Welcome to another edition of “Scribblings from Close of the Ground”, wisdom from the mouths of babes, namely, Rocky and The Chick, my two daughters.

R: Hi, Rocky here!

C: And I’m The Chick, we’re Ted’s kids and we’re going to tell you how not to be a Bootyhead!!

R: Ha ha! Bootyhead!! Bootyhead!!

C: Rocky! Stop!

R: Sorry! (hee hee!)

C: Anyway, sometimes when I go to bed, I can’t fall asleep because my mind is all filled up with bad stuff.

R: Like the monsters on Scooby Doo!

C: Sometimes I think about bad stuff or scary stuff and my head gets so filled up that I can’t fall asleep.

R: Then she gets out of bed and whines that she can’t fall asleep and mom and dad get really cranky.

C: Rocky! Anyway, Dad says that if I’m going to use my head for thinking about bad or scary stuff, then I might as well just sit on my head because I’m not using it the right way anyway!

R: Then you’re a Bootyhead!! And you have stinky thinking!!

C: Rocky! I was supposed to say that! Dad says that your head is the smartest muscle in your body and you should use it for thinking about good stuff,  like being the best in school or having lots of fun.

R: Dad says if you use your head for thinking about scary monsters, that’s like using a hammer to beat an egg! I don’t know what that means…

C: It means you’re disrespecting the tool, fool!

R: Fool!! Ha ha ha!

C: So your booty is for sitting on, and your head is for thinking about all the cool stuff you’re going to do, and don’t use your head to make yourself scared or you might as well sit on it, because you’re not using it the way you’re supposed to.

R: Then you’re a Bootyhead and you have stinky thinking! Better get a check-up from the neck up!

C: So now when I go to sleep, I think about playing with my friends, or my favorite toys, or how fun it is to learn how to ride my bike. That makes me feel good and I fall asleep fast.

R: I think about my Papu.

C: That’s her dumb stuffed lamb…

R: Bootyhead! You’re being a Bootyhead!

C: Sorry Rocky. So remember to use the mind in your head for good stuff and think about wonderful things and not bad stuff, because you only have one head and it’s very valuable.

R: Like pirate’s treasure but it’s not buried!

C: This is Rocky and The Chick saying the rule is not to disrespect the tool, fool! Use your head the right way, and that is to make life super cool and fun and to make you happy!  Bye!

Rocky and the Chick

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Rock and The Chick in the outdoor dining area of Chez SD (my backyard)

(This post is was originally published on May 17, 2010.)

A few weeks back I was hanging out with my two daughters, The Chick and Rock. It was a beautiful day in the San Gabriel valley, and on such days I like to take them to the park. That day, however, there were a lot of things on my to-do list.

My plan was to fix them lunch and plant them in front of the tv so I could get some work done. But the beautiful day called to me, so we went outside and had a picnic in the backyard. They loved it. So did I, even if I didn’t accomplish everything on my list. Those girls are always on my list.

Over the years, I’ve tried to divide my life into priorities and give equal attention to them all: my health, my work, my relationships, my spirituality, my social life and my alone time.

I’ve never been able to do it. There is always one area that needs more attention than another, and when that gets handled, then another area needs attention. If business is booming, then I haven’t been taking my daily walk. If I’m feeling serene and peaceful because I’m taking alone time, then I probably haven’t been spending enough time with my family.

Eventually, I realized that nothing is ever always in balance. It’s a pendulum, it seems, swinging from one extreme to the other. And that’s ok, because that’s how life is: in balance for a minute, then out.

It’s either moving toward summer or winter; when is it balanced? Only twice a year, on the summer and winter solstices. It’s either day or night; when is it balanced? For a short time, twice a day, at dawn and dusk.

And why would you want to be balanced? If there is balance then there is no motion, no growth, no progress. Balance is stasis, nothing is happening.

Life is a see-saw. One day your up, the next, you’re down.

Right now I’m in Apple Valley visiting my brother-in-law. There’s a ton of stuff I need to do, including write this. If it was up to me, I’d be working all the time, but as a married guy, it’s not totally up to me is it? So we’re taking a weekend vacation. Keeps the wife happy, gives the kids a break from the routine, and gives me  a chance to record some tunes in my brother-in-law’s recording studio. So the pendulum swings to the other side, but I can be cool with that.

If you are one of those with lots of leisure time to devote to  every part of your life, then lucky you!  I remember those days.  But if you’re like me, trying to balance a career and  a family with staying  healthy and having  some time for reflection, creativity and spirituality, then  maybe balance isn’t the answer.

Maybe the answer is to strive for being well-rounded and having a level of satisfaction that  you can live with and be happy with in any particular area. Some areas are going to be more important or impactful than others. Those deserve more time and energy.

Here’s some ideas that might be helpful:

• Most of us have numerous roles, interests, and responsibilities which fit into distinct areas of  life.  Decide what these areas of importance are for you. These would be areas you feel you need to put time and energy into to have a successful and well-rounded life. An example would be Paul J.Meyer’s “Wheel of Life” consisting of Financial and Career, Family and Home, Spiritual and Ethical, Social and Cultural, Physical and Health, and Mental and Educational.
• Rate these areas according to your current level of satisfaction and achievement in each. You might use a scale of 1-100 or 1-10.
• What does this tell you? If you have always considered your health to be important but you rate it on the low side, then perhaps at this time health needs more of your attention then you are giving it. Maybe your financial house is well in order, you’ve got some cash in the bank and your score is high in this area. Consider that perhaps it’s time to put some attention into another area that has a low score.
• Create some goals based on those areas of importance that have lower levels of satisfaction and achievement. For example, if you feel that being a lifetime learner is important to you, and you have rated your Mental/Educational area on the low side, then you might think about taking class, reading a book, or taking an online course.
• Revisit your areas of importance  in six months. Has anything changed? Should you continue your present course of focus or is there another area that has become more important or meaningful to you in light of recent events in the past six months? Revisit twice a year.

For your car to get you where you want it to go, you need four good tires, good brakes, gas in your tank and a regular schedule of maintenance. You can ignore any of these for a while, but ignore any one of them for too long and you might soon be in trouble. Instead of striving for balance, just make sure you know what part of your life needs attention and you’ll avoid being stranded by the side of the road.

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 Ted A. Moreno

Years ago I worked for a company that sold accounting software. They charged for tech support, and my job was to take the incoming calls from people needing tech support, get a credit card number, and then transfer them to the tech support guys.

Of course, some people didn’t like the idea of being charged for technical support, especially when their accounting software wasn’t working. One day a call came in, and per the script, I asked “Who am I speaking with?”

“Joe Angry!” was the curt response. Without even thinking twice, I asked, “How can I help you today Mr. Angry?” He WAS angry. I talked him down a bit, and when I called him Mr. Angry again, he said more calmly, “My name is John, it’s just that I’m feeling angry because this software of yours is not working.”  He went from being angry, to feeling angry. He was able to get one step removed from his anger.

The difference is subtle but important. We can feel anger so strongly and deeply that we start to become the anger. It becomes “who we are”. We start to identify with it and may begin to feel that if we let it go, we  give up a very real part of ourselves. For some of us, this may be the only part of us that feels powerful or that we feel can affect the world, and anger can become our only tool for getting what we want or need.

Of course, the fact is that we are not ever any single emotion, we are beings that have an emotional landscape that allows us to feel anger, as well as joy, happiness, sadness, frustration, etc.

When we continually assert and affirm “I am angry!” then we can become possessed by anger. “I am” is a very powerful affirmation. It can take control of us in ways that are ultimately dis-empowering as well as destructive when it becomes a habitual way of being.

Of course, to feel angry is to feel  human emotion. We can begin to take control and manage our anger if we fully accept and understand that we will feel angry at times, and resolving to let go of shame or guilt about having angry feelings.

One way to keep anger as a feeling and to avoid having it become who we are is to simply state, to ourselves or to others: “I feel angry”  or “When that happens (or when you say that or do that), I feel angry.” This way we keep anger where it belongs, in the realm of what we feel, as an emotion, that, like a storm, will pass. It allows us to become one step removed from the anger, giving us more choices as to how we will handle this feeling.

Then we can respond to anger ; we become responsible for our anger. It’s the difference between “This is who I am” and “This is what I’m feeling.” I may not be able to help what I am, but I can respond to what I’m feeling.

Using the metaphor of the emotional landscape, we are able to see that we are passing through anger, and that if we choose to walk through it, we will soon be out the other side. We don’t need to proclaim that who we are is anger, because then it doesn’t matter where we journey, because where ever you go, there you are: Mr. or Mrs. Angry.

Give yourself permission to feel the rocky path of anger, and keep walking. Trust that a different emotion, maybe even joy, awaits around the corner.

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Your companion on the journey to transformation,

Ted A. Moreno

Photo by Skye Moorehead.

1. Talk to strangers. Are you afraid of strangers? Guess what? They’re afraid of you too. That’s why people fail to connect. Just try saying “Hi” or “Good Day”.
2. Smile. Try this: put a big smile on your face and try to feel depressed. What you do with your body will affect how you feel. No need to be such a sourpuss!
3. Pick something in the natural world to follow.  Try to keep track of the phases of the moon. Or always be aware of what’s going on with the tree across from your house. Be aware of the solstices, equinoxes.
4. Walk outside. Doesn’t matter what time. Or how long. Just do it.
5. Create something. Try writing a song or a short story. Draw something. Cook something you’ve never cooked before. Get that right brain activated.
6. Write a letter or send a card. It’s a dying art, writing something, putting it into an envelope and sending it. There’s probably someone you should be writing to.
7. Grow something. Preferable something legal. Plant a tree or a bush or some flowers or some seeds. Stick a couple of toothpicks in an avocado pit and suspend it in water. Nurture it.
8. Read a book. Emily Dickinson said “There is no frigate like a book.”
9. Listen to music you are not familiar with. Try listening to something by Bach, Beethoven or Mozart. Try bluegrass. How about jazz? Expand your mind.
10. Sit and do nothing. Don’t read, don’t listen to the radio, don’t watch tv. Just sit quietly and see how your mind resists being still. Then sit some more.
11. Stretch for 10 minutes every morning.
12. Pull out some some favorite photos and put the on the fridge. Change them weekly.
13. Say something nice to yourself every day. “Every day in every way I’m getting better and better.”
14. Say something nice to someone else every day.
15. Listen more than you talk. You know, the two ears and one mouth thing…
16. Donate some money every month. Even if it’s just 5 bucks.
17. Pencil into your planner today that thing you’ve been meaning to do. Recapture the mental energy from that thing.
18. Get a daily planner. Every night, create the next day.
19. Drink more water.
20. Be grateful. Everyday. Say at least once a day “I’m so grateful for___”
21. Set 3 goals for the next 30 days. One that is easy, one that will require more time and effort, and one that will really stretch you. Be sure to write them down.
22. Become an expert in something. Maybe it’s trains, or cactus, or The Beatles or Mexican Literature. Learn everything you can about it.
23. Give something valuable away to someone that you know would like it. Practice freedom from attachment.
24. Connect with the transcendent within you. It takes practice.
25. Declare yourself OK with being alive. Say out loud everyday: “I’m glad I’m alive even though ____(fill in blank).
26. Decide to be happy. Now. Tomorrow. Everyday. It’s possible. It takes practice. Just make the choice.

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Your companion on the journey to transformation,

Ted A. Moreno

In my opinion, the Amazing Mind is anyone who walks into my office with the courage to face their challenges head-on and invest time and money in their own personal development. Taking this step is indeed worthy of respect, and I feel very fortunate to be inspired by the people that I have the privilege to work with.

I’m very grateful to Robb for sharing his story.

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Your companion on the path to transformation,

Ted A. Moreno

Here is Part 2 of the 12 Laws of Life, an article by a man named Tom Hoobyar, who was an inventor and high tech CEO.  Tom Hoobyar died on September 25th, 2001. I really don’t know much about him or his life, but I very much appreciate his wisdom. I hope you do too. To read part 1, click here.

12 Laws of Life (Part 2) by Tom Hoobyar

7. EXPECT LESS FROM OTHERS AND MORE FROM YOURSELF. Most people expect way too much from others while they themselves actually get very little done. Inertia and distraction are insidious and damn near universal — expect it in others but guard against it in your own behavior.

Everyone listens to his or her favorite mental radio station — W.I.I.F.M., which stands for, “What’s In It For Me?” So don’t take it personally when you’re overlooked, your call goes un-returned, and you go un-thanked. Most of your fellow humans are so distracted and disorganized that they only get around to the most essential, familiar or urgent things in their lives. They’re on “autopilot” most of the time — aren’t we all on occasion?

This self-interest is natural and healthy. Use this knowledge of other’s desires in your plans and proposals. Here’s the big principle. If you want something to happen, take control and do it yourself. Don’t get bitter if perhaps someone else didn’t keep a commitment to help you.

It is a waste of time to criticize others, and a bigger waste to pay attention to anyone’s criticism of you. Just know that you can get better at doing things on your own. It’s a LOT easier than trying to get someone else to change.

8. NOBODY WAKES UP IN THE MORNING CHOOSING TO BE THE VILLAIN. Everyone alive thinks that they’re the “good guy.” He or she is the hero in their version of the story. They have a reason for what they do — even if it’s impractical or unworkable or has evil consequences.

People who are troublesome aren’t worth changing. Don’t even waste time complaining about them. If someone hurts you, it’s not about you and you shouldn’t act like it was. People do what they do because of their own inner reality. Learn what you can do differently the next time, then forgive them and move on.

Really. Forgive them completely. And then, figure out how to manage, tolerate or avoid them in the future. By the way, forgiving doesn’t mean that you think whatever they did is okay. It’s NOT okay. But here’s the thing — if you don’t forgive someone you can’t ever let it go. Then you have to go around with this burden of anger and sourness. Wasn’t the original hurt enough for you? Why would you want to preserve it and remember it? Or them?

Carrying grudges ties up brain cells that you could use to make life sweeter for yourself and those you love. So, after you forgive them, forgive yourself for getting hurt — and then LET IT GO!

9. THERE IS NO “HAPPILY EVER AFTER” IN THE REAL WORLD. Friends and mates may change or leave, luck comes and goes, and there are no guarantees. The only certainty is that someday your life will be over, and only you can decide how it will be lived. If you want a happy ending you need to create it.

Think about it. When would “Happily Ever After” start?

After you win the lottery? — Most lottery winners are broke within three years.

When the wedding bells ring? — Over half of all marriages fail.

When you retire? — 95% of those over 65 live from check to check.

Stories have to have happy endings, because the story ends before their characters do. Real life is different. You’re going to live until you die, so you need to have a plan for every day of it. Choose your goals, write them down, and track them daily. Your life will happen by accident unless you have a plan for it. Either way things will happen to you. On every day of your life, after every climax, every tragedy and every triumph, the sun will rise again.

You get a new day every morning of your life. And as long as you’re alive you’ll have to prepare for that next day and the one after that. So respect reality. Think as if you have a future, because that’s where you’re going to spend the rest of your life.

10. THERE IS A HELL, AND IT STARTS EARLY. People create their own personal hell with moral shortcuts, regrets about lost opportunities, resentment, and guilt. Then they add jealousy and envy, and they’ve paid the toll to enter Hell’s suburbs.

What toll do they pay? They give up their peace of mind, and sometimes their self respect. They trade it for short-term pleasure. Those who avoid doing anything that requires effort — physical exercise or forgiving or doing something for someone else — grow more narrow and less flexible day by day.

Stunted ambition strangles their dreams and their enthusiasm dies. By the time they enter “downtown Hell” they’ve got a bad attitude about most things in life. They complain and criticize because “life has let them down.” The truth is life didn’t let them down — they quit trying. Pretty soon their immune system gets the message and then their physical afflictions begin — their relationships are desolate and life becomes an ordeal. They start looking and acting older than they really are. When these people look ahead, the future looks just like the past. Stretching on and on, day after unhappy day.

And that is truly Hell.

11. YOU CAN CREATE PARADISE ON EARTH. MANY PEOPLE DO. You can make your life sweeter bit by bit. It doesn’t take much, just some daily practice.

Spend some time in solitude each day renewing your peace of mind. Invest in good memories by managing your behavior so that you enjoy looking back on your life.

You create your Heaven by small acts of generosity to others, making them smile and feel better. You create it by little acts of courage — doing the right thing when no one but you will ever know you did it.

By making promises to yourself and keeping them, which builds your self-respect.

You create it by telling the truth even if it’s inconvenient or embarrassing. It makes you careful about what you do, or what you commit to doing. And that brings credibility and trust. And most important, you will know you’re liked for who you are instead of for some lie you’re living.

You’re in Heaven’s neighborhood when you notice the amazing number of things in life there are to be grateful for, especially as your gratitude becomes a constant part of your being. Humans are the most flexible beings on this planet, and you build Heaven by stretching sometimes to try something new or a little scary.

Your reward is learning that you are more than you thought. And you can always stretch more. As you become older your personal Heaven becomes a bigger influence on those around you. Your life will expand faster than your physical abilities contract.

You will laugh a lot more than most people, and enjoy more contentment and peace than you ever thought possible. And it just keeps getting better and better.

If you choose to follow this path, you’ll be in Paradise long before you leave this life.

12. IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE. Everyone alive gets the same amount of time. 1440 minutes a day. 168 hours in each week. As long as you live. The only difference is in how you spend those hours. You decide how to spend your time and you make that choice each minute.

You can begin to turn your life around in a second. The only thing you need to do is decide to make it better. You can start to change immediately, beginning with a simple act and letting the acts pile up on each other, creating the change almost effortlessly.

You know the scriptural quote, “By their deeds you shall know them?” It was talking about us. It doesn’t really matter much what we think or what we intend, until the thought is expressed as action.

The quality of our lives comes from what we actually do.

Experience comes in moments — and the moments will keep coming for you until they finally stop. Each moment is a gift, and the chance to make your life different comes to you during each one of them.

Each of these “Facts” boils down to a single principle. Decide. You can decide how your life will go during any moment you choose. This may be that moment. It’s okay to dream big. Where do you want to go from here? How do you want your next moments to be? It’s up to you.

IN CLOSING I’d like to leave you with a personal note.

Odds are I’m older than you and I’ll confess something. I wasn’t born knowing these Facts of Life. I got them one by one, over decades that would have gone better if I had known all of these rules earlier. But the bottom line is I eventually got them, and with each new breakthrough every area of my life (health, wealth, relationships and happiness) has gotten better and better.

The very few regrets I have are mostly not about the “sins” I may have committed. No, they are about the things I didn’t do when the opportunity arose. I invite you to avoid creating regrets in your future by embracing opportunities for growth as they appear.

This article may be one of those opportunities. And who knows? You could decide to use these rules as guidelines, and spend your life turning your dreams into reality.

If you try it, I think you’ll like it.

Seeya,

Tom Hoobyar, StreetSmartCEO.com

Tom Hoobyar’s website, Marketing Magic, is run and managed by his daughter Tracy at www.TomHoobyar.com.  You can download a copy of the 12 Laws of Life by clicking here.

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Your companion on the path to transformation,

Ted A. Moreno

Recently I came across this article by a man named Tom Hoobyar, who was an inventor and high tech CEO.  It contains some of the wisest words I’ve ever read. Tom Hoobyar died on September 25th, 2001, but his words live on. Take some time to read one of my favorite guest posts.

12 Laws of Life by Tom Hoobyar

1. SELF-MANAGEMENT AND PEOPLE SKILLS ARE THE KEYS TO YOUR SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS. This is a MAJOR fact of life. And it took me a long time to get this. If you want to be smarter than me you’ll give this first principle serious consideration. Your skill level in these two areas will determine the quality of your whole life. Every champion and high achiever knows this. These simple skills are the clear difference between winners in life, and losers.

If you learn to manage yourself you can accomplish anything you can dream up. You can deal with negative experiences wisely and you can add skills as you need them. You can become unstoppable. Self management puts you on the launching pad to all the success you desire.

Most people limit themselves by their unwillingness to consider personal change. They won’t learn new things and they won’t change their behaviors even when they discover they’ve been wrong. The funny thing is, self-change is EASY. You are the one person that you can get to anytime you want. You don’t need permission or an appointment, and no one can stop you from learning and changing whenever you decide to. The only obstacle is you! Self-management is actually the first step to building people skills.

Once you commit to changing yourself into who you can be, you will notice the people around you in a different way. Now you see them as fellow beings with their own fears and drives. And they will see you with new respect and attractiveness.

You are surrounded by people who can help or harm you, based on how you treat them. Learning how people work is a skill, just like learning how you work. These people can multiply your efforts and supercharge your success It takes leadership and persuasion skills – people skills.

People skills are like a booster rocket propelling you to your dreams. And the process of succeeding with others can be learned just like you learn to make toast. If you follow directions and practice, you can develop the skills that will make you very happy and prosperous.

2. YOU ARE AT THE CENTER OF YOUR UNIVERSE. STAY THERE! As a young sailor I learned the hard way that when I was in a foreign port I needed to take my corners wide and keep my hands out of my pockets. In other words, I had to stay balanced, alert and ready to react to surprises. I’ve found that a lot of life’s situations are like “foreign ports.” They range from the bedroom to the boardroom, and you will encounter them throughout your life.

Keep your balance. Stay centered. Expect surprises.

Being centered has two sides; inner and outer. Begin within. Inner centeredness comes first; look there for your best self. It is how you will find peace of mind. There is a place in you that’s connected to something beyond you. Spending time there will keep your mind clear and your spirit refreshed. That “doorway” is your center.

Until you’re connected to your core you won’t be very good at handling the rest of the world. Few people really get this. It is the single most important and least understood fact of life. Your center is easy to find. Every spiritual tradition in history teaches prayer and meditation — it’s the most important thing you can do for the quality of your life. Just take a little break a couple of times a day, and learn to be still and RELAX.

If you give yourself this little time each day you will become calmer, stronger and your physical and mental health will improve. You will begin to focus more on what you think of yourself than what others may think of you.

For outer centeredness, you need to gain awareness of your personal boundaries. This is critical. Pay close attention to where you stop and others start. Protect your personal prerogatives and respect those of others. Allowing others to invade your boundaries will destroy your personal freedom and subject you to their tyranny.

If you cross the boundaries of others you become codependent with them, caring more about how they live their lives than how you live yours. You can care about others without having to run their lives. Let them go and feel the relief, once you get used to living only your own life.

3. WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MOST IS WHAT YOU GET. There is a Law of Attraction in human nature. What is in your mind is reflected “out there,” in what you experience as your reality.

Afraid? Then all the goblins that you fear will be attracted to you. The only useful purpose of fear is to remind you to plan. Plan so that you protect yourself from harm, but don’t become timid. If you play it TOO safe you’ll freeze in place and trade your life away for nothing.

Angry? Then you’ll get a lot of angry people to tussle with. Your life will fill up with honking horns and people pushing you around, and you’ll spend all your time pushing back.

It’s a good idea to choose your habitual thought patterns carefully. Love, optimism and gratitude are good choices. These states of mind inspire you to explore, to create, to grow and to give. People and opportunities will become attracted to you. And the goblins and angry people will get smaller and less important, and finally they’ll fade and go away.

The point of choice comes up when you have to deal with a challenging situation. Do you call it a “bad break” – some S.O.B. was out to get you? Or was it just something that happened, leaving it up to you to interpret in the most nourishing way?

You might as well be positive. Bottom line — it works better. It makes you easier to be around and more creative and good-natured. And your immune system will be strengthened. Events are just events until our thoughts and reactions turn them into experience. What the experience means, how useful it might be, those are the choices that we make — they’re the stories we tell ourselves about our lives.

We’re taught that it’s not ‘reasonable’ to expect to win all the time. Nonsense! That kind of thinking numbs ambition and smothers greatness. Even worse it leads to reasonable excuses. Excuses don’t accomplish anything so do NOT be reasonable. Actually, achieving the impossible is quite normal — you’ve done it thousands of times. EVERYTHING you do now was impossible for you before you did it the first time, from feeding yourself to balancing your checkbook.

Try this for a week. Focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want. Practice the skills of optimism, gratitude, generosity and forgiveness and your life will expand. Yes, that’s right. PRACTICE.

Good attitudes are skills that you develop through repetition, just like swimming or math. And skills become second nature through practice. You will become stronger and more relaxed when you decide that you might as well thrive. Your commitment to expectancy is another skill, and it’s decisive and magnetic. It attracts luck and creates focus. People and opportunities will be drawn to you. Life starts to get easier. And more fun.

Go ahead and test it. What have you got to lose? The only way you can fail atanything is to quit trying!

4. YOU MAKE YOUR HABITS AND THEN YOUR HABITS MAKE YOU. You’ve probably heard the saying, “As you sow, so shall you reap.”

It means that our lives are created by what we do, not by what we intend. It means that we can harvest only what we plant. And every day you’re planting something, so choose wisely.

The biggest and most important influences in your life are created by small daily acts. For example — Meditate, Study, Set Goals, Save Money, Exercise, Floss, Smile, and Say Thank You. When you do the right thing at the right time it makes more difference than if you make a big dramatic effort too late. Cramming may work in school, but not in real life. The school term is over in a few months; life lasts longer. Days turn into years and those years become your life.

The most important qualities in life — Spirituality, Health, Relationships, Wealth, and Your Personal Character — are developed by regular acts done on a daily basis. They’re called “practices.” Daily practices — done on schedule. What? Just “can’t do anything on a schedule?” Baloney. You can do anything you want on a schedule, unless you’ve never gotten to a plane on time. It’s a matter of priorities. And your priorities create your quality of life.

Choose the practices of your life as if you were a farmer. You can’t skip spring planting if you want a fall harvest. Master this principle and you will live your life to its fullest.

Changing your life doesn’t take a lot of work — just repeat a single positive act daily for three weeks and it will become a habit. Good. Now add another one. Then another one. The force of good habits will automatically generate power and “good luck,” and your life will blossom.

5. GUILT ENSLAVES YOU. RESPONSIBILITY LIBERATES YOU. Here’s a secret about “Original sin”. It’s guilt, and you get it from your parents.

Are you self-conscious? Most people are. They’re worried that they’re “unzipped.” They’re walking around thinking that people will notice their missing button, their bad hairdo, their poor credit and personal shortcomings. These feelings are universal — we all got them while we were being taught how to behave as infants (”No!” “Bad!” “Don’t!”).

When we become adults we are supposed to leave these feelings of inadequacy in childhood where they were needed. The way to do this is to forgive your parents for their shortcomings, whether they were minor or major. And then forgive yourself for all your sins, real and imagined.

Forgiving doesn’t mean that you think what happened was okay. It just means that you free yourself from the work of remembering it and getting mad at people that are not even around anymore. Including the younger “you.”

You MUST do this if you want to be free.

6. “OBLIGATIONS” ARE A FRAUD. Okay, take a deep breath here. This one gets a lot of people, because most of us have been brainwashed all of our lives to believe a huge lie. We’ve all been taught that we “owe” other people all sorts of obligations, and that we should expect lots of things from them in return.

That idea, in one word, is bullshit.

We waste an incredible amount of time either doing things we don’t want and don’t have to do, or feeling guilty because we didn’t do something we “should” have done. We also waste a lot of time and emotion being disappointed when we don’t get what we expect from others.

Freedom lies in the other direction.

The truth is, you don’t owe anyone anything and they don’t owe anything to you. This is all part of the “guilt” thing. It’s good for us to give to others, but ONLY when and how we choose. The difference between free people who master their lives and those who are slaves is easy to spot.

Who sets their priorities?

Free people set their own priorities, while “slaves” allow them to be set by outsiders.

Your life belongs to you and you alone — and not anyone else.

Want a formula for unhappiness? Make your welfare dependent upon someone else’s choices. Do you need “support” from those you love? Or approval from a parent or friend? Or permission from anybody to pursue your own path? That’s not living — that’s slavery! Don’t look to anyone else for your success or happiness. That’s your job and yours alone. You must tend to your own welfare. No one else will, nor should they.

Tom Hoobyar’s website, Marketing Magic, is run and managed by his daughter Tracy at www.TomHoobyar.com.  You can download a copy of the 12 Laws of Life by clicking here.

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Your companion on the path to transformation,

Ted A. Moreno

One Sunday when I was about 6 or 7 years old, I was sitting with my dad in church. As a kid I always had a stuffy nose and my nose was kind of running while I was sitting there. I didn’t have a kleenex  and I didn’t know what to do.

I know this is kinda of gross, but I was a little kid, so I wiped my nose with the inside of my hand and wiped it on my pants. Then I became really uncomfortable and my nose was still running. I started to get more and more miserable  by the second as I wiped my nose again with my hand and wiped it on my pants. I was beside myself with shame and embarrassment and I wanted to cry. I guess I spoke up or my dad noticed and he offered my a hanky, which I accepted with relief and gratitude. “Why didn’t you say something?” he asked me. I didn’t answer because I really didn’t know why.

Now I know. It was because you didn’t talk in church. It was because you didn’t bother people while they were praying. It was because my needs just didn’t seem important enough to warrant speaking up. Not only did I not know how to express myself, I didn’t even know it was an option.

The messages given to us in  childhood can be  powerful and long lasting. For example:

• Children should be seen and not heard.
• What you think/feel is not important.
• Keep your mouth shut.
• What you want doesn’t matter/I don’t care what you want.
• Don’t be a bother.
• Don’t say anything stupid.
• I don’t want to hear it.

These negative messages can go deep into our subconscious minds, where they become known and familiar patterns of thinking and behavior. This “programming” over time can negatively influence our behavior well into adulthood by  limiting our ability to express ourselves in a way that is appropriate and effective. It can become so habitual and so deeply ingrained, that as adults it can be  difficult for us to see them for what they are: childhood associations that no longer serve us.

Their influence can show up as:

• Low self esteem/lack of confidence
• Social anxiety
• Fear of public speaking
• Fear or discomfort with  authority
• An inability to set physical and/or emotional boundaries with others
• An inability or discomfort to stand up for one’s self
• An inability to be assertive, that is, to be able to ask for what is wanted or needed.
• Co-dependent behavior, which is putting low priority on one’s needs while being overly concerned with the needs of another
• An unreasonable desire to avoid conflict and “keep the peace” at all costs.
• A tendency to let things build up inside until you explode in ways that are not appropriate or that are destructive.

Rather than  blaming our parents for what they said to us, it’s more productive to take responsibility for who we are, as well as for who we want to be. With practice and intention, we can learn to have authentic self expression, allowing us to  engage more honestly and powerfully with others,  and to participate more fully with life.

If you have the feeling that you should be more assertive, or if you find that you get angry or frustrated that you can’t say what you want to say, here are some tips that might help.

• Develop Awareness. See if you can begin to notice when you feel shut down in your self-expression. Perhaps it’s at work in front of your boss. Maybe it’s with your spouse or partner when talking about certain subjects. Notice when you walk away from a situation feeling powerless. Identify these triggers.
• Affirm to yourself that what you have to say is important. Use affirmations or positive self talk to create and nurture the belief that you have a right to be heard and that what you think matters. Work on your self esteem.
• Practice. Actually practice out loud saying those things you need and want to say so that when the time comes to say them you have the words available to feel in control. Be aware of how you are coming across. Remember that whatever you need to say must be said in a way that allows it to be heard.Come to believe that expressing yourself is a skill that you can learn.
• Realize that you can express anger or other negative emotions without being loud, intimidating, rude or inappropriately emotional. You can say in a calm, but strong voice “I’m pretty angry right now” or “I’m not happy with this.” Give yourself permission to say what is going on with you, even if all you can say is “I’m not sure what I’m feeling right now.”
• Be sensitive to time and place. Allow a space for your communication or try to create it. There is a time to express yourself and there are times when it’s best not to.
• Listen and allow others their self expression. It’s ok that you don’t like or don’t want to hear what they have to say.  However, be prepared to draw boundaries such as “I would like to hear what you have to say but not if you scream at me.” or “I’m not going to listen to you if you insist on being (rude, mean, disrespectful, sarcastic, etc).”
• Join a group such as Toastmasters to practice expressing yourself.

There is no need to live feeling like you can’t say what you need or want to say. You can learn to speak authentically and powerfully. I did.

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Your companion on the path to transformation,

Ted A. Moreno

One of the most valuable tools that I teach almost every client is EFT, which stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. EFT is in my experience  quite effective for quickly letting go of negative emotions such as fear, anxiety, anger, and sadness. It can also be used for physical problems as well.

In this short video I teach how to do EFT. It’s simple, easy and effective. To learn more about EFT go to www.emofree.com.