This is the time of the year when smokers start thinking about quitting. Standing out in the hot sun smoking is not fun, people are starting to exercise and think more about their health, and vacation time might mean time on an airplane when you can’t smoke. 

One of my specialties is helping people quit smoking and chewing tobacco.  I call my program “The Moreno Method for Freedom from Smoking”.  Catchy, don’t you think?  The goal of my program is to free you from from smoking so that you remain a permanent non-smoker for the rest of your life.

The use of hypnosis allows your subconscious mind (88% of your mind!) to work towards your goal of quitting. See, your subconscious mind will always pull you back towards your habits, and if you’ve been a smoker for any length of time and tried to quit, you know how powerful that part of your mind can be in keeping you chained to cigarettes.

My program “Freedom from Smoking Forever” is comprised of the following:

• A half hour phone interview to determine what your habit looks like so I can custom design a program specifically for you and why you smoke.
• Session #1 (1.5 hours) Your first session in-office will either be a pre-quit or quit session, depending on information gathered in the phone interview. A digital recording of the hypnosis part of the session will be provided for all four sessions.
• Session #2 (1.5 hours) Your second session will be a quit session or a reinforcement session. You’ll be given very effective techniques for dealing with triggers out there that make you want to smoke, such as stress, anxiety, anger boredom, etc.
• Session #3 (1 hour) We’ll spend more time on replacements, which are those things you can do to replace your smoking habit that give you what you used to get from smoking.
• Session #4 (1 hour) You’ll get powerful strategies for remaining a non smoker so that you can move into a healthy future with more freedom and control than ever before.
• Guarantee I guarantee my program: if you are not a nonsmoker by the 4th session, you can come another four sessions until you are, at no additional charge.
• Reinforcement sessions Some people feel the need for a little more support. Perhaps they know they are going into a stressful situation at home or at work, or they are going to be around people that smoke, or they feel that they just need a little reinforcement. For up to a year after your first session, you can come in for replacement sessions (includes a hypnosis recording to listen to at home) for a discounted price. 

I’ll tell you now, there are cheaper hypnotherapists out there doing one-session stop smoking, group sessions, CD programs etc. They might work for you, but chances are that they won’t, because only a small percentage of people quit smoking using these methods. Really what is at stake here is your healthy future, and isn’t that worth investing a few extra dollars to work with a seasoned professional using a proven method based on research?

Here’s what some ex-smokers I have worked with have to say:

Just wanted to let you know, today is 6 months, no smoking, no trying to smoke, no holding a cigarette, cigar, pipe, etc. I feel real good. I am running three times a week and my long run is on Saturdays. I ran 12.5 miles this Saturday, non stop. I have been adding every week and will stop this weekend at a 13 mile run. Thanks a Billion. Jim D.

 Thank you Ted for your assistance helping me quit smoking. You saved my life. I also want to thank you for your positive suggestions concerning the 3 1/2 hour dental procedure that coincided with my sessions with you. You told me everything was going to go smoothly and that my recovery would be quick and successful. Indeed all of the above was achieved with a calm peace of mind. Once again, thank you Ted, you’re the greatest. Dominic S.

Dear Ted, it’s been almost four years since I quit smoking.  There’s never been a “white-knuckle” moment, and I almost never even think of lighting up.  On the extremely rare occasion that I do think about it, all I need to do is take a deep breath of fresh air without coughing, and the thought goes away!  The good part is, whenever I see anyone smoking these days, I still think to myself, poor schmuck, why are you doing this to yourself, don’t you know how easy it is to quit!!! Thanks again. B. Freiberger

Dear Ted, Thank you so much for your help in giving me the tools to quit smoking- like most I have quit hundreds of times, but with your program I believe I will always be a permanent non-smoker. I tried hypnosis before for this and was not successful, your professionalism was very different than my previous experience, your knowledge of the struggles associated with quitting was obvious on the first visit- I followed your program as you laid it out and it made it much easier than expected. Again, thank you so much, and continued success on your mission to empower individuals like myself to succeed in life. Joseph P. Yarmolovich PT

I WAS a smoker for a good 35 years.  I liked it, REALLY liked it.  Then one day, near my 50th birthday, I became thoroughly disgusted with myself.  Even though I smoked, I had a very athletic history – track, dance, martial arts.  Well, on my ultimate “day of disgust” my daughter asked me to play a game of tether ball with her on the school yard.   Two rounds (5 minutes?) later I was winded…done.  Beyond not good. That night I got on-line and found Ted. 

Thanks Ted. Our sessions helped me over the rough transition, giving me the mental context to do what I REALLY wanted to do – be free of the evil stinky sticks. I was also able to send a very important message to my family, the smokers AND non-smokers about change.  And me, I’m damn happy and proud of myself.  I’m back in to the martial arts and becoming the lean mean fighting machine of years gone by, only better!  I’m ever amazed with how easy and relaxing the process was.  Tally Ho! Tammy G.

If you don’t smoke, good for you, maybe you know someone who does and you can pass this blog along to them, you might be saving their life. Or leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks using the buttons below.

If you have questions about my smoking cessation program, you can contact me by clicking here.

Ted

Today’s post is by guest author Tarnie Falloon, Licensed Physical Therapist and Transformational Healer. Tarnie emphasizes mindful movement as a way to health and wellness.

Are you friends with your body?  Do you love, appreciate, and honor it just the way it is?

Last week I was talking to a woman who hated her body. Her sense of self loathing was so great that she could not look at herself in the mirror without feeling sick.  She could see nothing that was truly “good” about her body.

As a young girl her body had suffered a great deal of traumatic experiences. Due to this suffering she had learned to retreat to her mind. Her mind became her “safe place,” and she had disconnected from her body’s feelings as though it had “failed” her.

As a way of surviving traumatic events it is typical for people to “disassociate” from the experience, and we protect our nervous system by “checking out” from our body.  We retreat to our mind, which serves us initially to survive, but ultimately does not do us any good. Our lives will start to reflect this disconnection, either through health issues, relationship issues, work issues, money issues, or feeling like we are not living with purpose or meaning.

Many of us leave our bodies without realizing it- we don’t even know we are not living in each moment, and we honestly forget how to be present. When we are not present, and not living in our body, we are literally unable to take care of ourselves. It’s as if there is nobody “home.”

I know this pattern firsthand from my childhood. While I was growing up I had an alcoholic father, and a very critical mother (both of whom I loved). I had to disassociate from my body to survive. I did not start to really feel “at home” in my body until I was in my mid 30s. That’s when I started authentic movement classes. There is nothing like movement to bring us to the present, and living in our bodies.

Osho’s quote exemplifies the importance of our body relationship, he says:

Be loving towards your body, befriend your body,

revere your body,

respect your body, take care of your body – it is God’s gift.

Treat it well,

and it will reveal great mysteries to you.

All growth depends on how you are related to your body.

Learning to be present, being in our body, and accepting ourselves just the way we are is a sign of good health.  Being connected and grounded in our body is a way of saying “I am here, right now, and I am safe at home within myself.” As we befriend our body we allow for life to open in ways we didn’t know were possible.

I know this has been very true for clients I have worked with. I have one client that recently shared how she feels so much more present and safe within herself. She has new found meaning and joy in her life that she could not have conceived of before we started working together a year ago. “I am in my body for the first time in my life, and the changes have been amazing,” she said. “I never knew I could love what I do for work, and have the money flow into my life. My family is happy, and I am enjoying my life for the first time in many, many years.”

It gives me great joy to work with clients that want to “get out of their head,” and “find what they are here for.”

People consistently call me saying that they:

•  are ready to find their and meaning in their lives.
•  want to heal their issues that they have been bumping up against for years.
•  know that there is more to their life, but they just don’t know how to get there.
•  want to deepen their life experience, and they instinctively know that deepening their body connection has the answers for them.

I will leave you with this thought to ponder today, “How can I be more loving towards my body today?”  and /or “How can I revere my body more today?”

I always enjoy hearing from you, and I look forward to your responses to this question.

Much love,

Tarnie

Tarnie Falloon, PT, MA is the creator of Body Freedom™, a unique transformational method integrating the body, mind and spirit providing proven techniques to transform your life. To find out more about Tarnie, visit her website at www.BodyFreedom.com.

Purpose? Uh, I’m a little busy right now…

There seem to be a lot of people these days looking for their life’s purpose. I googled “How to find your life’s purpose” and came up with 94 million results. I searched a few of the 94 million results and found that most involved writing stuff down, going back to childhood, what brings you joy, etc. When I was looking for my life’s purpose, none of those things helped.

If you are like a lot of people looking through the 94 millions results looking for clues as to how to find their life’s purpose, look no more. Here are five easy steps to finding  your purpose, guaranteed. Now, you must follow these steps exactly to get this right.

Step #1. Stop reading this and take about a minute to look around you. Notice as much as you can about where you are. Do that now.

Step #2. Now close your eyes and take a moment to think about what you are doing. Not only in this very instant, (reading this) but today. Maybe you are working, hanging out at Starbucks, relaxing at home, etc. Do that now.

Step #3. Now think about your life in a larger context. Maybe you are single and in school. Maybe you are a parent raising kids, or a business person whose main focus is building a business. Perhaps you are a combination of these or others. Look and see what stage you are in your life currently.

Step #4. Think about any preconceived notions you may have about “your life’s purpose.” Maybe you read them in a book, saw a movie or maybe you got them from someone else. Now let those go…let them go. Drop them. Do it now. If you are having trouble, then just put them aside for a while.

Step #5. Get really present to life now. Where you are, what you are doing, the circumstances of “your life”, how it feels, what it looks like. Just make an observation without any kind of judgment.

Congratulations!! You now have your life’s purpose: whatever you are doing now. How easy was that?

Thank you for reading, if you liked this post then please share….what’s that? You don’t like this post? You don’t feel like you’ve found your purpose?

If that’s the case then you didn’t follow the directions. Allow me to repeat Step #4: ”Think about any preconceived notions you may have about “your life’s purpose.” Maybe you read them in a book, saw a movie or maybe you got them from someone else. Now let those go…let them go. Drop them. Do it now. If you are having trouble, then just put them aside for a while.”

Yeah, that # 4 is a tough one.  You’ve been wondering and searching for so long!! You need to have a purpose! You need a purpose for your life to have meaning! How can you just let it go? (Amazing how attached we are to our beliefs…)

Well, first of all, you don’t have a life. You are life. There is only one life and you share in it in a human way until you don’t.  If you believe that then the next question you may ask is: what is the purpose of life?

How about this: Let’s take all the humans off of the planet for a minute and just leave the plants and animals. Let’s ask the tree over there: “Hey what is the purpose of life?” Hmmm…silence.

How about that monkey. “Hey! What is the purpose of life?” Your reply is that something smelly gets thrown at you.

 But wait! If we have taken all the humans off the planet, then there is no one to even ask  “What is the purpose of life.” Now, there is not even a question.

So let’s put ourselves back on earth and just observe. The only way it seems that we can tell what the purpose of life is, is to observe life and see what it does.

Hmmm, let’s see now. Well, I don’t know about you, but it appears to me that life is just being life, doing what it does, in it’s myriad of forms.

So what is the purpose of your life? This is it friend, right here, right now. What else can it be?

When you are parenting, your purpose is to parent. When you are sleeping, your purpose is to sleep. When you are saving the whales, your purpose is to save the whales. When you are wallowing in confusion and despair, well, I’ve got news for you…

Consider that you are not living life. Consider that life is living you. From that perspective, why do you need to have a purpose to give your life meaning? After all, life has no meaning other than what you give it. 

The purpose of a flower is to be flower: seed, sprout, flower, die, seed.  The purpose of the sky is to be the sky: rainy, sunny, cloudy, purple, red, blue, black. Your purpose is to be you, (until you are not), happy, sad, working, playing, sleeping, eating, loving, wondering, growing, dying.

Stop wasting your time and energy trying to find your life’s purpose. If you followed the 5 easy steps, then it has found you. Even if you haven’t, it has still found you.

(Disclaimer: Don’t believe  a word I’ve written because there is a strong possibility that I have no clue what I’m talking about. On the chance that I do, however, you might want to try it on and see for yourself.)

Ok, so if you liked this post or found it in anyway interesting or amusing, please share it using the buttons below.

 Ted

If there is one thing I’ve discovered about creating the kind of life that you want, it’s this: it happens daily. Your daily habits might be the most significant things you do that affect the quality of your life. Here are 10 daily habits to form that are easy to do but will change your life.

1. Try to make your very first thought of the day a thought of gratitude or a positive thought. You are in hypnosis for the first half hour you are awake. Be careful of what suggestions you put into your mind at that time. You are what you think. (The Strangest Secret)
2. Drink a full glass of water right after you wake up. Your body has gone 8 hours or more without water. This simple habit can help a lot of problems, such as sluggish digestion.
3. Create a morning ritual. It might be getting up and going to the gym. It might be meditation, prayer or reading a book. It might be yoga or a morning walk. Find something to do first thing in the morning that sets a positive and healthy tone for the day. Tony Robbins calls it your “Hour of power” or “Thirty to thrive”.
4. Everyday, ask yourself “What if today was the last day of my life?” Now try to get upset about the drive-through window guy forgetting your packet of hot sauce. Asking this question can put your problems in perspective. Life is short. Get used to the idea that you will not live forever and that each day is precious.
5. Walk. Especially if you sit in a chair all day. Sitting all day is one of the most unhealthy things you can do, while walking is one of the best things you can do. Get up every hour and walk around for 5 minutes.
6. Listen to music everyday. Especially while you are driving to and from work. Listening or playing music can have profound benefits for the body and the mind. Forget or limit the news, especially talk radio that makes you angry.
7. Find some silent time just to be. Could be just 5 minutes, could be 20. Just sit, and clear your mind. Look out a window. It will be tempting to start thinking about things, but try to let your thoughts just flow by. Just be.
8. Try to learn something everyday. Hear a word whose meaning you don’t know? Look it up. Not clear about why Korea is split in two? Find out. If you see a quote by Bertrand Russel and say “Who’s that?”, check it out. Wikipedia is a great resource for finding stuff out.
9. Plan the next day the night before. This can be as simple as a list of things to do or as complex as putting tasks or activities into each hourly slot. Schedule in meals, phone calls, reading, breaks, whatever you need to get done that day. Jim Rohn said “Either you run the day or the day runs you.” Create in your mind the night before how you want the next day to be.
10. When you lay down to sleep, make a conscious decision to “complete the day”. For many, when they put their head on the pillow at night, it’s a signal to their minds to start chattering. But this is the absolute worst time to solve problems, worry or figure stuff out. Instead, say to yourself “This is my time for rest and rejuvenation. I will not let any thoughts, problems or worries interfere with my good night’s sleep.” Then, just focus on your breathing. See how much better you sleep.

Hope you liked this post! If you did, please share it or comment using the buttons below.

Happy Day!

Ted

Today’s post is written by guest author Cristina Mardirossian, MFT.

STEVEN’S STORY

Steven has been with his girlfriend for almost two years and is tired of not getting his needs met. According to Steven, he has a difficult time in asking for what he wants and needs. A simple decision, for example, about where to eat dinner is challenging for him. Instead, he allows his girlfriend to pick the restaurants, while he gets frustrated with himself for not speaking up. Steven acknowledges that he is passive in many of his relationships. Non-assertive people such as Steven are often unable to express emotions of any kind, negative OR positive.

It’s very harmful for a relationship when the person can’t be open about their thoughts/feelings. Assertiveness is a learned behavior and thinking style. The messages that we receive growing up have a lot to do with the way people act and think. In Steven’s case, his family taught him that you should always please others before yourself- in other words, he learned to put his needs on the backburner. Now, in his relationships, he has a tough time voicing his needs. 

What is Assertiveness?

Assertiveness is the ability to express your thoughts, feelings, opinions, attitudes, and rights, without unwarranted anxiety, in a way that doesn’t invade or disregard the rights of others.

Assertiveness differs from aggressiveness- It is true that both assertive and aggressive communication consist of have your needs stated; however it is different to state your needs assertively and state them aggressively. There are variances in the words and tone used, as well at the body language used.

Some questions that I explored with Steven when thinking about how he may have learned to become unassertive are: 

 How did your family handle conflict?

• What did they do when they disagreed with somebody or were upset with people? 
• What were their messages given to you about dealing with conflict? 
• In what ways did you learn to get what you wanted without asking for it directly?
• (e.g., crying, yelling, making threats etc.) 
• How do you still use these in your present life? Are they working for you?

Types of Behaviors:

Above I described what Assertive behavior looks like. In addition to Assertiveness, there are also other ways of behaving:

Passive / Non-assertive Behavior is when someone gives up their right to express thoughts, feelings or desires (directly or indirectly) i.e. “We can go whatever you want. You know of better places to go.”

Aggressive Behavior is when someone stands up for themselves without regard for others; typically demands, attacks or humiliates other people i.e. “I want this done right now.”

Passive-Aggressive Behavior is when someone tries to get what they need or want indirectly or manipulatively. i.e. “I’m sorry I’m so late. I didn’t realize this was such a big deal.”

Here are some helpful Assertiveness Skills:

• Use assertive body language: such as maintaining eye contact, stand/sit straight, keep your voice calm, etc.
• Use “I” statements. Keep the focus on the problem you’re having, not on the otherperson. i.e. ”I would like 5 more minutes to get ready” instead of “You always rush me.”
• Make clear, direct, requests, instead of “will you please…” or “do you mind…”
• Don’t apologize when it isn’t necessary. Avoid lines such as “I’m sorry but I really can’t…”
• Avoid making excuses or trying to defend yourself when it’s unnecessary. “Oh you don’t want to hang out today, how about tomorrow?” Trying to find excuses is typically dishonest. It’s not that you can’t do it, but you choose not to.
• Asking for a time out: Letting someone cool down before discussing an issue.

Cristina Mardirossian is a Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Pasadena. She works predominately with adolescent and adult trauma survivors, and also helps clients work through issues of depression, relationship difficulties, and attachment disorders. Learn more about Cristina at http://www.PasadenaTraumaTherapy.com.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks using the buttons below.

Ted

Have you ever stood by the side of the highway and looked out over a magnificent vista? How does that make you feel? Does it bring you a sense of peace? How about a change in perspective?

Being outside in nature has a profound effect on our minds. In doing research for this post I found a fascinating article titled “PSYCHOLOGICAL BENEFITS OF NATURE EXPERIENCES: RESEARCH AND THEORY” by  John Davis, Ph.D. The gist of the article is that there is much solid research that confirms what is obvious to many: contact with nature leads to increased mental health  and positive psychological development.

This article cites many positive psychological benefits of being in contact with nature, including:

• Relaxation and stress reduction
• Decreased mental fatigue, restored mental clarity, and increased sense of well-being.
• Increased recovery from surgery and better health
• Improved work performance in job settings
• Benefits for children’s attention, including reduction of symptoms of ADHD.

Even better, you don’t have to be climbing a mountain or paddling a kayak. Beneficial contact with nature can range from an extended wilderness excursion, to spending time in a park or even your backyard, gardening,  and even watching nature scenes on TV! Even looking at pictures of nature scenes in a book or magazine can have a beneficial effect.

I’ts only been within the past 100 years or so that most of us in the industrialized nations  spend most of our time indoors. However, for most of our history as humans, we were outside: hunting, farming, walking, or just watching nature do it’s thing.

This allowed us to be present to the circle of life, the constant repeating cycle of the seasons, the phases of the moon, the changing constellations, the blooming and dormancy of trees and the changes in the behavior of animals.

As a modern society, we have lost sight of the fact that we are of the earth, and that the rhythm of nature is reflected in our own bodies. Allan Watts said “The Earth peoples just like an apple tree apples. When you look out of your eyes, at nature happening out there, you’re looking at you!”

In the article mentioned, John Davis refers to this as the “transpersonal” benefits of nature. Examples of transpersonal benefits from contact with nature include:

• Nature is a trigger for peak experiences. Jesus, Moses, Buddha, and Mohammed had mystical experiences in wilderness settings.
• Nature can trigger spiritual awakening
• Nature is an antidote to a world that is overly rationalized
• Nature can promote a shift from what is invented (the ego, built structures) to what is essential (that which existed prior to or before human action)

 My own personal opinion is that much of our discontent and angst in western culture is that we have lost our essential connection with the natural world.

When clients come to me who are challenged by negative emotions such as anxiety, depression, one of the first suggestion I will make to them is to get out! Get outside, walk around, and establish that connection with “essential nature”. My good friend and mentor June Davidson suggests walking every day barefoot on the earth. Chi gong philosophy suggests that trees have tremendous beneficial energy just by being near them.

I’ll make the same suggestion to you: take a few minutes every day to get outside, or at the very least, seek contact with nature through a window or even in a photo. Every day, see if you can take a break from the same house, same office, same freeway and just for while, get out!

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.  

Your companion on the journey to transformation,

Ted

This post was originally posted in March of 2010.

Being a hypnotherapist and  small business coach is the longest job I’ve held, now going on 10 years and without a doubt, the most fulfilling job I’ve had.  My story is one where I’ve had a lot of jobs. I used to feel bad about moving from job to job so often, and for not being able to decide about what I wanted to do. I used to really beat myself up at times.

In my search for meaningful work, I have sold books door to door. I’ve cleaned up horse poop in stables. I have herded cattle in Montana. I’ve worked the drive thru window at Wendy’s. I’ve stood in hundred degree heat in dress shirt and tie trying to sell someone a used car. I’ve sold water conditioners, memberships, suits, shirts, ties, shoes. I’ve sat at a desk for 8 hours a day pushing paper around. I’ve worked for a multi- million dollar software corporation doing tech support. But the minute it became clear to me that the only thing the job was going to give me was a paycheck and nothing more, I started thinking about the next job.  I tell you, it wasn’t easy, and there was always a price to be paid.

I read something when I was in my twenties that I never forgot: “The Lessons of Don Juan, A Yaqui Way of Knowledge” by the late Carlos Castaneda. Say what you want about Castaneda’s 15- book chronicle of his apprenticeship with Don Juan, the extraordinary and powerful Mexican shaman, I found these books to be mesmerizing, beautiful, transcendent and profound.  In this book was a passage  whose  truth shook me to the bone when I read it as a very young man, confused and doubtful about my future.

“Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path, and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question.

I will tell you what it is: Does this path have a heart? One makes for a joyful journey and as long as you follow it you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.

A path without a heart is never enjoyable. You have to work hard even to take it. On the other hand, a path with heart is easy; it does not make you work at liking it. The path without a heart will turn against men and destroy them. It does not take much to die and to seek death is to seek nothing.

For my part there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length.

And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly.”

I’ve had a lot of jobs because I have always asked the question “Does this path have a heart?” My greatest fear was to die a spiritual death in a job that sucked the life out of me and gave back nothing in return but green pieces of wrinkled paper. As Jim Rohn says “It’s not what you get in life which is important, it’s what you become.”

If you are thinking about changing a career, business or job because you don’t feel it is a path with a heart, or you are looking for one, then I support and encourage you. If you are not on a path with a heart, then you must get off of that path and try another.  Here are some things to think about.

• You may have a family, bills, responsibilities that don’t give you the luxury of quitting and looking for something else. Got it. Do what you can to be true to yourself. Perhaps a different position, different responsibilities, different location.
• Your path with a heart may not be your full-time job. It might be a part-time hobby or enterprise that your full-time job supports.
• If you have the luxury of trying something else, talk to someone who is doing it. Research it. Read about it. Volunteer to get a feel for the daily life of it.
• Maybe you just need to get a job, any job to keep yourself afloat. You might be saying  ”My God man, my car is going to be repossessed and you’re talking about a path with a heart? I need a path with a big dollar sign!” Fine. Do what you need to do and choose powerfully. But keep looking for that path with a heart while you get back on your feet.
• If what you are doing is not working for you then try something else.  Give it some time. You will know if it’s right for you if you ask the question. There is no shame in leaving, even if you have invested much time or money. This is your life!
•  Maybe your path is supporting a family or an aging parent and your crappy job lets you do that. Only you can say whether or not it’s worth it. Be clear about it and then be strong and do what you need to.

I believe that the work that we do gives us a powerful opportunity to express ourselves and to make our own unique contribution. Finding the right path can be difficult and discouraging.  If you need help, give me a call. I wish you luck in finding your path.

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and/or share it with your social networks.

Ted

One of the most fun and common ways to get hypnotized is to go the movies. When we see a movie, we believe what we’re seeing is really happening. We get scared, feel happy, and maybe even cry.  We literally become hypnotized to the point that we forget that none of it is real. We are so caught up in the content of the movie, we forget about the context, which is the fact that we’re in a building, watching light projected onto a screen. (Hold that thought for a second…)

People that come to me really want only one thing: Liberation. Like all of us, they want to be liberated from thoughts, feelings, sensations or behaviors that don’t serve them.   I help them be aware that none of those things is who they really are. I help them see that the things they want to be free from exist as the content of the mind: the ongoing, always changing stuff of the mind. That’s what minds do: they produce content, and we are trained and conditioned to look for content. We’re attached to content.  If we can develop the awareness that as human beings we are hypnotized by the content of our minds, then we can see the truth of what’s going on, and see that we have a choice.

What’s the content of our lives? Beliefs, thoughts, feelings, everything we think we are: the past, our future goals, and the details of our life situations. So what’s the context?  Like the screen in a movie, it’s the awareness that all this content is projected onto. The content is always changing but the awareness of the content is always present, even if you are unaware that you’re aware. And most of us are unaware of our awareness.

This is where we can lose our power. Just like watching a movie, we get hypnotized by all of this content. We get involved in the drama, the story. We become attached to it. We identify with it and we say this is who I am, this is what I believe. And we can become so invested in this content, so invested in what we believe and feel, that we may be willing to die or even kill for it.

Take anger, for example. Nobody ever really makes us angry. We make ourselves angry by thinking “It/he/she/ shouldn’t be like that.” The divide between how it is and how we think it should be is what creates anger for us. But how we think it should be is not real. It doesn’t exist. But our tendency is to believe that everything we think is true. But I’ve got news for you. Most of what we think is true is simply theory, belief, opinion, generalizations and habitual patterns of thinking.

Take fear. When we say “I am afraid”, we’ve now become the fear. Then we might say “I shouldn’t be afraid. Why am I afraid? I hate being afraid. I hate that thing that makes me afraid.” This is just more content. All we’re doing now is keeping the fear alive because what you resist persists because you are putting energy into it. The truth is, “I am aware of the emotion of fear, which will soon pass or fade.” What’s even closer to the truth is “I am awareness”. This is the context out of which all this content arises.

So we can look at anger or fear or any other negative emotions from the context of awareness. We can acknowledge “I’m having the experience of fear.” As humans, we will experience fear, of course, as well as courage, hope, despair etc. But instead of saying “I should not feel afraid”, we can stop shoulding all over ourselves. We can say “OK right now, I’m feeling fear and that’s what is. It’s ok to feel fear because I’m only human. And just because I’m feeling fear doesn’t mean that it has to stop me.”

What happens when we feel fear and we keep on going? Fear changes and starts to become courage, then confidence, then competence. It’s always changing. Because content is transitory.

How can we liberate ourselves from our mind stuff and identify more powerfully with the awareness of this content? (Which in my opinion is who we really are.) We can start by being the observer of our own process. We can notice when anger, worry or any other negative emotion, feeling or thought comes up. We can say “anger coming up” or “anxiety movie starting now”.  We can disengage from “I don’t want or like what is happening now” and just be with what is going on within us, without judgment or wishing it was something else. Now we are no longer reacting. Now we can be responsible which means “able to respond.” That’s freedom, the ability to choose a response instead of reacting.

Here’s something to try that is very simple. It will take 5 minutes and will give you the chance to see your content in all its glory.

Find 5 minutes where you won’t be disturbed, put a candle on a table, light it and set a timer for 5 minutes. Focus on the candle flame. Very quickly, you’ll notice your focus being taken off the flame and drawn towards your mind’s content. It might look like this: “I don’t have time for this…I’m tired…There was something I needed to do…This reminds me of…that candle smells good…that person is such a …”

Just observe what is happening. Watch the stuff just roll on by without getting attached to it.  This is the essence of meditation.

Let me ask you a question: what would happen if you were to do this every day for 5 minutes? I invite you to try it and see.

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Your companion on the path to Transformation,

Ted

One Valentines Day back in the 90s, I was out to dinner with a woman I had just started seeing. She had thoughtfully arranged for a card and a gift to be at the table when we arrived. We were sitting at a table that had a small electric lamp.   As were talking, I noticed that if I moved my foot, it moved the cord to the lamp and the lamp would jiggle just a bit.

“Ooh!” I joked. “The lamp is haunted!”

My date then got very upset. “Can’t we be romantic here? Do you have to joke and cut up right now? You’re ruining it!”

I didn’t know what to say. I had been in a good mood but that got deflated pretty quickly. I was just being myself,  but obviously that wasn’t acceptable to this person. I spent the rest of dinner silent and trying to figure out what when wrong while she continued to express her displeasure with my attempt at humor.

Of all the endeavors we undertake, by far, the most dangerous and risky is to get into an intimate relationship. For many of us, it is the most important and yet the most difficult aspect of our lives. It’s always great in the beginning, until the ”honeymoon period” is over.  Then you find that you want the person to change and be more like you! You may even ask yourself “How could I have hooked up with this person that now seems so different from me?”

I’ll tell you how: opposites do indeed attract. Look around: in most couples, there is one that is more outgoing and social, while the other is more introspective and quiet. For example, there is one that is neater, has more discipline, and sticks to schedules, while the other is not so neat or disciplined and plays loose with time and schedules to the frustration of the other.

The reason for opposites attracting is that we really do look for someone to complete us; we often seek in the object of our affection traits that we do not possess ourselves. It might be confidence or thoughtfulness, discipline or spontaneity, lightness or seriousness.

This draws us together and for a short period of time we are in the bliss of romance (honeymoon period.) However, soon reality takes over. We start to notice things that irritate us or that we disapprove of. We find that we have trouble expressing our wants and needs. The very differences that brought us together are the things that threaten to break us apart. (He works too much! She thinks money grows on trees!)

What is the key to unlocking the mystery of relationships? How do we celebrate the differences that brought us together while finding enough common ground to keep us on the same page? We know that communication is important, of course. But communication itself can be problematic when we say one thing and our partners hear another. Or when you want it spelled out plainly while your partner assumes you should be able to figure it out.

One valuable key was introduced to me while I was in hypnotherapy college. It is called the E and P Attraction. Developed by Dr. John Kappas, the founder of the Hypnosis Motivation Institute, it is one of the best explanations of relationship behavior that I have heard.

The idea is that you are predominately an “E” or a “P” in relationship. Which one you are is determined by childhood experiences, your parent’s relationship and even your past relationships, to name a few factors. Understanding which one you are, as well as the characteristics of each, can open a window allowing you to see more clearly why you behave the way you do in relationships, and maybe more importantly, why your partner behaves they way they do.

Want to learn more? HMI offers an online video course in what is known as Emotional and Physical Sexuality. It’s 2 hours , it’s free, and it’s presented by George Kappas, the director of HMI and he is an excellent presenter! There’s even a test you can take to find out if you are E or P. Taking this test is the first step in discovering how our subconscious mind dictates who we pick as romantic partners and why many of our relationship behaviors and patterns repeat themselves.

Many people that I’ve introduced this concept to have expressed fascination as they see for the first time why they “do” relationships they way they do. I encourage you to check it out and let me know what you think. Click here to find out more.

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Ted

Do you ever get the feeling like you are being carried along by circumstance, expectations and habit over the stress cliff and into the overwhelm pit?  Have you recently looked around you with the sneaking suspicion that insanity rules the day? Well, desperate times require desperate measures. Here’s 10 radical steps to help you avoid going over the edge even though it seems that everyone around you is.

1) Take a good look around you. Check out everyone you know who is mega stressed out. See what they do. Hear what they say. Then try to do the opposite. 

2) Do less. I saw a post on Facebook that said “Stop the glorification of busy.” There is no value in being busy just for busy’s sake. We have been hypnotized into believing that we must always be productive and always busy. You must ask yourself if this belief is one of the causes of your stress.  If it is, change it.

3) Talk less. They say talk is cheap. The fact is, people cheapen talk by complaining, making empty promises, being inauthentic and talking just because they feel they should. Practice talking less and you will learn more and be less stressed.  When you do talk, it will matter more.

4) Think less. Thinking is overrated. Your thoughts every day are pretty much the same thoughts you had yesterday. Most of these thoughts are judgments, beliefs and expectations. That doesn’t mean that they are true or accurate or helpful. You are not your thoughts. They are simply tools you have been given to help you navigate life. When you are building something, eventually you will put the hammer away. Try to do the same with thoughts of worry, fear, concern, regret, planning, figuring, judging. It is your thoughts that stress you out. Give it a break.

5) Don’t believe everything you think. You will think. That’s a given. That’s what the mind does. Trying not to think will get you nowhere but thinking will only get you so far. See your thoughts for what they are: the constant ongoing phenomena of the mind. Be open to the fact that much of it is programming from someone else. Question it.

6) Buy less. Most of what you think you need, you don’t. Buying stuff will make you feel good for a while, but when the newness wears off, you will need to go do it again. And again. Refuse to be owned and imprisoned by your stuff. That is a recipe for major stress and insanity.

7) Watch less television. Television is a distraction from your precious life. There is nothing television can offer you that you can’t get in a more meaningful, satisfying and fulfilling manner someplace else.  The majority of stuff in the news is information that is useless to you. Most television programming is packaged an a way that keeps you watching  for one reason only: to sell you something or influence your mind for someone else’s agenda. Unless you are being uplifted or inspired by television, it is simply a drug that does little to address your sources of stress.

8) Refuse to worship at the alter of instant gratification. Life is a process until it’s not. Most things take time. It takes time to create poor health, so it will take time to create good health. It takes time for a relationship to go south, it will take time to get it back on track. We are a results oriented culture, so when we do not get immediate results, we experience pain, frustration and stress. Instant gratification is often unsatisfying, unhealthy, and unsustainable. Learn patience.

9) Stop fighting your life. Stop fighting what stands all around you: your life. This is your path. It may not be what you want, but it is what you have. Right now in your life, there is wisdom, truth, and the opportunity for peace. We make ourselves insane and stressed by comparing ourselves to how we think it should be. My mentor once told me “Compare and despair.” Let go of who and how you think you should be and embrace who you are, now. Accept that it is what it is. Remember the serenity prayer: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. Sometimes you will not have the serenity, nor the courage, nor the wisdom. Welcome to your humanity.

10) Be your own authority. The hypnosis of the culture – the predominant cultural mindset,  can stress you by telling you that you are not rich enough, pretty enough, smart enough, sharp enough, cool enough, or tough enough. It will try to convince you that you must work more, work harder, work smarter, or not work at all. You will be subject to overt or covert suggestions as to what to buy, how to talk and how to live. You will be invited to hand responsibility for your life, your health and your happiness to someone else. But on your deathbed, you will have only yourself to answer to. Trust that you know what is best for you above anyone else and that you can figure it out. Take the information and advice that resonates with you into consideration, then look deep inside and listen so that you can choose powerfully and consciously how to life your life. It’s your life. Live it on your terms.

Ted