are, and have them help you meet people and show you how it’s done.
  • Ask questions. If you are concerned about what to day in a social situation,get good at asking questions. Everyone likes to talk about themselves. Ask questions such as: What do you do? Where are you from? What made you come here today? Get people talking and you won’t have to fumble for things to say.
  • Create a script. Have a script of things you want to say or talk about. Don’t wing it, be prepared with questions you can ask or topics you can talk about.
  • Make sure you eat. Social anxiety can be triggered by being hungry. If you are going to put yourself into a situation where there might be some social anxiety, make sure you eat something before you go.
  • Practice. Find someone you trust and practice making conversation comfortably. Or join  clubs or take classes where you will become “desensitized” to social anxiety through exposure to situations where you will be meeting new people.
  • Mental rehearsal. Before you go into a social situation, imagine yourself feeling calm, relaxed and comfortable. Take some time to relax your body. See yourself having interesting conversations, smiling and having fun.
  • Be realistic in your thinking. Are people really judging you? Is everybody really looking at you? How do you now the other people are better or smarter than you? Examine and try to replace thoughts that don’t serve you with positive affirmations such as “I can do this!”

As a hypnotherapist, I help people deal with social anxiety. I offer a complementary 30 minute phone consultation. If you are ready to release social anxiety, don’t wait any longer. You can contact me by clicking here.

If you want to listen to a podcast of this blog, go to TedinYourHead.com Episode 58

Ted

Photo by Durdana shoshe